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Come Have A Laugh With Me / Laugh Off Your Sorrows With This Hilarious Joke / I Will Make You Laugh With Pictures. View And Tell Me What You Think. (2) (3) (4)
Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 9:39am On Nov 28, 2013 |
Sorry Guys My my last thread Got deleted By Mod AntiSpambot. So Am going to start allover again. Daily updates of Jokes to Make you laugh, dont forget to drop some comments. Come laugh with me What English can do! A newly married Nigerian couple brought a female house help from the village to assist in keeping their home tidy, so they would have time for their careers and other more important things. One day, Oga decided to give his wife a surprise package. He moulded a big heart (to represent love) with the assistance of the house help, a project which took almost the whole day. Madam came back to meet the house help sleeping and snoring: MADAM: Will you get up now! Stupid girl! What have you been doing since morning? HOUSE HELP: Madam welcome. No vex abeg. Me and Oga dey make love since morning. Na just now now we finish he say make I lie down small. The house help is now on admission at the Lagos Hospital. 3 Likes |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 2:08pm On Nov 28, 2013 |
A Governor was in the church for thanksgiving. The topic of the sermon was “repentance” After the sermon, Pastor Akpos asked the congregation ‘if anybody wants 2 give ur life 2 God lift your hand let me pray for you’. Nobody responded after about three calls. The Governor mounted the alter and made a statement: “If you want to give your life to God please lift up your hands let Pastor Akpos pray for you because we want to have good citizens in this state”. A young guy lifted up his hands reluctantly, and the governor asked his personal assistant to give the guy $20,000. The governor repeated the same statement again, and this time around everybody’s hand was up… The Governor turned to Pastor Akpos to pray 4 them only to realise to his greatest surprise that Pastor’s Akpos hand was also up….. 6 Likes |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 2:12pm On Nov 28, 2013 |
It was at a party and Akpos – the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments. He was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn’t know how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then he got an idea…. He turned to the crowd of guests and said, “Will those who are from the bride’s side of the family stand up please?” About twenty people stood. Then he asked, “Will those who are from the groom side of the family stand up as well?” About twenty five people stood up. He then smiled and said, - - - “Will all those who stood please leave? This is a birthday party. 7 Likes |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 9:00am On Nov 29, 2013 |
Akpos was taking his final exam at Police College in Kano. Here is one of the questions: “You are on patrol in the outskirts of Kano when an explosion occurs in the township. On investigation you find a large hole has been blown in the footpath and there is an overturned van lying nearby. Inside the van there is a strong smell of alcohol. Both occupants a man and woman are injured. You recognize the woman as the wife of your Divisional Inspector, who is at present away on a Peace Making Mission In Sudan. A passing motorist stops to offer you assistance and you realize that he is a man who is wanted for armed robbery. Suddenly a man runs out of a nearby house, shouting that his wife is expecting a baby and that the shock of the explosion has made the birth imminent. Another man is crying for help, having been blown into an adjacent Canal by the explosion, and he cannot swim. Describe in a few words what action you would take?” Akpos thought for a moment, picked up his pen, and wrote: “I would take off my uniform and mingle with the crowd.” |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 9:03am On Nov 29, 2013 |
The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his girlfriend, Joy. Joy: Honey, do you still love me like before? Akpos: Yes love! My love for you will never change. Joy: That’s my honey. I want you to buy me something. Akpos: Just name it, baby. Joy: It’s just one BB porsche. Akpos: No problem. Just find out the price and let me know. Joy: It’s #350,000. Akpos: Is it manual or automatic? Is it still in a good shape, as in the engine. Have you checked the fuel consumption too? Joy: Honey, its not a car oh, It’s a phone. Akpos: Phone?!!!!!!!!! !!!!! that means it will have a fridge, generator set, plasma and a wardrobe, shey? Joy: Are you buying it or not? Akpos: Please I am not oh! I can’t! Joy: Helloooooo! Akpos: Hiiiiiiiii! Joy: Don’t even bother again. I’will call Alhaji to get it for me this evening. Akpos: Better still, call the President, he will be faster. Joysad, crying): ‘I’m going to delete you. Akpos: Is your phone hanging, because I have deleted you since you mentioned Porsche. |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 9:05am On Nov 29, 2013 |
