Thank you Semioyin. The ladies now have a chance to post their second presentation.

The Prophet(pbuh) as taught us that a woman is married for her deen, her wealth, her beauty or her heritage and he(pbuh) as warned that we choose a lady for her deen, in order to be successful!
   Today, many brothers and sisters encounter problems simply because we have left the injunctions of Allah and the sunnah of His Rosul. There is not a single aspect of our lives today that we cannot draw a lesson for in the life of our Prophet(pbuh); the way we pray, the way we relate amongst ourselves, our relationship with our Lord, relation amongst spouses...the list is endless! The Hikmah behind this is such that before or whenever we fall into error we always have a point of reference.
   So why is an institution so important that the Prophet(pbuh) said whoever fulfills it has completed half of his deen now a cause of tremor in the hearts of our sisters? Why are we scared to get married? What makes a sister take to her heels/ or simply despair when the word 'marriage' is mentioned? Well the answers are not far fetched! Our dear brothers have forgotten the sunnah of our Prophet with regards his relation with the women folk. To be continued

The first point I would like to address is the issue of dressing amongst the men.
A man once indicated his interest to marry a lady to the Prophet, of which he was asked if he had seen the lady. He said, "No!"
  The Prophet(pbuh) ordered that he did so.
  Now this aspect of dressing goes for both the men and the women, for it us necessary that there is a spark of interest between the couples before they tie the knot. Our brothers today hide under the guise of Iman to dress shabilly, forgetting that bad looks, improper dressing would be a big turn off to a lady who is approached. She might  immediately loose all forms of interest in the man. So the brothers should adopt the Sunnah of our Prophet who was always impeccable in both his character and dressing.
   The men of today seem to pick and choose from the injunctions of Allah concerning them being the "Qawwamun" (Protectors) of women, they no doubt raise their shoulders high, feeling like the Lord of the house, yet fail horribly in the remaining part of that Ayah which says "... because they spend out of their means.." (Surah Al- Nisa:34). Women have heard and seen over and over again, men who maltreat their women and do not adequately provide for them, yet demand to be treated as the 'Lord'. Many even order their wives not to work, yet fall short in making adequate provision for the family. A sister hears horrible stories and is thus hesitant when a brother comes over to ask for her hand in marriage.

Many of our brothers have unrealistic demands on the women folk. They want a submissive woman who is intelligent and would co share their responsibilities!!! In providing for the family. Take care of them, their home, their children and ofcourse they want her to look very much like a Cinderella ( Cinderella hijabi). So they search, search and keep searching, perhaps they already passed by a noble Muslimah who is not necessarily striking in appearance but does have a good heart and is conscious of Allah.
   The elderly men are not left out in this problem. They dish out improper advise to the younger generation of men(verbal and exemplary) thus the latter's mentality concerning women is badly tainted. A father who is not just in his household, does not observe the rights of the women under his care would most likely produce a son who would grow up with the same mentality that everything revolves around him. A lady seeing this traits would most likely flee!
   Another big problem is the abuse of polygamy among the men. Polygamy, when looked at in the right perspective is a mercy to the women folk. The way it is being practised leaves nothing to write home about. A man takes a new wife and totally forgets about the previous one, he is not just amongst them, he further fuels the flames of jealousy that is naturally in the woman. Because of this widespread abuse of polygamy, it is the number one fear in the hearts of many Muslimahs, many are even very bitter towards it.
   All these issues have just one solution, and that is, that we all return to the Quran and the  sunnah of our Prophet(pbuh) and that we do not make a mockery of the injunctions of Allah!

I hope slitz is donewith her presentation.

We return to the brothers.

Balash, it is now your turn to post as the 3rd debater for men.

Apologies to the house, the account Yeyenatu is no longer active on Nairaland. The Chief debater for women's account is actually Yeyenati.

