@ Pritigrr, may you find the peace and love you desire. May God increase you day by day in love and be enriched by the love of others. Take care.

@ Serubawon, men like you are not common. Please listen to the words of advise on here, and in particular, the scriptural references from Analytical. There's actually something there for you.

@ Analytical, may the Lord increase you. Your words are truly deep. You remind me of my husband, full of wisdom. God bless you and family

Serubawon, Spoilt, Kiki2000 and all, thanks for your kind words.  You guys have been awesome here. God bless y'all.

*****still following this thread; it's so encouraging seeing this man waxing stronger and
stronger by the day****

God is your strength Serubawon. It is well with you.

I don't even have the right words to express myself after reading eleven pages in one seating!!  Mr.Serubawon this journey started about 7 years ago thank you so much for sharing this private journal with us,it is so inspiring,moving and a lot more,You have been a blessing to many on this one.
In God's time everything will fall into place.
I have to say the beauty of NL is just "rubbing" shoulders with some of the most intelligent minds you could ever come across.This thread has just brought out more admiration for many and I pray to be as wise as some of you.
The way you have addressed or responded to some issues on this thread makes one look at life from very different angles.God Bless

Freesia:

I don't even have the right words to express myself after reading eleven pages in one seating!!  Mr.Serubawon this journey started about 7 years ago thank you so much for sharing this private journal with us,it is so inspiring,moving and a lot more,You have been a blessing to many on this one.
In God's time everything will fall into place.
I have to say the beauty of NL is just "rubbing" shoulders with some of the most intelligent minds you could ever come across.This thread has just brought out more admiration for many and I pray to be as wise as some of you.
The way you have addressed or responded to some issues on this thread makes one look at life from very different angles.God Bless

Thank you for your kind words.

Awwwww! This thread just confirmed to me that sometimes,it's easier to talk about how we feel to people who do not know us.
@ Serubawon,i wont say i understand exactly how you feel but i bless God for the fact that you've turn again to life and smiles,comforting hearts weaker than yours. Always count your blessings and not your sorrows. I know your kids will do you proud someday. God bless you and your family.

$pärklês:

Awwwww! This thread just confirmed to me that sometimes,it's easier to talk about how we feel to people who do not know us.
@ Serubawon,i wont say i understand exactly how you feel but i bless God for the fact that you've turn again to life and smiles,comforting hearts weaker than yours. Always count your blessings and not your sorrows. I know your kids will do you proud someday. God bless you and your family.

Amen. Yes it is easier to put things down when you're anonymous. However, you can only be anonymous for so long and somebody is bound to know who you are sooner or later. And I guess that's why it's better to be honest, so you're not caught lying.

@ serubawon
If we had found out that you lied eh. . . We would have all given you village square beating. Lol.
How are the kids?

@spoilt
Na life oh
Been a silent reader for some years tho- nairaland kinda lost its touch or should i say i got busier.

But i had to say something when i saw the serubaba's thread was back. It was one of my favorites! Like Tell me about your marriage thread Simple true stories (no crazies)

So hows the home front? Is it baby number 1,2 or 4 now

Mr Spoilt nko?
if he get cousin, broda nephew sef - send them ermmm to my side naa.
Better man scarce oh

@Salsera
I quit Nairaland myself for years. Couldn't deal with the nonsense. Serubawon's thread basically brought me back. I'm not even really posting anywhere else right now. My son is number two and my hands are full. I still remember the men above 35 thread. My sister real men are not exactly a dime a dozen but they exist. My sister what's your flavor? I may have one white boy for you.

spoilt:

@ serubawon
If we had found out that you lied eh. . . We would have all given you village square beating. Lol.
How are the kids?

Lie ke. Come to think about it, I'm sure nemesis would have hung me out to dry if she had discovered a lie. It just shows that it's a very small world these days and you never know who knows you (especially when you think you are anonymous). If nothing, I've been too honest on this thread, but is there any other way to be? Posting on this thread is almost therapeutic for me. I can type things that used to very difficult for me to talk about and it helps a lot.

@Spoilt. My kids (I call them my ogas because na dem employ me with no salary), are doing very well thank you. Good grades in school and one thing I've always been grateful for is that they don't show any form of emotional trauma concerning their mom. God took care of that for me and I'm eternally grateful to Him.