1 Like |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 9:09am On Nov 29, 2013 |
Akpos visited a friend fr0m a very rich family. The following conversation ensued between Akpos and the maid: MAID: What would u like to have, fruit juice, yogurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee? AKPOS: Tea please. MAID: Ceylon tea, Indian tea, herbal tea, kericho gold tea,bush tea or green tea? AKPOS: Ceylon tea please. MAID: How do u want it, black or white? AKPOS: White. … MAID: Milk or fresh cream? AKPOS: Milk. MAID: Goat milk or cow milk? AKPOS: Cow’s milk. MAID: Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow? AKPOS: umm, let me go with the freezeland cow. MAID: Would u like it with sweetner, sugar or honey? AKPOS: Sugar MAID: Bee sugar or cane sugar? AKPOS: Cane sugar MAID: White, brown or yellow sugar? AKPOS: Ok, forget about the tea; just give me a glass of water. MAID: Mineral, tap or distilled water? AKPOS: Mineral water. MAID: flavored or non flavored? AKPOS(ANGRY): In fact, get me an empty glass! MAID: Do you want a tumbler, wine glass, champagne flute or a beer mug? AKPOS: Oh, my God! Please leave me alone. I’ll swallow my saliva. |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 4:20pm On Nov 29, 2013 |
A man entered a mosque carrying a brand new smooth machette and asked “Who is a muslim here?” The whole mosque went as silent as a grave yard. The man asked again, “How can a full mosque have no muslim?”. No one replied. The man then grabs the nearby young man and goes out with him and tells him, “son come help me slaughter my goat for I don’t know how to do it”. After the young man had slaughtered the goat, he tells the man that he doesn’t know how to skin it and that the man would have to go back to the mosque and get someone else to help him on that.The man returns to the mosque with a machete dripping with blood. When the Imam saw this, he immediately shouts “Praise the Looooooooord! The whole mosque responds,”halleluyaaaah!!!” 4 Likes |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 4:21pm On Nov 29, 2013 |
Akpos was called for an interview by Chevron based on his performance while working for shell. INTERVIEWER: What is your current pay at Shell and what are you looking at with Chevron? AKPOS: N9m per annum plus medical and other benefits. Considering the position here in Chevron, I’d be looking at N20-22m per annum, a status car, overseas vacation and medicals. INTERVIEWER: Today is your lucky day! The position comes with N35m per annum salary, 2014 Range Rover Sport as official car, Mercedes Benz S65 AMG as status car, overseas medical treatment. A fully furnished house here in lekki, health insurance for your wife and children, 2 houses to be built for you in any town of your choice and in your village, annual overseas vacation for you and your family fully-paid first class, N2m wardrobe allowance per annum, cook, steward and 2 drivers, country club membership, and you’re entitled to keep all that the company gives you if you put in just 3 years of service… AKPOS: (in bewildered excitement) HAAA!!!! Sir, you must be joking!!! INTERVIEWER: Of course I’m joking! Were you not the one that started it? 2 Likes |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 4:24pm On Nov 29, 2013 |
A Man stops Akpos’ taxi, entered it and said “Please turn off the radio for in the time of the prophet, there was no radio and my religion decreed that I should not listen to it especially the western music.This is because they sing of their infidelity and all,” the man said. Akpos Aturned off the radio, came down and opened the door for the man and said, “In the time of the prophets, there was no car. So please come down and wait for a camel.” 3 Likes |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 5:35pm On Nov 29, 2013 |
A bus is traveling from Accra to Wa. Akpos is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breastfeed her baby. The baby refuses to suck the breast and the mother warns, “if you don’t suck, I shall give it to the man next to me”. The baby still refuses. After about 3 hours, the woman repeats the threat: “If you don’t suck, I shall give it to the man next to me”. At this point, Akpos clears his throat and says, “Look, madam, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off at Kumasi (about two hours back) , but because of you, I’m still in this bus. 1 Like |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 11:32am On Nov 30, 2013 |
