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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One (2867 Views)
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Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by dellynash(f): 10:48am On Nov 13, 2008 |
Hello nairalanders, i have been married for two months now but my marriage is turning into something else, we are not happy as we use to be when we were dating,my husband even shouts at me, we argue alot even when he is wrong he will never accept his fault. It pains me alot, i really want us to be happy like we were when we were dating, please house help m |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by 2tait: 11:13am On Nov 13, 2008 |
You need to understand that things will always change, either for better or for worse. Your role is to adapt and manage that change to achieve your desired objectives. If my understanding of your situation is correct, I suggest you talk less (argue less with your husband). Make him happy, accomodate most of his faults, and support him. Actually that is your role in the marriage - to help your husband, not to argue and confront. If you can't control yourself when an argument is about to take off, just pour some water into your mouth and hold it there until he calms down). Some men are something else. Look upto God and bring him into your marriage. Don't give up, my dear. www.wetindeyforum.com it is all about relationships 1 Like |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by revfather2: 11:33am On Nov 13, 2008 |
FROM THE TABLE OF REV FATHER PLS COMMIT YOUR MARRIAGE INTO THE HANDS OF THE LORD AND YOU WILL DERIVE HAPPINESS FROM IT. GOD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU AND YOUR FAMILY |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by busybody20: 12:33pm On Nov 13, 2008 |
You get to know the Real man you married after marriage. - - - - patience and understanding is the word. 2 months into marriage is too earlier 2 get fed up, ![]() |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by dellynash(f): 3:03pm On Nov 13, 2008 |
2tait thanks very much for your advice, i will just follow it and see how things go.thanks for being there for me i was about giving up already. |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by Nobody: 3:12pm On Nov 13, 2008 |
jjj |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by sistawoman: 6:41pm On Nov 13, 2008 |
I agree with what has been said here. Sometimes our husbands feel the need to assert their role as 'boss' early on. You must learn to lead from behind. Each of you is trying to find their place in the marriage and find their 'roles' this period has its pains and can only be made smoother by the woman. By keeping quiet even when he is wrong you show that you're the one in charge. There will come a time when you are playing (gisting), laughing and joking that you will be able to bring up the things that bother you about the marriage. Speak to your mother or better yet speak to his mother she can provide valuable insight into her son, daily living insight that you may be able to use to your advantage. Please hang in there the reward is so worth it. Both of you are being 'trained' to the other and it will pay off in the end. May I ask how old you and he are? How long did you court? do you live alone? Is his scolding/yelling done in private? Did he behave like this before you married him? Did you discuss expectations about marriage before marriage? Are his requests unreasonable? Does he provide for you? |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by mohawkchic(f): 7:52pm On Nov 13, 2008 |
~You have to make the realisation that there is a huge change to embrace from dating to living together as husband & wife !!!there's no longer a "me-space",its all about you two now . . sometimes you'll be iin each other's face,it takes time to get use to it!!So be Patient!! ~Best advice my mam gave me was . . "Don't Expect It To Be The Same!!" Its a huge transition period!! so don't have "Set Expectations" - you expect things to be just like when you were dating!!- take each day one day at a time,get to know each other's good & bad habits,try to compromise on some things you can't agree on!! ALWAYS communicate how you feel & encourage your hubby to communnicate his feelings too . . none of that nagging bizness now ![]() ~Every man needs his ego stroked every now & again,perfect your stroke on his ego . . .works every time!! ~Its never an easy path to walk but like all marriages,you get a good knock-down every now & then!!don't loose sight of your goal to be happy in love w/ all the changes that come w/ marriage tho!! ![]() ~Times like these,you wish marriage came with a manual!! ![]() |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by chika98: 8:14pm On Nov 13, 2008 |
Mohawkchic: I have a tiny harmless e-crush on you ![]() |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by mohawkchic(f): 8:51pm On Nov 13, 2008 |
chika98: ~Aaaaw ![]() |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by chika98: 9:41pm On Nov 13, 2008 |
lol. You're welcome ![]() ![]() |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by dellynash(f): 9:53am On Nov 14, 2008 |
