Do you not think that by adopting a hard line and narrow view that you as a parent undermines your teenage child's judgement? You're effectively telling your teenager, "I don't trust your capabilities and judgement" and that ultimately can lead to self-esteem issues. Haven't you heard that most teenagers gripe with their parents is that their parents don't listen to them? At the end of the day, a parent, who having done their job well from birth to teenage years, should accord their child some respect.

This is where building a strong parent-child relationship comes in to play. By having a strong relationship with us, our teens are also more likely to accept our supervision, adopt our values and ideals, and follow our rules — even when we’re not around. Now that is what I call respect. If you choose to restrict them without so much having any faith in them, it's just a matter of time before they rebel and teenagers do rebel against authority - when they feel their voices aren't being heard.

On the contrary, I think you'll do well to read and learn, rather than adopt a narrow-tunnelled vision about parents loosing control over their kids. If you as a parent has invested the time and effort into bringing up your kids and even as teenagers, you still find time for them, how on earth do they then lose control over their kids

Question 5: Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Boy wants to invite her out on a date to watch a movie at their local cinema. What should girl do? Hide and sneak out to go see boy? Or discuss with parents and parents encourage her to invite boy home so they can assess him, by discussing with him to find out what sort of person he is?

Girl likes boy. Boy likes girl. She mentions she's got two tickets for them to go go-karting or even ice-skating on Saturday afternoon, in the popular arena visited by parents and kids alike. What should boy do? You tell me.

Obinoscopy: Esteemed Judges and fellow audience, I will like to share with you the horrible statistics from the CDC regarding adolescent sexuality. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), in 2007 47.8% of U.S. high school students reported having ever had sexual intercourse. This is what you get in climes that support teenage relationship.

"Trends in the Prevalence of Sexual Behaviors" (PDF). The National Youth Risk Behavior Survey (YRBS) 1991-2007. US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. 2007

Obinoscopy: You misquote me yet again, please re-read my post you quoted again. I said they seek to engage in the twelve items you mentioned. I believe "seek to engage" and "engage" mean different things. Also I never termed those twelve items negative, you did. Driving, marriage, drinking aalcoholic beverages, voting, relationships, etc are not negatives where I come from.

Obinoscopy: Teenage relationship, in the context of this debate, is a loving, romantic and/or intimate friendship between two people of opposite sex who are within the age range of 13 to 19 years. I had purposely included the term ‘opposite sex’ in my definition so as to limit my presentation to heterosexual relationship thereby precluding homosexual relationship. Homosexual relationship among teenagers is a very vast, sensitive and controversial topic that should be beyond the scope of this presentation. I would suggest that such topic needs to be presented separately and not merged with today’s topic of discuss. A teenager is said to be in a transitional phase from childhood into adulthood, he/she is not yet an adult and as such is still under the custody of his parent/guardian. [/b]A teenager, in his quest to becoming an adult before his time, seek to engage in adult activities such as drinking of alcoholic beverages, smoking of tobacco cigarette, Indecency viewing, driving, gambling, possession of firearms, voting, relationship/dating and even marriage. He is oblivious of his unpreparedness for such adult activities, thus the need for his parent to guide him appropriately lest he falls. The parent should NEVER support him in his quest for such adult activities especially that which concerns the topic of discuss: Teenage relationship. Although I understand the need for emotional autonomy and identity formation among the teenagers, I believe they can wait till their eighteenth year before they could experiment with such idea of emotional autonomy and intimate identity via teenage relationship.

Obinoscopy: There's a big difference between socialising between people of opposite sex and teenage relationship. A classroom interaction between a boy and a girl is perfectly normal. Same goes for the interaction in the church or in the library. But when it becomes a relationship between two people of opposite sex, there are certainly possibilities of one jumping into the others knickers

Obinoscopy: In my model of effective parenting of teenagers against relationships, I clearly stated the big role the parent has to play in ensuring their child is groomed perfectly. If you go through my entire piece you'd see I'm more of a proponent of parent-teenage bonding than you. You support teenage relationship and studies have shown that such relationships erode the parent-teenage bonding

Obinoscopy: The answer to the bolded question is simple: discourage teenage relationship. A lady cannot conceive if she's not in a relationship with a boy. It behoves on the parents to ensure this by close supervision, counselling and bonding

Obinoscopy: True, all these negatives occurred in the absence of proper parental guidance. This is because proper parental guidance would have entailed discouraging teenage relationships in its entirety

You're assuming that all teenage relationships are intimate or end up as intimate relationships? Being a teenager is a transitional stage to becoming an adult and like most things in life, it's best you learn gently than wait till the end when the learning curve is steep.

