I really need advice on how to have a successful relationship without acting wayward(dat is in d aspect of d parent), immature and insensitive of my partner's feelings.
I'm the second girl in a family of six with a single parent(I lost my mum some yrs ago)I'm still very dependent and my father is quite a disciplinarian hence we can't do alot without his consent. Eg,go out,travel,visit friends within, and stuff like that.
As a 23 yrs old,I think I'm old enough to keep a relationship but I definately can't tell him about it,atleast not at its early stage. Due to the kind of family relationship we have and the way we were brought up(restricted) I find it difficult to make commitments,I tend to push guys away as such; I can't keep appointments which is almost always d problem...(like times when my partner would want me to come over and spend sometime with him,I can't tell my dad dat,I'll hav to lie 'n he may not always allow me )Hence, I really need you all to help me here,tell me;how can I keep a relationship,nuture it to be successful without acting wayward??

Sowi, I'm still a learner

Some girls get married at age 23. If u don't speak up now then when? Its not gona be easy I know, I also grew up with a single parent ( mum) and coz she didn't want d society to say '' ohh no wonder, they have no father thatz why they are wayward'' she was over strict.


The difference however, is that she knew when it was time to start withdrawin. There's a point where as a parent you don't just take up the role as a mother or father alone but also as a friend and confidant.

You've reached that stage where you shld be able to talk to your dad about anything and everything. He is the only one you've got left.

Firt step talk to your dad
In this kind of situation it helps when you introduce your partner to him ( you must at this stage have a partner who is very patient)
At first, he maybe the only one allowed by your father to do the visiting which may only be in your home. This your father might do just to feel in control of the situation.

Gradually With time, when trust is earned and your dad gets to know more about him or understands that your partner's harmless to you, he would start giving you your space n freedom.



You have to start from somewhere my dear. Either you make the first move, get a job that keeps you far away from home or you get ready to lie more and give your partner little attention. Which I can't say will end well. Therez nothing more precious than having a sound peace of mind wherever you are.

Well, if you act like an adult, you will be treated as an adult!

You just need to show ur dad how responsible you are and then you gain his trust. It will not happen overnight, but over time, he will learn that you know enough to make the right decisions.

For most strict parents, their major problem is when their child starts coming home late... and as long as you are not engaged or married to this person, you shouldn't be out late with him anyway.

ivyy: Some girls get married at age 23. If u don't speak up now then when? Its not gona be easy I know, I also grew up with a single parent ( mum) and coz she didn't want d society to say '' ohh no wonder, they have no father thatz why they are wayward'' she was over strict.


The difference however, is that she knew when it was time to start withdrawin. There's a point where as a parent you don't just take up the role as a mother or father alone but also as a friend and confidant.

You've reached that stage where you shld be able to talk to your dad about anything and everything. He is the only one you've got left.

Firt step talk to your dad
In this kind of situation it helps when you introduce your partner to him ( you must at this stage have a partner who is very patient)
At first, he maybe the only one allowed by your father to do the visiting which may only be in your home. This your father might do just to feel in control of the situation.

Gradually With time, when trust is earned and your dad gets to know more about him or understands that your partner's harmless to you, he would start giving you your space n freedom.



You have to start from somewhere my dear. Either you make the first move, get a job that keeps you far away from home or you get ready to lie more and give your partner little attention. Which I can't say will end well. Therez nothing more precious than having a sound peace of mind wherever you are.

yea,very true,evn girls younger than 23... I believe its a really good idea to make my Dad my confidant,just dat he's distant and emotionally detached most of d tym,I'll give it a try though,seems lik d better way... Talking about a job,am still a student tho,in my final yr... Thank u very much,I really appreciate ur help

How? Watch less films. Learn a trade and keep your hands busy.

Chylo: Well, if you act like an adult, you will be treated as an adult!

You just need to show ur dad how responsible you are and then you gain his trust. It will not happen overnight, but over time, he will learn that you know enough to make the right decisions.

