For the young ones - it takes a lot of maturity (not age oh!) to decide on such things. No prescriptions from anyone can help you in deciding whether or not to move in with a girl-friend or boy-friend, but some words of advice.

1. Learn to live with your decision - whatever the outcome, you will know that no one pressured you into this.

2. Be prepared to sacrifice your 'personal space' - do you have habits your partner would not like or vice versa: you will have to be very tolerant.

3. Are the 'bedmatics' good - you may or may not be so involvec, but if you are it had better be great (sexual chemistry can be watered down by too much familiarity).

Finally, wishing you luck.

Hi gem, its damn rite u dont evn dare it cos its gonna cost u
so much pain if d whole relatnship doesnt work out.
I'll strongly advice u play well and dont so much b keen bout
sex cos its nt d in thing.B focused and dont let ur luv 4 him
depreciate by nt acceptin his offer bt dont let him ridicule u
cos u dont sucumb 2 his offer.B d very best of urself n luk out
4 wt d future lies ahead 4 u,
Cares,

he is going to get tired of u when u lot move in together. moving together might make him not respect u that much anymore. moving together makes it seemm u guys are married. when he gets bored he will be searching for a new thing (a new girl)

it is not good to stay with the guy in the house because you will definitely loose ur respect and he will use you as his sex machine and finally dump you.so plz use ur head !!!!!!!!!

yea yea thats why so many Nigerian men do not waste time after marrage .
They get tired very fast.
But them at least you are mrs and he cannot run away only cheat.

@mamaput, not sure I have heard what your hubby's opinion is about the 'freedom' yiou allow your daughters. Not criticizing, provided both of you are on board with this approach.

As for me, too much liberty for a child is just as bad as too much restriction - striking the right balance is hard, but one rule is to try as much as possible to stop 'teenage' sex.

i no ur mind is made up and we are all wastin our time, but i will tell u if u move in u can as well say goodbye to all d respect he has 4 u

mamaput:

yea yea thats why so many Nigerian men do not waste time after marrage .
They get tired very fast.
But them at least you are mrs and he cannot run away only cheat.

I agree with u a hundred percent. U r realistic most time.

Ask any married man y he cheats and he will tell u he is tired of poking the same stuff everyday. All he is saying is that his wife's stuff is now old to him and he needs some new stuff. He is basically tired of his wifes pussy and he needs a diffrent one thaz new to him and thatz plain language.

All il have to say is that because of the way most men are, he might run away after so know ur expectations b/4 u plunge into it. If u are open to the idea and u are willing to accept whatever comes from it then the ball is in ur field. At least that should absolve u from any heartbrake should anything go wrong.

Besides women enjoy sex as much as if not more than men coz they have more than twice the nerve endings men have so sex is not a punishment to women. Both are enjoying it equally so if itz all sex too, enjoy

how you go move in with your JUST boy friend not even fiance.NA HIM BE SAY, NA SEE ME FINISH BE THAT.

gurl, thats not advisable. U don't wanna get involve in all that stuffs now. b4 u know, u'll start cooking for him, washing his stuffs and he can have u wheneva u wants.

for ur age, i think there's a lot more to explore in relationships than movin in with ur bf, ain't nuthin to do with how long u've been dating but think of the consequences in the long run. Wait till u're a bit older b4 u venture into a decision like that.

tots.

shockreaction:

davidylan is just a sad man.

Anyway, to the OP: As long as you feel it's what you want to do, go for it. The worst thing that could happen is that you end up breaking up, although I hope not. In any case, moving in with him is no crime whatsoever. We all learn from experiences.

EDIT: After reading the earlier posts, I have to say some people are just sad. This time, seriously. For those going on about how every single African man is inbred with certain traits or ideas or whatever it is, what sort of crap is that, really?! People are different. I repeat. People are fuc-king different. True, the guy may stop adoring you after a while of being familiar with each other, but this is not the same in all cases. As said earlier, people are different. Some people just like to stereotype, and it's completely irrational. And it's annoying.

Au contraire davidylan is a Christian man who knows it is wrong to have sex outside of marriage and to move in with a person while not married.

As you make your bed you lay on it.
People can be liberal all they want probably talking from their ugly experiences,it is not difficult to pick out those who may have probably been abused by a man on reading through the postings.

