This is the story of my life, an issue which i wouldn’t normally brought out to the public, but things have really gotten out of hand and i need help from any angle i can get.

I grew up in a very poor neighbourhood in the squalors of my village in Oyo State. My parents were peasant farmers who could hardly afford money for my education, so i had to drop out of school when i got to primary five to start working on my father’s farm. It pained me in my heart to see all my mates dressed in bright school uniforms, carrying their bags and bouncing happily to school, but there was nothing i could do. So i had to help my parents in anyway i could to feed us and give our family a form of life to live. But i was gifted with a very sharp brain, and i was also lucky to have so many friends in the neighbourhood, and as such i had the opportunity to read their books with them.

One day when i was about ten years old, one of my dad’s nephews came home after so many years overseas. He saw the situation our family was in and he was so moved. Being that my dad virtually brought him up when the goings were still good(i had not been born then, so i was told the story), he wanted to do anything possible to help out. He told my parents that he came home to start plans on settling down finally, and he needed a hand in town. He decided that he’ll take me with him, and in return for all i’ll do for him, he’ll send me to school. I was so happy, but my mother was a bit reluctant. After so much persuation and promisies, she had to agree. I was overjoyed.

That’s how the man shipped me off to Lagos. He enrolled me into one of the schols there. Being the oldest in the class, i was at first ashamed, but with dedication to work, everyone began to respect me. I was made a prefect in the school. My uncle was so happy at my progress at school, and his children came to love me like a big brother when they finally came back.

The years rolled by. I went to the university, graduated with flying colors, and got a good job. I later met a lady and we fell in love, and after about 3 years courting, we got married.

For the next two years, my wife didn’t get pregnant. We tried so many methods, but all to no avail. We then decided to see the doctor, and it was at the hospital that i got a shock. On the appointed day, doctor told me i was virile and capable of having a child. He then tested my wife. It was the result after the test that gave me the shock. The first question he asked my wife was “have you ever had an abortion before?”. When he asked this, my heart jumped into my mouth. I recalled when we just started dating that she had told me about her past life, how her first boyfriend had used her and dumped her when she got pregnant, how she had aborted the pregnancy and nearly died from complications from the abortion. I never knew such a thing could now come and haunt our marriage of three years.

The doctor told us that as a result of the abortion then, the lining of her womb had all but been destroyed, and as a result the fertilised eggs had been refusing to attach to it. It wasn’t that she couldn’t get pregnant, but due to her weak lining, the blood flow will flush the fertilised eggs off the womb during her menses. It would be very hard for her to have a child.

My wife wept all the way home that night. I couldn’t bear the fact that i was being haunted by an incident i knew nothing about, something that wasn’t related to me in any way.

For the next two months, i treated her like a slave. I now look back and realise that what i did to her all that while was heartless. I was blinded by my grief. I got annoyed at any little thing she did, and even stopped making love to her. one evening, she came to me and told me that she knew i was sad, and that she knew how bad i felt about her not being able to have my child. She had decided that she’ll leave my life and i should get another wife. That statement she made opened my eyes to all what i had been doing to her. i thought she was joking until the following week when a plaintif of the court brought a summons from my wife nullifying our marriage. She wanted a divorce.

I realised i had gone too far. I tried calling her but she switched her phone off. I rushed home and saw she had packed her luggage out of the house. I tried calling her parents, but was told they didn’t know where she was.

I have been begging her to come back home since then. I refused to sign the summons of the court. I told her i would turn back to being the loving husband she knew before. I don’t know what to do again.

It's normal for you to react in anger and dissappointment knowing that your wifes past is haunting you now, preventing you from having your own child. When she told you about the earlier abortions, you should have both done a medical test, to determine if both of you could still have kids. This would have saved you the wahala you are experiencing now.
Anyways, whats done is done. Like I said, the feelings of anger and betrayal you feel are natural but you made the mistake of lashing out on your wife, I know you feel she was responsible and all that, and its human nature to project the anger. But now, if you want her back like you said, the only thing is to intensify your efforts. She probably feels bad that shes made you pay for her past mistakes, and you need to show her that while you feel sad, you still love her, and want her back, and you will not let the past color your treatment of her.
This is kinda sensitive, no one actually knows how they would react till they were in your shoes. I wish you the best of luck. Keep trying, and be persistent!

