vivianc:
Honestly, no one is perfect. What she does is what 92% of ladies, especially in Nigeria do, even tho there is no justification whatsoever for that, but that's the hard truth. So there is every possibility that the next girl you meet might have being through this phase.

She should have stopped when a very serious guy got into her life, but she didn't. The "no one is perfect" cliche is not applicable to her, the truth of the matter is she is not ready for a committed relationship.

One more thing, most times you have to look beyond the sparkling of a jewelry to realise its fake.

alutacontinua:
Ileoba is available for u!
Come on, wetin u dey find again?

i want a fellowship leader that attends shiloh every year not an exiled witchdoctor like ileoba.

Ehe? Coogar what is it? So all these husbands that cheat, whom do they cheat with? Dogs?

vivianc: Ehe? Coogar what is it? So all these husbands that cheat, whom do they cheat with? Dogs?

92%??
dang, i am moving to accra. there's no hope of me getting a decent bride in nigeria.

coogar:

92%??
dang, i am moving to accra. there's no hope of me getting a decent bride in nigeria.

The 8% nko? Good luck with that sha.......

This is what I keep shouting. Op, that your girl was a fellowship leader means nothing. Let her be reciting the whole Bible every morning, it still doesn't change the fact that she is a human being and not a saint. Now, I am also going to tow the line of Chaircover and the rest by telling you to let her go. She doesn't deserve you. Thank God she even displayed all these now that you are not yet married. In addition to sending her away, make sure you retrieve everything expensive you bought for her. That would teach her a lesson that there is more to life than money. I know it may hurt but you just have to let her go and move on with your life. Good luck.

wwwlord:


You've made some great comments and they are well noted but read what i wrote again,sending her out of my apartment when she came to beg doesnt mean sending her packing. Not sure i mention ever cohabiting there. thank you

I already put a caveat if I misinterpreted what you meant. You didn't make that part easy for me to read either because what I read was you sent her packing out of your house. It is entirely different from sent her away.

Disregard my last post. Wish you the best in your decision.

@Chaircover, I must commend you. Ladies who can say the blunt truth like that are rare. I envy Mr CC o!
But seriously, keep up the attitude, it's a good one.

@op, stop shouting church girl, church girl!

"Olorun lo meeyan ire; eeyan 're o wopo"

wwwlord:


When i say i am inexperienced,yes i am saying i dont know how runs girls operate but that doesnt mean i have never dated before. thanks

You need to let that go and then get a social life. I am shocked you still believe because some girls go to church every Sunday makes them believers. Lots of runs girls go to church to find inexperienced and gullible guys to date. They know these guys do not know their left from right in relationships so they can easily get away with anything. Secondly, if you were a real believer yourself you will know what she has done is completely unacceptable.

You have just known her for four months, you never really asked her out but she brought up the issue of you two dating and then you started spending? like seriously? Was she the best option you had? And forget about the wonderful way she behaves when she is around you, she is just pretending. Do you know her friends? I am sure her friends will also be runs girls and that is why the old man can give and her friends money. It shows the kind of company she keeps. Fellow runs girls like herself. The first way to know a girl's true character is by looking at her friends. Forget about how she behaves around you, just take a look at her friends and you will know the real woman.

As for her family, they all see you as a meal ticket. I can't even believe you are still considering dating this girl. You are 31 dude! You really need to learn how to take control of your relationships because when you get married, your wife will just continue playing on you. My point is that you don't know what is acceptable and what isn't. Please get some male friends, I want to know what some of your own friends think if you have any!

greatgod2012: @op, stop shouting church girl, church girl!

"Olorun lo meeyan ire; eeyan 're o wopo"

don vex

@Vivianc which wan now with this your 92% statistic .I kinda get you jare dont mind me but its more like 60% sha I dont know about now but in late 90's early noughties when I was in naija university.Most of those baba big runs girls in moremi's heydays one way or the other got married to calm church guys .

OP RUN, typical runs girl modus operandi.Become "born again" in final yr.

Chillisauce:

don vex

i don vex jare, how many people want to say that he doesn't know that not all who say Lord, Lord are true believers, and to even think the op is praising and reemphasising on her behaviour when she's around him is neauseating(dont know if i get d spelling right), as if he doesn't know that she was only doing all that to win him over.

Abegiiiiii

@OP the final decision is yours. You have heard from seasoned counsellors on NL. Follow your heart BUT in following your heart DON'T LEAVE YOUR BRAIN BEHIND

wwwlord:


Well i have clarified what i meant in earlier posts, there was an outburst of anger which led to me practically walking her out and threatening her to stay away, she already had a good rapport with my cousin who lives with me and she pops in from time to time.you can replace that word with any phrase that suits you but
i just hate it when people act like they know more than the accussed. And i never waved any flag of morality in front of you, thinking over a decision already made and trying to sample peoples opinion doesnt have nothing to do with morality. I Never preached sainthood to you.Thanks

It's an online forum - feel free to hate, it's no skin of our noses here.