It's another week (I think I need a vacation) of work, work, work. Have a blessed week everyone.

spoilt:

@Salsera
I quit Nairaland myself for years. Couldn't deal with the nonsense. Serubawon's thread basically brought me back. I'm not even really posting anywhere else right now. My son is number two and my hands are full. I still remember the men above 35 thread. My sister real men are not exactly a dime a dozen but they exist. My sister what's your flavor? I may have one white boy for you.

Haba!!!!!!

spoilt:

@Salsera
I quit Nairaland myself for years. Couldn't deal with the nonsense. Serubawon's thread basically brought me back. I'm not even really posting anywhere else right now. My son is number two and my hands are full. I still remember the men above 35 thread. My sister real men are not exactly a dime a dozen but they exist. My sister what's your flavor? I may have one white boy for you.

LOL at whats your flavor

My theory on this is that the good solid men of integrity are seen as rather too effico and boring and young women never seem to notice them. Eventually they will be picked off the shelf and they are the ones that transform into very good husbands.

I have seen women give up responsible boyfriends for silly reasons like "he is too quiet" only to end up marrying a Mr Koko master. Flashy things do get boring after a while especially when you have moved on in life and you are sitting at home with 4 kids, yet the guy is still pulling club girls every weekend.

The razz boys are the ones who young women tend to flock round and they are the ones who give the most trouble when they get married.

Thats just my take on the issue

Thanks Chaircover for this piece. Got me thinking,

@Chaircover.

You have a point. A lot of women like ready-made products i.e. a guy who has everything (or almost everything). Life can be funny sometimes. Try and consider karma or the balance of life in totality. A guy becomes rich early in life and has every material possession you could wish for. However, if you take a closer look at things, they usually die early, lose everything or something tragic happens. Of course, this is the kind of guy that appeals to most women initially.

Some years ago, I came across an analogy that still makes sense till this day. It goes like this: There are 3 categories of married couples in life.

1. The 1st category is the couple that gets married and everything falls in place immediately. Great jobs, opportunity to travel, nice cars and house etc. It looks like life was made just for them. 5 - 20 years of no problems whatsoever and they are the envy of everyone. Usually at the 10 year mark, life (or the devil, if you prefer), throws them a nasty curve that is so profound, they never recover from it. At that time, nobody wants to be in their shoes.

2. The 2nd category is the couple that has everything 50/50. They get married and things are never too good and never too bad. Everything is basically mediocre. They never achieve excellence, but never go below the poverty line either. They are usually never recognized and they basically lead an existence that is never noticed. They just pass through life.

3. Then there is the 3rd category and this is the interesting one. These couples are usually God-fearing and people of faith. As opposed to the other 2 categories, they get married and all hell breaks loose. The husband loses his job; wife can't get a job; car breaks down and they can't afford repairs; kicked out of the house by the landlord because they can't pay rent (kind of scary). At this point, both husband and wife start suspecting each other to be the cause of the calamities (African style), and things just go from bad to worse to completely messed up. Now this category at this point splits into 2; the 1st group don't have enough faith in God and give up and go there separate ways - end of story. The 2nd group have faith in God, believe in each other and battle this myriad of misfortunes for the same 5 - 20 years. After this period of misery, things start to look up and gradually get better continuously throughout life. They are the ones that when in their late 40s to early 50s start to enjoy the pleasures of life (but they had to go through hell to get there). All because they believed in God and stuck it out to the end. They are the ones with the fantastic testimonies that scare you and you actually look at their present circumstances and can't imagine how they made it. They are the ones that tell you, be patient and believe in God, He won't forsake you, but you definitely don't want to experience what they went though in life.

My question is; What category would you want to belong to, taking into full consideration the intricacies of each group?

Now, why this long-winded analogy? The good husbands that last usually fall under the last category and they don't look so appetizing in the beginning, so women walk away from them. You can imagine where I'm coming from with this.

It's up to the woman to know her man (the good one o), stick with him and be his support. It's up to the man to know his woman, nurture her and always have it at the back of his mind that he will not succeed without a good woman behind him. That's what I'm looking for.

chaircover:

LOL at whats your flavor  

My theory on this is that the good solid men of integrity are seen as rather too effico and boring and young women never seem to notice them. Eventually they will be picked off the shelf and they are the ones that transform into very good husbands.

I have seen women give up responsible boyfriends for silly reasons like "he is too quiet" only to end up marrying a Mr Koko master. Flashy things do get boring after a while especially when you have moved on in life and you are sitting at home with 4 kids, yet the guy is still pulling club girls every weekend.