Obinoscopy: My dear, it all starts innocuously at that cinema or at that ice-skating arena. From there it grows beyond your imagination as a parent. You can never have full knowledge of what your teenage kid is doing and where. That seeming innocent boy could be the one that will take advantage of your teenage daughter. Why light a fire on a hay stack? Let's not encourage it in the first place

Infact, you went further to add that the parents should NEVER support their teenage child in the quest for such adult activities. You listed them as negative vices. If they're positive vices, then why should the parent prevent their teenage child from indulging in such? So if they aren't negatives, then why list them? Don't you think you're contradicting yourself here?

Efemena_xy:

Your subjective response does not in anyway answer the question I asked you, which was:

Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Boy wants to invite her out on a date to watch a movie at their local cinema. What should girl do? Hide and sneak out to go see boy? Or discuss with parents and parents encourage her to invite boy home so they can assess him, by discussing with him to find out what sort of person he is?

Girl likes boy. Boy likes girl. She mentions she's got two tickets for them to go go-karting or even ice-skating on Saturday afternoon, in the popular arena visited by parents and kids alike. What should boy do? You tell me.

What should the girl in the first scenario and the boy in the second scenario do??

Simply discouraging teenage relationships is akin to adopting a restrictive, conservative attitude by burying one's head in the sand and denying that teenagers do have emotional needs that need to be addressed. You cannot suppress teenagers developing relationships with the opposite sex. To do so is simply courting disaster as they'll find a way round it - which as you know, would involve seeking advice from the wrong parties...unless of course, you intend to hire body guards on a 24 / 7 watch of your teenager(s)?

Obinoscopy: Nobody is clamouring for a hardline stance. It is wrong for a parent to force their teenage kid. However, I believe the parent can explain to their teenage kid why teenage relationship is very dangerous. Very effective counselling and bonding, the parent can help the teenage kid make an informed decision not to engage in any relationship until he or she has come of age.

Obinoscopy: You'll lose the bond with your kid the very moment you decide to let him or her be involved in a relationship. A renowned psychologist by name Furman in one of his presentations stated that a teenage kid is more likely to consider the advice of his partner than his parent. Same goes for his peers

Obinoscopy: Every relationship eventually ends up in the bed if nothing is done to stop . We're all humans with hormones running through our veins. If adults who intend having platonic relationships ended up having sex after a long period what more a teenage kid whose prefrontal cortex in the brain is not fully developed.

And if you go through my model, you will observe that I offered a continuum of learning from 18 till 24, I don't think this learning curve continuum from 18 till 24 years is steep.

Obinoscopy: You fail yet again to comprehend my post after your second reading. I said parents should NEVER support their teenage kid in engaging in such activities simply because the teenager is not ready for it, after all he's still being regarded as a minor in the law

Obinoscopy: You want a straight answrr? Well its a NO NO for me. The parent should not encourage them being together ALONE

But that aside, let's take a look at the first line of your sentence here - the bolded bit. You say there's a big difference between socialising with people of the opposite sex and teenage relationships. How so? Do you mean to say that teenage relationships do not include socializing with members of the opposite sex. A group of students practising for a sporting or better still an academic quizz contest against other schools - does that not involve a degree of socializing? Do members of the opposite sex not have to communicate with others? Will they not share jokes or even tease one another? So where does the sex enter the equation here? Are these not relationships? Do these teenagers not bond with each other whilst preparing to take on opponents for the other school? Is this not what is termed as team bonding exercise? Or you think team bonding only starts at the work place and not from the home / school environs? So I ask you again, where then does jumping into each others' knickers come in to play here??