Salam Alaykum



The world we have today, a lot has changed. We have a lot of female muslims having late marriages or finding it difficult to get married at all. There are certain factors that come in place with this issue. They include; physical,economic, environmental factors as well as health factor. 
In an advancing world, there is an advancement in learning and education, parents have come to put a priority on it that children must be learned before they can get married; this is a major cause of single muslim abounding everywhere. 
Then after the educational factor comes the factor of getting a job (if he doesn't have a good job, I can't get married to him). Also, females don't want the society to see them as the one who got married early to a guy without a great job due to stigmatization.
In terms of environmental factor, the environment we live in, if there is no pressure around to marry or have kids, the probability of females settling down is minute, she will continue to live her lives like other members of their society.
The health factor; an infirm individual might have a delay getting married due to fear and stigmatisation.
Then comes the physical factor, this stems on females Their minds have been programmed these days that there are certain qualities they want in a man due to westernization and they always consider religion as the last. They want the men to be handsome, caring, loving, has good characters and a job in Chevron and can take care of them that if they find a man that has these qualities but he is not what we want physically, they reject his proposal.
And if in the end,they find someone who has these qualities, they hold onto them for a long period of time till they are ready to get married and in the end, they may end up not marrying each other.
And if we end up not finding that person, we continue to hunt and hunt till it is too late.if you are trying to get married, follow your heart but don't forget your brain.

Here is a list a female friend once told me


Here's the list:

Qualities I love about my husband

Thinks I'm beautiful!!
Considerate
Sensitive
Intelligent
Humble
Great ("innocent" sense of humor
multi-lingual/facility to pick up languages
kind
romantic
loving
Ever faithful
loves to travel
Generous
patient
calm/even tempered
compassionate
musically inclined
adventurous
ambitious
loves children (family oriented)
Enjoys all foods!!
educated
polite
cultured
healthy/physically fit
fun/fun loving
makes me laugh… from the gut
positive/happy
passionate
great amazing lover
likes animals


Am sure we finally going to provide every muslim female singles clay to make their own husband.. Salam

Thank you Balash. Ladies you have the floor Yeyenati, you were supposed to post first, please post your presentation for us now.

Thank you.

Reserve debaters from both sides should post their prepared presentations. We value their contributions too.

Teewhyraul and Harmeenat.

Yeyenati is taking too long.

Apologies to our readers, our debaters are getting nervous it seems. The tension is getting higher!

Yeyenati has 5 minutes to post. Otherwise, we will have to sanction her.

Her delay is unfair to the other debaters.

Thank you.

The 3 male debaters are now free to advance their position with more posts. That is the penalty for the women's team.

^ Harmeenat's presentation posted on her behalf by my co-modrator Sissie because of poor network issues.

Apart from Yeyenati's presentation, no other presentation from the women's team will be allowed until 12.00 noon.

Brothers have a 10 minute window to advance their position.

Women's team has been placed on 10-minute barring penalty.

This short poem is dedicated to Single Muslim Sisters

My Dear Single Muslim Sisters
You're religious
You're educated
You come from a great family
You are beautiful
To you these suitors are jokers
They lack quality
No refinement
No class!
No taste!
Let me ask you
Are you looking for an angel?
That you thread arrogantly
Against all entreaties
You show disdain
But in the end
Weep not if things turn sour
Because we live by our choices
Yes, be vigilant
Yes, test his worthiness as a husband
But be humble
And seek Allah's blessing
Such that in your quest for Mr. Right
You look at what matters
A reliable man who fears Allah
And seeks to build a Muslim home with you as a reliable partner

Assalam Alaykum, Brothers and Sisters on the straight path, in line with the ongoing debate, I'm here to butress the fact on how Muslimmahs make marriage more difficult than the brothers.


When a brother intends to obey his Lord as prescribed in Quran 4;3 (Getting a new wife), and he informs the wife at home, most sisters in this instance will always deal the "It is not fard (obligatory) card", little did they know that this simple action of theirs could pose a huge difficulty in marriage.

At this point, I will love the sisters to spare us the regular daylight tales we hear on how most men aren't capable, most men can't be just, most are clueless and dont know what they want. Sincerely sisters we know all these touching stories, so hang them somewhere and let me prove my point.

It is a known fact (you can verify) that there are more females than males, in places where demographic statistics are kept, there are about 7 milliion more females than males in the US, 4 million more in the UK, 5 million more in Germany, 9 million more in Russia and only Allah knows how many more females than males we worldwide.

