2s£xy:
Erm babe, since dat bobo no gree, I fit submit my form ni? I serious ooo

Which bobo? The poet?

Badt guy...

I serious oh. No jokes biko.

Cathaliya:
Which bobo? The poet?

Badt guy...

All of them are from the same school. See the highlighted in kreami's posts! Eish.

My hubby tried to dissociate me from my family but only succeeded with my sister.for one year,i didn't speak with her. She's a lawyer too and knows him too well cos of that,he was threatened by her presence around me. My parents were determined to see their grand kids as often as possible so despite the fact that he didn't want us visiting my parents,they would always come to see us. He said i was being influenced by my family and friends and therefore disapproved of any friend that came around me. But he keeps his stupid circle of friends!

Thank God for nairaland.

My dear,don't leave your children for anyone o. They will turn their hearts against you. This is really pathetic.

2s£xy:
I serious oh. No jokes biko.

Lol, oya make we go the other thread.

Men and stupid machismo. I'm not afraid of death simply because I have seen life, I have only one little sis and I rather DIE than to live half a year without seeing her and any man that tries this with me eh... I won't say what will happen _{simply because I don't know what will happen} ^{but I swear its gone be deadly}

I dey dia

Cathaliya:
Lol, oya make we go the other thread.

Les: Men and stupid machismo. I'm not afraid of death simply because I have seen life, I have only one little sis and I rather DIE than to live half a year without seeing her and any man that tries this with me eh... I won't say what will happen _{simply because I don't know what will happen} ^{but I swear its gone be deadly}

Hahaha...... les easy o. When it happens,na your sister go dey advise you make you no near her house!

Chei! Some men and women sef! My dear, don't leave your children! Take everyone of them along! Man beat or maltreat me? Not on his life! Anyway, am married to someone more than 10yrs older but he adores me!

swag queen:

Hahaha...... les easy o. When it happens,na your sister go dey advise you make you no near her house!

that is, if I. Don't know, but if I know, the hubby won't near the house I'll place her cause I. Will leave her with no choice than to drag her out against her will, she knows what I can do nau

Nogen: Chei! Some men and women sef! My dear, don't leave your children! Take everyone of them along! Man beat or maltreat me? Not on his life! Anyway, am married to someone more than 10yrs older but he adores me!

You know i was beginning to be convinced that age has something to do with abusive men especially!

swag queen:


You know i was beginning to be convinced that age has something to do with abusive men especially!

I don't think so. Have a family friend whose ex-hubby was beating blueblack. He is just a few yrs older than her. She left the marriage sharp sharp! Today, she's remarried to an older man and blessed with a baby. The new hubby worships her in fact!

Nogen:

I don't think so. Have a family friend whose ex-hubby was beating blueblack. He is just a few yrs older than her. She left the marriage sharp sharp! Today, she's remarried to an older man and blessed with a baby. The new hubby worships her in fact!

Well,all these things are just God's grace. Uredaddy,don't give up the fight. Like i advised myself and the other abused women here,take the advice you're reading on this thread and follow it like twitter!

God's grace.

Where is that girl that was abusing her grandmother ( not me) on another thread when I said that no woman should be a housewife.
I hope everyone has seen that all the 3 major cases here have one thing in common
The women are jobless, penniless and dependent on the man 100% for sustenance
People think it is love when their rich older husbands tell them to stay home
It is the main control method for abusers
Financial control
Especially the older ones with young wives,they think you will run off with someone better than them so they don't want you to go out or mix with people
Very insecure men
And the only place they show strength is in controlling their wives
You can't make friends,they cut you off from family,they limit you in every way most especially financially
That way they know you will not be running out fast
Let no woman fall for that and if you insist you want to work and he refuses,you should have your headlights on
A man who loves you and doesn't want to control you will allow you to develop,explore and have your individuality
I hope the young girls are reading

Uredaddy: Thanks to everyone that have contributed to the post, I learnt a lot from here. I am in an abusive marriage too and didn't know how to go about it initially. I never told anyone, was isolated from family and friends, and was not allowed to relate with neighbors. Now to my story.

I got married @ 22 to a man 17yrs older than I was. I guess I was blinded by crazy love and was a bit naïve about a lot of things. He made a lot of promises to me, was very funny, loving and caring. He sounded like he cared so much about me, asked me about my dreams and aspirations and promised to take good care of me. He told me his dad married three wives and his mom died when he was 2yrs old and that he so much respect and care about women. He never told me he attempted marriage before and failed, but I told him about myself. I told him I dated one guy a year before I met him and was disvirgined @ 21 by this same guy. I told him I broke up with the guy becos I found out he is married to another babe.