To the poster watch whose advice you are taking.
Just like no one would want to get marriage counselling from a thrice divorced counsellor,you don't want to play house with a man and end up with baggages which you'll dump at the feet of an unsuspecting husband someday.

Don't move in with him,ask your mom and hear what she tells you.

Ugwumba:

@mamaput, not sure I have heard what your hubby's opinion is about the 'freedom' yiou allow your daughters. Not criticizing, provided both of you are on board with this approac

He has no say hat so ever

my dear i hope is not too late for me to share my experience with you.
When i was in school i have awonderful lady staying with me. she was very good we enjoy all the benefit of marriage. but to tell you the truth that was the lady i was praying to God to get married to.we were always seen together but it got to a point i was fed up with the relationship  i was always looking forward to all the semester breaks so i can be away from her.
To tell you what she cook my food help clean up the house and serve me the last supper every night and you know what she was very Good at it.
in my final year i make sure she got a small room for herself . so that i can enjoy other benefit on campus.
today am happily married and she is married too but the gist is that today i wish we  had married each other
we had various abtn
so many unprintable things

we were lucky to survive the bad past many were not so lucky
so the choice is yours.
Out of every 10 living couple that  we have on campus
onlyone (1) eventually get married at the end
the zeal to marry you will have died down before you leave the campus
YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE IT THE SINGLE ACT OF STAYING TOGETHER WILL HUNT YOU FOR LIFE IF EVENTUALLY YOU DID NOT GET MARRIED TO HIM.

joimartins,
i wonder how many times you want to move in with a new ma if it does not work out
what is your problem dem drive you comot for house?
you said just 5month? not enough experience dear.
and so that does not make you a matured person.
the day the guy finds someone else you are gone for good

am sorry but this is the truth

Once again i say how many People marry their first Boyfriend or girlfriend.
relationships break up every day .
My daughters Boyfriend broke up with her just because he wanted more time for his BBoy group and battles,
Now the winter is comming the sun is going he is calling her and trying his

hi best friends

shit. But she will never go back to him because now her eyes have cleared she has seen things in him she dose not want in a man.
And that is
A guy that will dump or keep a girl waiting for a hobby
A a guy that likes to bring up old stories(these never forget type)
Do not get me wrong they had a beautiful relationship and broke up in a very clean way.
But its Over on her part and she will never take him back. just keep the good memories
So when a relationship ends keep up the good memories
And go be4 it becomes dirty

Additionally. . .

Moving in together doesn't necessarily mean they're going to be having sex. I'll say most of the time, it's pretty inevitable, but still, it's possible to abstain. It all depends on the people involved.

Also, it looks like most of you guys are dead sure that every single guy that moves in with his girlfriend will lose all kinds of respect and admiration for her whatsoever. I really cannot be bothered to argue with this moronic idea if you can't at least try to think rationally.

I'll retire now.

pls dont move in oh. Guys are first class bastards u know. so better dont let that love shack you so crazily. let him always beg u to come over that,s better.

@ faramola, why you dey insult guys like this . please rephrase 'some' or 'many' or 'most' guys ,

guys are first class bastards to girls who are second class fools. When a girl does not know her worth and cheapen herself, wat do u expect? When a girl decides to be blind in the name of love, what do u expect?
Back to the topic
Don't move in with the guy. You would just become a burden and something to be avoided. Familiarity breeds contempt and dats wat u would get if u move in with the guy,

i'll be back with THE TALE OF TWO BROTHERS! u'll keep posting

A guy that can dump his girlfriend just because he has seen too much of her is a bastard.

Mamaput na wa 4 u o it seems u r taking the issue beyond and personal.Didn't think u needed to stress d bas***d stuff.Well she shouldn't move in with the guy n that's it!As a guy i tell u i get tired of stuff easily and i think it's soo with most guys,maybe just the way we were created.

mamaput:

A guy that can dump his girlfriend just because he has seen too much of her is a bastard.

And a girl who does not know dat she is becoming a nuisance by her frequent visits/her face been the first thing each mornin he see is not wise. As long as u r not married yet, it is unwise to stay with ur boyfriend, the relationship is doomed to fail and probably the girl would have become half keg of palm wine then.

http://www.stayhitched.com/cohab.htm
Recent research indicates that premarriage cohabitation (living together) has little influence on the subsequent success of a marriage for couples who move in together for the first time as a clear step toward marriage.