Love is funny.

It's usually most valued when it's almost or lost.

The question I ask from you is: Are you willing to live with that fact that you are not going to be father?, because I am not sure whether your interest in her is because you pity her or because you really love her.

so it goes two ways:

1. If you love her enough, then you might as well, live with it and go after her.

2. But if you do not, and only do this out of remorse for her, then it's better to let her be and move on with your life.

So, make your decision based on logic , not emotions.

mercy o Lord. bros start doing kneeology now. dont know why we cant love somebody child or no child

wavemasta:

It's normal for you to react in anger and dissappointment knowing that your wifes past is haunting you now, preventing you from having your own child. When she told you about the earlier abortions, you should have both done a medical test, to determine if both of you could still have kids. This would have saved you the wahala you are experiencing now.
Anyways, whats done is done. Like I said, the feelings of anger and betrayal you feel are natural but you made the mistake of lashing out on your wife, I know you feel she was responsible and all that, and its human nature to project the anger. But now, if you want her back like you said, the only thing is to intensify your efforts. She probably feels bad that shes made you pay for her past mistakes, and you need to show her that while you feel sad, you still love her, and want her back, and you will not let the past color your treatment of her.
This is kind of sensitive, no one actually knows how they would react till they were in your shoes. I wish you the best of luck. Keep trying, and be persistent!

well said, i agree with this reply entirely, Wishing you all the very best mate,

This is so sad!

It’s good you realize how awful you’ve been to her and you want to make it up but you can’t just say “I love you, oya come back home”. There are questions that need to be answered. . . questions that, if I was in your wife’s shoes, would be racing through my head.

1) Why do you want her back? Is it because you miss and love her or just out of a sense of duty?

2) Who do you miss? Do you miss your emotional punching bag or do you miss the woman you once loved?

3) If she comes back, what next? I mean she still can’t get pregnant. . . how are you going to handle this? How has your outlook on the matter changed. . . can you accept that you won't be a father, at least not with her as the mother.

4) How emotionally ready are you to seek alternative routes like surrogacy, adoption or invitro?

It’s gone beyond saying I love you, I love you. There are real life issues that needs to be addressed and I believe answering these questions will go a long way in helping you formulate a way to get her back.

I wish you both all the very best.

Hmmn, tough one!!

Well, you acted like a jerk by reacting that way; Afterall, she dint hide it from you in the first place. So much for opening up to guys.

Anyway, you have to try to get her trust back, cos whatever faith she had in you before has flown with the wind. You have to work hard to earn it back.

Thats the only way you can prove yourself worthy of the love of a nice lady.

That said, I understand your pain and I know it must really hur bad, but think about it this way . . . .  thats the way God wanted it. Besided dont give up, miracles still happen. Dont let the pain ruin you life. God will give you good children; Bioligically or adopted.  

i guess u er a step in  the rite direction. why dont you try and talk with one or two friend(s) of hers. above all keep the faith alive, she'll come round. cheers

@ Worried man,

They always say as u lay ur bed so would u lie on it,
i guess, u dug ur own grave here, so deal with it as best as u can

For the fact that she told you about the abortion before you guys got married and didnt lie about it
You shudnt have maltreated her but i hope it all works out for you and wour wife.

I'm really sorry. You must be going through hell. But you've gotten some great advice here. They said examine the reasons you want her back, and do some soul searching of your own. Don't pursue her out of some knee-jerk reaction to her leaving,but because you really love her and are willing to work through this her. You must have been really horrible to her,because our women usually don't leave their marriages this way.But your reaction to not having kids is understandable, and you seem a good and responsible person.  If you really love her you'll likely have her back.Wives know the real deal and respond to it.

Women who'd been written off medically, do go ahead to have babies. Someone was telling me a true story yesterday of a lady in Abuja who couldn't conceive for years. She never gave up. Last month she gave birth to quadruplets. Doctors don't have the final word on who will have kids and who will not.

Babies are babies, and they are abandoned in droves everyday,helpless day-old infants. Consider adopting,if it's in your philosophy, and NEVER give up on having biological ones of your own.
Take heart.

