MizMyColi: It's a different strokes for different folks thang, methinks

MizMyColi: LoL There's nothing I say now that Ihedi hasn't, albeit in different words. You get?

pickabeau1:


Any commonalities?

Like someone said, (can't remember who) "We're all trying to be different, ain't it exactly what makes us the same?" Now to directly answer your ? I think, at the base....we ladies're all in pursuit of one thing; Happiness

MizMyColi: Like someone said, (can't remember who) "We're all trying to be different, ain't it exactly what makes us the same?" Now to directly answer your ? I think, at the base....we ladies're all in pursuit of one thing; Happiness

pickabeau1:

And what are the characteristics or expression of this happiness?

Tallesty1: The guy has a problem.



Methinks a guy with potential is a guy who has set his goals and is seriously working to achieve them. It can be seen by everybody that he is relentless. This guys rarely have time for distractors (aka girlfriends)

MizMyColi: it boils down to having a security of sorts. For some, its emotional. for others, its financial/material. There are 3 more, I can't remember now.

rickkid: All I see here is ladies who wish to reap where they did not sow.

Guys I'm sorry, but getting married and making someone your babies' mother is not a privilege but an absolutely normal human process. In the most remote, poverty stricken dump in rural Congo, people do get married and life goes on. All this talk about money and potential is what happens because we live in a prosperous and relatively stable, peaceful country. Had it been this is Syria and you're in a Christian town under siege from ISIL and you don't know whether you'll be alive tomorrow, then you'll know what is really important in life.

Any woman who treats relationships as mix n match, cash n carry, body rental arrangement in my opinion is actually not different from a pro5titute at Allen Avenue. Those ones are even better because they don't play with people's emotions and they tell the truth - it's all about the money. Not that one will get to the level of meeting the man's family only to jump ship as soon as someone with more zeroes on his balance sheet winks at her - that quite frankly is an ashawo tendency and anyone has been treated that way by a woman should thank his stars for dodging the ultimate bullet - getting permanently joined to a hussy who will sleep with your friends, her boss at work, NYSC camp commandant, platoon leader, random guysand then come home and complain of stomach ache when the husband is trying to get laid after a stressful day at work.

Abeg just run. No woman is worth your joy in life.

cococandy: Some guys mistake potential to be plans or dreams. Hence a graduate young man hoping to get a job at Shell while doing some unfulfiling job will think he has potential because he's educated and has big dreams.

Potential is the guy who turns lemon into lemonade.

He's focused and doesn't waste his time regaling the babe with his 'plans' for the future.

He's calculative.
The guy who didn't get a job when he left school but his shop that he started with 200k is worth millions now because he doesn't mind traveling to the north or to Togo to buy goods cheaper and doesn't mind driving a keke napep to deliver his goods to his clients on time. Thereby creating a huge customer base and more success from his little capital.

Potential is not by mouth.
If you're driven,it won't be a secret.

Olaone1:
When options are limited.
Or, in our 30s

raumdeuter: @Nashville,

If that man suddenly by a stroke of luck wins Lagos lotto of say 50m, He would suddenly become a man with potential

pickabeau1:


On a ketro level..metaphysical..

How come some women generally don't use these same parameters for guys

raumdeuter: @Nashville,

If that man suddenly by a stroke of luck wins Lagos lotto of say 50m, He would suddenly become a man with potential

Nashville:

Let's even get more realistic. If he suddenly got a 20 million a year job in Chevron, does he then have potential? If the answer is yes, then we will all understand better

chaircover:

Of course . . . . Just like the 419 scammer who drives a Porsche and lives in St Johns Wood too has potential

And knowing what his eyes saw in the hands of some fickle women when he was struggling, he also has the potential to be a cheat, abuser, and a "dont you dare ask my why I came back late" kind of man . . . . .

EzekielMab: You are not just beautiful, you have brain... Beauty with brain

Nashville:

Thank you CC,

So everyone is agreed that Nigerians measure potential by a man's current earnings and has nothing to you with a perceived future or a man's effort etc.

I just want to be sure of this one before we now start talking about how he made the money.

chaircover:

I havent read every single post on this thread, but it seems that some people put a mans current earning power above other important things, when infact they should be looking at the whole package.

Its a waste and sad that some good decent guys are not even being given a chance or looked becasue they lack "potential" ie money and many women forget that just as you want a man because of his riches potential , so do tens of other women want him too so you are in a battle from day one and you then overlook other vices he has just becasue you dont want to let go of him.