Not all relationships are intimate

Obinoscopy: There's a big difference between Team Bonding (friendship between a group of cohorts) and Teenage Relationship (close and emotional friendship between a boy and a girl). Please can you correlate the two if you feel they are one and same. I think its high time you defined Teenage Relationship so the judges and the audience could know your views on them because it would seem you don't have a working definition of the topic of discuss

Efemena_xy:

~ I fail to see the purpose of that quotation of yours or the point you're making? 47.8% of U.S High School Students reported having sexual intercourse. Okay. So what about it?

If you went on to say that, that x % of the 47.8% of students tested positive for STDs / STIs or were violently abused, I'll see where you're coming from. And then, I would have asked you, of the x% of students reported to having those negative figures, what about the (n-x)% of students who did not test positive for STIs / STDs nor were violently abused or had something negatively reported for them? (Where n is the total number of students surveyed?) And even if you did produce the statics, (which I think will have been subjective anyway), I bet you that the (n-x)% of students would be greater than the x% of student, thereby giving credence to my point that those students probably had the backing, full support and understanding of their parents, resulting in them practising safe sex and/or their parents having vetted their boyfriend / girlfriend by most likely meeting and discussing with them from the early stages of the relationship.


~ Infact, you went further to add that the parents should NEVER support their teenage child in the quest for such adult activities. You listed them as negative vices. If they're positive vices, then why should the parent prevent their teenage child from indulging in such? So if they aren't negatives, then why list them? Don't you think you're contradicting yourself here?

~ Oh, so now we have different types of relationships? I was under the impression - from your opening statement that teenage relationships are bad and must be discouraged by all means? Now you give the distinction, only after I've mentioned on several occasions that not all relationships are sexual relationships??

~ And I put it to you that there is more to relationships than sex. And for you to claim that a parent will lose the ability to bond with their teenager simply because their child has decided to take on a relationship with the opposite sex (as part of their growing up) only goes to show that such a parent hasn't been effective nor their teachings. If a parent has schooled their child for the past 13 -17 years of their child's life, why should the child all of a sudden deviate from their parents' teachings?? Based on this, I tell you most solemnly that your model is faulty and definitely needs a make over - or better still, a complete overhaul.

Wrong.

1. Not all relationships are sexual

2. And if it's going to be a sexual one, then the parent has a duty to be very open to their child about the consequences of embarking on a sexual relationship, alerting them to the risks involved and making the teenage child experience the possible long-term repercussions. Now you may ask, how is this possible?

Simple. There have been numerous daytime shows like Oprah Winfrey, Ricky Lake (for the Americans), or Trisha, Jeremy Kyle (for the Brits), where they've got teenagers who've come on the shows, hell-bent on becoming a parent. Interestingly, these teenagers all claim they want to have a baby - so they have someone to love. (Now take a deep look into that statement: wanting someone to love - meaning they've lacked parental love somewhere along the line, most likely, the girls having grown up without a father figure).

So what happens on these shows? Merely telling the teenagers not to get involved in such wasn't getting the message across. So these teenagers where given dolls to look after for a period of 24 - 48 hours. Those dolls were specially programmed to cry at irregular hours especially at night - mimicking newborns needing nearly hourly feeds, nappy changes, or simply crying for comfort. The way these teenagers responded was well documented (filmed) and independent psychologists assessed the reaction of the teenagers. They were found wanting and some were told outright that by ignoring the babies' cries for so long constituted child neglect.

Now why have I given this example, if not to demonstrate that effective parental input is needed even if it means going to such extremes and this goes beyond mere supervision / counselling as you advocated for?

~ Simply discouraging teenage relationships is akin to adopting a restrictive, conservative attitude by burying one's head in the sand and denying that teenagers do have emotional needs that need to be addressed. You cannot suppress teenagers developing relationships with the opposite sex. To do so is simply courting disaster as they'll find a way round it - which as you know, would involve seeking advice from the wrong parties...unless of course, you intend to hire body guards on a 24 / 7 watch of your teenager(s)?


Cheers,
Efe.

Obinoscopy: True, not every relationships are intimate. But can you deny the fact that every relationship are emotional? Have you considered the emotional trauma the teenage kid will go through in such relationships. Have u considered the effect of such trauma on the life on that poor kid?