Akpors buys a new Automatic BMW X6 sport. He drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night the car just won’t move at all. He tries driving the car at night for a week but still no luck. He then furiously calls the BMW dealers and they sent out a technician to him. The technician asks, “Sir, are you sure you are using the right gears?” Full of anger Akpors replies, “You fool, idiot man, how you could ask such a question, I’m not stupid! I use D for the Day and N for the Night.” 1 Like |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 11:34am On Nov 30, 2013 |
Akpos who was a houseboy usually sneaks into his Oga’s room, drinks his wine and adds water to top it up. One day his Oga bought a new wine called pasties, it was a french wine that changes colour if water is added onto it. Akpos unaware of this, sneaks into his Oga’s room, drank the new wine and added water on it. Immediately it started changing colour. Akpos: I am in trouble, big trouble. He ran to the kitchen. Meanwhile, Oga and madam were sitted in the parlour, while Akpos was in the kitchen. … OGA: Akpos Akpos: Oga OGA: who drank my pasties? No answer! OGA: Akpos, who drank my pasties?. No answer. Oga walked to the kitchen and saw Akpos there. OGA: Are you insane or what?. Why when i call, you say “Oga” but when i ask you a question you don’t answer me. Akpos: Oga when you are in the kitchen you don’t understand anything, except your name. OGA: Is that so?. Okay go to the parlour, stand beside madam and ask me a question while i stand here. Akpos went and did what oga said. Akpos: Ogaaaaaa OGA: Yes Akpos Akpos: Who goes into the maid’s bedroom when madam is not at home?. No answer. Akpos: Ogaaaaaa!!! You dey hear me, I say who dey sneak enter the house girl room when madam no dey house. No answer. Oga runs out of the kitchen. OGA: Wonders shall never end. Akpos, it is true o, when one is in the kitchen, one does not hear anything, except one’s name. MADAM: That’s not true. It’s a lie. Akpos: Madam, do you want to be tested? MADAM: Yes Akpos: Oya enter the kitchen She enters. Akpos: Madam MADAM: Yes Akpos Akpos: Who is Junior’s biological Father? Me or Oga Madam rushed out of the kitchen MADAM: This kitchen needs to be fumigated o, I can’t understand anything at all. 4 Likes |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 11:41am On Nov 30, 2013 |
An angry wife, Ekaite, speaks to her husband, Akpos on phone: Ekaite: Where the hell are you? Akpos: Honey, you remember that Gold shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it? Ekaite: (Relaxed)Yes, my king Akpos: Remember I had no cash to buy it for you that day and I said I would buy it for you one day? Ekaite: (Totally relaxed with a broad smile) Yes I remember my love! Akpos: Good. I’m in a beer parlour next to that shop: Ekaite: Thunder fire you, mad man! |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 11:42am On Nov 30, 2013 |
The students of Warri Grammar School went on excursion to Egypt. On the tomb of Pharaoh was written “1102BC”. The teacher now asked “who knows what this means?” Nobody except Akpos raised his hand but the teacher was not comfortable and pretended not to take notice of him. She then asked again and yet only Akpos’ hand was still up. So she allowed him to answer. Akpos said “Na Pharaoh BB Pin be that” 1 Like |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 1:58pm On Dec 02, 2013 |
Akpors’ father accompanied him to his school end- of-year awards party. As they sat watching amidst loud ovations, the beneficiaries were called to the podium for their awards. The following conversation ensued: Announcer: Best student in sciences, the winner is Inem. Father: (Applauds and eyes Akpors scornfully) See correct children! Announcer: Best student in commercial studies; the winner is Ajoke. Father: (Hisses and eyes Akpors) See correct children. Announcer: Best student in Arts and the winner is Helen. Father: (fuming with anger) See correct children!!. And so, all the awards were presented without any going to Akpors. At the end of the event, they left and went to the car park but as his dad got ready to start the car, the engine refused to respond. He opened the bonnet and touched a few things but his efforts did not yield any response so they resorted to pushing it. Just as they got to the exit of the school, the rickety car sparked up. Exhausted and profusely sweating, Akpors rested on the gate just as his mates were driving off with their parents in Hummer, Jeep, Sequia, Infinity, Escalade, Bentley, Lincoln Navigator, Range Rover and other exotic cars. All of a sudden, Akpors burst into laughter. His puzzled father asked,’what’s so funny?’ Amidst teary eyes, Akpors responded, ‘SEE CORRECT FATHERS! |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 2:20pm On Dec 02, 2013 |