The razz boys are the ones who young women tend to flock round and they are the ones who give the most trouble when they get married.

Thats just my take on the issue  

Yes oh! Its all about the flavor. Race, ethnicity, personality, passions, etc. An open mind only gives one more options to meet great people. I tend to find nerdy guys very attractive. The louder, more garrulous and flashy a guy is the faster I run in the opposite direction. Have empty barrels not always made the most noise? I'm still preaching to my single friends that nerds have substance and hidden potential. Plus behind closed doors.  . .  .  .  .  .  they can show you that butter is not the food of a monkey.   Not so nerdy after all huh? *Coughs* I digress.  
Anyway one may have trials and tribulations and meet some snakes before finding the one. Its all part of the journey. It will all be worthwhile when you find the one.

Interesting. . . I' ve heard more than a few very happily married elderly couples talk about going through a very rocky patch early on where they almost hit the breaking point.

If you have a God-fearing and respectful spouse they may get upset, argue, even yell, but they will not take low blows and resort to petty retalliation.

Some women are only attracted to the type of guy that will talk down to them and belittle them in times of stress. The respectful guy is seen as 'soft'.

Hmmmmm very deep.

Serubawon I can identify with what you say up there. My mentors have been married for many years and they are having the time of their life now; kids are doing really well, there is money and they seem to love each other more and more each day. They are like butter on bread; all stuck together. If you see one, you see the other. I pray that my marriage is like theirs but when we sit down and talk about all the things that they went through in the early days I say Haaaaaaa o ti o!! But one thing that stood out in their story is that they always knew God and He sustained them through difficult times.

Somehow some women are attracted to Casanova type men and men that will treat them badly. Has anyone ever seen women fighting and beating themselves up over a nerdy effico? you only see them fighting over Mr Slick.

When I was in school I had this girl who would only go out with army boys; she had this young officer who would beat her black and blue but she kept on going back because she said that she enjoyed the make up sex. Very weird. I don't know where she is now but it wouldn't surprise me if she is a battered wife somewhere. She was a very pretty and intelligent girl and I could never understand why she was like that.

I had another classmate who only wanted to be a second wife and would only go out with richer older men. We all thought that it was just a temp measure but she did end up marrying one old baba as a third wife.

Wonderful thread

Got me thinking about the kind of man i should date

@Chaircover. True. However, you'll be surprised at how much things are changing these days.

@spoilt

My flavor? Not particular about the race as long as i dont need to use signs to communicate

I'll take white man oh - maybe na my destiny sef cos na so one of my friends talk say na white man you go marry.
I hope he's considers others before himself and he's thoughtful ( i'm not attracted to aggressive men)

For other specs we need to talk , off camera

Seriously, compatibility is key for me. Someone i can be friends with, be myself with and vice versa, be a partner with and build a strong family with, who shares majority of the values i have.
and still thinks i'm the hottest chic on the planet.

salsera:

@spoilt

My flavor? Not particular about the race as long as i dont need to use signs to communicate

I'll take white man oh - maybe na my destiny sef cos na so one of my friends talk say na white man you go marry.
I hope he's considers others before himself and he's thoughtful ( i'm not attracted to aggressive men)

For other specs we need to talk , off camera

Seriously, compatibility is key for me. Someone i can be friends with, be myself with and vice versa, be a partner with and build a strong family with, who shares majority of the values i have.
and still thinks i'm the hottest chic on the planet.

Hmmmmmm. That'll work.

@ Serubaba
  What of the couple that start with nothing?Girl meets boy living in a b/q with correct civil servant salary?The type that work hard,make plans,suffer setbacks but still keep going?The kind of couple where the wife encourages and plans,where you hear i wouldn't be here without my wife etc?Where things seem to go wrong and at the breaking point God just does a miracle?
 
Group 3 is too drastic and Group 2 seems a bit too mellow,

imconfused:

@ Serubaba
  What of the couple that start with nothing?Girl meets boy living in a b/q with correct civil servant salary?The type that work hard,make plans,suffer setbacks but still keep going?The kind of couple where the wife encourages and plans,where you hear i wouldn't be here without my wife etc?Where things seem to go wrong and at the breaking point God just does a miracle?
 