And if it's going to be a intimate one, then the parent has a duty to be very open to their child about the consequences of embarking on a intimate relationship, alerting them to the risks involved and making the teenage child experience the possible long-term repercussions. Now you may ask, how is this possible?

If you could go to the lengths of explaining the risks involved in intimate relationship as you described, I think its okay. A reasonable teenager might decide not to engage in any relationship at all! The teenager would reason: why go swim in the ocean at all, even if it is said sharks only eat swimmers at summer .

Obinoscopy: If you could go to the lengths of explaining the risks involved in intimate relationship as you described, I think its okay. A reasonable teenager might decide not to engage in any relationship at all! The teenager would reason: why go swim in the ocean at all, even if it is said sharks only eat swimmers at summer .

Efemena_xy:

Yes, I can and will deny your claim that every relationship is emotional.

~ I have working relationships with my colleagues and managers at the work place. It's purely business and not emotional.

~ I have a relationship with my kids teachers and tutors - it's not an emotional one.

~ I have a relationship with my parish priest, banker, hair stylist, and many more - these aren't emotional ones.

Does that answer your question?

I fail to see the purpose of that quotation of yours or the point you're making? 47.8% of U.S High School Students reported having intimate intercourse. Okay. So what about it?

If you went on to say that, that x % of the 47.8% of students tested positive for STDs / STIs or were violently abused, I'll see where you're coming from. And then, I would have asked you, of the x% of students reported to having those negative figures, what about the (n-x)% of students who did not test positive for STIs / STDs nor were violently abused or had something negatively reported for them? (Where n is the total number of students surveyed?) And even if you did produce the statics, (which I think will have been subjective anyway), I bet you that the (n-x)% of students would be greater than the x% of student, thereby giving credence to my point that those students probably had the backing, full support and understanding of their parents, resulting in them practising safe sex and/or their parents having vetted their boyfriend / girlfriend by most likely meeting and discussing with them from the early stages of the relationship.

Obinoscopy: If those instances you listed are your understanding of relationship in the context of this debate then I'm afraid, you've failed to comprehend the topic of discussion. Judges take note

Obinoscopy: In truth, I see no tangible question here. My stats were very explanatory. My intend for that stats was to show the high sexuality among adolescents in the US. If you need the stats for STIs, I could give you that as well:

Out of the 18.c million new cases of STIs each year, 9.1 million (48%) occur among the adolescents

~ Infact, you went further to add that the parents should NEVER support their teenage child in the quest for such adult activities. You listed them as negative vices. If they're positive vices, then why should the parent prevent their teenage child from indulging in such? So if they aren't negatives, then why list them? Don't you think you're contradicting yourself here?

You keep putting words into my mouth . I never said those twelve items were vices. I simply said they were adult-related activities. Or how can u explain how voting or marriage or relationship are vices? They are not vices O. They are simply adult activities, meaning iys only expected of adults to indulge in such. A teenage should not indulge in such because he hasn't come of age (not because those things are vices). I sincerely hope you get me this time

Efemena_xy:

~ 18 million new cases of STIs (is this for the same US High school students?? 18million high school students tested positive for STIs??) out of a total of what engaging in sex?

~ 48% of 18 million is 8.64 million and not 9.1 million as you claim.

~ Kindly provide the link to this claim of yours regarding the US High School Students as I'd like to have a read of this material of yours.

~ Oh, so now we have different types of relationships? I was under the impression - from your opening statement that teenage relationships are bad and must be discouraged by all means? Now you give the distinction, only after I've mentioned on several occasions that not all relationships are intimate relationships??