You came on here soliciting for advice. It's been given to you in bucket loads and yet you keep on harping about her 'good' qualities to the rest of us. If she really is that 'good' then why the self-doubts? Majority of the posters (I included) have told you exactly how we see this based on the information you've given to us.

If you don't want any misinterpretations of what you've typed up here, then the onus is on you to be crystal clear and less ambigious. That's even beside the point. The point here is, what exactly do you want? Or are you the sort of guy that only feels good about himself when your other half is put down? You've been advised to let her go and move on - so why're you getting all hot under the collar? Or is it that you can't bear having the heat microscope focused on you?

I think you need to ask yourself some soul-searching questions, because the more you lose it on here, the less I believe your story - or more specifically, your part in this story of yours.

Take it whichever way you want.

greatgod2012:

i don vex jare, how many people want to say that he doesn't know that not all who say Lord, Lord are true believers, and to even think the op is praising and reemphasising on her behaviour when she's around him is neauseating(dont know if i get d spelling right), as if he doesn't know that she was only doing all that to win him over.

Abegiiiiii

I too have my doubts.

Why's he belabouring a particular point (re: her goodness), when her actions are completely at odds with her so called goodness.

Talk about freakishness.

@ OP
First and foremost I want to correct a misconception most Nigerians has. Being a born again doesn't necessarily make you a good person. Sure it can make u strive for a better rship with God but if u are a thief or a liar or a gossip or a 'runz girl'; being a born again is not going to change that. That's why when most people do something people are shocked. They say 'and he calls himself a Christian or a pastor'. Of course he is a christian or a pastor but that doesn't mean he can't cheat on his wife or steal.
Now on the topic of your girl friend; I don't know her so I can't make judgements. I have friends dat use men to 'collect' I have a close friend dat is very pretty and she flirts with men and they give her stuff but she DOESN'T sleep with them. One time one gave her 150 for her rent and bot a BB for her on top, I was shocked because I knew for a fact she wasn't sleeping with him. So its possible ur GF just wants to play the man and collect whatever she can from him without actually sleeping with him. That doesn't change the fact she a born again christian or that she loves u. She at that age, 24; pretty. She feels she can get anything she wants which is date u and still play guys to get money from them. Its now up to you. What do you what? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a shallow girl that will rather obtain 170k form a man outside dan work on your relationship? Do you want to tell yourself she's a 'born again' therefore she 'marrigeable' and refuse to see her real character? Do u think u can handle an obviously vain girl for the rest of uur life? If u think u can then Good luck. If not get out NOW. Cos she may or may not grow out of it. She may or may not change. But like your cousin told you, she could be worse. And lots of pple marry girls that used to be 'runs' girls and they are very happy today. You must remember that you guys are not yet married so to an extent she believes she can still play a few tricks and get away with it, afterall no foul no harm right?....

There has to be something about that girl that the op thinks he is too lucky to have to let go of.

He might see himself as lucky to have the attention of such a girl that letting her go is a problem.

So, maybe, the op is just trying to have what he wants...and the girl is just being herself.

Her being untrustworthy could be the little price he has to pay.

.

temi4fash: Broda....

As efe as said just let her go... If at d foundation of ur relationship is based on so much lies. I wonda how is goin to b when u get married... Trust is earned and she given u every cause not to trust her

To dai u boxed up if at one time at the end of ur life u get cash trapped it obviously means she will abandon u.

And again i tink she is sensing how desperate u r to get married so she is cashing in on it...

wwwlord,
Please take note of the bolded; that's exactly my thought.

The lady is just being greedy and too money conscious. If you cherish peace in your life, do away with her and forget that statement by your cousin that the next babe maybe worse-I call it a stumbling/limiting statement.

Be with a woman who will stay with you through the storms of life and be content with what you both have.

PS: If you still decide to take her, you'll continue to fund her youthful exuberance lifestyle- wanting to outdo her friends in material things and you'll be her financier. Your inability to do that will spell DOOM!

Nutase: Guy let's keep this thread alive, marry her and update us with what happens. Best of luck.

Thou art funny!

wwwlord:


Well,I was confused that a supposed fellowship leader could pull off these dramas and i didnt just want to take rash decisions. I have heard the cliche "no one is perfect " many times that I began to think if it applies to her. She definitely has her strengths but I have realised I can't cope with this weaknesses.

At the bolded, forget it. Don't let any physical activity/action of some people get to you.

Nowadays, when I meet people with pastor, deacon etc titles, I separate the title from the them and want to see the person and not be carried away by the supposed title/office.

