@ Nemesis,
Had to come out of hiding to write this.Seru has been uncomfortable since you came on here and started writing stuff.I'd have thought that you would show wisdom and respect and not post on his thread again.
We agree you know him,no one is dragging with you but to come on here and embarrass him despite his pleas to you is a horrible thing to do.
Please,show some restraint.

Hi guys!
@ Nemesis, I think Serubawon will be suspicious of you trying to match make him. Heck, I'm suspicious. Just leave him be aiight?

@ the others
He doesn't need to have a word with her hubby. That will make it bigger than it really is. Its just a case of her feeling she really knows him.

@ Lady Salsera
Where do you live?

There are times when I honestly don't have to say a word. This is because of the posters who say what is exactly on my mind. So, my eternal thanks to Chaircover, Spoilt, imconfused and jennykadry for your responses to nemesis. As you said, my making a comment will only worsen the issue.

Wishing everyone a wonderful thanksgiving. May it be another opportunity for family and friends to come together and appreciate one another. Happy holidays everyone.

^^^^
Abeg ooo!! who be dis scammer

Christmas is coming . . .He/She is looking for Xmas money 

Reported the "scammer" to the moderator, but a lot of other responses were deleted by the moderator. Don't know how that happened, but I guess the scammer is history. Apologies to those who had their posts deleted by the moderator. Still trying to figure that out.

chaircover:

Christmas is coming . . .He/She is looking for Xmas money 

If that is his way of looking for xmas money, he needs more training (a lot more training).

@Spoilt

i'm in Lagos dear.

@serubawon
How was thanksgiving in your household

Does anyone have any crazy black friday stories - kai i'v heard all sorts in the past

salsera:


@serubawon
How was thanksgiving in your household

@Salsera. Thanksgiving was ok. Had to work though, so that took all the fun out of it. My baby sister came into town with her family and it was a lot of fun. I only see her about once or twice a year and she gets so emotional when she sees me. Anyone who didn't know better would think she's my girlfriend or something. I guess all my sisters behave like that. One of the stresses of being the only son, I guess.

On a different note, I have a thesis/paper I'm writing and it just occurred to me that I have a very good platform/sounding board on this thread. So, give me a couple of days to put my material straight and we might be having a virtual classroom here. Would love the input of you, chaircover, spoilt, analytical, jennykadry, and all the other wonderful posters on this thread.

I'll be back. (Arnold Schwarzenneger). I hope I got that name right.

Not to derail the thread but since it's the only thread where i can get advice that will help me,i just have to ask.

I am married,my hubby is great, i just need advice on how to act and talk properly to him.
  I am the first child in my family,have been thru a lot and it has made me to become a go getter.
By that it means i am very vocal,when i want something i ask for it cos i feel the worst thing anyone can tell me is no.
I am proactive and may come off as a bit aggressive when i am trying to put my points accross.He is the laid back type,i am the one that is realistic.He believes in always being in love 24 hours of the day,sweeping things under the rug sometimes etc but i feel that having extreme expectations about someone is wrong.I'd rather be realistic and accept that people fail.He sees this as being negative and not believing that humans can change and be good.
  My hubby feels that i make him feel foolish ,especially when we have to discuss issues.
It pains my heart.this is not my intention and i have told him.
I feel i have to push to get things done and get more.He is the type that believes that as long as he has love,everything will be fine,no need to struggle for cash,be contented etc.lol
He's a doctor so he's not lazy ooo.Just that before he even got to where he works now,i had to push and push and apply and apply,and seek for help and advice.I don't mind at all cos it's my nature.

I need advice on how to behave more properly,i do not want to be a nag and i definitely don't want him to feel foolish.He is a great guy,good heart,i do not want to lose respect for him cos there are loads of things i don't agree with.Yes,as you have guessed we are newly married.I want to adjust without trauma.

2. How do i state my opinion without being offensive??I only have loads of sisters(no brother) who are younger than me so i'm used to being the fore runner,and leader.He is the head of our home,i need to know how to show him that and resist taking charge.