We hear horror stories everyday and it makes one wonder how some people managed get themselves tangled up with some sorts of men, but it may well be that their judgement was overclouded by the mans "potentials".

As for the source of wealth, I dont think that really matters. Dont Armed robbers, ritualists, theiving Govt workers and Yahoo plus boys have wives and girlfriends?
It is well & I hope that some people dont end up with fake goods at the end of the day.

chaircover:

I havent read every single post on this thread, but it seems that some people put a mans current earning power above other important things, when infact they should be looking at the whole package.

Nashville:

Absolutely agree. I also want to add that it creates a bad psychological effect on the guy's. If the guy who never got a decent girl because he didn't have money, the day he makes it; he isn't going to treat any lady right. He will be all out to use them and dump them, cos afterall, they are only there for his money.

He will now end up marrying one unfortunate girl who considers herself lucky to be the chosen one. Unfortunately for her, na she go suffer pass!

bellong:

The thinking of an average Nigerian girl about a man with potential is strictly "Earning Power". It is not just that he works, where he work also is very very very important. I have had cause to interact with a whole lot to understand their psyche on this issue. Only the desperate ones care less about the money earning power factor.

An example was a lady I met during the days of my searching. She used to live in the same town with a friend of mine. My friend was working in a bank while I was in the public service. She liked my friend due to his earning potential and she believed my civil service salary cannot cater for her "loads".

She changed her mind to my proposal after one week of giving her consent. The state I was at the time pays her civil servants minimum wage of 12k naira, she calculated my worth in her myopic mind. She didn't know I was working with a federal parastatal.

She went after my friend, telling him that it was him she wanted from day one bla bla bla....

Immediately, I signed out of her life without looking back. Today, though not married but she is cohabiting with a man full of potentials and that one handles her his own way.

ihedinobi2:

First I laughed my äss out after reading this. Then I just felt pity. This is why although I do agree with cococandy that a man with potential is not one who is forever talking about what he will do, I think it is necessary to point out that a man headed somewhere talks to those coming along with him and ensures that they understand.

In my last relationship, what hurt me more than anything was how hard it was to communicate with my ex. I could talk till I was blue in the face but nothing appeared to be getting through. How could she believe in me if she wasn't even hearing me? And how could she commit to me if she didn't believe that my "dreams" made any kind of sense? So, the poor lady in your story just didn't get the federal parastatal part either because she wasn't paying attention or because you didn't tell her. I feel sorry for women who go hedging their bets and juggling things for their own maximum benefit. They stand to lose a hell of a lot.

So again I say: commit. Buy into the dream. Give yourself to it. When you realize it with him, you know you're not eating stolen or borrowed food. What is do difficult to understand about that, I wonder?

bellong:

One can only explain and talk things through to someone willing to listen.

Moreover, it would have been counter productive to let her understand the difference between a federal and state civil service. She was in it for the money, if she wouldn't hold on to a state civil servant, there was no need to go on.

Right mind and focus are very important.

bukatyne: Why don't we all dig deep into this 'potentials' talk?

If our fore mothers were willing to marry 'non-potential' men and somehow things got twisted to ladies only marrying men that have 'potentials' or 'manifestation', what do we think went wrong?

Keep in mind that most mothers trained their daughters to look for potentials in men

What do you think made mothers willing to marry non-potential advice their daughters against marrying same?

ihedinobi2:
I think you mean our grandmothers. The preoccupation with material well-being and comfort is relatively new.

cococandy: Thank you

ihedinobi2:
I think you mean our grandmothers. The preoccupation with material well-being and comfort is relatively new.

bukatyne:
And my question is 'why this preoccupation'?
Afterall, values are passed down from our fore/grandmothers to us

cococandy: Some guys mistake potential to be plans or dreams. Hence a graduate young man hoping to get a job at Shell while doing some unfulfiling job will think he has potential because he's educated and has big dreams.

Potential is the guy who turns lemon into lemonade.

He's focused and doesn't waste his time regaling the babe with his 'plans' for the future.

He's calculative.
The guy who didn't get a job when he left school but his shop that he started with 200k is worth millions now because he doesn't mind traveling to the north or to Togo to buy goods cheaper and doesn't mind driving a keke napep to deliver his goods to his clients on time. Thereby creating a huge customer base and more success from his little capital.

Potential is not by mouth.
If you're driven,it won't be a secret.