After our wedding, he got a call from my ex's wife that I have been communicating with her husband (which was a lie). I think the guy left her. He told me he was going to do that before I broke up with him but I don't have the heart to do that to a fellow woman. Instead of him to ask me before reacting, he started beating me up to the hearing of the woman on the phone. Later, he made me feel guilty of dating a married man although I was ignorant of it and he also made sure I felt responsible about his acts and received those beating as my punishment. This was the beginning of greater beatings to come.

I have 3 kids for him(5, 3,and 2) and was beaten while pregnant for each of them. I lost my dad two years ago and the last I saw him was during my wedding @ Enugu. He wouldn't let me travel home and will not visit them either. My dad did not see any of my kids before his death. I was about 7 months pregnant with the last baby when he died, my husband was not there to support his pregnant wife.

I got beaten if I don't pick his calls, was not allowed to relate with neighbors, keep friends, visit family members or leave the house without his permission. He goes to the market to buy stuffs in bulk so I don't get to go to the market so I wont have money. He makes sure I don't have money on me and he will never give me any allowance for my personal upkeep. The highest amount he gave me was #20,000. He accuses of flirting around with guys, goes thru my phone and threatens me at every instance.

I started a part time programme @ unilag but he wouldn't let me attend classes (thank God am blessed intellectually blessed my CGPA is 3.37 and I hope to finish a 2:1).[b] Am now in my finals and have been stuck with my project cos he wouldn't let me go and see my supervisor. [/b]He calls me a witch that I'm a stumbling block to his progress and I want to kill him and he relates same to his people.

After reading thru this post, I've made up my mind to leave him. I've told my mom about it and she's in support of my decision but my only fear is that I cant carry my children along with me. I cant leave them with my mom @ Enugu knowing that I cant support them in Lagos while I finish my course @ unilag. I'll get back to the post he's back.

Why do women allow this
How can a man prevent you from seeing your parents and you agree to that arrangement?
You should have defied him from the beginning and he would have adjusted quickly

Is he with you 24/7?
Why cant you go to see your supervisor when he is not around?
That man is a coward
Cowards back down when you stand up to them
You teach people how to treat you
If you let this man win,you will never complete that program and in 3 years you may have two more kids and still dependent on him financially

Now do you want me to advice you woman to woman
Here it goes and in that order

1. Besides your mother,your uncles and aunts must be told about this his violence.let him know you didn't fall from the sky but you have people that love you and care about you.there is no shame here dear.the shame is on him.

2. let that third child be your last,3 is plenty,you don't need any more babies under that condition
If you can't get your tubes tied without his knowledge,go get an IUD inserted.
If you don't have money for it,borrow.
Beats me how a man who beats up his wife will also lay with the same woman and make love but you must not get pregnant again
And don't go confessing what you did when his fake lovey lovey is shacking you ,you need to keep your mouth shut about that.

3. Make an appointment and go see that supervisor of yours. Tell him your situation when you meet and ask if you can do phone communications regarding any help .i advise that you go when your husband is out of town.I am sure he does travel down to the east sometimes.Do it while he is away, you have to be smart.

4.you need to grow a backbone.bullies do what they do and perfect it because you cower down and shake at their demand.speak up for yourself and it starts by having your family confront him.he isolated you so that you will be alone,you must refuse to be isolated.there is no shame here,you are fighting for your life.tell it all .let your people come from the east and ask him questions including why he won't allow you finish your studies.
And they warn him sternly never to touch you or hear from them.
Like all bullies he will deny doing such a thing.

This will then buy you time to finish the degree,look for and find a job,you get some independence and if he continues in his ways,you are out the door.

If you were my sister,this is what I will tell you.

If I am not motivating enough let the pain of your father not seeing his own grandchildren till his death get you angry enough to stamp your foot on the ground and refuse to take this shait any longer

@ Babyosisi, I agree with you 101%. An insecure man will do anything to weaken his wife financially, physically, spiritually and otherwise! They are just cowards! Keep your family closer to you, he won't try any rubbish! Why must a woman be a housewife in the first place? My best friend was a housewife for a long time! If the husband didn't bring money, they wouldn't eat! A graduate ! The man has 2 cars, he would cruise them while my friend (pregnant then) would take a bike with her little baby then! My husband was very angry at the man! He said this is just pure wickedness! One day, they came visiting, we seized the opportunity to ask the man to allow the wife learn and use one of the cars! My hubby told him "It is an eye-sore when I see you in an Ac car while behind you coming are your wife and baby on a bike". Thank God, the man listened! She learnt and today drives.
I asked her to go get a job and quit staying at home! She fought with the man before she got that job! I advised her to go back to sch for a master's degree. She did! She started standing up for herself! The husband told her I was a bad influence, that she should stop visiting me! My friend told her, that would be the last thing she would do! Am her only family here! Which is true! She threathned to go back to the North with her children and end the marriage. The man had to allow her! Today, she's financially independent! In fact, she's the one taking care of the home now because the hubby is under some financial stress now!