3.Before him,i only had an unhealthy 3 months relationship(if you call chatting on the phone and 1 visit a relationship).
So, he is my first relationship which lasted for a couple of years and then we married.
Before then,i left naija for uni so we depended on calls(3 or 4 times daily), plus skype etc.He is the very committed type.He is also my first errr(you know what).So i really dunno how to be with a guy and treat him right,

4.The issues i have with him are nothing i cannot deal with but i need to learn how not to bring up past stuff,how to pick my fights and how to have hope in humanity and stop being negative and also how to know when to stop when i'm making my points.I am very open to changing my behavior but i need to know how.
Any suggestions are welcome.Thank you.
I am sorry Seru for this post on your thread,please pardon me.

I don't want to open a new thread cos i don't want the insults and bickering that normally follow.

@imconfused.

Trust me, you are not derailing the thread. I believe that this thread is for mature people to come together and rub minds on different issues. It doesn't have to be all about a widower coping with life. I'm kind of happy that you feel that it was worth posting on this thread. Trust me, there are a lot of posters here that should be consultants in their own right (and we have the crazy ones too).

Funny enough, you are a lot like my late wife. She was always the aggressive go getter and couldn't seem to stay in one place for any period of time. She was in constant motion and we couldn't be more different. I have always been laid back, quiet and the good listener. Patience is one of my biggest virtues. The thing is, we complemented each other. When she was going too far, I would gently reel her back. When I was too accommodating, she would give me the push I needed. So, there was always a kind of balance. You and your husband can't have the same qualities. It would be compared to like repels like in a magnet. Both of you are supposed to mutually complement each other and find a balance. From what I've read about you and him, you guys are actually perfect for each other. You just have to find a balance. Don't feel like he's going to feel offended if you take charge. That's the whole point. He was attracted to you because of those qualities. It's in your nature and you can't change. You can't change his nature either and that's why you have to mutually complement each other by finding that balance.

I'm on my way to work right now and wish I could go on. However, I'm positive by the time I log back in, the whole gang would have jumped in and I'm sure you will find out how so much more about the gift both of you have

Enjoy your husband. Both of you should sit down and write out your individual strengths and weaknesses. Compare them and you'll be surprised how much of a good match both of you are to each other. As long as he believes in you and vice versa, you'll always sort things out without a problem.

I'll be back.

Imconfused, This sounds so much like me. I used to be very impatient with people. You could be my friend for years and one single offence was all it took. I also suffered from lack of tact but now I have learnt to keep my mouth shut when I am angry and so on.

One day like you I sat down and looked around me and discovered that my husband was achieving a lot more than I was. His slow, steady & well thought out methods were actually winning the race of life and it got me thinking and it got me watching and it got me copying his methods.

Like you, we went through the first year or so of power struggles and It was like we just couldn't understand each other. Fortunately we were lucky and able to get the relationship back on track again in time and I am grateful to God for seeing us through those times.

Like Seubawon has said, it is finding a balance & being open to accepting change & most importantly enjoying each other.  over the years we have kind of merged into one. I have learnt to appreciate his strengths, many of which I don’t have and I am sure that there are times that he appreciates mine too. Patience is indeed a virtue and I thank God that I am gradually getting there.

I also found quite early on that if I didn't watch what I said or handled issues, the accuser becomes the accused & the whole point is missed, so I learnt to fight my battles maturely instead of stamping my foot like a spoilt kid. Throwing tantrums never worked anyway.

You are the right path because you acknowledge that there needs to be changes. You also want to try very hard to give him the opportunity to be the man which is very important. You also have to let him find peace in you because if he does, he will be in a better position to bear his heart out to you.

Seubawon where is our turkey o!? 

@ Iamconfused.
Your situation is not peculiar to you alone.
I am at work right now but I too will be back to tell you how I sometimes communicate badly with Mr Spoilt. And yeah he thinks I'm a nag. Hahaha.

Thanks imconfused, I kinda know how u feel. I have similar questions.I don't want to b a nagging wife (but men need to b pushed). I don't want my hubby to go into his shell, although I think I have gone into mine. I want to learn how to make my marriage a success.

@cc Thanks 4 ur contribution. Ur always an inspiration.

@seru: mi sef dey wait 4 mor from u

thanks seru,madam cc,spoilt,paris for responding,

@ Seru
We will make that list.One thing i know is that we are willing to go any mile to make this work.all this my spitting of fire and being fiesty have to be toned down well well,if not i may come off as a raging bull .It is extremely important to me that i learn when to quit and how.He is not perfect but he is a great guy.Soo many people didn't want us to marry cos they felt he wasn't rich enough or handsome enuff.I used to say i have enuff fineness for the 2 of us.I made my decision to be with him because of his down to earth nature and the fact that he listens to me(my grandma told me to watch out for this trait,lol).I'm not into all that butterfly raging emotions.So,i just don't want to antagonise him or cause him any unnecessary pain.

