crackhaus:
Why wouldn't she want to help out if she has the means?

I'm sorry, but your question is highly unlikely.

crackhaus: If your husband says/decides his not in the mood or for some other reasons, chooses not to do chores...you ain't gonna do nothing about it. You ladies should try being real here for once. The worst you would do is still ask him nicely or talk about it.

I guarantee that you and the other females on here would never leave it (chores) undone because your husband(s) didn't do it.
Men who help with chores do it because they want to, not because they're supposed to...the best a woman can wish and be thankful for is that she marries/married a man who's willing to help.

crackhaus:
Why wouldn't she want to help out if she has the means?
I'm sorry, but your question is highly unlikely.

dam007: don't get this wrong, my point is its not a bad idea to help your spouse with chores.. But its a choice.. Just because she supports her husband should not make it a must for him to handle some chores! Na!

crackhaus:
Why wouldn't she want to help out if she has the means?

I'm sorry, but your question is highly unlikely.

SirBigH: Come to think of it, marriage is suppose to be about friendship, love, mutual respect, loyalty, and submissiveness (list is not exhausted). Going by that, helping your wife with the chores shouldn't be much of a problem especially when you do it willingly. It's high time we stop this mentality of seeing our partner as another person. I mean, doing chores should be a nice way of starting the weekend. In 2014, we should open our mind and stop holding on to the archaic mentality that it's a woman's duty to do all chores. For someone like me that adores a neat home (I believe we all do), helping should be very easy for me.



I see it more as being insensitive sitting on the couch with remote control in hand watching my darling Arsenal FC gun down opponents while she labours from kitchen to toilet, to sweeping the compound, the living room and bedroom, and to the market and back to the kitchen again. Haba!!! If you marry someone whom you have deep emotional connection with built on genuine friendship, then house chores will be fun for both of you.

cococandy: Duh. The same reason why a man won't want to help out in the house if his wife works like him.
Simply because such a person thinks it's not their traditional role so,they are not under obligation to do it.

You didn't answer my question. What will you do?
And yes it is very likely. I've heard of women who will wait until daddy comes back before they buy fuel for generator.
Still think it's unlikely?
Depends on who you marry.

bukatyne:

This is hilarious!

The wife cannot decide to help if she has the cash but the husband can decide not to help if he has the time?

Classic

crackhaus:
Like I said before...men are men, women are women.
Different sexes, different rules...that's the way it's always been and will continue to be for a long time.



However, a correction.. I never said a wife CANNOT decide to help, this is just your head playing the competition game.

Godmystrength:
I guess it will also be right to think like this as well?
If your wife says/decides she is not in the mood or for some other reasons, chooses not to support the family financially...you ain't gonna do nothing about it. You men should try being real here for once. The worst you would do is still ask her nicely or talk about it.

I guarantee that you and the other males on here would never leave it (bills/financial commitment) unpaid/unmet because your wife/wives didn't do it.
Women who help with finances do it because they want to, not because they're supposed to...the best a man can wish and be thankful for is that he marries/married a woman who's willing to help. Abi?

So why won't he want to help out if he has the time as well??

so as a woman, if i work round the clock and bring all my money home for the house to spend, then i also work round the clock to do all the chores alone, then what will the man be doing? which kind sufferhead be that one?. so that i will now look older than his sister abi and he will be looking fresh and love-vendor. there is God o

Infact, i tire for all these kind debates sef. Let me face my work like Uche onise..

crackhaus: Before any more females decide to quote me out of context, my stance is this;

That a man helps out with chores is something he does of his own accord, not something he has to do.
And that a woman will probably not leave her house untidy just because her husband is not helping with chores. Period!

crackhaus:
I believe I've said all I want to say on this matter already.

That both man and wife contribute financially to the running of the house is not a yardstick for both to share chores equally as well.
A caring and understanding man will help where he can, not because his wife insists on it.

Apart from the basic cooking and cleaning chores, women do not do the handy stuff like fixing broken things around the house. Last I checked, these are still chores which are done by men.

cococandy: De' javu
I think I've had this debate with you before crackhaus.

In cases where one partner refuses to help out with the other person's 'traditional' role,they have no choice but to live with the consequences of such decisions.

If the man feels he's too manly to clean up the house or cook or take care of his kids, he has to get used to living in filth or eating gala for dinner sometimes
What other option does he have?
Beat his wife because she came back tired the same time he did and so didn't have time to do everything?
What a fine solution that is.

Same thing applies to a woman.if she feels she can't spend her money on the family because it's a man's job,she'll have to make do with what he provides.
If they can't afford some luxury because all his income goes to other basic needs,where will she find the mouth to complain with since her purse strings are so tight.

All of which can be avoided if both will learn to loosen up and know that there shouldn't be any rigid rules in the home regarding who does what.
And also learn to appreciate their partners all the time for their support which in turn will push them to do more.

OmoAlata1: Crackhaus, you are contradicting yourself so much that I don't even know how to respond to you. You should re-read all of posts, too much contradiction

Godmystrength: But we also have women doing this as well. So to me, i don't think there is a fixed kind of rules for who does what in a marriage as long as it gets done.....

and things don't get broken everyday........