Obinoscopy: No

Obinoscopy: If you look more closely at my initial post which you quoted. You'll my reference there (CDC)

Obinoscopy: Once again, I am most honored to be given the opportunity to speak on a topic I so cherish: Teenage relationship. My esteemed Judges, illustrious coordinators, fellow contestants, informed audience, all other protocols duly observed, I remain my humble self, Obinoscopy (Contestant 2), and I am indeed honored and privileged to, yet again, make this epic presentation/debate. Teenage relationship, in the context of this debate, is a loving, romantic and/or sexual friendship between two people of opposite sex who are within the age range of 13 to 19 years. I had purposely included the term ‘opposite sex’ in my definition so as to limit my presentation to heterosexual relationship thereby precluding homosexual relationship. Homosexual relationship among teenagers is a very vast, sensitive and controversial topic that should be beyond the scope of this presentation. I would suggest that such topic needs to be presented separately and not merged with today’s topic of discuss. A teenager is said to be in a transitional phase from childhood into adulthood, he/she is not yet an adult and as such is still under the custody of his parent/guardian. A teenager, in his quest to becoming an adult before his time, seek to engage in adult activities such as drinking of alcoholic beverages, smoking of tobacco cigarette, pornography viewing, driving, gambling, possession of firearms, voting, relationship/dating and even marriage. He is oblivious of his unpreparedness for such adult activities, thus the need for his parent to guide him appropriately lest he falls. The parent should NEVER support him in his quest for such adult activities especially that which concerns the topic of discuss: Teenage relationship. Although I understand the need for emotional autonomy and identity formation among the teenagers, I believe they can wait till their eighteenth year before they could experiment with such idea of emotional autonomy and sexual identity via teenage relationship.

A teenager’s foray into romantic relationships could be very dangerous. Relationships are very emotional and require one to have the required emotional stability/control and mental strength to engage in such. Teenagers do not have the desired emotional and mental strength to be in such fleeting relationships characterized by numerous break-ups and heart breaks.^[1] The brain of a teenager is not fully ready for a relationship. The prefrontal cortex (PFC) – the part of the brain which control reasoning and impulses – is not fully developed until the age of 24.^[2,3] It is the PFC that is responsible for the control of one’s emotions and the application of reasoning in whatever one engages upon. Thus it is very imperative that the parent ensures their teenage kid‘s prefrontal complex is either fully developed at the age of 24 or approaching the age of maturation at 18 before allowing him/her to go into a relationship. Negative outcomes such as substance use, academic difficulties, stress and involvement in delinquent behavior (particularly in relation to early sexual and romantic experiences), sexual health risks and unplanned pregnancy, risk of experiencing ‘dating’ or ‘partner violence’ and increased vulnerability to experiencing depressive symptoms (particularly for girls, and particularly following break-ups) could be prevented if the parent ensures the teenager does not go into a relationship until he/she has the required mental capacity.^[4]

Life comes in stages and with each stage comes its responsibilities. As a child, there are certain things one is meant to learn and practice. A child is meant to go to elementary school to learn how to read and write; he/she is also meant to help out his/her parent in minor domestic chores. A teen is meant to progress into secondary and tertiary school and have good grades in their subjects, help out their parents with errands and more tedious domestic chores, participate in community based activities and mentor their younger siblings. An adult, unlike a child or a teen, is considered to be fully independent and is responsible for his/her actions. Thus he can engage in any activity he wants to, since he is independent and takes full responsibility. A teenager on the other hand is still not fully responsible for his/her actions and as such, the person who takes the full responsibility – in this case the teenager’s parent – has the moral and legal obligation to ensure the teenager do not engage in relationships with the opposite sex due to its negative consequences.

Fellow audience and esteemed judges, there is no gainsaying the fact that teenage relationship has immense negative consequences. A study by Quatman et al on dating status, academic performance, and motivation in high schools showed that students who dated more frequently had a lower academic performance.^[5] Why destroy the teenager’s academic future with relationships that are fleeting? It is certainly not worth it. Aside the academic failures that results from romantic relationships, depression also results from such relationships. Studies have shown that depression often increases over the course of the mid-adolescent years, and it increases more for those adolescents who become romantically involved (especially for the first time) than for those who do not become romantically involved.^[6] Other negative consequences include teenage pregnancy^[7], increase in the prevalence of STIs among teenagers^[8], dating violence^[9], etc. No responsible parent would want his/her teenage kid to experience these negative outcomes.