Hello sista woman thanks very much for your advice, im 29years old and my hubby is 36, he takes care of my needs. we dated for 12months before getting married we don't live alone a friend of his come to the house for a visit and has not left till date, he's been with us for 7weeks now and his behaviour is not good at all, sometimes when we are in the room he is in the parlour watching tv with the loudest volume even as early as 5.30am he is already up,sometimes his music even distracts me from praying. He has even gone as far as bringing his girlfriend to spend the night with him in our house it has happened trice, when i tried complaining to my husband he said, i should be patient he will go.My husband does not shout at me in public mostly in the house, but sometimes neighbors hear it.he argues almost everything i say and claims to be on the right always sometimes when i ask a simple question, he responds with another question, he was never like this when we were dating, he even said he will make me the happiest woman on earth when we get married but now things are different.He use to be very nice when we were dating, he held me like an egg but now he even say nasty things to me saying im wicked, he wakes me up late night to ask for sex, disturbing my sleep, i find it hard sistawoman, adjusting to this new way of life please tell me what steps to take, im so worried and i don't want to quit the marriage cos my friends will laugh at me. |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by dellynash(f): 10:14am On Nov 14, 2008 |
hello Mohawkchic, thanks for your advice,i actually had some set expectations which i will wipe them out now and accept the transition.I will also try to be patient, i don't understand when u say every man needs his ego to be stroke now and then, what does it means my dear? |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by chisomquee: 11:39am On Nov 14, 2008 |
take it easy girl,the solution is patience,do more of watching and keeping your mouth shut,is not easy i agree,that is why it is said that marriage is another institution without graduation.you will see some things you never expected,his character will change whether for good or bad.so try all your best to make yourself happy,as for his friend staying with you,i don't think is wise,but ignore his behaviour and make yourself happy,i wish you well. |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by mohawkchic(f): 7:21pm On Nov 14, 2008 |
dellynash: ~It means knowing & using to the best of your ability things/ways that please your hubby,other posters have given you pointers,at the end of the day,only you knows how your hubby will react to certain things,so its all trail & error, some might work,others wont work but keep your head up & keep plugging away!! *Learn how to pick your fights w/ him,he can't always be right,but sometimes let him think he's had his way! *Saying You're Soory :sometimes it may be you havent even done anything to apologise for but say it anyways!! *Learn to Compliment him,his Efforts for doing some things,however small,let him know you noticed !! *Cook him his favourite meal & then go in for the kill . .you can cajole him to listen to what you have to say! *Avoiding Character Assassination : if there's nothing a man hates,its losing respect or face,much as we can't always control what we say when we are angry,try not to hit him where it hurts the most-by name calling etc *Try not to bring up old grudges on past arguments - Unless when absolutely neccessary!! ~Can i also say,without you realising it,you might have been giving some negative body language that your hubby might have picked up on,let him know you're not comfy having a house guest so soon after youre just married!! ~With a house guest,there must be things you're not able to do the way you'd want to!! -scream your head off when doin you know what! ![]() *not been able to walk around your house butt naked if you feel like it,you know how uncomfy & how much of a strain its having on you & affecting you,try to make him understand! |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by nobeGod(f): 9:47pm On Nov 14, 2008 |
I agree to all that have been said,but the nail has not been hit on the head. the way to my heart is, sex my dear sister if u want ur husy to always listen to u dont deny him of sex even when u are very tierd try not to refuse him ![]() cos this will really help it work for me i have been married for 3yrs now,after 3months of unhappy marriageand now found a solution to my problem after reading so many marriage column now am very happy that all my friends are saying ur marriage is so different. but dont forget that GOD is the author of marriage so always go back to him cos that is my first KEY TRY THIS TWO U WILL SMILE ![]() ![]() |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by abujabooks(f): 1:52am On Nov 15, 2008 |
@Poster, 2 months is too early to give up. U hv to be like Queen Esther & nt like Queen Vashti. Ur home shd be a place where ur hubby can run to. When he comes home, NEVER nag him. Nagging means, saying, why r u home late, why did u leave ur clothes on d floor & repeating them over and over again. Patience is important. Making love is important. U were created 4 ur hubby. NEVER deny him sex. That friend needs to leave. Call your hubby when he has eaten & tell him that, u want d friend to go. If you have smth imp to say to ur hubby, cook for him and when he is full, tell him without shouting. First year of marriage is always like that. You are learning to know each other. Best Advise that, I had from my sis in law's mum was that, do not have any friends especially best friends. They end up taking ur hubby. Make ur hubby ur best friend. |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by dellynash(f): 12:28pm On Nov 15, 2008 |
hi abujabooks, cool advice you have here , thanks very much my dear, i must say this forum has given me alot of relieve , i will stick to all the points all of u have given me here. |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by abujabooks(f): 1:24pm On Nov 15, 2008 |
U r welcome Dellynash. Afterall, d bible says, d older women shd counsel d younger women. Holla anytime! Peace in ur home in Jesus's name! |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by dellynash(f): 1:48pm On Nov 15, 2008 |
