bossybom: I am a 31 year old married woman wit a son less than a year,my marriage is almost 2 years. I noticed my husband don't really like making love from d 1st week of our marriage,he responded to my complaints by saying he's fratigued from d wedding stress.....but it has lingered until now, we barely have sex 2 times in a month,anytime I complain he will laugh and say it's because am a self employed woman and I have a lot of time to think about sex,so am so tired of complaining and feeling like a slut...but I feel so deprived,am a Christian,I can't ,cheat on him,sometimes I masturbate just to get satisfied,but I always feel guilty and dirty afterwards, this is not a topic I can easily walk to anyone to discuss,am really frustrated,pls I need as many advice and ideas I can get........

pls in God's name,no insults....I just need candid advise....thanks.

I understand from the perspective that he is a 9-5 person. so the stress of the day doesn't trigger his phallus to the needed erection for sex,that was why he tagged you a self employed woman co you are your own boss.
Unless you are sure that he aint cheating on you, i'll advise that you get him multivitamins and ginseng infused drugs, get soft p..orrn movies and get that sexy lingerie that would make his John Thomas have a mind of its own.

You hold the key to seduction, seduce him(hope he is not the spiri-koko type that would give you the Oyedepo slap for seduction and label you jezebel). Seduce him. go down on him.you may be amazed at how far your p***y power can go!


If it doesn't work, he is seeing other women or,........................................ men

omicron: you'd be shocked how many gay men out there are marrying women! This is Africa and with our homophobic attitudes more men with gay inclinations will try and suppress it because of sociatal concerns.

You cannot just be talking of low testosterone in a man who had impregnated this lady before.

His problem is basically a psychological/behavioural one and, in my opinion, she should make sure her husband's sexual orientation has been originally towards the opposite sex.

You think all this homosexual men out there are all marrying males

A man with low libido can impregnate a woman.It can take just one round at the fertile period of the woman.
I know there's a lot of media buzz about gays nowadays but to conclude that a man is gay just because he's not meeting often with a woman is wrong.

I'm a paramedic and I get to see and hear a lot cos of where I work.People have issues.Many men are straight but they need help.The environment where we live where men have this false macho air makes many not to seek help.

he could either have low sex drive or he's getting it somewhere else, as was pointed out previously.

on the offchance he's NOT getting it elsewhere, then perhaps he has other things on his mind.

has the op tried to reduce her demands for attention and see how that works out.

if it doesnt, then try the other stuff suggested.

Thats why i love discussion alot in a relationship before marriage...imo i dont think u can get 'too dirty' with the one u want and plan to live with for better for worse, till death do you part. Atleast if no pre marital sex, he should be daring enough to want to do IT.thats a good sign....ahh wu wants a veggie when u can have viagra. Abeg o!

thorpido: A man with low libido can impregnate a woman.It can take just one round at the fertile period of the woman.
I know there's a lot of media buzz about gays nowadays but to conclude that a man is gay just because he's not meeting often with a woman is wrong.

I'm a paramedic and I get to see and hear a lot cos of where I work.People have issues.Many men are straight but they need help.The environment where we live where men have this false macho air makes many not to seek help.

Nobody has made conclusions. Read my first post and note I said she should Rule Out gay tendencies in her man. I did not label him outright gay already.

See, there is a limit to everything. A woman describes her sexual relations with her husband as BARELY TWICE IN A MONTH and you disagree to revisit his sexual orientations I do not think it is correct.

And I never said a man with low libido cannot impregnate a woman. I only suggested that by virtue of that fact he has imoregnated her before, it shows that the man is at least physiologically normal.

A man's libido is a function of an interplay between psychology, behaviour, beliefs and physiology, and in this case I feel this man is physiologically okay. That left me with only psychological/bahavioural and issues of belief (eg religion and upbringing), as these can all significantly suppress libido or, more appropriately put, sexual expression. But with 2 times in 30 days, and the fact he used fatigue as a reason to evade possible confrontation or expression of dissatisfation from his wife during their early marital period, looks like someone who knew what his wife did not know.

