Background: I've been married for about 3 years with my Nigerian but American born wife. Everything has been fine so far.

July '07: I started working with this white girl. To me, she's very attractive. I guess it's ok to look as long as you don't say or do anything. Around January this yr, I noticed she started to talk to me. She'll just come to my desk and hang around - not much to say or do.

Eventually we started to hang out and I realized she has a boyfriend she loves very much. I know it's true because I've seen him physically, I've seen their myspace and facebook pics also. Anyway, she ended up kissing me one night. We haven't done anything much worse than that but we talk almost all the time now. Even when I'm with my wife, I'm waiting for this girl to text me.

Now I just can't stop thinking about her: morning, day, or night. Please don't advice me to take my eyes off and run because I've tried that already - my mind just keeps going back to her. WHAT CAN I DO?

This is what I said:

You have to make a list.
What is this oyinbo woman offering you that your wife is not?
Has your wife been faithful to you?
If so is this how you reward her by cheating, because emontional cheating is just as bad as physical cheating.
How would your wife feel if she read this or found out about this?
Is everything that you have at home worth this oyinbo woman?
Are you willing to give up what you have for her?
Is what she offers something you can ask your wife to do?
Are you emotionally satisfied in your relationship at home and if not have you addressed this with your wife?
If you have children, how will your children react to finding this out?


Only you can answer the questions above, only you can know what to do. All I ask is that you think very carefully about what you are giving up to be with this oyinbo.

Remember the 80-20 rule. In marriage we get 80% of what we want but sometimes we give up that 80% in search for that missing 20% only to realize after we get that 20% just what we gave up.

I am sure your wife deserves better.



What do you say?