@ uredaddy, does he follow you to school to know if you are seeing your supervisor? If no, please go and see your supervisor. All you have to do is their will be no need informing him. I guess you don't want a carry over because of your project. My dear, be strong and pls when leaving, don't leave your kids behind. The Lord is your strength.

babyosisi:
I hope the young girls are reading

Yes, we are! †нªηкs! Osisi

Chineke ekwele ihie ojoo

Happy Independence to all Nigerian woman under such ill-treatment from their husbands or man-friends.......and to others in other parts of the world experiencing same treatment, I say to you...

REGAIN YOUR INDEPENDENCE THIS DAY AND FOREVER

In jesus name.....amen.


Goodmorning all....

@ babyosisi,nice one.

Hmmn. People asked questions earlier if I was an undergraduate when I was with that man. I wasn't even an undergraduate. I was running a second degree in one of the most prestigious Federal UNIS in Nigeria. I started the degree a few months after we started dating. Though, i was still in my early twenties.
He panicked when he knew I got the form and tried all he could to dissuade me. He is seven years older than me and had finished from a polytechnic.


After the whole Lawrence incidence and After my Dad asked me to stop being scared and stop picking his calls, I listened for a while but Before I knew it, i started picking and listening to his pleas again.
I would pick and listen, But I wouldn't budge. One day he told me to send my account to him. That No matter what happens between us, that he'd been thinking of helping me out financially. That there was No string attached to whatever he sends me.I told my friend who'd earlier asked me to tell my parents all that was happening. And I sent my account at her advice.

He called me one day and told me he had sent me 25k. I thanked him. He encouraged me to use it that after all, a student like me would have things to do with money. I left the money alone, However.

Months Later, I had to go home. That night the guy called me. I was watching television with my Dad, and my Dad didn't know his daughter was back to talking with the man he specicefically warned not to talk to anymore.

After two rings, I went outside to received the call. Next thing, he was shouting at me and accusing me that I didnt pick his calls Because of the I.diots I am packing around who are deceiving me that I am beautiful. He then told me that there was money he sent to me (the 25k). He quoted the date he sent it for me. He told me that he wanted it back and he didn't want any excuse. He dropped the call on me, But not before a slew of insults which included bullshIt, amongst others. Early in the morning I got a text and while I have Since deleted it, I can Never forget the words:

"I am still expecting my...
Don't get ready, live ready."


I sent the lunatics money back, as I Never spent a dime.
25k was Nothing as My parents made sure I Never lacked.

I am telling this part Because I want to reiterate the importance of a woman getting her own money. Imagine what would have happened if I'd eaten the money. He would have harassed and insulted the heck out of me.
It's true abusers use money to humiliate their victims.

A few weeks Later, he was back begging. Again.

^^^^^ Hahaha

Lol..lashawn.. Sorry had to laff
Asked for his change back?!

This reminded me of one song

One step forward
You take 2 steps back.

Where is kenya!!!!

Finally!!! Menh this thread is so scary! !!!!!!! I try so much not to process what I read here, if not i'd be traumatised.

God forbid!!!

swag queen: ^^^^^ Hahaha

My dear. I don't think I can ever listen to man saying sit at home, while I work..That singular incident thought me a lot of lessons that I won't forget anytime soon.
I work now and I earn a good salary, as far as I am concerned, I'll put that job first before a lot of people Because people are fickle and wicked. I'll only be with a guy who can understand that a woman is not to end up in the kitchen. She should be able to flourish and maintain her own dignity, not be asking for money to buy matches and pad.

babyosisi:

Why do women allow this
How can a man prevent you from seeing your parents and you agree to that arrangement?
You should have defied him from the beginning and he would have adjusted quickly

Is he with you 24/7?
Why cant you go to see your supervisor when he is not around?
That man is a coward
Cowards back down when you stand up to them
You teach people how to treat you
If you let this man win,you will never complete that program and in 3 years you may have two more kids and still dependent on him financially

Now do you want me to advice you woman to woman
Here it goes and in that order

1. Besides your mother,your uncles and aunts must be told about this his violence.let him know you didn't fall from the sky but you have people that love you and care about you.there is no shame here dear.the shame is on him.