Bringing it back to our Nigerian society which is more populous than all the countries mentioned above (save the US), on a barest minimum we will have about 5 million more females and we can put the Muslimmahs amongst them at 2 million. Allah made it so and who are we to question his doings?.

News flash sisters, it will only get worse, maybe we should go revise the hadith of the Prophet (SAW) on signs of the last hour where there will be a 50:1 ratio (Sahih-Muslim, 6452). Where am I going with this?, our married sisters and the soon to be married ones should stop dealing/not deal the "it is not fard" card as this is dangerous.

If all eligible brothers get married today, there will still be millions of eligible sisters, some of whom have been widowed or divorced and are willing to settle down with a Man. Sisters how will you best advice these women cnsidering the Shahadah (La illah illa Allah) bond you share, I am sure if your close relative falls into this catergory you will prefer her be the 4th wife rather than be "public property".

Sisters give flimsy excuses on why they dont want anyone to share their husbands with them and most of them don't hold water. We know not all men are capable of this act, but if by the will of Allah you marry someone who understands Islam the way it should be understood, please dont even try to prevent him from obeying his Lord (with the women ploy).

As husbands and wives we owe ourselves rights, we are to protect, provide, guide and guard our women and the women have no right to tell us to disobey our Lord, neither do we, some brothers want to do so only to seek the pleasure of Allah and Walahi there are women out there who dont mind being a 2nd or 3rd wife, but the one at home is not comfortable with the idea, still nursing the me and my husband policy.

Truth is all of our sisters can't be the first wife, and if by Allah's leave you are, dont you ever deal the "It is not fard" card when it comes to this, some women go all the way to question their husband's intentions, sisters that is for Allah, it is best for you to remain patient and in sha Allah you will be admitted into paradise.

The earlier we Muslims recognize that Islam is the most perfect code of life and living and that marriage is a thing of honor to our women folks the better for all of us. So sisters if you in sha Allah marry a religiously upright brother dont try to stop him from getting a 2nd wife as he knows what he is getting into and how he is supposed to treat his women (financially and emotionally).

Each time you turn him away from Allah's injuctions in Quran 4;3 all in the name of it is not compulsory, dear sister you have made it a little more difficult for one of the 5 million sisters who may be divorced, widowed or still single and desperate to get married without disobeying her Lord.

I do hope the single sisters are not praying to Allah for a not too pious brother. You can never tell, our sisters can do anything to make "My husband" remain "My husband" instead of "Our husband"

May Allah forgive, guide, protect and make things ease for us all. Ameen.

Contrary to single muslims ladies, As a man I don't think ladies are crazy or expecting too much,however I would be curious to know What she is willing to bring to the table.

I mean you had better be working on those things in your own life if you expect to find them in a partner

Asalamu alaykum waramotuahi, wa barakatuhu.

In The Name of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful

**walks towards the men's area and stares at each one in the eyes**


Marriage. What do we call marriage and in what contests? Why does being married become a point for the male gender to strut their egos. Why has it become so important for The male gender to use the female gender as their excuse for remaining single. And when this doesn't work out for them, they turn to finance and if this fails too; it's on to political or weird and selfish religious points.

**adjusts hijab and walks with confidence towards wizeboy, smiles at him and points at his head*

Do you see what I see?

**turns to the viewers**

I see a religious man. I see a pious man who is passionate abut the Deen. But I also see an unserious man with the kind of excuses that can make a woman take a step back.

A sister doesn't build herself up so that... **points at wizeboi** brothers can beat their chests that they had won a prize. Don't get me wrong. We are one heck of a prize but only to those deserving.

We got educated so we can strive and stand with our heads high; and with our levels of deens, it makes us even more pricey. So are you now saying I should overlook those things I have set for myself so that I can be called a good woman or a marriage-worthy wife. Oh puhlease!!! We are past that, guys!! Go big or go home and sulk!!! Because all I see are a bunch of cry-babies!!!

You'd have to Prove to me that you are worthy of my submission, and not just by quoting verses upon verses. You are not the Only one that knows those verses, there are others and when they are actually not egotistical about it, then you'd better take the back seat.

Yes!!!! The back seat, with all due respect, forget this talk about women coming after the men. If I deserve a dangote's son, i won't resolve to settling for a gorimapa's brother.

