[color=#770077][/color] I am feeling a little down at this time and I kniow it is a self esteem issue. I am a dark skin woman in my 30's and of course things aren't like they use to be. Since I can remember I was always ridiculed growing up about my features and skin tone which of course caused me to withdrawl from society and rebel. I built a wall around myself so no one could hurt me. As I got older and got out on my own Icame into my own and became attractive. Not because I was a natural beauty though it was because I had a brick house shape. Fast forward to the present I live in a city where your appearance is everything. I am so tired of having to wear makeup and hair to try to keep up. Not that it helps if I am not wearing something hot. You would be amazed at how people treat you when they deam you as not good enough. I can't just put on a t-shirt and sweats and pin my hair up and go I have to work at it and I'm just at the age now where it affects me so much some days I dread going out of the house. My boyfriend even asked me one day do other men ever try to come at you? I asked him why and he replied because when we together I don,t really ever see men try to check you out, like when me amd my x would go out men would come at her if they did not know we were together. ( and let me say this both of the x's that I have met are not attractive by societies standards but they are light skinned.) Anyway I just would like some words of wisdom.

don't worry

sistawoman and topup will help with their advices.


i don't see any reason why you should be worried about how you look. Just follow the trend out there, if it takes extra effort to look good then you have to do it.

if appearance is everything then you must always work on yourself. don't get tired but get use to it.

Oh my God first of all i must your boyfriend is a horrible person he shud be telling you hw beautiful u are,from the way you expressed your self i can feel it,sweetie I am sure you have heard this over and over but i will just write it again U are beautiful just the way u are nobody can make you other wise it all depends on you,alot of people are not beautiful or pretty but they carry themselves as if they are the queen of england.Just keep ur head up,u have a place in the world so go out there and take your place and if u dont feel like applying make up then pls dont do what u want to do,and anybody that has a problem with that shud go and die,sweetie u get me?yea so dnt worry and u have to work on yourself esteem,U are beautiful just the way u are, and always tell that to yourself everyday cos like they say you are the best therapist to your self.

cmalaysia:

[color=#770077][/color] I am feeling a little down at this time and I kniow it is a self esteem issue. I am a dark skin woman in my 30's and of course things aren't like they use to be. Since I can remember I was always ridiculed growing up about my features and skin tone which of course caused me to withdrawl from society and rebel. I built a wall around myself so no one could hurt me. As I got older and got out on my own Icame into my own and became attractive. Not because I was a natural beauty though it was because I had a brick house shape. Fast forward to the present I live in a city where your appearance is everything. I am so tired of having to wear makeup and hair to try to keep up. Not that it helps if I am not wearing something hot. You would be amazed at how people treat you when they deam you as not good enough. I can't just put on a t-shirt and sweats and pin my hair up and go I have to work at it and I'm just at the age now where it affects me so much some days I dread going out of the house. My boyfriend even asked me one day do other men ever try to come at you? I asked him why and he replied because when we together I don,t really ever see men try to check you out, like when me amd my x would go out men would come at her if they did not know we were together. ( and let me say this both of the x's that I have met are not attractive by societies standards but they are light skinned.) Anyway I just would like some words of wisdom.

From what I understand of this, you have dated both men and women? Not that it has anything to do with this but I suspect you are very unsure of where you lean and what to do with yourself when you don't have a partner.

Men can feel it when a woman thinks she is sexy.

If you believe, truly believe that there is not a woman alive that is sexier than you then you will feel sexy no matter what you have on. If you feel it then it will ozze from your pores, from your soul, from your ora.

There is nothing I can do to make you feel beatuiful about yourself, except tell you that you have to look in the mirror and really look at yourself.

Dark skin is sooooooooooooooooo beautiful and to be honest I envy women with the dark milk chocolate skin.

i have things about my body that I dont like but to look at me and talk to me you would never know it. When i walk down the street i imange that every man is watching me and wanting me, even if they are not. I tell you girl try it, but you must believe it for it work. Just say in your head to yourself," I know you like my body, I know you want my body, I know you think i am hot. Cuz you know what I am hot as hell. And taken so you cant have it."
If your man does not make you feel beautiful get one that does.

