A friend of mine who resides in Lagos is planning on getting married but is really confused as to where he will stay after the wedding. This is because his Father built a very big house in Lagos with rooms that are UN-occupied. Also the father is late and it is only his mum that lives in the house alone with house-helps occupying the BQ. He wants to go and rent a house somewhere but I advised him that it would be a total waste of money considering the fact that he is the first son of his father and he has a younger brother who is not even interested in staying in Nigeria. His younger brother is abroad. He also told me that his mum says she cannot stay in the house alone because it is too big. Do you think it's fine for him to go and rent a house or is it a bad idea to live with his mum after wedding, Has any of you ever experienced this before. What do you advice.

Anyways it depends on d niggas tribe cos as a yoruba guy nd from yorubaland, its not ideal. By living in his fathers house it doesn't show dt he is responsible nd dat he is not man enof to get married. Buh I dnt know abt any oda tribe!!! Just my take dou.

oluswaggz: Anyways it depends on d niggas tribe cos as a yoruba guy nd from yorubaland, its not ideal. By living in his fathers house it doesn't show dt he is responsible nd dat he is not man enof to get married. Buh I dnt know abt any oda tribe!!! Just my take dou

Ogbeni, so u dey naira land? I don catch u. Lol

tenry:

Busted!!!!
Wu be dis?

oluswaggz: Anyways it depends on d niggas tribe cos as a yoruba guy nd from yorubaland, its not ideal. By living in his fathers house it doesn't show dt he is responsible nd dat he is not man enof to get married. Buh I dnt know abt any oda tribe!!! Just my take dou.

Thanks!

The guy can go rent an accomodation and put his father house on rent!

Unless the building is separate and there is nothing you are sharing with your Mum then it is OK.
Not that you sharing something with your mum is bad but your wife may be suffering silently under the added responsibility of sharing the attention of her husband with another.

ayobase:

Thanks!

The guy can go rent an accomodation and put his father house on rent!

Yea sure!!
BTW!!! Y thankin me? Is d op talking on ur behalf?
Jst asking ooo

They should live in the father's house first, but if they find it uncomfortable then move out.

ITbomb: Unless the building is separate and there is nothing you are sharing with your Mum then it is OK.
Not that you sharing something with your mum is bad but your wife may be suffering silently under the added responsibility of sharing the attention of her husband with another.

I agree with this^^^. It will cause additional responsibilities for his wife.

He could get an apartment on his own & after some years, come back to live in his father's house, that's if his mother still complains of boredom.

By that time, he would have bonded perfectly with his wife (probably even with one or more kids) & both of them (husband & wife) would be able to withstand any interference from third parties.

So shall a man leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife.

Comfort is not a waste of money. His wife is never going to be comfortable living with MIL no matter what.
He can afford it. Let him be a man, get his own place and start a life.

It will be far better to live in a single room wiith my husband than to share a mansion wiith his family, not because I dislike his mum but because I love her...

I was about to create a thread about this issue till I came across this topic. Because it is a serious one.. I am engaged to be married this year and my fiancé still lives with his parents in his village. It is quite a distance to his work but he prefers to live in their house ( which is not so modern just to please his parents) and as his wife to be,these years of dating him has been a tug of war .and as I am typing this we are at the verge of breaking up because he has bluntly refused to move out of there..NO single privacy; any single thing that happens he would run to mama this is a man in his mid 30's with a good paying job.. This is a house that he was born in, so he is still living there in that same room, it is so small and uncomfortable but he is staying there and his parents back him up. Because of this we are always having serious issues about petty things: you said this about my mother, my mother said this, I don't like the fact that you don't spend enough time with my mom.
It is driving me crazy I am working and he expects me to sit down and fry garri with his mom any little time I visit him in his words;" it would show that I am fully integrated in his family" ... I can't even spend time with him because when I come visiting he would tell me to go and sit with his mother , his parents come first before anything and he is obsessed with them.. I have bought my wedding gown and we have even fixed a wedding date but I don't think I can cope any longer because I am stressed out and loosing my mind because of this family house issue. For 3 yrs of dating him no single misunderstanding that happens between both of us that he wouldn't tell his parents. Living with parents ruin marriages it has ruined a lot and yet people still consider it.. If you want to be happy in marriage please move to your own apartment no matter how small.. The worst part when he finally agreed to move out he kept postponing it and till now he hasn't made a single move, instead he ran to his parents and told them that I am insisting he should move out when his mother came to confront me ,that I want to separate the family I explained to her that it was her son that promised me that prior to our wedding,he would move out. his mother was so bitter, she turned to him and asked if it was true? My man started stuttering that he has tried to stay there and he has to move out, that the space is so small, no electricity, his mom flared up and told him that he should take a break with me . The matter escalated and he promised me he must move out. Afterwards, when the date to move out draws near he would start picking fights with me out of the blues, act like he never even said anything about moving out, and we would just go back to square one. Some times I think he is manipulated diabolically... I really need help!

jaybeyblu:
It is driving me crazy I am working and he expects me to sit down and fry garri with For 3 yrs of dating him no single misunderstanding that happens between both of us that he wouldn't tell his parents. I really need help!