For most strict parents, their major problem is when their child starts coming home late... and as long as you are not engaged or married to this person, you shouldn't be out late with him anyway.

well said,actually my Dad has my trust, @ dis stage I can seek his permission to go out,but its when it becomes too often dat it myt be questionnable... In a situation wher my partner 'd want 2c me mor' often than I can be available,there! So I think Ivy's ryt abt my partner having to be patient too. Thank you,I appreciate ur contribution alot.

frodobee: How? Watch less films. Learn a trade and keep your hands busy.

you shud do d same so u don't type even wen u hav nothing 2say. Thank u

Let the guy understand your position. If he's understanding enough, you guys can work around the situation and he won't see your actions as weird.

Simply tell the guy to visit, if he refuses, then he want to chop and clean mouth, but if he agrees, then he has good intentions

cupidora: I really need advice on how to have a successful relationship without acting wayward(dat is in d aspect of d parent), immature and insensitive of my partner's feelings.
I'm the second girl in a family of six with a single parent(I lost my mum some yrs ago)I'm still very dependent and my father is quite a disciplinarian hence we can't do alot without his consent. Eg,go out,travel,visit friends within, and stuff like that.
As a 23 yrs old,I think I'm old enough to keep a relationship but I definately can't tell him about it,atleast not at its early stage. Due to the kind of family relationship we have and the way we were brought up(restricted) I find it difficult to make commitments,I tend to push guys away as such; I can't keep appointments which is almost always d problem...(like times when my partner would want me to come over and spend sometime with him,I can't tell my dad dat,I'll hav to lie 'n he may not always allow me )Hence, I really need you all to help me here,tell me;how can I keep a relationship,nuture it to be successful without acting wayward??

My dear re u ready to get marry?
Are u ok on ur own I mean financially?
Of what purpose do u need d relationship?
When did u intend to get marry?
What year,month or day do u wish to start a relationship before u get marry?
Cos u nid to ask urself sensitive questions before getting into it so as not to abuse it get closer to ur brother or a good sis to educate u more on sex nd relationship cos is not about age,size enen maturity is not enough anymore cos guys are not smiling(ohun ti aiye ba sor e da won a fi bu e bo di ola-ppl will insult u with wat they mak out of u)
Ma sis hav dsam problem though with both strict parent wen she was in 300L she talk to dad abt it cos he his closer forget o he sat her down nd lect her so as to understand ma sis even once said dad is jealous but at d end she get marry at 26( dated for 6month) the husband to b was known @ om 2month into it cos it takes a life time to knw someone (she get marry as a virgin cos ma dad even talk to d husband abt it) if she is nt u can divorce. so @ op ask urself technical questn without been bias Good luck

cupidora: well said,actually my Dad has my trust, @ dis stage I can seek his permission to go out,but its when it becomes too often dat it myt be questionnable... In a situation wher my partner 'd want 2c me mor' often than I can be available,there! So I think Ivy's ryt abt my partner having to be patient too. Thank you,I appreciate ur contribution alot.

Seeing u often mak ur worth less o and at d end na nonsense dey follow o tell ur partner to com for introduction if he wish to see u self protect what u av dats ur dignity

cupidora: I really need advice on how to have a successful relationship without acting wayward(dat is in d aspect of d parent), immature and insensitive of my partner's feelings.
I'm the second girl in a family of six with a single parent(I lost my mum some yrs ago)I'm still very dependent and my father is quite a disciplinarian hence we can't do alot without his consent. Eg,go out,travel,visit friends within, and stuff like that.
As a 23 yrs old,I think I'm old enough to keep a relationship but I definately can't tell him about it,atleast not at its early stage. Due to the kind of family relationship we have and the way we were brought up(restricted) I find it difficult to make commitments,I tend to push guys away as such; I can't keep appointments which is almost always d problem...(like times when my partner would want me to come over and spend sometime with him,I can't tell my dad dat,I'll hav to lie 'n he may not always allow me )Hence, I really need you all to help me here,tell me;how can I keep a relationship,nuture it to be successful without acting wayward??