This is a really sensitive issue and is just like a test of your love for her because if u really love her no matter what in her past comes hunting in the future u'll overcome it. If it was something else that caused her inability not to concieve i'm sure the case would have been different. Just thank God for your lives and that u both found each other to love in the first place.
It's going to take the grace of God according to the way you said u treated her to be really convinced of your love for her. But who knows what would happen in the future (a child could come) and it'll all be a learning experience.
Good luck.

beautiful story. It almost sounded like reading a movie synopsis.

You treated your wife very badly, at least she was honest enough to tell you the truth before you wilfully decided to marry her. Well its up to you to go after her . . . there are so many options besides adoption that you can consider.

She probably means a lot more to you now that you realise she's gone.

My colleague in the office shared this testimony about her sister and her husband with me.  

They have been married for 3yrs without a child and they decided to see the Dr. for medical attention. After the tests, they were asked to come back for the result and the man went to get it. The Dr expained to him that he his fertile and can make a woman pregnant but his wife has had abortion more than once and this has completely destroyed her womb, so she could never have a child.  Really it was truebecause the lady really had fun when she was single but later changed. Unfortunately, the woman never told her husband about any abortion or her escapades as a single lady.  

When the man got home, his wife was really anxious to know the outcome of the result and right from the door the man began to shout sweetheart congratulations i was told nothing is wrong with us that we could have as many children as we want and he took her out that day and bought her presents thanking her for given him children already. The woman was so happy and exactly 3 months after, she got pregnant. It was when the man was holding their son in his arms at the hospital that he told her that the Dr. actually told him that day that she could never be pregnant but he refused to accept his reports and refused to tell her so that she wont destroy his faith. The woman was speechless and with tears she confessed that it was true and thanked her husband for bestowing such undeserved love on her.  They now have 2 boys expecting the 3rd.  So my dear there is nothing God cannot do. Just be sure you know what you really want.

The fact that the two of you were open enough with each other for her to feel comfortable in the trust enough to let you know her secret and you still married her means there is real love there. That is very rare. While I understand your reaction because Adoption and surrogacy and not really part of the Naija social commonality, you need to examine your reasons like everyone else has said. Sisi Jinx put your options and next steps very nicely:

This is so sad!

It’s good you realize how awful you’ve been to her and you want to make it up but you can’t just say “I love you, oya come back home”. There are questions that need to be answered. . . questions that, if I was in your wife’s shoes, would be racing through my head.

1) Why do you want her back? Is it because you miss and love her or just out of a sense of duty?

2) Who do you miss? Do you miss your emotional punching bag or do you miss the woman you once loved?

3) If she comes back, what next? I mean she still can’t get pregnant. . . how are you going to handle this? How has your outlook on the matter changed. . . can you accept that you won't be a father, at least not with her as the mother.

4) How emotionally ready are you to seek alternative routes like surrogacy, adoption or invitro?

It’s gone beyond saying I love you, I love you. There are real life issues that needs to be addressed and I believe answering these questions will go a long way in helping you formulate a way to get her back.

I wish you both all the very best.

You need to really start begging and realise if she does come back (which I'm hoping she does because no woman leaves like this unless under intense emotional stress and guilt) that the work is not done. The two of you have to re-work the dynamics of your relationship. See about adopting, there are SO MANY children in Nigeria that need a home. Invest in prayer and a deepening of your spiritual love for each other. All the best.

Are girls in the house reading this thread? it's quit touching but i know that God can STILL make things work out for both of u, a doctors has told some1 i know a things like this, but at the end the lady still got pregnant, although it all depense on her age, it hurts when i read stories like this because each time i come across threads like[b]my boyfriend said i should abort the baby[/b] , i feel pity for girls who falls in the hands of heartless boyfriends that think only for themselves( see what is happening to ur wife now, she did lots of aborting for some nasty not wort it guys in the past, today she found a guy that wort it but having problems in giving him a baby. Like i said befor, if u love ur wife go for her and win her back home, marriage is not only for making kids, if u so desire to have kids and want the happiness of ur wife u both could adopt, it's dsame thing a child is a child, biological or adopted.
I wish u good luck why trying to get her back.

You need to do some soul searching, and expect that nothing is going to change when she eventually returns to you. Irrespective of her past, If it is the will of God, she will have your kids, period.