You are still considering marrying a fellow that will assist his family in making yiur life miserable? Why? Is that desperation? Or because you have made a 3 year investment (which you seem to say has been quite rocky by the way) you want to go on for the rest of your life?

Living with family can be a strain. I went through some financial hard times after I got married and had to live with my parents for a while and then with my Lady's. Trust me. It's not worth it. In anyways.

However, there are always extenuating factors. In the OPs case,if the house is large enough and to have differentiable wings and quaters, I can see myself staying there. On the condition that my mum KNOWS HER BOUNDRIES AND DOES NOT CROSS THEM. But I agree that at least the first year of marriage should not be spent in the same house with family.

When we have misunderstandings and we are trying to resolve it and I tell him; I don't like how you went about this for instance, his response would always be my father said that this or my mother said that , I would ask him please am I dating your parents ? The other day I was showing a close friend of mine our text messages and he was shocked because no text message my man sent to me doesn't start with my mother or my father.. Even if he eventually moves out would he change? And be a little detached because he is a mama's boy to the extreme in this case it is with both parents, or he behaves that way because he simply has stayed there for too long he is so used to them? Because I have lost interest and even if he moves out he can always call them on the phone to discuss our marriage issues with them..that time he promised he would move out, he said even when we do we must spend every weekend in his village and I was like weekends are when you clean up, and spend time with each other and we could go visiting on Sundays after church stay there till evenings and go back home. And All hell was let loose! "That I hate his family that he has agreed to move out but he must spend weekend in his village". Please should I call of the wedding? Because I am exhausted and depressed

no sister, Plz DON'T break up. move in to d village and fry garri. I'm really surprised how u want to trade ur happiness and peace of mind on d platter of marriage..........marriage dat won't last.!!!

Brunel: no sister, Plz DON'T break up. move in to d village and fry garri. I'm really surprised how u want to trade ur happiness and peace of mind on d platter of marriage..........marriage dat won't last.!!!

WORD

jaybeyblu: Please should I call of the wedding? Because I am exhausted and depressed :'(

Do you need a seer to tell you the answer to your question?

I wonder why you are still having a second thought about this issue. I wouldn't know how a boy can manage a full grown woman successfully without letting hell loose....

I hope you make the right decision for yourself.

I take God beg you leave that man he does not deserve you. A man who can't make his own decision except he seek opnion from his parent, is that the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your with?

jaybeyblu:
It is driving me crazy I am working and he expects me to sit down and fry garri with For
3 yrs of dating him no single misunderstanding that happens between both of us that he
wouldn't tell his parents. I really need help!

After marrying him and you are still complaining the question that will be ask will be 'didn't you see all that before marrying him?'
Girl u better wise up. Don't marry a mummy's boy

Ok thank you guys please how do I call it off (the wedding is supposed to be next month) how do I tell my parents, they are really excited about the wedding and all that. We have almost concluded all preparations . Thanks

Everyone's abandoned the op for jaybeyblu...

Jaybeyblu...congratulations in advance.Thumbs up to you for defying all logic and going ahead with this marriage still!
Looking forward to your misery thread in a few months..
I wonder wat it would be titled...

jaybeyblu: Ok thank you guys please how do I call it off (the wedding is supposed to be next month) how do I tell my parents, they are really excited about the wedding and all that. We have almost concluded all preparations . Thanks

Tell your parents exactly what you typed here.

Miss Jeybeyblu, for the fact that you fixed wedding date means you yourself aint serious at all. Even the OP case is not as catastrophic as and yet it is improper to live with his mama with the new wife talk less of your own situation.
Besides, na Mr Dick ohne Sinn you wan marry. You had better forget the man before it turns to "Aswani market"

Thank you all! I would tell my dad today.....Sorry OP for delaring the thread I am just a sister in distress..

jaybeyblu: Thank you all! I would tell my dad today.....Sorry OP for delaring the thread I am just a sister in distress..

Asides being an annoying mummy's boy, are there any other qualities you like about him? Do you really and truly love him?

To me a guy living in the same compound with his parents is still a child he can't take on responsibilities on his own. Living with ur parents means dey have a stay in everytin u do and ur wife won't be comfortable. No matter how the compound is big

Ezeed: So shall a man leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife.

God bless you. I can never agree to such. The guy should rent an apartment of his own.

nikkyshyne: Asides being an annoying mummy's boy, are there any other qualities you like about him? Do you really and truly love him?

my dear dis 1 is not love matter if she marries this guy she will suffer big time. Dis 1 is a serious mummy's boy and the house is in a village imagine the relatives that will be coming in and out of dat house.

Unless they are in financial difficulty,which in this case is not the case,it's not ideal for new and young couples to live with anyone.

Lol

Nija girls and mother in-laws


Is this wahala peculiar to Nigerian women alone? I'm confused

Acidosis: Lol

Nija girls and mother in-laws


Is this wahala peculiar to Nigerian women alone? I'm confused

I don't think so.