I'm sorry about the loss of your mom. It's at times like these that you'd need her most as mothers tend to be more understanding. I'm older than you and there are several things I tell my mom and would never bother telling my dad. He won't understand what I'm going through or take it seriously.

In my opinion, it depends on where you are in your life. Age doesn't determine whether or not you're ready to date. Being 23 years old isn't what makes you an adult; it's your behavior. If you want your dad to start treating you like an adult, then it's time to start acting like one.

***DISCLAIMER*** Your dad is an African man, so, any advice we tell you is definitely not guaranteed to work lol.

Firstly, stop lying to your dad.

Secondly, you have to open up to your father about relationships or your desire to be in one. You don't have to tell him everything. Just hint to him that you'd like to go out every once in a while with your friends. Hit home on the fact that you're coming to him because you respect him and you want him to trust you. When he gives you permission to go out, keep to whichever curfew/deadline he gives you.

You can try talking to your guy friend as well. Hopefully, he'll be understanding of your situation. If he isn't, then you don't need him.

It sucks having to tell your parent your moves in all honesty. It can be awkward. Once you're granted permission, however, you'll feel as free as a bird.

Also, do you have an aunt with whom you're close? Or maybe your older sister can help too?

ogugua88:

In my opinion, it depends on where you are in your life. Age doesn't determine whether or not you're ready to date. Being 23 years old isn't what makes you an adult; it's your behavior. If you want your dad to start treating you like an adult, then it's time to start acting like one.

Exactly My Point. Let's Get Something Straight Here. What's Your Status/Level In Life. At 23, Putting All Delays Into Consideration, You Should At Least Be In 300 Level Or Even Be Well On Your Way To Service Or Be Done With Service Depending On The Circumstances Surrounding Your Education.

Here You Have Your Point, If Your Dad Is Still Being Strict In Spite Of The Above, Please Talk To Him And Let Him Know You're Unsupervised In School And You're Doing Well. Let Him Know You're 5years Into Adulthood. He Should Lessen His Hold On You. My Opinion Though. He Is Human, You Should Be Able To Talk To Him.

And If Reverse Is The Case That You're Not In School Or Not Done, You Should At Least Have Decided What You Want To Do With Your Life. You Possibly Can't Have Wasted More That 5years Sleeping And Waking Up At Home. You Should Be Doing Something Worthwhile Which Defines You As An Adult. Still Let Your Pop Know.

The Thing Here As I See It Is That Your Dad Doesn't See You As An Adult. Start Acting Like One. Quit Lying To Go Out. Tell Him Whatever It Is You Want To Do And Give Him Reasonable Reasons Why You Want To. You're Ripe For Marriage Already.

Show You're An Adult Already.

I Ask For God's Wisdom To Help You Surmount This Hurdle.

Cheers!

.

ogugua88:

I'm sorry about the loss of your mom. It's at times like these that you'd need her most as mothers tend to be more understanding. I'm older than you and there are several things I tell my mom and would never bother telling my dad. He won't understand what I'm going through or take it seriously.

In my opinion, it depends on where you are in your life. Age doesn't determine whether or not you're ready to date. Being 23 years old isn't what makes you an adult; it's your behavior. If you want your dad to start treating you like an adult, then it's time to start acting like one.

***DISCLAIMER*** Your dad is an African man, so, any advice we tell you is definitely not guaranteed to work lol.

Firstly, stop lying to your dad.

Secondly, you have to open up to your father about relationships or your desire to be in one. You don't have to tell him everything. Just hint to him that you'd like to go out every once in a while with your friends. Hit home on the fact that you're coming to him because you respect him and you want him to trust you. When he gives you permission to go out, keep to whichever curfew/deadline he gives you.

You can try talking to your guy friend as well. Hopefully, he'll be understanding of your situation. If he isn't, then you don't need him.