My suggestion is that you act two fold,


1) Go to her parents, be remorseful, contrite, acknowledge the errors you made and plead respectfully.
2) Approach your wife, explaining the reason why your mien changed towards her, proffer solutions to your childless marriage, i.e. adoption, invitro etc.  Tell her you love her irrespective.

Good luck.

I will advice you better let this woman be. In a couple of years from now you will forget this emotion when you start seeing other people's children all over your place. I dont think you will ever forgive her for rendering you fatherless, or are you planning to marry a second wife? Who might make life unbearable for her.
Forget about this search and marry somebody that would bear children for you. If you still go ahead and bring her in and she is unable to give you kids, you should surely be ready to live all your days in grief and regret. No woman is worth dying for my friend. Shine your eyes

Nosa-Henry:

I will advice you better let this woman be. In a couple of years from now you will forget this emotion when you start seeing other people's children all over your place. I don't think you will ever forgive her for rendering you fatherless, or are you planning to marry a second wife? Who might make life unbearable for her.
Forget about this search and marry somebody that would bear children for you. If you still go ahead and bring her in and she is unable to give you kids, you should surely be ready to live all your days in grief and regret. No woman is worth dying for my friend. Shine your eyes

As crass as the above answer is theres some truth in it. You need to really think long and hard. If you can bear not having kids then fine. You have not explored all answers so you may need to see a specialist to have them check your wife out maybe theres hope. Theres always adoption. You also need to think about your families when they realise there is a problem they may start trouble are you ready for that?

Whatever you decide you must be very honest to yourself and to her. Your not doing her any favours if you ask her to come back then make her life hell everytime you see people with children.

All the best

Well the moral of the story is that, Men should avoid women who abort foolishly in University. I remember my Uni days when all these shakara oloje girls will be posing left and right and at the end of the day, they become pregnant and to avoid the shame and their reputation, they abort the child.

This is that woman's punishment. You should leave her fast fast. The over skill worrying them in Uni is catching up to them. Better Go and Find a more decent girl that her wombs are still intact unlike those ones with ruptured fallopan tubes who have pre delievered the complete super eagles squad before they graduate and are now finding a good man to marry.

Hope they remain single for the reminder of their lives. I am sure the boy who was toasting them way back that was'nt cool back then and not worthy to toast her, is now a big boy in a fortune 500 company and is now laughing at her type.

So bros leave her sharp sharp. There is nothing like love for a ruptured womb. Let her go and find her baby where she left him or her in the gutter.

Abortion chicks are definately not the kind of chicks you should spend your life with except if it was a serious medical issue.

There are so many good women out there that werent so cool then but studious and responsible. Not like most of these useless rada rada chicks walking up and down like human HIV cargos. Find one of these good girls and your life will be in a better shape.

So if you have had an abortion and your not yet married and your reading this, your next! And dont expect any sympathy from anyone!

You gotta love Karma!

na wa o . . .

Adam you wicked o.

This looks more like a HINTS magazine story or a SUPER STORY by wale adenuga ^{sounds fcuken implausiblel}

My colleague in the office shared this testimony about her sister and her husband with me.

They have been married for 3yrs without a child and they decided to see the Dr. for medical attention. After the tests, they were asked to come back for the result and the man went to get it. The Dr expained to him that he his fertile and can make a woman pregnant but his wife has had abortion more than once and this has completely destroyed her womb, so she could never have a child. Really it was truebecause the lady really had fun when she was single but later changed. Unfortunately, the woman never told her husband about any abortion or her escapades as a single lady.

When the man got home, his wife was really anxious to know the outcome of the result and right from the door the man began to shout sweetheart congratulations i was told nothing is wrong with us that we could have as many children as we want and he took her out that day and bought her presents thanking her for given him children already. The woman was so happy and exactly 3 months after, she got pregnant. It was when the man was holding their son in his arms at the hospital that he told her that the Dr. actually told him that day that she could never be pregnant but he refused to accept his reports and refused to tell her so that she wont destroy his faith. The woman was speechless and with tears she confessed that it was true and thanked her husband for bestowing such undeserved love on her. They now have 2 boys expecting the 3rd. So my dear there is nothing God cannot do. Just be sure you know what you really want.