The perfect age for one to indulge in any form of romantic relationship is 24 years as I had explained earlier. However, I am perfectly aware that the transition from adolescence to adulthood is not abrupt but a continuum, thus there is need for a gradual introduction of the teenage kid into romantic relationship. In the early teen age from 13 years till 17 years, the kid should be taught sex education at home by his/her parent. This is the pubertal stage of the kid thus there are bound to be hormonal and physical changes, such changes should be explained. However at such tender age, no form of romantic relationship should be allowed. It is when the child has attained the legal adult age of 18 years that some level of freedom can be given. From 18 till 24, the ‘child’ could engage in platonic relationship and subsequently graduate into romantic relationship with the opposite sex. Any responsible parent who wants the best for their kid must follow this model or its analogue.

Conclusively, parents should not encourage their kids to go into teenage relationship – especially in their early teens. This is because such relationship, though fleeting, could destroy the future of the teenage kid and make him/her emotionally unstable for the rest of his/her life

Word Count: 1059

REFERENCE
1. Brown BB, et al. Missing the love boat: Why researchers have shied away from adolescent romance. In: Furman W, Brown BB, Feiring C, editors. The development of romantic relationships in adolescence. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. 1999; Pg.1-16
2. Adele D. Normal development of prefrontal cortex from birth to young adulthood: cognitive functions, anatomy and biochemistry. In: Stuss DT, Knight RT, editors. Principles of frontal lobe function. Oxford University Press
3. The Amercan Academy of Pediatrics. What’s going on in the teenage brain. Retrieved on November 30, 2013 from www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/Pages/Whats-Going-On-in-the-Teenage-Brain.aspx
4. Headspace. Adolescent Romantic Relationships – Why are they important? And should they be encouraged or avoided?
5. Quatman, T., Sampson, K., Robinson, C., & Watson, C. M. (2001). Academic, motivational, and emotional correlates of adolescent dating. Genetic, Social, and General Psychology Monographs 127 (2): 211-234
6. Joyner K, Udry JR. You don't bring me anything but down: adolescent romance and depression. J Health Soc Behav. 2000 Dec;41(4):369-91
7. Blum RW, et al. Protecting teens: Beyond race, income, and family structure. Minneapolis: Center for Adolescent Health. 2000.
8. Rosenberg MD, Gurvey JE, Adler N, Dunlop MB, Ellen JM. Concurrent sex partners and risk for sexually transmitted diseases among adolescents. J Sex Transm Dis 1999 Apr;26(4):208-212.
9. Murphy KA, Smith DI. Before they’re victims: Rethinking youth-targeted relationship abuse and prevention in Australia. Aust Psychol. 2010;45(1):38-49.

Have you got any statistical data to back up your claim that a teenage child involved in a relationship is less likely to consider the advice of his / her parent? I'd like to see that please.

Obinoscopy: I could give you the materials for your perusal:

Wyndol Furman & Andrew Collins. Adolescent Romantic Relationships and Experiences. Page 8 (you could google it with the name of authors and title of topic

Obinoscopy: Go back to my definition of teenage relationship. I believe my definition is very clear. Teenage relationship involves love, romance and/or sex. All teenage relationships are emotional, however not all relationship are sex oriented - even though such non-sexual relationship could become sexually oriented with time

Obinoscopy: Every relationship eventually ends up in the bed if nothing is done to stop . We're all humans with hormones running through our veins. If adults who intend having platonic relationships ended up having sex after a long period what more a teenage kid whose prefrontal cortex in the brain is not fully developed.

And if you go through my model, you will observe that I offered a continuum of learning from 18 till 24, I don't think this learning curve continuum from 18 till 24 years is steep.

I've gone through your post and I don't see any mention of CDC

Obinoscopy: https://www.nairaland.com/1536958/should-parents-support-teenage-relationship#19907590

Really?

Then how do you explain this quote of yours?

obinoscopy: All teenage relationships are emotional, however not all relationship are sex oriented - even though such non-intimate relationship could become sexually oriented with time

And that quote of yours makes no mention of the 18.9 STI carriers or that there are 18.9 million teenagers carrying STIs from engaging in teenager relationships.

Anyway, I'm still patiently awaiting your response to all my questions. In the event that you're unable to do so, then I have no more questions and would like to thank you for your time and the opportunity to have this debate with you.