Personally, I cannot stand it if a guy sees me poop. I
won’t even let any man into the loo while I’m in
there. Take it or leave it. I am Naijasinglegirl and I
don’t poop!
And neither should you! You’re a woman—have some class. And as much of a double standard as it is, he’ll be turned off by it. I am a master at bathroom etiquette. None of the guys I ever hung around with knew I pooped. I gave them the impression that
when my body needs to undergo metabolism, I vomit out my waste through my mouth or an angel visits me every night to empty my bowels.
Rules to follow:
There are two major factors to consider which are
sound and smell. Our nose and ears functions in a
mutually exclusive way. That’s why there’s need to
turn down the volume of your car stereo when you
are trying to locate a mixed up street address. That’s why its more dangerous to release a silent fart during a catholic mass service than it is to fart at a club.
SOUND
This section is for when the smell is not a factor, but
the sound is. For example, you know he wont be
going into the bathroom soon (perhaps because
he already went) but the walls are paper thin. If
you’re at his place in the morning or evening, you
can turn on the faucets, and showers, then pretend
you’re brushing your teeth vigorously to mask the
sound of your ploping. If he asks you why there’s so
much noise in there, tell him running water calms
your nerves.
If appropriate, the best thing is to tell him you are
going to take a quick shower. This is great because
he thinks you are doing it as “prep” for “wowie time.”
However, beware of two things:
1. The smell will be worse in a humid environment so
use cold water.
2. Do a super fast wash-up afterwards because of the
whole aforementioned “wowie time” thing he may
be expecting.
Flush as you plop. That’s pretty self explanatory. If its not going to be super weird for you to flush four or five times, then time your plops to the same time as the loud flushing noise.
Beware: TIME PROPERLY!
The loud part of the flush is not for a few seconds
after you’ve pushed the lever.
Put some toilet paper into the toilet before you begin.
This absorbs the poop and thus prevents that telling back splash noise. Beware, it will smell worse if you use this method because the specimen is not
submerged fully into the water.
Extra Tip: Turn on the radio to the maximum volume
or slot in one of those TerryG’s loud cds when your
bowel starts giving you signs. Before you leave him
in the bedroom or sitting room, tell him you
absolutely love the TerryG’s song playing. Then after two minutes of dancing or singing along loud, excuse yourself. Chances are, he’ll leave the radio up until you come back.
SMELL
Smell is a tougher thing to conceal. At times it gets
so bad his nose won’t only be traumatised. He might start hearing the smell of the poop. I’m sure you wouldn’t let it get to that cos you are a princess and barbies don’t poop!
But if it happens, smell is all you need to worry about when the area he is sitting is far from the bathroom and the sound wont carry. If this is the case, here are a few tips:
Before you get in there, pre warn him by giving him
signs like
“Boo, are you perceiving that awful smell from your
bathroom area? Let me go check it out.”
“Boo, let’s play hide and seek. I pick the toilet to
hide.”
“Boo, is someone working on the drainage outside?”
“Boo, what’s that smell? Did a rat die in here?”
Lock the door!
Do your deeds as FAST as you can!
Use the bathroom spray or, insecticide. Tell him you
are helping to disinfect his bathroom if he asks.
BEFORE you drop one AND after. Most people wait
until after. Do not make this mistake. Crack a window or light a match (I usually move around with a matchstick). These are both “tell tale poop smell” concealers.
If possible, don’t walk out of the bathroom till the
smell goes out except you are walking out with a
lawyer. LoL
That way, the smell has a chance to dissipate by the
time he needs to go in there again.
If multiple flushes aren’t a problem, take advantage.
The less time poop is sitting in the toilet, the less
chance is has to stink up the room.
If all else fails, accept that he will know you pooped.
As unattractive as it might be, all mature men know
that all humans poop. If he makes fun of you or sues you for a smelly poop , tell him to grow up. If he won’t grow up, he’s not mature enough for a
relationship so its okay to break-up cos of a natural
process like pooping.
Goodluck. Read more of my posts at http://www.naijasinglegirl.net

Mtcheeeeew •

i actually read thru this loooong post. i kept hoping to read the punch line of the "joke". happens that this is a serious write-up.
did'nt stop me from laughing tho.
now i have some questions:
are all these precautions because you are in his house? or do they have to do with his being THE guy?

are these precautions for women only?

hian! well by the time its being put into practise for the first n second time, im sure the third one will be an i dont care issue. we all poo, so what the hell.!!! eitherway, i only support u in the part u said, he cant get in when you are using the toilet. thats all. my view sha..my type of way!

you opened a thread about shitt chai na wa o

lol. this is what that scapegoat dude was talking about, girls sha..

I didn't read the long post after 5 lines, I only know that the OP's problem can only be solved in the Niger Delta.

banega: Mtcheeeeew •

Just sent u a mail...check it.

Beneath the beautiful body of a woman is some big brown faeces with a deadly stench! The OP is teaching NL ladies the art of shielding that fact from guys. No wonder D'banj sang in his oliver twist that he likes Nadia Buari cos she doesn't drink garri. He probably thought that beautiful ladies don't drink garri. Thank God she was honest with her response.

oseiwe: I didn't read the long post after 5 lines, I only know that the OP's problem can only be solved in the Niger Delta.

What do you mean Niger Delta...is SCOAN not the most natural option?...only that the man of God is just too preoccupied now

#manslaughter!

Crocz:

What do you mean Niger Delta...is SCOAN not the most natural option?...only that the man of God is just too preoccupied now

#manslaughter!

Leave TB for now, all the pastors are preoccupied by CAN's jet. The solution dey the creeks.

Why hide your God given ability ? SMH

IAMBREEZY: bae

Adult •

Hilarious I like this. Now I know their secret.

You try. Noted

Sparrow13: Why hide your God given ability ? SMH

lol, u peeps will not kill person here, pooing is an ability??
"Ability to shiitt"

There was this girlfriend of mine I had when I was still young.
One day, she came over to my house and at a point, she needed to use the toilet. The s..h.it was so terrible the whole floor was booming with the f..u.cking smell.

My mom came back, saw it and told me to end the relationship.

banega: Adult •

what's up bae

Nice....meanwhile check out - www.datafilehost.com/d/6a03c4d9

poo on thread..... *ran away without boxer

Op dat one na u oo, if me dey shi t my bf dey toilet dey suck my bres t , e dey make d thing drop smoothly sef. Hehehhehehe

and u think guys are not reading this as well? game over for you girls. no wonder, that girl has "never" defecated in my crib

GowonAbacha:
Just sent u a mail...check it.

o boy u dey hunt this nyt o.

Lmao.. This is nairaland!

Noted... i'll be watching out!^_^

Call me classless or whatever, i have never had a problem with doing a number two with a guy i was dating.
stay out of the bathroom while i am in there and vice versa and we are fine.
All the plopping sounds and smells will take care of themselves

You better find a husband before it's too late

IAMBREEZY: bae

Could you unquote me on this thread? Thanks

*F0oling there self since 1960 BC

Faun: There was this girlfriend of mine I had when I was still young.
One day, she came over to my house and at a point, she needed to use the toilet. The s..h.it was so terrible the whole floor was booming with the f..u.cking smell.

My mom came back, saw it and told me to end the relationship.

you see why I am saying these things should be done codely.