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This one na confirm faith.

Another addition to NL's astonishing collection of fictional threads.

@davidylan,

Na true now! All this hopeless girls claiming to be Unilag big babes or Abuja Big babes are nothing more than walking abortion corpses. You end up falling for their flamboyance and shakara but meanwhile do you know how many instruments but long and short have ruptured their wombs? They pamper their looks and pancake faces to make them attractive for an unsuspecting decent man looking for a wife and later he realises that he has been fraudulently induced into a relationship withot the chick revealing her horror past.

I dont feel sorry for them one bit and thats why you see sharp boys using and dumping them because they know these chics only want the exterior flamboyance of these play boys and not someone who truely cares for them. You see them screaming, "2Face is cute, ramsey Noah is a fine boy, i love Dbanj" without realising that these guys are just playing to the gallery to sleep with them and the ordinary boy who isnt hip then trying to toast them is mocked cruelly for even having the audacity to talk to them talkless of toast them.

Thats why you see most of them are already old cargos, single and searching for a ring. No be only ring, na lord of the ring them go find! These useless agbayas are everywhere and wondering why no man will take them to the alter and they will forget that they were once baby killers and pompous twats trying to eat more they can chew.

You see them today praying for "the fruit of the womb" no be only fruit, na "EBA OF THE WOMB" Make them pray for! Boys these days are so much smarter now in detecting these kind of women and i hope they grow old and single and childless for the remindeer of their lives, because they once had a gift of life but threw it away. No excuse except medical excuse can justify their callousness then and now they must suffer for their cruelty.

So to the poster, tell your so called wife to waka fast! More responsible, homily and good girls who still have their wombs intact will be there to make you a proud father. This case is different from impotence or infertility or barreness. This is just the reward for being a Lagos Big Girl whose flamboyance has led to her waterloo.

So Poster FORGET LOVE and move on. Leave her to continue to become aunties and big sister to others but never the mom to a biological child due to her wickedness.

Let Karma Work Wonders on her life till she is tired of regretting and die, while you enjoy the fruits of the earth with someone that will give you your own blood child. No sympathy, no pity!!! BANISH THAT FROM YOUR MIND ABEG!

I NO SEND WOMEN LIKE THAT!

I'm sorry about ur situation and its natural to react the way u did but don't forget that its not easy for her also finding out that she can't have kids or have kids naturally.

if u truelly love her ,now is the time to stand by her. i know u badly want kids of ur own and there are also other ways of having ur own kids.eg


1.) Your wife can donate her eggs and u donate ur sperm for surogacy ------------( in this case she will be 50% the mother of the baby and the woman who carries the baby in her womb 50% also while ur 100% the father of the baby )


2.) Or get a direct Surogate  ( without her eggs)

3.) IVF ,  ( i don't know if IVF will work on her since the baby can't implant to the uterus linning but u can findout from a fertility doctor )


4.) Embryo adoption  ------------- ( since ur fertile they will use ur sperm instead of someone elses and just trasfer it to ur wife´s womb when its formed )

5.) Adoption

@poster

Don't listen to Angolobabe o! That system is not our culture at all. Either you born one on one or you adopt. But because she is an abortee, leave her jeje to wallow in her suffering! You will always love another person especially the mother of your direct child!

Leave that girl kia kia!

Let her and her ilk suffer for eternity! Shebi that shakara they were doing then and their infatuatin for the third leg has caught up with them, so why sympathize?

Forget her jare! Too many sweet girls and take home to mama boku for out there. Leave those old cargos who are destined to be single and childless for the reminder of their lives!

I wish you well. I hope she can forgive you and you guys learn from this. I wish that woman that wants to abort her pregnancy when she is already engaged to be married can read this. I am sure this poor women will probably even sell her sould to the devil if she can get a child. If she knew the kind of grief she would endure, she would have kept that child. Life is full of lessons

adam, which one is abortee ? lol you funny.

sorry poster i wish you well. when i say ladies close ya leg it is like one is preaching. don't fall for any man's sweet mouthing. i don't like all the boyfriend girlfriend shagging thingy. i loathe it with a passion.

so adam, blame your male colleagues too for sweet mouthing ladies till they open yakata for them.