@ Madam CC
I am the Queen of one strike and you are out.I don't think anyone can beat my record.I also have an Msc in silent treatment.I have to stop it,i just don't know how.I am very comfortable not having any friends so i guess it is easy.I have to blame my first born status for this too.My sisters always want to be my good side so i wont unleash my evil prayers .I used to tell them i would pray so God would flog them etc.Ofcourse i would never ever do that,
I will try to learn from him cos like seru,he is very patient and understanding.

@ spoilt and parisienne
I thought i was alone ooo.I didn't know i had other dragons like me ooo .Can't wait to hearrr

@ ALL,just tell me the tactics to use to be calmer,to listen and not become a nag.

I can so relate to this,the only difference is that Im not good at silent treatments but my hubby, kai that man deserves a Ph d in that thing,But like seru has stated you balance each other out. I cannot decieve it was so difficult having to cope,i just couldnt understand how someone could live thier lives in the hakuna mattana way,so laid back,wat will be will be style,I had to fight for everything,come from a broken with no mother,I never got anything just like dat,I had to fight and work for everything,even down to the clothes on back,so Im used to being a fighter,as used going out and getting things done,cause I never had anyone to help anyways,whereas reverse was the case with Hubby. We struggled a bit,and i can honestly say that if not for my hubby's patient and accomodating attitude,Im not sure we'll still be married,

6 years on, its still a struggle,we are adjusting every day,and he has improved alot,now he atleast makes the effort to go out and hussle,instead of waiting or assuming,while Im learning more patience and tolerance.

Truth is,it never goes away,you are you and he is well, him. You contine learing and adjust throughout ur life,guess thats why its called MARRIAGE.

Thanks for sharing Africaine

@ Iamconfused

Okay where do I start?
My husband is a good man with a good heart. However, when it comes to communicating sometimes I scratch my head puzzled at how different we are. He says I nag. I see it differently. If I don't say something or give friendly reminders, chores will go undone and all our pillow talk plans will fall through. If I remind him as the deadline approaches there'll be an accusation of nagging. If I don't, guess who will end up running all those errands?! Moi. I think guys use that verse in the bible to cover their shortcomings. they accuse you of nagging at the drop of a hat.

I have started to take on more responsibilities so as not to fight. Deciding what schools or daycare the kids go to, making and keeping doctors and dental appointments etc its all me. Even for things that concern HIM I have to remind him. otherwise guess who's plans on that day will have to change to accomodate him running around like a headless chicken?

One thing Ive never quite understood is his inability to say sorry. We'll fight due to him being annoying as heck. At the end of the day on his way back from work he'll buy me something sugary like nice cookies, etc. Or a store bought card saying how I'm the best thing ever. I'll eat the cookies, read the card and have great make up sex with him (yeah I said that!). and just like that we're friends again without actually discussing the real issues or him actually acknowledging my hurt. Besides if he always apologizes with a snack i'm going to get fat! Not on the agenda oh!

I'm a go getter, planner and thinker aheader. I have no patience for dillydallying etc. He for some reason thinks its a bad thing. Though I've always thought he benefits greatly from me being the way I am. His life is smooth and easy and he confidently knows that wifey will take care of everything. I often tell him if I were like him we would be lost like sheep.

I have learnt to let chores go undone without it bothering me to death. Or I'll just vaccum myself. Yeah I'll be even more exhausted but at least a fight was averted so to me that's a win. It doesnt matter if its career moves, housework, child care, relationships with friends, we have tried to compromise as we go along. Its not all perfect but we make it work. I talk less (not that I was even a great talker to start with). I like to watch him crash and burn. (he may learn a thing or two. . , eventually, LoL)

I have also learnt to not stress about everything. There'll always be tomorrow for him to take care of some of them. . . . . .if he remembers.

It's kind of funny how you plan to do something and something else entirely different happens that dovetails into your plans perfectly. I think imconfused was peeping into my thoughts. As mentioned earlier, I have some questions for the women and I believe their answers will really help me in my project. However, I'm trying to figure out whether I should get into imconfused's topic first. I guess imconfused wins.