Abnormal sexual orientation is not an uncommon cause of this man's behaviour.

Though I am not a psychologist nor a psychiatrist, but as a medical doctor I have had the priviledge of having some men confide in me regarding issues as this.

This issue started since immediately after wedding. It is not as if the OP had previously known the man's sexual behaviours, therefore I still stand by my advice that she should ensure her man is not attracted to males.

omicron: Nobody has made conclusions. Read my first post and note I said she should Rule Out gay tendencies in her man. I did not label him outright gay already.

See, there is a limit to everything. A woman describes her sexual relations with her husband as BARELY TWICE IN 2 MONTHS and you disagree to revisit his sexual orientations I do not think it is correct.

And I never said a man with low libido cannot impregnate a woman. I only suggested that by virtue of that fact he has imoregnated her before, it shows that the man is at least physiologically normal.

A man's libido is a function of an interplay between psychology, behaviour, beliefs and physiology, and in this case I feel this man is physiologically okay. That left me with only psychological/bahavioural and issues of belief (eg religion and upbringing), as these can all significantly suppress libido or, more appropriately put, sexual expression. But with 2 times in two months, and the fact he used fatigue as a reason to evade possible confrontation or expression of dissatisfation from his wife during their early marital period, looks like someone who knew what his wife did not know.

Abnormal sexual orientation is not an uncommon cause of this man's behaviour.

Though I am not a psychologist nor a psychiatrist, but as a medical doctor I have had the priviledge of having some men confide in me regarding issues as this.

This issue started since immediately after wedding. It is not as if the OP had previously known the man's sexual behaviours, therefore I still stand by my advice that she should ensure her man is not attracted to males.

okay.So we can both agree that except there's proof of an abnormal sexual orientation,we can't say his reason for seldom meeting with his wife is because he has attraction towards fellow males.

bossybom: ...am a Christian,I can't ,cheat on him,sometimes I masturbate just to get satisfied...

Sista sex is canal and there's nothing spiritual about it. .

There's something about u he doesn't like but doesn't know how to tell you out of respect for you. encourage him to be open and accept criticisms.


1.Be careful of some advice I see here. They are dangerous and absolute craps by inexperienced people.
2.Men are stimulated by hormones secreted when their brain process erotic thoughts. Unlike women, they're very visual (react to what they see). Improve in ur appearance. Make urself appealing to the eye. stock up ur wardrobe with sexy sleepwears.
2. Alcohol, stress, illness, arguments, naging, and turn-offs (ugly undies, lousy dressing, repulsive habits, etc) kill sexual apetite in men. Avoid any of that.
3. Avoid giving him heavy, food starchy food at night, he will sleep off. Lipton tea, a glass of wine can make a difference.
4.Find out what seduces him and turns him on. Talk about sex, talk naughty and play like kids, let ur bodies touch.
5.If symptom persists, see a doctor.
6.Please stay away from sharing this with friends, family, ur pastor, and church members otherwise ur marriage will be engulfed in fire and brimestone

Woged2005:

Sista sex is canal and there's nothing spiritual about it. .

There's something about u he doesn't like but doesn't know how to tell you out of respect for you. encourage him to be open and accept criticisms.


1.Be careful of some advice I see here. They are dangerous and absolute craps by inexperienced people.
2.Men are stimulated by hormones secreted when their brain process erotic thoughts. Unlike women, they're very visual (react to what they see). Improve in ur appearance. Make urself appealing to the eye. stock up ur wardrobe with sexy sleepwears.
2. Alcohol, stress, illness, arguments, naging, and turn-offs (ugly undies, lousy dressing, repulsive habits, etc) kill sexual apetite in men. Avoid any of that.
3. Avoid giving him heavy, food starchy food at night, he will sleep off. Lipton tea, a glass of wine can make a difference.
4.Find out what seduces him and turns him on. Talk about sex, talk naughty and play like kids, let ur bodies touch.
5.If symptom persists, see a doctor.
6.Please stay away from sharing this with friends, family, ur pastor, and church members otherwise ur marriage will be engulfed in fire and brimestone

Please OP Take note of the 6. Its very important

Mazi_Omenuko:

When I started a thread on it, encouraging sex in a relationship, nairalanders wanted to tear my head off! Now this is where your happily ever after has landed you.
Endure it, afterall, its going to be a 75 years of misery, your reward is in heaven.

