How do women back home deal with the fact that their husbands are living a double life abroad?

I can't tell you how many men I've met who have wives back home and families here in the states as well. It seems as if the wives back home are none the wiser, or maybe they just turn their head to the infedelity. There is even one who brought his American wife to Nigeria and allowed her to stay with his sister. In this case how is it possible to keep these two apart?

I am totally amazed that this type of double life living exists withouth the men getting caught. What gives?

Yes please I would also like some serious answers to this

Also, what happens to the children from the states in this case? I know Nigerian men are proud of their kids, but do they just NOT EVER bring the children to Nigeria to meet their Grandparents?

Do the Grandparents/families know, but help to hide it from the Nigerian wife?

Are they accepting of the new wife from the states?

Sorry for all the questions, but it is so puzzling to me that this goes on so smoothly.

nalijah07:

How do women back home deal with the fact that their husbands are living a double life abroad?

I can't tell you how many men I've met who have wives back home and families here in the states as well. It seems as if the wives back home are none the wiser, or maybe they just turn their head to the infedelity. There is even one who brought his American wife to Nigeria and allowed her to stay with his sister. In this case how is it possible to keep these two apart?

I am totally amazed that this type of double life living exists withouth the men getting caught. What gives?

Men engage in this to get INDEFINITE STAY(UK) or GREEN CARD(USA).
It's no brainer. . . . . .Nigerian men would rather stay abroad than go to Naija and linger in poverty.
They would do anything to keep them abroad thus marrying a UK/USA citizen to stay afloat and legal.
The moral of the story is. . . . . . A Naija woman should never let her husband travel abroad ALONE.
Blimey, the consequences are always dreadful.

These naija men are just too bad. Sauron did you see the chick in Metro today? fine Portuguese chick, 21 years old in handcuffs in her wedding dress, caught doing immigration fraud by marrying some 37 year old dude from naija - who knows the man might have a wife and kids at home.

The lure of papers is too strong for some.

I knw a few women who have husbands in the same situation and hav chosen to turn a blind eye, afterall they r being taken care of right!

others i think r being deceived. . . in this situation tho, one of two women gets abandoned; its either d guy gets his "stay" and dumps d other woman and brings his Nigerian wife over or the reverse is the case.

I definitely wont accept that kind of behaviour from my husband tho  

No, NO, No. I am aware of the "papers" situation.

I am speaking of the ones who already have their papers, but continue to live on with the double life even after they have their status.

Also, my question remains - Do the wives in Nigeria turn a blind eye to this. What could you as my husband possibly tell me (the wife in Nigeria) is the reason you are bringing another woman to visit in my country? That is absurd!!! I would never go for something like that.

debosky:

These naija men are just too bad. Sauron did you see the chick in Metro today? fine Portuguese chick, 21 years old in handcuffs in her wedding dress, caught doing immigration fraud by marrying some 37 year old dude from naija - who knows the man might have a wife and kids at home.

The lure of papers is too strong for some.

Metro??
Debosky, are u in the city??

These men always have wife n kids in Naija.
The lure of papers is super strong. . . . . .Who wants to go back to epileptic power supply and the menace of daredevil armed robbers?
Lets be frank. . . . . .Naija men would do anything to make him stay over here than Naija.

@ hotness -

Tell me, what is it that I (Nigerian wife) am doing, while you and your american wife are staying at your sisters place in my own country? That is so disrepectful.

I am even seething just thinking about it.

nalijah07:

@ hotness -

Tell me, what is it that I (Nigerian wife) am doing, while you and your american wife are staying at your sisters place in my own country? That is so disrepectful.

I am even seething just thinking about it.

As long as money is made from the whole venture, Naija women don't really care.
Anything that brings food to the table is okay for most Nigerians. I repeat, MOST Nigerians.
I heard some parent support their kids doing Yahooze in Nigeria. . . . . .How about that?

@ Souran - Okay then, two questions.

1. Why in the world did you feel the need to marry in Nigeria if you knew you did not want to go back?
2. What happens to the American children - will they not ever get to know their Nigerian Family from their father's side.

It just isn't fair.

mmm people will do anything to stay survive. there are bigamists in every society. it is obscene i must add.

here is the metro link http://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?Bride_arrested_in_immigration_crackdown&in_article_id=335473&in_page_id=34

NEXT QUESTION -

Who really has the advantage, the wife back home receiving the money, or the wife in the states with you who receives both your money and your time?

nalijah07:

@ Souran - Okay then, two questions.

1. Why in the world did you feel the need to marry in Nigeria if you knew you did not want to go back?
2. What happens to the American children - will they not ever get to know their Nigerian Family from their father's side.

It just isn't fair.

Of course, it ain't fair but this is the real situation.

Most of these men were once happy in Nigeria with their family BUT in a country where there's no job security, anything can happen.
They lost their jobs, they managed to pawn one or two most prized possessions and worked their way to USA/UK as a visitor.
Obviously, they have to do something to keep them in those countries so they can SURVIVE.
This is a question of MORALITY versus SURVIVAL. When push comes to shove, 99% would eat HUMANS to survive.

nalijah07:

@ Souran - Okay then, two questions.

1. Why in the world did you feel the need to marry in Nigeria if you knew you did not want to go back?
2. What happens to the American children - will they not ever get to know their Nigerian Family from their father's side.

It just isn't fair.

Well it may not be fair to the likes of u and I but those women find a way to rationalise it.

one of the women i knw is actually dating someone else here, she has refused to divorce her husband abroad for the money status reasons. . .  as for the kids well u cld say they r d loosers in this situation, many of them never come home sadly

@Poster

and u havent seen women who have husbands at home in Nigeria and go abroad to fok around?

