Hmmmm...

@jaybeyblu, u have done the right thing by calling off the wedding. I just feel their is more to this cos I can't phantom why a parent will want his/her grown up son to stay in the village with them. Don't they want him to progress or what?
Pls still maintain your stand oo and if at all you want to reconsider, let him rent the house first( the house should be very far from the village oo), he should even set it up before you start reconsidering. When he has done that, then start with the issue of making decisions himself. Let him stop this I will tell my mummy attitude. Tell him if he doesn't stop, u still stand on your ground of no marriage. WTH.

jaybeyblu: Thanks@shizzle11 i have called off the wedding! I was astonished as you are now when I met him, and as an Ibo lady also this was new and strange to me, I have racked my brain trying to figure out why would he be like that ( I even nicknamed him ancient of days ) because though he is a well learned man in his field of occupation, his reasoning is something else.so backward when it comes to marriage issues and relationships,I tried to convince my self that when he moves out everything would be ok maybe because he is not so exposed and lived all his life there, the last time we had a heated argument I told him that he was under a spell,he told my sisters that I abusedhim and told him that he was under a spell. he was so pained by that statement.. My brother trauma no be small, I even went for counseling in my church (that was early last year)and the pastor advised me to carry on with the wedding that it is their culture and I should just bear it that I can't change it. That the place my guy is from it is their tradition. I noticed so because those around him full grown men are still living with parents having kids there, but recently, most of them are getting their own places small boys around him including his younger ones have all moved out except him.

My sister don't rack your brain any more, nothing is wrong with you but a lot is wrong with your man. His attitude baffles me, quite difficult to fathom.

That said, I am glad to hear you've called of the wedding, and please even if he pleads that you change your mind, insist and stick to your guns and tell him there's no going back on your decision. What will happen if you change your mind will be better imagined. Its high time you called the bluff of this "ancient of days" boy man and find yourself a better man with modern day mentality that will guarantee you relative peace of mind and happiness. Nuff said!

O ga adiri gi nma.

dp

Tamunokepiriye: It will be far better to live in a single room wiith my husband than to share a mansion wiith his family, not because I dislike his mum but because I love her...

i perfectly agree wit u

jaybeyblu: I was about to create a thread about this issue till I came across this topic. Because it is a serious one.. I am engaged to be married this year and my fiancé still lives with his parents in his village. It is quite a distance to his work but he prefers to live in their house ( which is not so modern just to please his parents) and as his wife to be,these years of dating him has been a tug of war .and as I am typing this we are at the verge of breaking up because he has bluntly refused to move out of there..NO single privacy; any single thing that happens he would run to mama this is a man in his mid 30's with a good paying job.. This is a house that he was born in, so he is still living there in that same room, it is so small and uncomfortable but he is staying there and his parents back him up. Because of this we are always having serious issues about petty things: you said this about my mother, my mother said this, I don't like the fact that you don't spend enough time with my mom.
It is driving me crazy I am working and he expects me to sit down and fry garri with his mom any little time I visit him in his words;" it would show that I am fully integrated in his family" ... I can't even spend time with him because when I come visiting he would tell me to go and sit with his mother , his parents come first before anything and he is obsessed with them.. I have bought my wedding gown and we have even fixed a wedding date but I don't think I can cope any longer because I am stressed out and loosing my mind because of this family house issue. For 3 yrs of dating him no single misunderstanding that happens between both of us that he wouldn't tell his parents. Living with parents ruin marriages it has ruined a lot and yet people still consider it.. If you want to be happy in marriage please move to your own apartment no matter how small.. The worst part when he finally agreed to move out he kept postponing it and till now he hasn't made a single move, instead he ran to his parents and told them that I am insisting he should move out when his mother came to confront me ,that I want to separate the family I explained to her that it was her son that promised me that prior to our wedding,he would move out. his mother was so bitter, she turned to him and asked if it was true? My man started stuttering that he has tried to stay there and he has to move out, that the space is so small, no electricity, his mom flared up and told him that he should take a break with me . The matter escalated and he promised me he must move out. Afterwards, when the date to move out draws near he would start picking fights with me out of the blues, act like he never even said anything about moving out, and we would just go back to square one. Some times I think he is manipulated diabolically... I really need help!

my dear, run 4 ur dear lyf. The relatnship is nt healthy so marriage isnt gonna b better. Or aw do u xplain a man runnin 2 his parent afta evry issue? Or betterstil, help him wit praya bt if there is no change, run 4 ur lyf

yada yada yada
Always complaining.

nne nyaa n'ibu onye igbo? have you heard of the word agwu?
pls run far... i say run!

You made the rightful decision .I wish you luck my sister becuase you deserve the best and not dealing with mummy boy.