#did you say 2 times in a week? Damn! That's half of what you're supposed to enjoy PER DAY!

Correction: she said 2 times in a month

Must every1 like s*x? I have a male friend that is not gay, doesn't cheat on his Gf but he doesn't like sex and when asked he says he believes the energy used on s*x can be used for acquiring knowledge,he loves reading... my best friend dissolved her marriage after 3days, the no s*x b4 marriage, after their wedding night she discovered her husband wasn't into s*x,quoting the man " I can't be having s*x like someone in the prison yard,its hard labour",that's from a very successful legal practitioner, my no time for dulling friend filed a divorce straight.... continue ur self service or file a divorce if u can't cope!

Bootylicious: Must every1 like s*x? I have a male friend that is not gay, doesn't cheat on his Gf but he doesn't like sex and when asked he says he believes the energy used on s*x can be used for acquiring knowledge,he loves reading... my best friend dissolved her marriage after 3days, the no s*x b4 marriage, after their wedding night she discovered her husband wasn't into s*x,quoting the man " I can't be having s*x like someone in the prison yard,its hard labour",that's from a very successful legal practitioner, my no time for dulling friend filed a divorce straight.... continue ur self service or file a divorce if u can't cope!

Na wa o...

bossybom: [color=#000099][/color]

yes we dated for 18months,premarital sex was a no no for both of us....we did talk about sexuality but how was I suppose to know dis by merely talking.

People who spend years abstaining from premarital sex most times have to tell themselves lies about sex to help themselves abstain, and once they get married it becomes difficult for some to get rid of all these wrong ideologies they once had.
I think that's what's happening to you and your husband.

You are scared that asking your own husband for sex would make you look like a slut, to me that's funny and churchy. And goes a long way to show that it might be these kind of funny churchy ideologies that's disturbing both of you. You have to rid your mind of those thoughts, and then help your husband change his mentality too.

Start with repeating this sentence ten times 'I'm a slut in the bedroom'

You need to have a very frank conversation with him. You need to let him know that he is failing you in the sex department. Tell him that you are not willing to accept that. This is not your fault. Don't listen to people that say dress sexy and all that. If you take the blame that is not yours he will never change. You need to be frank with him before you become so desperate and do something stupid. He is a man and has male friends so I am sure that he knows that sex twice a month is abnormal. By not being direct with him you are helping him treat you this way

lol @I'm a slut in three bedroom.

And I agree with soul_glo on this. He's the one with the issue. Not her. What can be as sexy as a willing, wanton woman asking her man to make love to her? And people are telling her to talk sexy and dress sexy.

They need to delve into the issue right from the foundation.

I think he has issues with his libido sha...

In my opinion, I tink s3x is ova rated especially by women, dia is nattin pleasurable in s3x wen it bcomes a marrital obligation. Ur guy might be normal afterall but doesn't pay so much attention to s3x just like so many guys out dia. His mind is tellin him to substitute workin hard for s3x.

Henry praise: In my opinion, I tink s3x is ova rated especially by women.

You are quite right.

soul_glo: You need to have a very frank conversation with him. You need to let him know that he is failing you in the sex department. Tell him that you are not willing to accept that. This is not your fault. Don't listen to people that say dress sexy and all that. If you take the blame that is not yours he will never change. You need to be frank with him before you become so desperate and do something stupid. He is a man and has male friends so I am sure that he knows that sex twice a month is abnormal. By not being direct with him you are helping him treat you this way

From what I've read & heard..this is how most marriages hit divorce....You need to do this, .."you need to do that..you must stand ur ground..don't accept it...don't let him get away with it..."etc. The last time I checked a confrontational approach never turns a d*ck on, it only ends in court. Even a Judge cannot force a man to make love. The woman is not fighting for women's rights. She simply wants to have & enjoy sex with her husband in a conducive environment. How do all that get the man's d*ck stand? Let's be result oriented in problem solving please!