Speaking for myself (and maybe for a lot of other guys too), I think I can understand why we (men) think women 'nag', when the women see it as being[b] 'vocally supportive'.[/b] I happen to be one of those men who is a terrible housekeeper, but a whiz in the office. My room looks like the permanent abode of hurricane Katrina, but I can't stand dirty clothes. Washing dishes is like torture to me, but I can spend hours washing my car. It's weird how forgetful I am about the simplest everyday chores in the house, but I can almost remember (word for word), a term paper i wrote over 20 years ago. Maybe it's the way we are wired (I honestly don't know), but we men are slobs, plain and simple.

As always, I'll use myself as an example (because I can vouch for no one but myself ). As opposed to my late wife being aggressive, very outgoing, socially adept and just an ever ready battery all the time; I'm quiet, patient, kind of a procrastinator (maybe more), nerdy (as in I read a lot), and a homebody, it wasn't as if the balance we had just materialized from nowhere. We had to work for it. The earlier it gets done, the better.

The key to getting that balance lies in 'COMMUNICATION', which unfortunately is lacking in a lot of marriages. I believe the men are the biggest perpetrators here. My late wife would go on for hours and I found out that the only way to stay out trouble was to listen and more importantly (keep track of the conversation). After she had had her say, all I had to do was to give her my thoughts of the situation and leave her to decide. Telling her what to do in a commanding tone was inviting war. As the years went by, she gradually took my advice more and more until it got to a time where she wouldn't do anything without my input.

On the other hand, I had to learn to use her strengths to my advantage. I used to be an IT training consultant for banks and other financial institutions. I was not, am not and maybe never will be a hustler or aggressive go-getter. I was great at what I did, but woeful in going after the clients for projects and that really affected me negatively. However, I decided to bring her into the marketing side of my business and it was like magic. She went after the jobs, I executed them. We agreed on a sharing ratio and it worked like a dream. She was an artist when it came to getting a client. I was only needed for the operational aspects and assuring the client that we were competent enough to get the job done.

Where am I going with this? We used this same concept at home and in the bedroom and it worked. However, the main ingredient for the success was effective communication between us. Spoilt said something important and it happens to be very true and unfortunate. We men find it very difficult to say "I'm Sorry". If there are any guys reading this, take it from me as the gospel truth, it works when you apologize. When I found out how much the 'sorry' word could repair damage I had done, I learned to say it in my sleep and mean it too. To us men, saying the word sorry is like demeaning yourself (which is wrong big time). You'll be surprised how much love and warmth you'll receive from your wife when you show that you were wrong and apologize for it.

Now on to the questions I was talking about. The questions are for the women and I appreciate your candid responses.

1. What are your expectations from your spouse emotionally.

2. What are your expectations from your spouse in the bedroom? What would you do? What would you NOT do? What would you try to do as an experiment? What do you WANT him to do, but he's NOT doing it?

3. If you could make any changes to your spouse, what would they be and why?

4. What was the deciding factor that made you agree to marry your spouse?

Thank you for your answers.

@ Seru,my hubby says i'm sorry,i have no qualms with apologising.He also almost always offers the olive branch and then i crumble and start saying sorry,lol.

serubawon:

Now on to the questions I was talking about. The questions are for the women and I appreciate your candid responses.

[b]1. What are your expectations from your spouse emotionally.[color=#770077]Love and listen to me,pay attention when i'm talking.Put me first above everyone,make all the decisions with me.I hate family interference from both sides

2. What are your expectations from your spouse in the bedroom?I expect him to flip over and do it hanging from a tree .Seriously,i don't think anything is a taboo except the really sick and depraved stuff.I expect to know his body totally and him to know mine.I expect the big O not the i almost had it O.It is amazing the number of guys who believe that penetrative sex always gives the O.For some lucky ones,yes.For others errrrrrrrr,

What would you do? [/color]Give pleasure,that's my ultimate goal,and ofcourse open his eyes to new things.

What would you NOT do? 3somes and swinging.

What would you try to do as an experiment? Toys,toys and toys.Don't own any yet.

What do you WANT him to do, but he's NOT doing it?[color=#000099] We are still discussing toys.he feels it's a bit too early,i feel like y d heck not.(he still sometimes cannot believe he was the first for me,lol).I have a lot of potential and have to maximise it.


3. If you could make any changes to your spouse, what would they be and why?The over laidback attitudeee.The possessiveness.