Hello steroid,I think your friend shld do wt d wife wishes. I also saw ur post on recycling somtyms in 2010 talking about your mum working in a glass recycling plant. I am an architecture student currently working on a glass recycling plant design,and i have been looking for glass recycling plant in Nigeria as case study. Can we get in tpuch please....

jaybeyblu:
I was about to create a thread about this issue till I came across this topic. Because it is a serious one.. I am engaged to be married this year and my fiancé still lives with his parents in his village. It is quite a distance to his work but he prefers to live in their house ( which is not so modern just to please his parents) and as his wife to be,these years of dating him has been a tug of war .and as I am typing this we are at the verge of breaking up because he has bluntly refused to move out of there..NO single privacy; any single thing that happens he would run to mama this is a man in his mid 30's with a good paying job.. This is a house that he was born in, so he is still living there in that same room, it is so small and uncomfortable but he is staying there and his parents back him up. Because of this we are always having serious issues about petty things: you said this about my mother, my mother said this, I don't like the fact that you don't spend enough time with my mom.
It is driving me crazy I am working and he expects me to sit down and fry garri with his mom any little time I visit him in his words;" it would show that I am fully integrated in his family" ... I can't even spend time with him because when I come visiting he would tell me to go and sit with his mother , his parents come first before anything and he is obsessed with them.. I have bought my wedding gown and we have even fixed a wedding date but I don't think I can cope any longer because I am stressed out and loosing my mind because of this family house issue. For 3 yrs of dating him no single misunderstanding that happens between both of us that he wouldn't tell his parents. Living with parents ruin marriages it has ruined a lot and yet people still consider it.. If you want to be happy in marriage please move to your own apartment no matter how small.. The worst part when he finally agreed to move out he kept postponing it and till now he hasn't made a single move, instead he ran to his parents and told them that I am insisting he should move out when his mother came to confront me ,that I want to separate the family I explained to her that it was her son that promised me that prior to our wedding,he would move out. his mother was so bitter, she turned to him and asked if it was true? My man started stuttering that he has tried to stay there and he has to move out, that the space is so small, no electricity, his mom flared up and told him that he should take a break with me . The matter escalated and he promised me he must move out. Afterwards, when the date to move out draws near he would start picking fights with me out of the blues, act like he never even said anything about moving out, and we would just go back to square one. Some times I think he is manipulated diabolically... I really need help!

with all this attitude, you're still calling him a fiancé? Abeg start running, before you come back to nairaland and start seeking advice. My hand no dey o.

jaybeyblu:
Ok thank you guys please how do I call it off (the wedding is supposed to be next month) how do I tell my parents, they are really excited about the wedding and all that. We have almost concluded all preparations . Thanks

tell your parents that you're no longer interested in the marriage, and narrate all these things you posted here to them. No sane mother will allow her daughter to involved in such marriage.

Go to the guy tell him to his face, that you're not interested again, that it seems you guys are not be together as husband and wife.

As for his mother, let her keeping waiting for garri frying wife in this 21st century.

Ejiro afufu Anya Isi.

slimyem:
Comfort is not a waste of money. His wife is never going to be comfortable living with MIL no matter what.
He can afford it. Let him be a man, get his own place and start a life.

Let him be a man, let him be a man, he pays for a house he hardly stay in. Hustle morning till night and landlord takes a huge chunk

jaybeyblu:
Thanks@shizzle11 i have called off the wedding!

Hello jaybeyblu
I don't even know if you still use Nairaland. But how did it go with your fiance?

Tamunokepiriye:
It will be far better to live in a single room wiith my husband than to share a mansion wiith his family, not because I dislike his mum but because I love her...

You are a very pretty lady!!!!

jaybeyblu:
I was about to create a thread about this issue till I came across this topic. Because it is a serious one.. I am engaged to be married this year and my fiancé still lives with his parents in his village. It is quite a distance to his work but he prefers to live in their house ( which is not so modern just to please his parents) and as his wife to be,these years of dating him has been a tug of war .and as I am typing this we are at the verge of breaking up because he has bluntly refused to move out of there..NO single privacy; any single thing that happens he would run to mama this is a man in his mid 30's with a good paying job.. This is a house that he was born in, so he is still living there in that same room, it is so small and uncomfortable but he is staying there and his parents back him up. Because of this we are always having serious issues about petty things: you said this about my mother, my mother said this, I don't like the fact that you don't spend enough time with my mom.
It is driving me crazy I am working and he expects me to sit down and fry garri with his mom any little time I visit him in his words;" it would show that I am fully integrated in his family" ... I can't even spend time with him because when I come visiting he would tell me to go and sit with his mother , his parents come first before anything and he is obsessed with them.. I have bought my wedding gown and we have even fixed a wedding date but I don't think I can cope any longer because I am stressed out and loosing my mind because of this family house issue. For 3 yrs of dating him no single misunderstanding that happens between both of us that he wouldn't tell his parents. Living with parents ruin marriages it has ruined a lot and yet people still consider it.. If you want to be happy in marriage please move to your own apartment no matter how small.. The worst part when he finally agreed to move out he kept postponing it and till now he hasn't made a single move, instead he ran to his parents and told them that I am insisting he should move out when his mother came to confront me ,that I want to separate the family I explained to her that it was her son that promised me that prior to our wedding,he would move out. his mother was so bitter, she turned to him and asked if it was true? My man started stuttering that he has tried to stay there and he has to move out, that the space is so small, no electricity, his mom flared up and told him that he should take a break with me . The matter escalated and he promised me he must move out. Afterwards, when the date to move out draws near he would start picking fights with me out of the blues, act like he never even said anything about moving out, and we would just go back to square one. Some times I think he is manipulated diabolically... I really need help!