Deschil: Who says its "widespread misinformation" I dey suspect u gan! It is happening especially to guys who immigrated and have a mind so "open" that they agreed to experiment!

In a few years, people like you will be suggesting that the man in cases like this is "experimenting" with the household "pet" with your "open mind". #Shior

DICKtator:

I understand from the perspective that he is a 9-5 person. so the stress of the day doesn't trigger his phallus to the needed erection for sex,that was why he tagged you a self employed woman co you are your own boss.
Unless you are sure that he aint cheating on you, i'll advise that you get him multivitamins and ginseng infused drugs, get soft p..orrn movies and get that sexy lingerie that would make his John Thomas have a mind of its own.

You hold the key to seduction, seduce him(hope he is not the spiri-koko type that would give you the Oyedepo slap for seduction and label you jezebel). Seduce him. go down on him.you may be amazed at how far your p***y power can go!


If it doesn't work, he is seeing other women or,........................................ men

LMFSO @ "spiri koko".

Thanks to every one who has offered me worthy advise,I ve started to apply some already...for d records; he is no gay,he doesn't even have d tendencies,he confides in me about almost everything,he simply and honestly doesn't like sex,he is a banker,wakes up early for work and returns late...i shared this post coz I needed a public veiw on how to make him like it......coz he's d 1st man I ever slept with, I wanted "expert in d field" to render dr experienced opinions.......

We've heard!

bossybom: Thanks to every one who has offered me worthy advise,I ve started to apply some already...for d records; he is no gay,he doesn't even have d tendencies,he confides in me about almost everything,he simply and honestly doesn't like sex,he is a banker,wakes up early for work and returns late...i shared this post coz I needed a public veiw on how to make him like it......coz he's d 1st man I ever slept with, I wanted "expert in d field" to render dr experienced opinions.......

since you said u already know he does not like sex right from day one then I don't expect u to complain,u already know his problem,but honestly if he naturally does not like sex which sounds odd then u may not be able to make him like it no matter what but u can only make him force himself to have sex with u and that does not make sense because u are his wife and u guys should have sex has husband and wife and not him sleeping with u because u are always forcing him,for example when u do not like a particular food you may never like that food and no matter how much u are persuaded to eat the food u will not just eat it,good-luck though

Rhythm:

People who spend years abstaining from premarital sex most times have to tell themselves lies about sex to help themselves abstain, and once they get married it becomes difficult for some to get rid of all these wrong ideologies they once had.
I think that's what's happening to you and your husband.

You are scared that asking your own husband for sex would make you look like a slut, to me that's funny and churchy. And goes a long way to show that it might be these kind of funny churchy ideologies that's disturbing both of you. You have to rid your mind of those thoughts, and then help your husband change his mentality too.

Start with repeating this sentence ten times 'I'm a slut in the bedroom'

. I totally agree with you.

#sips agogoro as she wonders loudly"why wud a man not wanna kpoki?.Na swear??
Na gay jare.Must she take off her clothe to lure him into the mood?Abi him no mo say wetin dey under woman skirt dey sweetHe is a closet gay,period!

lynpetra: #sips agogoro as she wonders loudly"why wud a man not wanna kpoki?.Na swear??
Na gay jare.Must she take off her clothe to lure him into the mood?Abi him no mo say wetin dey under woman skirt dey sweetHe is a closet gay,period!

Lwtmb lynpetra! lynpetra! ! lynpetra! !!
How many times I called you? I no no say wetin dey under woman skirt dey sweet abeg tell me more

Exactly my point.. hez just not into sex

mayten30: since you said u already know he does not like sex right from day one then I don't expect u to complain,u already know his problem,but honestly if he naturally does not like sex which sounds odd then u may not be able to make him like it no matter what but u can only make him force himself to have sex with u and that does not make sense because u are his wife and u guys should have sex has husband and wife and not him sleeping with u because u are always forcing him,for example when u do not like a particular food you may never like that food and no matter how much u are persuaded to eat the food u will not just eat it,good-luck though

Woged2005:

From what I've read & heard..this is how most marriages hit divorce....You need to do this, .."you need to do that..you must stand ur ground..don't accept it...don't let him get away with it..."etc. The last time I checked a confrontational approach never turns a d*ck on, it only ends in court. Even a Judge cannot force a man to make love. The woman is not fighting for women's rights. She simply wants to have & enjoy sex with her husband in a conducive environment. How do all that get the man's d*ck stand? Let's be result oriented in problem solving please!

