A very drunk man turns up at his house at 6 o'clock in the morning with his hair and clothes dishevelled. His long suffering wife, who has been waiting up all night, shouts at him furiously, "I hope you have a good reason for getting home blind drunk at this time of the morning!"

"Yes," replied the man, "I'd like some breakfast!"



A drunk man got on to a bus late one night, staggered up the aisle, and slumped down next to an elderly woman.

She looked the man sternly and said, "I've got news for you young man - you're going straight to hell!"

The drunk man jumped up and screamed, "I'm on the wrong bus!"

A man was driving down a country road when his car stalled inexplicably. He got out and lifted the bonnet to see if he could find out what had happened.

A brown and white cow slowly lumbered over to the car and stuck her head under the bonnet beside the man.

After a moment the cow looked at the man and said, "Looks like the cylinder head gasket to me!" Then she just turned and walked away.

Amazed, the man walked over to the farmhouse where he met a farmer.

"I say, is that your cow in the field?" he asked.

The farmer replied, "The brown and white one? Yes, that's old Mary."

The man said, "Well my car's broken down, and she just said, 'Looks like the cylinder head gasket to me!"

The farmer shook his head and said, "Don't mind old Mary, she doesn't know anything about cars!"

A minister was delivering a sermon on sin. "Is there anyone here who is without SIN?" he shouted, glowering at the congregation.

Embarrassed parishioners stirred nervously in their seats, but no one stood.

Feeling he really had them this time, the preacher said, "Is there anyone here who thinks he or she is PERFECT?"

One small man, seated next to a rather imposing woman, rose nervously to his feet.

"So, Mr Jones, you think YOU are PERFECT?"

"No, sir", the man replied, "I'm just standing for my wife's first husband!"

Mary offered to care for the eight-year-old daughter of neighbours who were going away for the weekend. On the Saturday morning, she made breakfast, laying a generous helping of bacon and eggs in front of the child. "Mummy always serves hot pancakes for breakfast," said the eight-year-old.

So Mary, very eager to oblige, hurried into the kitchen and quickly prepared a plate of hot pancakes, which she laid in front of the girl. "No, thank you," she said.

"But I thought you said your mother always has hot pancakes for breakfast!" said Mary in surprise.

"She does," said the child. "But I don't eat them!"

who seal ya mouth

Na me nah!

wetin hin do u

Hunger!

u dey hungry? ,na hin make u seal him mouth

oya loose am nw

Ok on one condition

wat condition

Never mind.oya dot,where u?

D wanka isnt showing up o!i'l give him 3 counts.

1!

hw am i sure u didn't tie his hand as well

2!

3!

Aite,dats it,u've been grounded i mean banned.hey ty ty,dint ty no hands ok.

wait nw

Aite ama wait but for how long?

just farabale

Yuck!Is that ur passport or suin?

dats his scan

Lol!just perfect copy.

dis photocopy is very easy

Photocopy?thot u said it was scanned?

wats d difference

One's black n white,d oda is coloured dummy

olodo

A Sunday school teacher was talking to her young pupils about how they should behave in church.

"Now," she said, "who can tell me why you should be quiet when you are sitting with your parents in church?"

One little girl put up her hand. "Yes Jane, tell everyone why!" said the teacher.

Replied Jane, "Because people are trying to sleep!"