Akpos’ WAEC result is Finally Out. The following conversation ensued between he and his father: Papa Akpos: Akpos,I learnt your WAEC result is out. Akpos: Daddy, you remember Arthur who used to emerge first in our class at the end of every term ? he failed. . Papa Akpos: That’s terrible,what happened? Akpors: You also remember Izzy who used to tutor me in the house? He failed too Papa Akpos: what’s with the poor performance? Akpos: Daddy I don’t know. That’s how it is. Even Kelvin who won the Cowbell Science and Maths competition failed. Papa Akpos: so how was your own result? Akpos : You also remember Osas our senior prefect? He failed too. Papa Akpors: (Angrily) Boy, tell me about your own result!! Akpos : (angrily) If all those people failed, do you expect me to pass? Am I a wizard? 2 Likes |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 2:22pm On Dec 02, 2013 |
Papa: Papa Emeka is coming to collect d money i owed him. When he comes, tell him i have traveled. U hear?? Akpors: yes Papa. Papa Emeka entered: Akpors where is ur father?? Akpors: he has travelled. Papa Emeka: when is he coming bak? Akpors: wait, let me go and ask him? (Akpors went inside, open d bak of d door and said): Papa, papa Emeka said when are u coming bak?? Papa: tell him next week. Akpors ran bak and said: Papa Emeka, my dady said i should tell u dat he wil be bak next week. Papa Emeka: ok, go and tell him dat if he comes bak next week, he should let me know. |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 2:28pm On Dec 02, 2013 |
AKPORS THE PSHYCO’S DOCTOR GIRL: I think I’m going mad. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD. AKPORS PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that’s not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that? GIRL: Well, he kissed me. AKPORS PSYCHIATRIST : You mean like this? (The psychiatrist kissed the girl) GIRL: …… Yes! AKPORS PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD. GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top. AKPORS PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? (The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl’s top) GIRL: Yes! AKPORS PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD. GIRL: But, he took my clothes off. AKPORS PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? (The psychiatrist took off the girl’s clothes) GIRL: Yes! AKPORS PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD. GIRL: But, he had sex with me! AKPORS PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? (The psychiatrist had sex with the girl) GIRL: .Yes! AKPORS PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD. GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS. AKPORS PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARDDDDDD!!!!! BASTARDDDDD!!!!! BASTARDDDDDD!!!!!! BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 Likes |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 4:52pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
One Rainy Night, Akpors was walking down a Muddy road, when a Slow moving car came and stopped near Him, without Hesitation, akpors opened its door and Sat on the Co-Driver’s seat.. The Car started Moving Slowly, looking at The Driver’s Seat, there was No driver, Akpors became Soo afraid.. Just as He was trying to recover from the shock, A hand pooped from Outside and Started controling the steering wheel,. Akpors Became Really afraid, And Frozed on His Seat,, he started Praying for His Life.. Just as he was praying, the slow Moving car approached a Corner, wondering What will happen, again the Hand pooped in from outside And Steered the Car Round the Corner…. Now Akpors became Really afraid,Gathered all his strength, opened the Door, and Fell outside, woke up, Ran to a Late night Restuarant and Ordered a Hot Drink, sat on one Corner and Try to recover From the shock.. As He was having His Drink, two guys with mud all over entered the Restuarant and Ordered a Drink.. One Of them said, “Look at that in the Corner, He Is the One who Entered In the Car While we were Pushing it…! |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 4:53pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