Amen oh abujabooks. |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by luckyme9(f): 2:33pm On Nov 15, 2008 |
I agree with abujabooks, 2 months to me is actually not too early. After all you weren't raised in the same home. 3 things to have in mind is Clean, Cook& Sex. You have be consistent in all these. You can only try, you can never be perfect. There is never an end to arguements in marriage, just know when to let go. Concerning others put your man first, pray over your marriiage and watch God bless it. Good luck. |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by maritalsol: 5:40pm On Nov 15, 2008 |
Hi there, I am very sorry about ur situation in marriage especially at this early stage, but it is nothing unusual.The 1st thing i want u to realize is that dating is different from married life, hence this is the time u really learn about ur spouse.My advise is that rather than getting discouraged u should know that u have some work to do.Find out what gives him a lift in his spirit(what makes him happy especially about u) because he loves u but he himself might be passing thru some hard times,also try find out what u were doing during ur courtship that u've either stopped or attaches little importance to now that u are married.Remember that good communication can seal a deal quickly and easily try petting him, men luv it, then, above all pray to God for his help for he his there for u. |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by dellynash(f): 4:56pm On Nov 17, 2008 |
I thank each and everyone of you here, i must say your opinions have helped a great deal, there are already some changes, however i still need more contributions God bless you all |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by sistawoman: 7:37pm On Nov 18, 2008 |
I find that hubby is most relaxed after sex or a meal. But your husband maybe different so find that most relaxed moment and talk to him. But dont talk about what is bothering you but talk about your "love" moments recall things like: What did you think when you first saw me? When did you know that you loved me? What do you like most that I do for you? Talk about life when you were dating, make him remember, recall and recount those moments when you were dating. Make him remember what it felt like when he held you like an egg. And tell him how much you love him, how much you are in love with him, how much you appreciate him and all he does, how he is a good husband and provider and let him know that you will follow him to the ends of the earth. Dont ever during these "feel good conversations" nag him about anything or talk negatively. Just boost him up. Lead from behind. |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by TOYOSI20(f): 8:26pm On Nov 18, 2008 |
@ Topic, I think both of u should try going for marriage counselling. ![]() |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by tRoOE(f): 3:55am On Nov 19, 2008 |
[size=13pt]I think you and your husband should sit down and talk things out, who knows sumthing might be wrong at work, stress maybe that's why his withdrawing, or maybe you nag too much ![]() But na wa oooooo just 2months ![]() ![]() [/size] |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by Nobody: 8:51am On Nov 19, 2008 |
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Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by meexteriox(m): 1:12pm On Nov 21, 2008 |
[center]As unto the bow the cord is, So unto the man is woman, Though she bends him, she obeys him, Though she draws him, yet she follows, Useless each without the other.[/center] |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by SeanT21(f): 11:17am On Jan 25, 2009 |
no be God?: U soud like a woman that surrender to her man~~You better stop it!! ![]() |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by SweetT1: 3:37pm On Jan 25, 2009 |
Just 2 months? What kind of man brings his friend to come and stay with him and his new wife just 2 months after marriage? I'm a man, and i must say that the behavior of Nigerian men worries me a lot. They act like idiots at times. They have their priorities upside down. But some of our women are not helping matters either, they are so busy fronting and pretending about their feelings. Poster, be true to your feelings. Feed your husband then call him and open your heart to him. Let him know exactly what his bothering you. Quit any form of pretension and fake acts, let him know where you stand. Not by being rebellious but with love. Goodluck. You must see to it that that freeloading friend of his must leave your house! A shameless friend ! SeanT21: And please dont listen to advise like these ones. This another Nigerian woman that is taking the western culture to the extreme. Listening and understanding your husband is not called Surrender, it is called compromise for the good of both the husband and wife. |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by ikeyman00(m): 9:44pm On Jan 25, 2009 |
gbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!!!!!!!!!!!! |
Re: Please Tell Me How To Make My Marriage A Happy One by allboyz(m): 3:03pm On Jan 26, 2009 |
@SEANT21. . . That was a wrong advise there! its wrong. . .i guess you were just joking right? @poster - like other sister and mothers had said,please be came and as a man,i would tell you that men love to take control on their home as soon as they get married. . maybe some issues are bothering him at work or something. dont give up,just pray. . .while dating,he must have taken you out,why not try taking him out this time to some of those places. . .make him feel happy and don't talk or reply while his angry or something . . its like that. moreso,that friend must leave. . .what's that? he even have the guts to bring in a girl frend to your home. . .thats rubbish!!!!! |
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