4. What was the deciding factor that made you agree to marry your spouse?[color=#990000][/color]Many things.He was extremely committed to us,you know when someone just wants to make u happy?? ,his maturity,patience and tolerance.He is just so understanding and he knew to back off when it was pms.His being down to earth was a huuge plus too.I have to add his belief and positivity in marriage.
Thank you for your answers.

spoilt:

@ Iamconfused

Okay where do I start?
My husband is a good man with a good heart. However, when it comes to communicating sometimes I scratch my head puzzled at how different we are. He says I nag. I see it differently. If I don't say something or give friendly reminders, chores will go undone and all our pillow talk plans will fall through. If I remind him as the deadline approaches there'll be an accusation of nagging. If I don't, guess who will end up running all those errands?! Moi. I think guys use that verse in the bible to cover their shortcomings. they accuse you of nagging at the drop of a hat.

I have started to take on more responsibilities so as not to fight. Deciding what schools or daycare the kids go to, making and keeping doctors and dental appointments etc its all me. Even for things that concern HIM I have to remind him. otherwise guess who's plans on that day will have to change to accomodate him running around like a headless chicken?

One thing Ive never quite understood is his inability to say sorry. We'll fight due to him being annoying as heck. At the end of the day on his way back from work he'll buy me something sugary like nice cookies, etc. Or a store bought card saying how I'm the best thing ever. I'll eat the cookies, read the card and have great make up sex with him (yeah I said that!). and just like that we're friends again without actually discussing the real issues or him actually acknowledging my hurt. Besides if he always apologizes with a snack i'm going to get fat! Not on the agenda oh!

I'm a go getter, planner and thinker aheader.  I have no patience for dillydallying etc. He for some reason thinks its a bad thing. Though I've always thought he benefits greatly from me being the way I am. His life is smooth and easy and he confidently knows that wifey will take care of everything. I often tell him if I were like him we would be lost like sheep.

I have learnt to let chores go undone without it bothering me to death. Or I'll just vaccum myself. Yeah I'll be even more exhausted but at least a fight was averted so to me that's a win.  It doesnt matter if its career moves, housework, child care, relationships with friends, we have tried to compromise as we go along. Its not all perfect but we make it work. I talk less (not that I was even a great talker to start with). I like to watch him crash and burn. (he may learn a thing or two.  .  ,  eventually, LoL)

I have also learnt to not stress about everything. There'll always be tomorrow for him to take care of some of them.  .  .  .  .  .if he remembers.

@ spoilt,
Omg.I am starting to believe they are all the same.I am the unpaid secretary.I read and reply even work emails.I am sooo entrenched in his work that i always know what to say.Looking for a document, imconfused @ your service.
I agree that it sometimes gets overwhelming but at least we plan together and i know of every dime he has.I'd rather that than live with a dictator who hides his salary
  I am also learning to ignore his fake listening tactics.Left eye on tv,right eye on me while supplying the right answers.

Having kids is even more scary cos they complicate things.I am truly afraid of what life will be like with small kids.It's not like age is on my side oo.

On the nagging bit,i don't even get what nagging is.Reminding someone of the stuff left undone??Should it be called nagging?

I would like for us to communicate more effectively,i'd love to learn to harness my anger and pick my fights.I hate arguments and quarells,but he hates them more than me. .I am learning a lot on here,i just pray i will remember to apply them esp when he starts acting like a martyr

Spoilt i need to ask.what if you say sorry first does he say sorry too??or just buys the cookies?

1.  What are your expectations from your spouse emotionally.

I expect him to listen.

And if something is weighing me down emotionally I expect him to b concerned and help me deal with it.

I expect him to hold me when I cry not just say sorry *rolling my eyes*

2.  What are your expectations from your spouse in the bedroom?  What would you do?  What would you NOT do? What would you try to do as an experiment? What do you WANT him to do, but he's NOT doing it?

Hnmmmm,
Ok here goes.
I wouldn't do anal!
I wouldn't mind role playing if he wanted me to. Eg. with the whole nurse or police uniform etc.
Wish we just chilled out n smooched more (its not all bout sex)

3.  If you could make any changes to your spouse, what would they be and why?

I would make him more PATIENT.
Less hyper.
More emotionally available.
I wld give him BIGGER ears so him go fit hear word. Lol!
I would sharpen his sense of humour. Cos somtyms he takes things to serzly.
I would make him like nairaland as much as I do.