A girl invited her boyfriend (Akpos) over for dinner in her house so he could meet her parents. While they were eating, it started raining heavily, so the girls mother said; “Akpos, i think you should sleep over here because the rain shows no sign of stopping anytime soon” After eating, the mom went to the toilet and the father went to sleep while the girl went to the kitchen to clean the plates. When the girl and her mother returned to the sitting room, Akpos was not there, they checked all over the house and did not find him. As they were wondering what happened to him, he walked back into the house, really soaked and with a plastic bag. Girl’s mother: Where were you and why are you so wet? Akpos: I went home to get my pyjamas ma! 1 Like |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 4:56pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
A lawyer at a court defending akpos accused of stealing said; my client put only his right hand into the window and removed a few things. His right hand is not himself, i can’t see how you will punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his right hand. The Judge said; ok, using your logic, i hereby sentence the accused’s right hand to one year imprisonment. He can accompany it, or not, as he chooses. Immediately, Akpors smiled, removed his artificial right hand, laid it on the table and walked out of the courtroom. |
Re: Laugh With Me by Mamacita007(f): 3:53am On Dec 06, 2013 |
loooool i like ur jokes |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 8:33am On Dec 06, 2013 |
Mamacita007: loooool i like ur jokesyou are welcome |
Re: Laugh With Me by Mrsanity1(m): 8:47am On Dec 06, 2013 |
nice jokes |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 1:17pm On Dec 07, 2013 |
Boss: Take this #150,000, go to computer village and buy me a quality laptop with a big RAM Akpors: Okay sir! Akpors didn’t return after two days, so his boss decided to reach him on phone. Boss: Hello, Akpors, what kept you long? Akpors: The RAM Boss: The RAM? How do you mean? Where are you now? Akpors: I’m on my way back from Kano sir. Boss: Kano? Akpors: Yes Kano. I bought the Laptop at Ikeja but I traveled to Kano to buy the big RAM. Boss: Oh my God! Akpors(got angry): Oh my wetin? Oga, no tear eye for me o. I be small pickin? No be Laptop and big ram you send me? 1 Like |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 1:20pm On Dec 07, 2013 |
Akpos, a driver who survived in a tragic accident which rendered 50 people dead at Lagos-Ibadan Express Way was remanded in police custody to assist in police investigation. Here is the Interrogation: POLICE: Mr Akpos, how did you end up killing 50 people? AKPOS: I was driving at 150km/hr when I saw two men crossing the road. On the other side, a wedding was taking place. I hit the brake but it failed, so I had to make a choice; either hit the two men or run into the wedding party. POLICE: Hit the two men of course to reduce Casualties! AKPOS: Exactly, we think alike oooh! But after hitting one, the other man escaped into the wedding party. POLICE: So, what did you do? AKPOS: I went after him to balance the equation…But unfortunately, people lost their lives in the process. |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 1:23pm On Dec 07, 2013 |
Akpos checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send a mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed the wrong email address, and without realising he sent the mail to a widow who had just returned from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message she fainted. The son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which read: “To my loving wife, I know you are surprised to hear from me, they have computers here and we are allowed to send mails to loved ones. I’ve just been checked in. How are you and the kids? The place is really nice but I’m lonely here. I have made necessary arrangement for your arrival tomorrow. I’m expecting you, darling. I can’t wait to see u! |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 1:37pm On Dec 07, 2013 |
A lady with big boobs entered a bus. She has a rosary around her neck with the cross between her boobs. Akpos was sitting beside her and couldn’t help staring. The lady knowing Akpos has been staring for over 15mins then asked “Are you looking at Jesus Christ who died on the cross? Akpos replied: No! Am actually looking at the two thieves beside him… |
Re: Laugh With Me by vizboy(m): 1:39pm On Dec 07, 2013 |
Mrsanity1: nice jokes Thanks for your kind words |
Re: Laugh With Me by Emereolevanwill(m): 9:36pm On Dec 07, 2013 |
vizboy:am lovin this |
Re: Laugh With Me by bigeliot(m): 11:40pm On Dec 07, 2013 |
Lols. I don laf tire. Nice jokes 1 Like |
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