**walks around the ladies**

These are professional ladies. They have spent a lot on their parts to become who they are, and you whine about them having standards. And because in your disillusioned mind you don't get it, you call it 'selfishness!'

Are You kidding me? Well, if we don't care about the standard anymore then why dont we make a fisherman from Ogunpa river our president, just because he is a good fisherman and is honest with his customers.

This is a century where everything is fast. Women are having careers men fail at. Women are bagging first class awards left, right and center. And the men are there blaming their inadequacies on the women. Chai! Women dey af suffer insult upon injury!!!

If a woman turn a man down, they think she has pride. Come on! We like what we like! We, the ladies of this era, are not the child-bearing, kitchen cleaning lots like those of yesteryears. If any brother isn't comfortable with us having a soaring career, then he can bounce. being independent doesn't make us less-submissive. Or.... you guys are scared??!!! is that it?!! That while you are there reading about "1000 ways to make money", we are making it or at least earning it. and then while you are at the first step, we are on the 7th. we don't even need a book!!!!

Now, let's talk finance. Most men are weak. When they are asked about their weaknesses, you hear, 'The streets are not smiling.' oh, hush up already!! We work too, if we work and can care for ourselves, why should I now manage your stagnation just because you are not pushing yourself hard enough. Real men don't need women to push them, they offer a hand to be helped to not relegate. We HELP!!!

Listen up! Dreams becomes illusions very easily. And truth be told, the more time you spend on 'one day na one day'; the faster reality haunts you. Because by the time you realize that reading about Dangote and his millions isn't the same thing as going out to make your 'thousands'. The journey of a millionaire starts with a few hundreds in the right places.

Don't put a sink-worthy ship on an ocean and ask me to jump in, so I can help patch it by bringing my supplies. Nope, I WONT!!! Get your own flipping supplies, and then I can add my expertise. You can't eat your cake and have it. Be a burden to yourselves guys, we also have our own issues. We are not your therapists!!

Talk is cheap!! How you say it is what makes it expensive. Show me you are man enough to be married, then I'd start the journey with you. You only get to tell me to meet you halfway, if I know you are there with what we'll need at The end of our journey.

We won't be a Mrs to a broke, lazy dreamer with an attitude of a bully just because it's Deen. Islam doesn't preach that we should put ourselves in an unhappy situation. If the categories of men we have, refuse not to see beyond their prude noses, then marriage will become more than a union of two people but perfection of two minds.

Nothing is too excessive, this is why there is what we call 'compromise.' but nah!!!! The guys want you to compromise but they don't want to, just because they are men.

And the talk about nikkah, this is a ceremony. Its not marriage itself, if you can't 'shake body'? Then go and sit own till you do. You aint doing us a favor! We are the one doing you guys a favor, many favors actually.

I don't need an epistle just to prove a point or some points. Male chauvinism is a huge problem. "You know you want me" isn't the same things as "I want you!"

Wake up and smell the daisies, you lot!!!

*points at them*

We can do without but because we are very kind and generous, we make changes. And what do we still get? Ego laced with illusions.

My brothers, we love you but we love ourselves more. And if this is an issue for you? Well...

**shrugs and smiles**

Go handle your business. We ain't your mum, we ain't your slaves. Our careers are for us and not for you to use as your points for the book titled 'effects of men's shortcomings.!'

we? We gat this!!!! Better believe that!!! When it's done, both in your head and out of, then we can discuss this further. Until then, we have got money to make!!! Ciao!!!!

Ma salaam!!!

It is now time for debaters to counter their opponent's arguments.

All debaters including the reserves are allowed to join.

This will now last from 12 noon to 2pm Insha Allah.

The debaters have the floor.

As from 2.01 pm upwards, the general readers can take part in this debate.

The thread will be locked at 8.00pm Insha Allah for voting on which team has won this debate.

In addendum,our sisters do not need to engage in any blame game rather they should be ready to accept the failure on their part.
We can not force them to do things against their wish but I implore them to change their respective orientations. Though,world is now a global but that doesn't mean we should trampled upon Islamic jurisprudence. They are even at the receiving end because in their early years ,they have choices but the moment they're in their thirty, they have no more control about the kind of brothers they want,besides at this time,menopause,difficulty in procreation may set in.Ladies,put marriage first,career second and stop finding excuse. Remember, no one is infallible except Allah (swt ).