My own is that both of them should get busy. One person can't be slaving around and the other lazying around regardless of who it is...

crackhaus:
You're not getting it.

am I not?

Why would a normal thinking woman with a steady source of income decide not to assist financially in the running of her home?
This is entirely different from when a man doesn't do chores...you're still stuck up on judging men and women using the same set of rules.

it's by no means different. Really. So You've not seen or at least heard of women who's money belong to them but the husband's money belongs to the family? There's no jugding here. And when you say that you make it seem like it's the whole of men against the whole of women. It is one man to one woman here. So both in their marriage are expected to abide by the same rules which they have agreed upon. Unless they are two parralel lines with no intentions of meeting.

Men are women live by different set of rules and standards, this is just how it is whether we like it or not. It's not about one party being inferior to the other, it's about standards.
Men are men, women are women...both sexes cannot be judged by the same set of rules.
A lion is a cat doesn't mean a household cat is now a lion by direct comparison.


men and women? I'm talking of a family here. Each family of course has it's pattern so I don't see a seperate rule for all men and a seperate rule for women when it comes to domestic affairs. For example, a rule that governs women in the society may hold no water in my home because I'm not just a woman when I'm in my home.I'm a partner and a help meet. So I understand that I should adapt to my partner and him to me.so that we do our thing our way.the way it's comfortable for us not the way men or women have been 'programmed' to.

True the age long roles still influences how things are being done by many folks,but since it has becomes generally accepted that a woman isn't too womanly to win bread? Where does a man get off to being too manly for chores?

Simply put general men and women rules don't apply in homes where both parties are prepared to make it work. Any form of rigidity in the name of what a man is expected to do or not do and vice versa for a woman too will only lead to avoidable friction and/or breakdown. No amount of men rules or women rules will save such a union.

@emboldened, you mean to tell me that you've heard of women who earn money waiting up on their husband to come home before buying fuel, thus meaning they prefer the darkness?

yes I've heard. while some make sure they collect up front so that there won't be emergency when he's not around which will require them to bring from their pockets.

The same way I've seen men who will leave the kids hungry or in soaked diapers until mom's back to make dinner for them and clean them up.

Well there are two things involved:
- it's either the woman really has no cash available on her to buy fuel. OR
- the arrangement in the house is that the man is in charge of fuel, hence 'daddy' is on his way home with fuel and the woman is waiting.

you'd be surprised at the different kinds of human beings occupying our dear earth.

Now if neither of those two is the case, and you're telling me that the woman has cash at hand and there is no agreement on who buys fuel normally...but still she decides to inconvenience herself by staying in the dark while waiting for the husband who's probably not bringing any fuel home because he assumes there's fuel available...meanwhile, she still doesn't call to notify him that there's no fuel

Going by that situation in italics, I think such a woman has a deep seated problem in attitude and she has bigger things to worry about.
Being selfish to others is one thing, but being selfish & inconveniencing oneself just to prove a point is the definition of unhappiness, wickedness, and possibly psychosis....a woman like that needs help.

very much agreed. I'm totally with you on this. Same applies to men who will inconvenience themselves,live in the mess they made or the mess the kids made,stay hungry,etc because mommy's not back to do that yet.

Cococandy, the one I've heard of and seen is that the woman does not know how to turn on the generator and as such has to wait on her husband.

bukatyne:

Read your response to cococandy and dang! that did it for me

We are not building on the same foundation so there is really nothing to discuss as regards this

crackhaus:
You know for the reason of the emboldened, is why I don't often engage in arguments with you female lot on NL.
we female lot? Ok

That part in bold is purely a construct of yours, that's entirely you making that up...I made no such inferences.


who says you did?that was generally speaking


As for the question about options left for a man who's wife has refused to cook just to prove a point?
I suppose when the husband starts eating out, staying out late, and coming home only when his wife is already fast asleep to avoid talk...maybe then the woman will realize that proving a point by extremes is not the solution to anything.

neither is the husband's proving a point the solution. Some men don't engage in house work not because the wife has all the time to do that but simply because it is a proof of their manhood.
Such a scenario as the one you painted here can lead to the breaking of a home.
It's so easy to see how it can lead to break up.
Hubby has the time to help but prefers to sit and cross legs to prove his manhood. So wifey begins to slack in house work because she can't manage everything by herself. So hubby resorts to eating out and going out at inappropriate hours just to avoid having a sensible discussion with his wife.
See? Broken home.

Using a woman as example. A wife who feels a man (husband) has to provide her with everything may also stand to reap such friction if the husband decides to only do so much and leave the rest.what will she do? Go outside to look for the luxury her husband can't afford because she refused to help?
If she does that isn't the home broken already?

You see why men rules and women rules don't work for couples?

I said it before that if we're being real here, no woman who values her marriage leaves the chores undone and food uncooked just to prove to her husband that she works as much as he does.

but of course. I agree. Same as no man who values his marriage will sit and watch his wife slave to death because he's a man and has to prove it by not doing domestic stuff because it's a woman's traditional role.