I think there should be a law against marrying in two countries.

@ tumfulu - No not really. Is this also prevelant?

I guess the woman are just more discreet.

another myopic generalization. Always bashing /criminalizing "every' Naija man. How about the fact that Naija women dont mind anything so long as Naija men are bringing home some goodies from abroad. Do we have to conclude that Naija women are gold diggers too?

So you are saying that Naija women will make that type of sacrifice for some "goodies"?

And what is it that the Nigerian wife is doing while the Naija man has arrived and is romancing the American women at the sisters home? Is she celebrating his arrival by washing his clothes, and making his meals? Waitiing for him to slip away from his sister's home so that he can pay the Nigerian wife a "visit"??

@ nalijah07

this girl, u sha like controversy, abi naija men don show u? this is on both sexes, explain the same for naija babes in italy, usa, uk etc. some will tell u na condition make crayfish bend. money, sex, fame makes people do and undo.

I see that no one can answer my question.

What does the Naija wife do when the husband returns with his current wife for visits? How does she respond to the wife?

bumping back to the top. I really am interested in the answers to this thread.

By The Way I have asked this before and never really recieved any answers to this.

sistawoman:

bumping back to the top. I really am interested in the answers to this thread.

By The Way I have asked this before and never really recieved any answers to this.

I knew of one that happened in Nigeria some years back, the guy and his wife could barely afford the basic neccesities of lif, hardship was their second name and then somehow somehow the guy found his way to Germany. On getting there he realised its not that easy and could face deportation if caught so he married a German.
After a while he informed the Nigerian wife he was coming home and sent a jeep and enough money for her to get a decent accomodation, furnish it, put the kids in private school and do one or two things, he then went home and explained exactly the situation to his wife and apologised.
He asked the wife 2 questions and promised to do whateveer she says, she asked if she would take it in good faith, accept the marriage to the German and keep it away form the German wife and they will forever never lack anything money can buy or should he leave the German and stay back and they can continue the poverty where they stopped. The poor woman felt bad but accepted to have him married to the German (probably thinking of her new 'rich' status as against hawking goods before the guy travelled)
The guy brought the German wife later and the wife pretended to be his sister all through their stay.

now is that the guy's fault? is it not the same excuse we give to sex workers? na condition make crayfish bend 

ayomifull:

I knew of one that happened in Nigeria some years back, the guy and his wife could barely afford the basic neccesities of lif, hardship was their second name and then somehow somehow the guy found his way to Germany. On getting there he realised its not that easy and could face deportation if caught so he married a German.
After a while he informed the Nigerian wife he was coming home and sent a jeep and enough money for her to get a decent accomodation, furnish it, put the kids in private school and do one or two things, he then went home and explained exactly the situation to his wife and apologised.
He asked the wife 2 questions and promised to do whateveer she says, she asked if she would take it in good faith, accept the marriage to the German and keep it away form the German wife and they will forever never lack anything money can buy or should he leave the German and stay back and they can continue the poverty where they stopped. The poor woman felt bad but accepted to have him married to the German (probably thinking of her new 'rich' status as against hawking goods before the guy travelled)
The guy brought the German wife later and the wife pretended to be his sister all through their stay.

bitch slap the second wife i guess. is that not what u want to hear?

nalijah07:

I see that no one can answer my question.

What does the Naija wife do when the husband returns with his current wife for visits? How does she respond to the wife?

@ Na2day - Actually, yes that is what I want to hear. At least then I will know that the Naija wife has feelings.

@ ayomifull - And all this time, the wife is not expected to be receiving pleasure from anyone else while the husband is in Germany??
Wow imagine the wife pretending to be the sister whilst knowing that the german wife and the husband are partaking of bedmatics in OUR marital home?

@ sista - Yes, it does seem hard to get answers to this question - Thanks to ayomiful for her story.

why am i not surprised at ur answer. very convenient of u to forget the fact that the husband gave her a choice and she went for the riches and what made u think she hasnt been having side line shows her self? girl plssssssssssssssssssssssss! always wanting to hang a brother 

nalijah07:

@ Na2day -  Actually, yes that is what I want to hear. At least then I will know that the Naija wife has feelings.

@ ayomifull - And all this time, the wife is not expected to be receiving pleasure from anyone else while the husband is in Germany??
Wow imagine the wife pretending to be the sister whilst knowing that the german wife and the husband are partaking of bedmatics in OUR marital home?

@ sista - Yes, it does seem hard to get answers to this question - Thanks to ayomiful for her story.

I guess you can't judge unless you are in the situation.

It just seems tha no one wins (wives or kids) except the husband.

sistawoman:

bumping back to the top. I really am interested in the answers to this thread.

By The Way I have asked this before and never really recieved any answers to this.

Why do you ask?
I already gave you answers
According to you, your Yoruba husband was an immigration arrangee that you claimed to "fall in love with" and married for real.
Your own story
His real motive initially was just papers.
Are you sure he ever changed from that?
Hmm!
For all you know he could have 2 wives and 8 kids somewhere in Akure.
My dear sista your own started on the wrong footing
Have you met his parents or siblings?
I'll hate for you to be part of what the poster is talking about.
Some men can be wicked like that.

there she goes again. what made u judge the man? do u know if he is living in bondage with the white woman and he cant freely express himself to her for fear of being arrested and deported? sometimes u women bring ur own damnation u just like to shoot from the hip

nalijah07:

I guess you can't judge unless you are in the situation.

It just seems tha no one wins (wives or kids) except the husband.

@Topic, typical Naija men behavin as such. . .