@wizeboy you mentioned the role of the husband, as the leader of the house. Many men are aware of this however are they aware, that this does not mean that the wife becomes their object, their maid or their slave?

Women want a man, a leader but not a boss! And there's a difference. Men boast about being the leader of the house but forget that with great power comes great responsibility. One cannot claim leadership and neglect the obligations that follow. Just as men have rights over women we have rights as well, and those are your obligations.

And being the leader of the household doesn't mean being the dictator. There's an element of partnership and companionship in marriage, but men seems to forget that, which can cause women to doubt whether the man can actually care for her the way a husband should.

baba11:
In addendum,our sisters do not need to engage in any blame game rather they should be ready to accept the failure on their part.
We can not force them to do things against their wish but I implore them to change their respective orientations. Though,world is now a global but that doesn't mean we should trampled upon Islamic jurisprudence. They are even at the receiving end because in their early years ,they have choices but the moment they're in their thirty, they have no more control about the kind of brothers they want,besides at this time,menopause,difficulty in procreation may set in[b].Ladies,put marriage first,career second and stop finding excuse.[/b] Remember, no one is infallible except Allah (swt ).

This is exactly the problem with today's men. Why are you advising me to wait with my education? Is it not for the betterment that I educate myself and can contribute and carry some of the burden upon you. As a wife I can live off the husband's money, that's my right. But women who do so are bashed. Now women who don't are bashed as well?

Women are magnificent, they can educate themselves, carry children and care for their husband - at the same time. Women are moving up the latter, so when she hears a man tell her to stop going after her goals and educate herself and follow life dreams what do u think she will think?!

Taking the risk of being financially depending on a man without any guarantee that he will provide for her and her family?

We want husbands who support us! Uplift us like we want to support and uplift you. But this demotivating nonsense is a red flag in a single woman's ear. And the double standard is even worse.

No man wants to marry an illiterate but they don't want to marry educated women ?? I rest my case here

baba11:
In addendum,our sisters do not need to engage in any blame game rather they should be ready to accept the failure on their part.
We can not force them to do things against their wish but I implore them to change their respective orientations. Though,world is now a global but that doesn't mean we should trampled upon Islamic jurisprudence. They are even at the receiving end because in their early years ,they have choices but the moment they're in their thirty, they have no more control about the kind of brothers they want,besides at this time,menopause,difficulty in procreation may set in.Ladies,put marriage first,career second and stop finding excuse. Remember, no one is infallible except Allah (swt ).

change! Change!! Change!!! All I saw was, "stoop to my level or else...."

And trust me, regardless of the age, we Ave choices!!! We still won't settle for less!! Marriage first?!!

**looks around**

Am I being punned? Am I missing something?! Is it the same career that we use to help get the guys out of financial messes?!

**faces baba11**
So a sister should say yes to marrying a guy even if he doesn't have a job or an actual career?! Is this a joke? So they should... fidipodi... like the yorubas would say. Would you want your sister to marry and become a liability to her husband? So he can boss her around because of it? Marriage first ko, carriage last ni.

Difficulty in procreation, my good sir, do you know what science is these days? Seriously?!!

And when did menopause become a disease?! Did I miss a memo?!

Where does it say in the..."islamic jurisprudence".. that marriage comes before career?

Funny is when Yeyenati keeps mentioning how brothers should roll up their sleeves and work, how she won't be a Mrs to a broke, lazy dreamer with an attitude of a bully just because it's Deen. And all the other sister debaters before her keeps accuses the brothers of getting too much education, trying to build castles and have the finest cars.

For a brother seeking to take dressings from you sisters, i think you have successfully confused him the more.

Seems like you all dont know what you want

A HOUSE DIVIDED AGAINST ITSELF

A successful marriage doesn't only include religion but also a goal of happiness reached through honesty, respect and communication. How do you reach that goal? Through partnership and team mentality. Everything a man does should be for the betterment of the marriage and vice versa.

There's no team mentality when the men only focus on their own position. Recognize the women, their talents abilities and what they are willing to bring to the table.