Thank you very much. I've told my uncle that stays in Lagos but my mom wants to be the one to tell my brothers becos we are afraid they'll do something very silly.

2. let that third child be your last,3 is plenty,you don't need any more babies under that condition
If you can't get your tubes tied without his knowledge,go get an IUD inserted.
If you don't have money for it,borrow.
Beats me how a man who beats up his wife will also lay with the same woman and make love but you must not get pregnant again
And don't go confessing what you did when his fake lovey lovey is shacking you ,you need to keep your mouth shut about that.

This is my last baby. I have a mirena intact (I went for this cos I believe it is more effective than Para guard). He's aware of this but recently he said I should go and remove it. My dear, after each incident, I must not show that I'm not happy about what happened or try to refuse him or else I'll receive another round of beating. He will come to have sex with me as a way of saying sorry and am not permitted to talk about what happened. If I dare open my mouth to talk about it I'll be labeled a witch with unforgiving spirit.

3. Make an appointment and go see that supervisor of yours. Tell him your situation when you meet and ask if you can do phone communications regarding any help .i advise that you go when your husband is out of town.I am sure he does travel down to the east sometimes.Do it while he is away, you have to be smart.

He's from Edo state state and hardly travels. If he try calling my no and I don't pick his call, he'll call the house or my house help and ask about my whereabout. I'll go and see my supervisor next week.

4.you need to grow a backbone.bullies do what they do and perfect it because you cower down and shake at their demand.speak up for yourself and it starts by having your family confront him.he isolated you so that you will be alone,you must refuse to be isolated.there is no shame here,you are fighting for your life.tell it all .let your people come from the east and ask him questions including why he won't allow you finish your studies.
And they warn him sternly never to touch you or hear from them.
Like all bullies he will deny doing such a thing.

This man is a chronic abuser. I tried to slap him back one day and he gave me the beating of my life. He's that kind of person that will hit you for answering his questions and also beat you for not saying anything so you don't have a choice. If he doesn't see any reason to beat you now he'll look up for excuses to do that and also make you feel responsible for the beating.

This will then buy you time to finish the degree,look for and find a job,you get some independence and if he continues in his ways,you are out the door.

If you were my sister,this is what I will tell you.

If I am not motivating enough let the pain of your father not seeing his own grandchildren till his death get you angry enough to stamp your foot on the ground and refuse to take this shait any longer

Thank you.

@Uredaddy

What have you decided to do about the kids? Please, don't leave them behind....

Uredaddy, what part of Edo State? Is it Benin, Esan, Uromi,?

God forbid someone tries this with my own sister, I will match him for his strength. I don't care whether they are married or it's non of my biz.

I thank God my elder sister is married to man, a strong man who does not joke with her at all.

@Uredaddy

And I won't be surprised if your husband had a hand in your ex's wife calling and accusing you. I don't put anything past those people. They set you up and then work on your guilt yo start abusing you.

A friend of mine started receiving anonymous texts after She got married. The texts were explicit, talking of How the sender supposedly slept with her, the different positions he used on her etcetera. She told me She showed her husband. Because She didn't want anyone to blackmail her..That is How a trusting relationship should be like.

You and I know that we can Never open up like that to these abusive men. They turn around and use the info against you.

If someone ever told me I'll experience in my lifetime I'll tell him to hell. Before I got married to him, he promised to set up a biz for me so that I'll have some money to myself but after our marriage, he changed his mind. Before our marriage, I told him I wanted to be a medical doctor and he knew that I love the medical field with passion after the wedding, he started telling bad stories about the medical field and that he doesn't like medical doctors as his partners. When I saw that I may end up not going to the univ, I opted for part time accounting in unilag. He tried to frustrate me out of school and he's still trying but I refused. Imagine someone with a background of physics, chemistry and biology writing financial accounting without attending classes. No tutorial, zero support nothing.

My first son is a special need child and he denied this boy of getting help until he was 5 after much push from me becos he believes the boy's problem is demonic. He can afford to send this boy to any part of the world for treatment or therapy but no he was using his money to buy big cars, travelling round the world and boasting about it. Now the inflow of the cash has reduced and I've been labeled the stumbling block behind his progress. He's back. I'll continue later. Thanks.

2sexy....As much as we know the thread brings up some vivid imagery, words like that are not appropraite

Imo it demeans the pain some if us are feeling

Out of respect to this strong woman pls modify the text