Are you ignorant 24/7 or do you save it for Wednesdays. What women's right is she being asked to fight for? You obviously can read since you read what I wrote. It seems your problem is comprehension. You have on your own decided that she should take my advice and go slap him on the face with it. Your approach is for her to pretend that the problem is not his problem. You really believe in that your head that a man having sex only two times a month is doing so because the woman in front of him is not seductive enough. Do you see how bright you are now? A man that wants to have sex with a woman and there is only one woman available will have sex with that woman even if she has one tooth in her mouth. The poster even masturbates which tells you she is far from a prude but let's ignore all that because she must not be seductive enough. Your solution is the solution of someone who is not pro active. The type that prefers to sit back and let everything else fall in place and when it does not then it is the devils fault. Imagine saying that asking a woman to have a frank talk with the father of her children is now fighting for women's rights. You are sad.

bossybom: Thanks to every one who has offered me worthy advise,I ve started to apply some already...for d records; he is no gay,he doesn't even have d tendencies,he confides in me about almost everything,he simply and honestly doesn't like sex,he is a banker,wakes up early for work and returns late...i shared this post coz I needed a public veiw on how to make him like it......coz he's d 1st man I ever slept with, I wanted "expert in d field" to render dr experienced opinions.......

My dear, your husband is ok jare. He doesn't like s..ex, its that simple. Not all men like sex, and it doesn't make them gays or serial cheats.

Just wish you knew what you were getting into before you said "I do." clearly you are not comfortable with the situation hence this thread and no very sexually active lady would be.

Like I said earlier, you have to make extra efforts, and pls send that shyness to hell. This is your right. While you are it keep talking to him, appreciate him. If there is anything he does to you on bed that you like, tell him in a sexified manner. Men like to know that they are doing something good.

*thinking out loud* Twice in a month? I no fit survive am o. Hian! Me wey dey look forward to atleast twice daily, and marathon on weekends.

funnyx:

Lwtmb lynpetra! lynpetra! ! lynpetra! !!
How many times I called you? I no no say wetin dey under woman skirt dey sweet abeg tell me more

.Haba d matter get as e be na.Check am na.She comot bra,peepee no stand,comot skirt,peepee no vex,comot inner wear,peepee still not motivated.Finally comot druuuxxx,the peepee still limp.Haba!ok,I lap dance naked,with slow motion,peepee still bow head.Mbanu!I can't take it o.

#climbs ontop of him with a kitchen knife
"Bia you better put this to use this night,else I wud cut it off since its useless to me!"

lynpetra: .Haba d matter get as e be na.Check am na.She comot bra,peepee no stand,comot skirt,peepee no vex,comot inner wear,peepee still not motivated.Finally comot druuuxxx,the peepee still limp.Haba!ok,I lap dance naked,with slow motion,peepee still bow head.Mbanu!I can't take it o.

#climbs ontop of him with a kitchen knife
"Bia you better put this to use this night,else I wud cut it off since its useless to me!"

ROTFLMAO baddest girl, you can do all the above show for me but please no come with knife oh na God I take beg you. You no even need to go that far before I give you thorough koboko. Some men sha, he doesn't like sxxx chei see as some women dey suffer.

Jokes apart
Love Machine while you sort for solution.But....try this also.Try doing it in his presence.If he doesn't come up,pretend as if you are taking the fake peepee to your backdoor while you watch his peepee closely.If you notice the thing use style vex,calm down,walk into your kitchen,carry your pot of okro soup,enter bedroom tgen empty on his head.