Your fiance isn't ready for marriage yet but I can't help your situation cos I can't marry you. Logical thing one, take a break and tell him to fix his issues before you tie the knot. The risk is you may not see another man to marry o. Jah bless.

jaybeyblu:
I was about to create a thread about this issue till I came across this topic. Because it is a serious one.. I am engaged to be married this year and my fiancé still lives with his parents in his village. It is quite a distance to his work but he prefers to live in their house ( which is not so modern just to please his parents) and as his wife to be,these years of dating him has been a tug of war .and as I am typing this we are at the verge of breaking up because he has bluntly refused to move out of there..NO single privacy; any single thing that happens he would run to mama this is a man in his mid 30's with a good paying job.. This is a house that he was born in, so he is still living there in that same room, it is so small and uncomfortable but he is staying there and his parents back him up. Because of this we are always having serious issues about petty things: you said this about my mother, my mother said this, I don't like the fact that you don't spend enough time with my mom.
It is driving me crazy I am working and he expects me to sit down and fry garri with his mom any little time I visit him in his words;" it would show that I am fully integrated in his family" ... I can't even spend time with him because when I come visiting he would tell me to go and sit with his mother , his parents come first before anything and he is obsessed with them.. I have bought my wedding gown and we have even fixed a wedding date but I don't think I can cope any longer because I am stressed out and loosing my mind because of this family house issue. For 3 yrs of dating him no single misunderstanding that happens between both of us that he wouldn't tell his parents. Living with parents ruin marriages it has ruined a lot and yet people still consider it.. If you want to be happy in marriage please move to your own apartment no matter how small.. The worst part when he finally agreed to move out he kept postponing it and till now he hasn't made a single move, instead he ran to his parents and told them that I am insisting he should move out when his mother came to confront me ,that I want to separate the family I explained to her that it was her son that promised me that prior to our wedding,he would move out. his mother was so bitter, she turned to him and asked if it was true? My man started stuttering that he has tried to stay there and he has to move out, that the space is so small, no electricity, his mom flared up and told him that he should take a break with me . The matter escalated and he promised me he must move out. Afterwards, when the date to move out draws near he would start picking fights with me out of the blues, act like he never even said anything about moving out, and we would just go back to square one. Some times I think he is manipulated diabolically... I really need help!

I think he needs prayer

steroid:
A friend of mine who resides in Lagos is planning on getting married but is really confused as to where he will stay after the wedding. This is because his Father built a very big house in Lagos with rooms that are UN-occupied. Also the father is late and it is only his mum that lives in the house alone with house-helps occupying the BQ. He wants to go and rent a house somewhere but I advised him that it would be a total waste of money considering the fact that he is the first son of his father and he has a younger brother who is not even interested in staying in Nigeria. His younger brother is abroad. He also told me that his mum says she cannot stay in the house alone because it is too big. Do you think it's fine for him to go and rent a house or is it a bad idea to live with his mum after wedding, Has any of you ever experienced this before. What do you advice.

is he the only child

Whyzaid:
is he the only child

Even if he is the only child,that doesn't warrant him staying with his parents after marriage..
What kinda fuckery is that!!!!!!!

femiphillips007:

Even if he is the only child,that doesn't warrant him staying with his parents after marriage..
What kinda fuckery is that!!!!!!!

I'm surprised ni, don't know why parents will even encourage their son to stay with them after marriage. To keep on looking after him or what

Whyzaid:
I'm surprised ni, don't know why parents will even encourage their son to stay with them after marriage. To keep on looking after him or what

It sounds freaking absurd....

jaybeyblu:
Thanks@shizzle11 i have called off the wedding! I was astonished as you are now when I met him, and as an Ibo lady also this was new and strange to me, I have racked my brain trying to figure out why would he be like that ( I even nicknamed him ancient of days ) because though he is a well learned man in his field of occupation, his reasoning is something else.so backward when it comes to marriage issues and relationships,I tried to convince my self that when he moves out everything would be ok maybe because he is not so exposed and lived all his life there, the last time we had a heated argument I told him that he was under a spell,he told my sisters that I abusedhim and told him that he was under a spell. he was so pained by that statement.. My brother trauma no be small, I even went for counseling in my church (that was early last year)and the pastor advised me to carry on with the wedding that it is their culture and I should just bear it that I can't change it. That the place my guy is from it is their tradition. I noticed so because those around him full grown men are still living with parents having kids there, but recently, most of them are getting their own places small boys around him including his younger ones have all moved out except him.