Basically, U are saying that one should live in self deceit

sistawoman:

. When i walk down the street i imange that every man is watching me and wanting me, even if they are not. I tell you girl try it, but you must believe it for it work. Just say in your head to yourself," I know you like my body, I know you want my body, I know you think i am hot. Cuz you know what I am hot as hell. And taken so you can't have it."
If your man does not make you feel beautiful get one that does.

Uche2nna:


Basically, You are saying that one should live in self deceit

No what I am saying is that when you feel sexy, you are sexy. Even if you look like an ass is on your face, when you feel sexy you are sexy.

Trust me with the att. and the feeling your self image changes. There is a confidence about you that men just cant resist.

cmalaysia:

[color=#770077][/color] I am feeling a little down at this time and I kniow it is a self esteem issue.  I am a dark skin woman i My boyfriend even asked me one day do other men ever try to come at you?  I asked him why and he replied because when we together I don,t really ever see men try to check you out, like when me amd my x would go out men would come at her if they did not know we were together.

lol

Anyways, your boyfriend is a jackass!!! No offense  

Just be your natural self.  At times, it plays to your advantage when You stand out from the crowd. You don't really have to paint yourself red and blue to look and feel pretty. Develop your own unique style and stick with it. My rule of thumb is to go with something that makes You comfortable first and then find ways to make it appealing and attractive to other people. Joining the bandwagon is one sure way of getting lost.

@poster
i have to say that, i don't know how you feel, but from what you have written, your boyfriend is not a good friend!
I have to agree with sistawoman, people only want to associate with people that feel good about themselves.Discover what is unique about you and develop it!(it may be Ur smile, your calming manner, ability to recognise possibilities rather than problems!)
This might be a cliche, but trust me "you are beautiful no matter what anyone says"!Plus you have one life to live, live it to the fullest.
Also, you are sooooooooo GOOD ENOUGH!!!!!!

cmalaysia:

[color=#770077][/color] I am feeling a little down at this time and I know it is a self esteem issue. I am a dark skin woman in my 30's and of course things aren't like they use to be. Since I can remember I was always ridiculed growing up about my features and skin tone which of course caused me to withdrawl from society and rebel. I built a wall around myself so no one could hurt me. As I got older and got out on my own Icame into my own and became attractive. Not because I was a natural beauty though it was because I had a brick house shape. Fast forward to the present I live in a city where your appearance is everything. I am so tired of having to wear makeup and hair to try to keep up. Not that it helps if I am not wearing something hot. You would be amazed at how people treat you when they deam you as not good enough. I can't just put on a t-shirt and sweats and pin my hair up and go I have to work at it and I'm just at the age now where it affects me so much some days I dread going out of the house. My boyfriend even asked me one day do other men ever try to come at you? I asked him why and he replied because when we together I don,t really ever see men try to check you out, like when me amd my x would go out men would come at her if they did not know we were together. ( and let me say this both of the x's that I have met are not attractive by societies standards but they are light skinned.) Anyway I just would like some words of wisdom.

I understand you but don't give. Your man have low self esteem gosh!!!! men like that all they do is first of all intimidate you make you feel you worth nothing then if they notice you've acknowledge their opinion it then they will subtly craw themselves into you and weakens your boldness, integrity etc do not buy that from him you don't need his approval to feel or look sexy your confidence speaks for you according to you post. Who is he to compare you with all his x's? any man that will not accept his girlfriend/wife the way she is is a coward. Comparison is unhealthy in a relationship if he can't accept you the way you are the let him forget the relationship because he will never never stop/change

[color=#770077][/color] thankyou for all the advice. I have to say I have searched a long time for a site like this. I keep sooooooooooo much inside because I live in a big city and have been here for 2 years and don't have people to talk to because I have sheltered myself so much I know noone but my boyfriend and his friends that actually aided in him cheating on by so imagine. But I thankyou for this forum.

cmalaysia:

[color=#770077][/color] thankyou for all the advice. I have to say I have searched a long time for a site like this. I keep sooooooooooo much inside because I live in a big city and have been here for 2 years and don't have people to talk to because I have sheltered myself so much I know noone but my boyfriend and his friends that actually aided in him cheating on by so imagine. But I thankyou for this forum.

do you mean he's cheated on you aswell or what does that mean?

Uche2nna:

Anyways, your boyfriend is a jackass!!! No offense

I think that needed to be said.

But I really understand. Let them have their useless opinions they have no importance in your life, all that matters is how you view yourself. Wish U Luck