Is this a 24yr old or a 40yr old? She is very sharp o. See how she has turned a 31yr old into mumu. Making him believe exactly what she wants him to believe. Even inserting the marriage dream. If OP did not discover her oops! Op would have married her in 6months! Lol! Being holy or godly is never about words but actions. I am always cautious of people who feel the need to let people see them praying, pray loudly or insert God into everything. They are putting on a show. Op, don't be deterred, there are lots of good women out there, you just have to keep looking before you find yours. Contentment is the most important trait anyone's spouse can have. Those kind of people are in it with you. Through thick and thin. Forget stories about their parents being poor so they had to beg men or sleep with them to eat. You really really don't want to marry such a person. When times get tough, they will do the same again! That is their true self and default behavior.

wwwlord:
I have been a casual observer on nairaland but i am currently going through some emotional issues and i think matured people here can advise me. I work with an oil firm in Lagos, i am not doing bad at all but can't seem to sort the marital puzzle. I am 31 .

I met this pretty girl in June 2013, she is 24 just left school. I showed her I wasn't a player as soon as we met through my actions. We call and communicate well. She was a fellowship leader while she was in school so this gave me some confidence but she has some questionable friends and that often scares me as to her real identity.

One day we were at my place and we were going through her Facebook together, I saw that one of the popular guys from my hometown is her friend. This guy should be like 45, married and quite rich. His family is based in Canada. I asked my girl there and then if they ever dated but she said no and bad mouthed the guy in front of me, told me the guy wanted to date 3 of her friends at the same time and they were using him to catch fun, eating his money. She said the guy invited her and her best friend to his house once and gave them 100k as parting gift. That they never saw him more than once. That he also promised to sponsor her convocation party when the time comes.

A month later I was curious and checked her FB account since she gave me the password. I saw a message she sent to this guy asking after his welfare that she couldn't reach him via bbm or calls. The message started with "Hi honey" and that got me worried. I asked her if she ever tried contacting this guy since we last spoke about him and she denied this for like 4 days. I just wanted to build my confidence in her by hearing the truth from her but she kept lying i was dissapointed. During this time she accused me of making things up that i was free to break up if I wanted to. After 4 days of the brickbat i told her I saw the fb message she sent and she started begging that she was too scared to tell me the truth. She told me she has decided to change her phone number and get serious with me but i didn't see any need for that. She changed the line anyway and i forgave her. I started spending because i didn't want her to look outside. Got her i phone 5 and other things she needed just to show I have forgiven her. I had gotten more details about this guy and memorized his phone number.

In summary, 2 days to her convocation, my girl secretly sent a message to this married guy trying to confirm if they would see or not before she leave for school. She had deleted the guy's name from her phone but i know the number and a lot of information were intact in her phone memory. I confronted her again and she has been begging, that she just wanted to collect the 170k the guy promised her and disappear. She has been crying ever since that she was just being greedy and trying to play smart with the guy. Her friends and families have called me to apologize but i am really heartbroken. I don't know if i can fully trust her again. I had already concluded this girl was a potential but all this seems too difficult for me to swallow. I sent her out of my apartment last week and warned her to stay off.

You made the right choice
She lied, that is excusable if indeed you love her though not entire acceptable
She got in contact with the married yanke guy, if it was just once we can hide it under 'mistake'
But it occurred more than dan, she has made a choice.
She is greedy, selfish and has no respect for your feelings. Move on!

wwwlord:

@Efemena..thanks for your words. My female couzin feels I should give her the last chance because I don't know if the next girl won't do worse because she seems homely. She has been calling her and explaining her case.

*Sighs* what is this fear of the next girl doing worse. You need a shot of confidence in yourself. The lady respects money more than you, is that the kind of woman you really want to keep forever? guess you like sleeping with eyes wide open.

Most girls are like dat except you go ur village. Best thing set out for more search while u put her on probation. if u ar lucky to find drop her if not marry her but u got to b a step aheasd of her.

greatgod2012: @op, stop shouting church girl, church girl!

"Olorun lo meeyan ire; eeyan 're o wopo"

now this pOst actually made me laugh! Na really church girl, church girl!!..


@ op emm.. No comment.. Pele.

chai! naigerian gals!!
see unadulterated greed, awon alatenuje.
*that's it, we give up. off to pick a wife from the Gambia*

@OP, if you hear gbos!, make you run o.

On second thoughts, looks like this OP na eran iya.

Op dear let her go asap,because she would continue even when she gets married. I know lots of women dat were runs girls then now married and still does it till now even after having children.and please I want to plead with u guys, investigate properly the source of ur girlfriends belongings. I mean u see a student her parents barely gives her up to 20k allowance for the month but she uses very expensive phones, she has the latest clothes, hair and all that. My classmate then in school was dating one old married man for years and she had a very cosy apartment,got a car and lied to her fiance dat her father bought it for her and d man rushed and married her without doing his homework now I see him driving d car and d girl is still seeing dat her sugar daddy but portrays d I love my hubby and jah bless my home ish on BB. Most times they have a small business and use it as a camouflage to trick d guy that dats where they get money to get all dey need meanwhile their full time job is runs. investigate properly. There are many good and decent christain girls out there.I rest my case!

Bros dem plant your placenta for her papa compound ni? Abeg free dat girl jor.

stillwater:

In the space of how many months, she's already asked for money? Nigerian girls always falling my hand.

They don't dissappoint... Not all sha... There are still some few good ones that will love a guy not for his money but character..