Still people do it.I know one such coulple BTW.whenever I visit,I do a thorough cleanup before I leave. Wife comes back from work later than hubby but he's anti house work because he's a man. So they live in filth. And they seem happy



Again, it's highly unlikely that a woman who has a steady source of income decides to make no input financially. If she won't do anything for the house (husband), will she also decide not to spend on the kids when they start coming?


Makes you wonder how a man can watch his kids go hungry and not cook 'n' feed them because mommy isn't around.


What are you saying here that I haven't said before?

what I'm saying that you're not saying is, both husband and wife should make it a point of duty to assist each other in their designated roles.
It doesn't become a men's rule thing when the man refuses to help out because he expects to be judged differently than his wife.

Godmystrength: For the purpose of this thread, you are very right.

and i will also like to add to my understanding of this your stance

That a woman helps out with finances is something she does of her own accord, not something she has to do.
And that a man will probably not leave his financial responsibilities unattended to just because his wife is not helping with cash. Period!

I am fine with that! Simple...(or maybe i should just keep this till a thread on ''Your Views On Women Who Help Their Partners With Financial Contribution'' or something like that is opened.

bukatyne:

You are high on fufu

It is compulsory for a wife to support her hubby financially but somehow it is not compulsory for a husband to support his wife domestically

You are really high

crackhaus:
What is your definition of slaving around? Cooking?

What is your definition of lazying around? Sleeping or watching tv?

Anyway you look at it, one person will still be in the kitchen while the other is not...how does this make the one in the kitchen a slave or the one not in the kitchen a lazy person?

Godmystrength:
I am not talking about cooking, sleeping or watching TV. I am talking generally.

Slaving around is when there are so many things that needs to be done at the same time and one person is busy doing one things and moving to the next and to the next while the other person is busy doing nothing. Pardon my use of the word 'slaving' if that is not acceptable.
Example is a weekend when there is need for cleaning the house, washing and ironing all the clothes used over the week, cooking soup for the coming week, market runs, making of hair, barbing of hair etc and the man (because he sees everything as the woman's responsibility) decides to go barb his hair and from there go visit his friends while the woman finish cleaning the house alongside washing of clothes, goes to the market, comes back to do the cooking (all these along interruptions of attending to the baby/kid(s)) and then take a little rest then man comes back from friends' place, eat and ask if his sunday clothes has been ironed etc.......(when they don't have a maid) (please don't tell me it doesn't happen like that)

It won't have been a bad idea if the work load is shared in whatever manner in no particular order. i.e
woman is cleaning the house while man is sorting the dirty clothes
woman is washing the clothes while man is spreading them to dry
woman goes to the market while man goes to barb his hair
woman cooks everything to be cooked while man is minding the baby/kid(s)
woman goes to make her hair while man can arrange for clothes to be ironed
By the time they are finished, none of them will be tired and spent out. They are both on the same level and when they retire for the day, they have good time with each other.......

Even if they have a maid, he/she shouldn't be overburdened. All hands must be on deck.

What am i even saying?? Everyone to his/her family set-up.... Do what makes you feel good with yourself.

dam007: i agree with you.. but should it be a must for the
husband? i mean i get it, men differ in their character towards things
and their perceptions.... i feel its unfair to let your woman handle all
the house chores when you can actually help her.. but for the ones with
a different perspective, are they to be forced??

Godmystrength:
I am not talking about cooking, sleeping or watching TV. I am talking generally.

Slaving around is when there are so many things that needs to be done at the same time and one person is busy doing one things and moving to the next and to the next while the other person is busy doing nothing. Pardon my use of the word 'slaving' if that is not acceptable.
Example is a weekend when there is need for cleaning the house, washing and ironing all the clothes used over the week, cooking soup for the coming week, market runs, making of hair, barbing of hair etc and the man (because he sees everything as the woman's responsibility) decides to go barb his hair and from there go visit his friends while the woman finish cleaning the house alongside washing of clothes, goes to the market, comes back to do the cooking (all these along interruptions of attending to the baby/kid(s)) and then take a little rest then man comes back from friends' place, eat and ask if his sunday clothes has been ironed etc.......(when they don't have a maid) (please don't tell me it doesn't happen like that)

It won't have been a bad idea if the work load is shared in whatever manner in no particular order. i.e
woman is cleaning the house while man is sorting the dirty clothes
woman is washing the clothes while man is spreading them to dry
woman goes to the market while man goes to barb his hair
woman cooks everything to be cooked while man is minding the baby/kid(s)
woman goes to make her hair while man can arrange for clothes to be ironed
By the time they are finished, none of them will be tired and spent out. They are both on the same level and when they retire for the day, they have good time with each other.......

Even if they have a maid, he/she shouldn't be overburdened. All hands must be on deck.

What am i even saying?? Everyone to his/her family set-up.... Do what makes you feel good with yourself.

dam007: madam.. not like the wife is compelled to "help the husband financially" for a reasonable man whose affairs are going well.. her assistance goes to the family/kids as its her family too! and since this is the case, should the husband not actively assist with chores, he shouldn't be forced to get it?? madam low on amala

crackhaus:
And having come to this conclusion, I expected you to state the foundation you're building from as well as the foundation you 'presume' I'm building from.