4.  What was the deciding factor that made you agree to marry your spouse?

He was so exciting, he still is.

Always full of surprises.

Great taste in everything.
He likes beautiful women but wld never get carried away or cross the line. It made me feel so so safe. (Every woman wants to feel safe) most guys I met gave into lust way too easy but he didn't cross his boundaries it made me feel he wouldn't cheat.

He had the most unique dream or shall I say vision. Before I even agreed to date im I believed in his vision and I still do.

I know it sounds trivial but He would always hold me @ night. I wanted to b in those arms forever: )

One of the most talented ppl I ever came across.

@ Serubawon
This your thesis eh. . . . .
I'm suspecting it oh. At the end of the project you will know what kind of freaks you have as friends on here. Lol.

spoilt:

@ Serubawon
This your thesis eh. . . . .
I'm suspecting it oh. At the end of the project you will know what kind of freaks you have as friends on here. Lol.

Now why would you suspect something as innocent as this . The info here is priceless. Where else would I get honest responses from women on how they feel about these issues? Anonymity guarantees honesty and I truly appreciate all the responses. Now talking about freaky, I'm waiting for what YOU have to say

imconfused:


Having kids is even more scary cos they complicate things.I am truly afraid of what life will be like with small kids.It's not like age is on my side oo.

Could you explain this a little more?

chaircover:

Seubawon where is our turkey o!? 

Didn't you get it? I sent it by special courier via Sanya Airways. However, I didn't like the hungry look on the face of the stewardess I gave it to sha.

@ Seru
The common complaint is that kids change everything and you hardly have time for eachother.Sex almost nonexistent due to the pressure the kids put on you especially when they are very little.My mom was very busy so i basically took charge of my little sisters right from when they were babies,staying up at night,bottles, the whole works.i was exhausted.If its like that as a sister,what would it be like as a mom?I dey fear.I'm in my late twenties and still a wuss about having kids.As im going to be working as a doctor pretty soon and hubby is a doctor as well,i worry a lot as to the effect that will have on both of us and the baby.It's just complicated or i am just freaking out for no solid reason.

imconfused:

@ Seru
The common complaint is that kids change everything and you hardly have time for each other.Sex almost nonexistent due to the pressure the kids put on you especially when they are very little.My mom was very busy so i basically took charge of my little sisters right from when they were babies,staying up at night,bottles, the whole works.i was exhausted.If its like that as a sister,what would it be like as a mom?I dey fear.I'm in my late twenties and still a wuss about having kids.As im going to be working as a doctor pretty soon and hubby is a doctor as well,i worry a lot as to the effect that will have on both of us and the baby.It's just complicated or i am just freaking out for no solid reason.

Yes, methinks you're truly freaking out for no solid reason.

I can understand your fears and concerns on how you're going to cope, given a busy professional schedule and your hopes for "you and hubby time", but think about it this way; sex, as enjoyable as it is and can be, will begin to diminish with time (baby or no baby). As we grow older, we begin to substitute quantity for quality. The 2 - 3 times a day crazy sex gradually drops to 2 - 3 times a week (and that's for the lucky couples who still keep the flames crackling). A baby consolidates your marriage. The thing is when a baby shows up, your maternal instincts kick in and your thought processes will be completely different.

I'm in my early 40s and I had my daughter when I was about 32 (very late by American standards). My son showed up 2 years after that. At that time, I was willing to get myself fixed because (1); I didn't want anymore children (2 was enough for me) and (2); both my kids we're delivered by c-section and I didn't want my late wife to go through that anymore. She would have loved to have a football team if possible, but i wouldn't go for it.

I remember when my kids were babies and my wife and I had to sneak to the guest room to have some "us" time. It was hilarious because we always had to rush things. I can't remember the number of times we were "interrupted" by crying or coughing or just sniffles. Getting our groove on became an art-form where planning was non-existent. We got busy when the opportunity presented itself. I see some of my colleagues of the same age that have 25 year olds that have moved out of the house and have families of their own and I'm jealous sometimes. Believe me when I say that you and hubby will have more than enough time for each other when the time comes. A couple of months ago, I had to deal with my daughter beginning her periods and I kid you not, I almost had a stroke when she told me. Have your babies and get it over with as quickly as you can. Trust me, the ride will be bumpy, but fun regardless.