Group 3 is too drastic and Group 2 seems a bit too mellow,

They still fall under group 3. Group 3, as 'drastic' as it seems has a range of bad to extremely bad. It's a good group to belong to in the long run, but nobody wants to go through all that craziness. Remember, a lot of couples don't survive that group unless with the help of the Almighty God. However, the testimonies of God's goodness that emanate from this group only strengthens our belief that "All Things Work Together For Good For those Who Love God, For Those Who Are Called According To His Purpose, "

3rd Category reminds me of the story of Job,Going from bad to worse or should I even say "worst" then things turning around for the best,Forgive me if I sound sceptical but do they make people like that anymore??.Today's society is all about Me Me Me,if things are not working out close friends or even family will ask you what you are still doing with so and so *sigh*

Wow! I've missed a lot. This tread neva seems to stop. Once again serubobosky, were all wish you the best. More grease to ur elbows.'m

Wao this is the first sane thread I have seen on Nairaland ever and I have been here for many years!. I read all 11 pages in one sitting AT WORK

@Serubawon, God will continue to strengthen you ooo. He will surely bring the woman of your dreams your way and very soon.

See how God brough you here and surrounded you with word/posts of encouragement when you least expected it. God has a way of working in the least expected ways.

spoilt:



Yes oh! Its all about the flavor. Race, ethnicity, personality, passions, etc. An open mind only gives one more options to meet great people. I tend to find nerdy guys very attractive. The louder, more garrulous and flashy a guy is the faster I run in the opposite direction. Have empty barrels not always made the most noise? I'm still preaching to my single friends that nerds have substance and hidden potential. Plus behind closed doors.  . .  .  .  .  .  they can show you that butter is not the food of a monkey.  Not so nerdy after all huh? *Coughs* I digress. 
Anyway one may have trials and tribulations and meet some snakes before finding the one. Its all part of the journey. It will all be worthwhile when you find the one.

@spoilt,  true talk,  I'm living it right now and having the time of my life. _{What can I say, Nerdy men are hauttt! ( silently leaves thread)}

yodiyokun:

Wao this is the first sane thread I have seen on Nairaland ever and I have been here for many years!. I read all 11 pages in one sitting AT WORK

@Serubawon, God will continue to strengthen you ooo. He will surely bring the woman of your dreams your way and very soon.

See how God brough you here and surrounded you with word/posts of encouragement when you least expected it. God has a way of working in the least expected ways.

Thank you and God bless you. True, this thread has been a blessing.

@Analytical, chaircover.

I hope say am not starting anoda palava o. Howeva, I was describing serubobosky to someone and since I promise say I no go show anyone who know him this thread, how would u describe him if you wants to match him with somebody nice. Serubobosky, sorry o. I know say u shy small.

nemesis:

@Analytical, chaircover.

I hope say am not starting anoda palava o.  Howeva, I was describing serubobosky to someone and since I promise say I no go show anyone who know him this thread, how would u describe him if you wants to match him with somebody nice. Serubobosky, sorry o.  I know say u shy small.

No pun intended Nemesis but do you have a secret crush on Serubawon? How else can one explain this constant need of being in this guys business. I havent seen his friend (your own husband) come on here to make such a fuss about looking for a partner for his friend so why have you taken it upon yourself to embarass serubawon like this.

From what I have gathered here, Serubawon is a good man with his head screwed on tight and I therefore dont beleive that he will have any trouble in attracting the right woman at Gods appointed time.

All this matchmaking is getting rather lame. He is not a kid, I am sure that he can look for and choose his own mate himself and if it does happen that you do have a crush on him then go and tell him. There is nothing new under the sun. He will most likely say no, but at least you have got it off your chest and he knows to run away each time he sees you.

Serubawon isnt the first or last widower; let the guy live his life in peace. kilode? abi nkan mi wa n be ni? Yorubas say iku bo la je. If it wasnt for what happened would you, me or anyone else be in his business?

Please stop stalking the guy and let him be. You keep on waking up this thread. What is your motive exactly?

Please respect yourself and respect your husband

I 100% agree with CC here. When I read nemesis' reply this morning, the first thing I thought to myself was "This woman has some feelings for Serubobo". There is no doubt about it, she can deny it from now till tomorrow it wouldn't change anything.

Second off, I can relate to the play-play matchmaking with Nlders like Prittigril, Jennykadry ( ), BB and so on but when it goes outside of NLD, I think it is an insult to Serubobo. This man is in his 40's and not a child, he can get a woman whenever he wants to, some people just need to shove their noses up where the sun don't shine.


@Serubawon

Seriously, I think it is about time you spoke to Nemesis' Husband, he needs to tell his wife to mind her freaking business and he also needs to put a leash on her.