I know is been years, just want to know, did you marry that same man? If not, are you married now ? Is he ? Is he still with his parents? If you didn't marry him, any regrets from you?mjust update me, please. I actually did learn a wisdom from your story.

ayobase:


Thanks!

The guy can go rent an accomodation and put his father house on rent!

Please let the guy live in his father's house. Only his mum leaves in the big house. As long as his mum and his wife can get along, I don't see anything wrong with it.

jaybeyblu:
When we have misunderstandings and we are trying to resolve it and I tell him; I don't like how you went about this for instance, his response would always be my father said that this or my mother said that , I would ask him please am I dating your parents ? The other day I was showing a close friend of mine our text messages and he was shocked because no text message my man sent to me doesn't start with my mother or my father.. Even if he eventually moves out would he change? And be a little detached because he is a mama's boy to the extreme in this case it is with both parents, or he behaves that way because he simply has stayed there for too long he is so used to them? Because I have lost interest and even if he moves out he can always call them on the phone to discuss our marriage issues with them..that time he promised he would move out, he said even when we do we must spend every weekend in his village and I was like weekends are when you clean up, and spend time with each other and we could go visiting on Sundays after church stay there till evenings and go back home. And All hell was let loose! "That I hate his family that he has agreed to move out but he must spend weekend in his village". Please should I call of the wedding? Because I am exhausted and depressed

One thing I cherish so much is my peace. Anything that tries to take my peace, I cut it off . Madam, you need your peace of mind. Do what will give you peace. It doesn't seems like you have peace with this guy, let him go and have your peace.

Mother of all bad ideas.

jaybeyblu:
I was about to create a thread about this issue till I came across this topic. Because it is a serious one.. I am engaged to be married this year and my fiancé still lives with his parents in his village. It is quite a distance to his work but he prefers to live in their house ( which is not so modern just to please his parents) and as his wife to be,these years of dating him has been a tug of war .and as I am typing this we are at the verge of breaking up because he has bluntly refused to move out of there..NO single privacy; any single thing that happens he would run to mama this is a man in his mid 30's with a good paying job.. This is a house that he was born in, so he is still living there in that same room, it is so small and uncomfortable but he is staying there and his parents back him up. Because of this we are always having serious issues about petty things: you said this about my mother, my mother said this, I don't like the fact that you don't spend enough time with my mom.
It is driving me crazy I am working and he expects me to sit down and fry garri with his mom any little time I visit him in his words;" it would show that I am fully integrated in his family" ... I can't even spend time with him because when I come visiting he would tell me to go and sit with his mother , his parents come first before anything and he is obsessed with them.. I have bought my wedding gown and we have even fixed a wedding date but I don't think I can cope any longer because I am stressed out and loosing my mind because of this family house issue. For 3 yrs of dating him no single misunderstanding that happens between both of us that he wouldn't tell his parents. Living with parents ruin marriages it has ruined a lot and yet people still consider it.. If you want to be happy in marriage please move to your own apartment no matter how small.. The worst part when he finally agreed to move out he kept postponing it and till now he hasn't made a single move, instead he ran to his parents and told them that I am insisting he should move out when his mother came to confront me ,that I want to separate the family I explained to her that it was her son that promised me that prior to our wedding,he would move out. his mother was so bitter, she turned to him and asked if it was true? My man started stuttering that he has tried to stay there and he has to move out, that the space is so small, no electricity, his mom flared up and told him that he should take a break with me . The matter escalated and he promised me he must move out. Afterwards, when the date to move out draws near he would start picking fights with me out of the blues, act like he never even said anything about moving out, and we would just go back to square one. Some times I think he is manipulated diabolically... I really need help!

I hope you are doing ok now. How did you ever put up with such a man.

i dont buy this idea, OP should find every reason they have to move out...

When i got married, my self and wifey had to stay at my parent's place, but to make her feel comfortable, have her privacy, cook the kind of food she'd love to eat, coupled with the fact that my mom and I were always having issues coz she always wanted to be in control and precide over our affairs... I had to move out to my own apartment even tho it was a room apartment. Privacy was the key

I would not want to live with my in laws and I don’t see why I should have to either. If he’s old enough to marry then he’s old enough to get his own place or be a baby the rest of his life