It sucks having to tell your parent your moves in all honesty. It can be awkward. Once you're granted permission, however, you'll feel as free as a bird.

Also, do you have an aunt with whom you're close? Or maybe your older sister can help too?

Thank u so much dear,I rili appreciate ur concern 4my loss besides,ur words go a long way,thank u very much... Btw,yea,I have an elder sis becos am d 2nd but we're not so close,we just started developing a closer relationship lately,weird but true,our family is like dat,we're emotionally detached but am like d glue trying 2bond us all 2gether... Because of d things I ve been through as a result,I try hard 2make my younga siblings feel free so they can confide in me abt anything @ all so they won't have issues especially having to do with boys/men... Thank u very much

.

Dygeasy: Exactly My Point. Let's Get Something Straight Here. What's Your Status/Level In Life. At 23, Putting All Delays Into Consideration, You Should At Least Be In 300 Level Or Even Be Well On Your Way To Service Or Be Done With Service Depending On The Circumstances Surrounding Your Education.

Here You Have Your Point, If Your Dad Is Still Being Strict In Spite Of The Above, Please Talk To Him And Let Him Know You're Unsupervised In School And You're Doing Well. Let Him Know You're 5years Into Adulthood. He Should Lessen His Hold On You. My Opinion Though. He Is Human, You Should Be Able To Talk To Him.

And If Reverse Is The Case That You're Not In School Or Not Done, You Should At Least Have Decided What You Want To Do With Your Life. You Possibly Can't Have Wasted More That 5years Sleeping And Waking Up At Home. You Should Be Doing Something Worthwhile Which Defines You As An Adult. Still Let Your Pop Know.

The Thing Here As I See It Is That Your Dad Doesn't See You As An Adult. Start Acting Like One. Quit Lying To Go Out. Tell Him Whatever It Is You Want To Do And Give Him Reasonable Reasons Why You Want To. You're Ripe For Marriage Already.

Show You're An Adult Already.

I Ask For God's Wisdom To Help You Surmount This Hurdle.

Cheers!

Am a final year student,if not for d strike I'll b thru wit sch already by d grace of God. I behave like an adult and my Dad treats me like one; I take responsabilities much mor' dan my elder sister,I'm d one dat does d shopping for foodstuff,I visit my younga siblings in their various schools,I discipline dem becos my sis won't say a word if they do somthing wrong(somtimes I feel like a nuisance even becos I cant c somthing wrong 'n not comment),my Dad feels confident wen am around dat evrything in d house 'll move on smoothly... Its such dat evn wen am away in sch I worry abt hw they'll cope... guess its d awkwardness of having 2talk 2my Dad abt somthing of dis kind dat bothers me. I will talk to my dad then. Thank u all for ur help. I really appreciate

.

cupidora: .Am a final year student,if not for d strike I'll b thru wit sch already by d grace of God. I behave like an adult and my Dad treats me like one; I take responsabilities much mor' dan my elder sister,I'm d one dat does d shopping for foodstuff,I visit my younga siblings in their various schools,I discipline dem becos my sis won't say a word if they do somthing wrong(somtimes I feel like a nuisance even becos I cant c somthing wrong 'n not comment),my Dad feels confident wen am around dat evrything in d house 'll move on smoothly... Its such dat evn wen am away in sch I worry abt hw they'll cope... guess its d awkwardness of having 2talk 2my Dad abt somthing of dis kind dat bothers me. I will talk to my dad then. Thank u all for ur help. I really appreciate

Very Well Then, What's Left Is Letting Your Dad See Reasons Why You Should Be Allowed Free Movement. Goodluck With That.

Having read through the post and all your replies, my conclusion is this: you need to start acting your age and above your age in term of maturity. Lying to your dad is an act of insecurity and immaturity. With the belief your dad have in you the way,you handle the home front against your elder-sister, you're the one dulling yourself.
The moment you stop lying to your dad about your movement;the moment you become an adult.