In general, partners who cohabit have a bit higher divorce rate, but it's those who cohabit as an alternative to marriage who seem to account for most of the risk in cohabitation studies. These so-called 'serial' cohabitors--people who have cohabited with more than one previous partner and/or cohabit as an alternative to marriage--drive up the risk for the cohabitation group as a whole. So the biggest risk for couples who move in together seems to be the risk that if their engagement does not work out, they will join this serial cohabitation group that is a bit more at risk.



This risk is sometimes attributed to attitude differences associated with cohabitation, e.g., willingness to ignore some traditional social conventions, rather than to the effect of cohabitation itself. There is some indication, though, in recent research that this 'unconventionality' effect does not account for most of the risk.



The really interesting finding of all this cohabitation research, we think, is that living together doesn't improve a couple's chance of a successful marriage. In other words, contrary to what you might expect, those partners who live together are not better prepared for marriage than those who do not. Go figure.



Whatever you decide about living together before marriage, it's probably not going to either help or detract from the success of your marriage, so long as combining households is done as a conscious step toward marriage.



We speculate that whatever advantage couples gain from knowing each other more initimately as a result of cohabitation is perhaps offset by the loss of the post-marriage bonding effect that some non-cohabitors may gain from the excitement of moving together after the honeymoon. It may also be that non-cohabitors are a bit more inclined to expect changes in the emotional climate of their relationship after marriage that may surprise long-time cohabitors.



Most couples don't understand that a psychological shift can occur after marriage, bringing up latent emotional issues even for couples who've already lived together for years. Couples who have spent a lot of time together and who know each other quite well, can still find themselves quite unprepared for these feelings, both their own and those of their partner.

@mamaput.

You said you were OK with your daughter moving in with man,would drive her to sleep with her boyfriend and all the liberal views you profess.

My first question are you married and what does your husband say about his unmarried daughter shacking up.
I don't want to put you on the spot and this is off topic but your views on sexuality are rather interesting and quite different from the norm.

babyosisi :
I have 3 daughters one is 17 , one is 12 and one is 10.
Do not get me wrong but at this age i will not allow the 12 year old to have a boyfriend or date a boy.But she is free to talk to them , thats it.
Because she is too young age wise and mentally.
Its not that am jumping for joy that my daughter has sex. Till now she has had 3 boyfriends but the sex she had with only one of them they were together for over a year.
But i am realistic.
When she was 15 i told her there was no schakara in it so i made an appointed with a DR and bought a packet of condom

Fact is if she is hiding to take her pill she will tend to forget it.
And am free to tell her not to forget her condom when she is going out.
I do not fool my self we all have sex with or without or parents knowing, But people that hide tend to make mistakes.
Sometimes when boys are calling her she will put the phone on loud for me to hear and show me a picture of the boy.
My opeion is important to her. This way we already weed out the useless ones.
She comes to me for advise on many things once a boy that she went out with told her he will beat her up if she dances withany other person. She ask me what to do i told her to break up with him on the sport and she did.
I had a boyfriend once and he once beat the shit out of me, but i could not tell my dad because i was not even allowed to have a boyfriend.
And these are the type of things i want to avoid,
I let her have one because i know she is mature enough.
Her grades are good for the past 3 years she is the best in her class . This year she had a 1,5.
Most boys that want to date her have a complex because she makes better grads than them.
She dose not smoke she dose not drink and she dose not let any boy take her for a ride.
Thats because we talk alot about men and their tricks etc.
I hope am coming across.
We are not best friends she is my daughter and i am her mother,
From the time she was 10 she was the one cooking lunch for her sisters because i was at work and i had to relay on her for many other things, like taking her sisters to the DR when they were sick, going to the bank etc etc, So today he has alot of freedom.
because she deserves it.
But she also knows that she cannot party from Friday to sunday if she goes to disco on a Friday nothing will make her go on Saturday.
And if she is out the whole day she will stay home at night.
Then she knows that she as i call it has to ret her brain and body.
And because i am able to explain things to her she is also reasonable to me

As for my ex husband he forfitted all rights when he messed us up.

@ mamaput, you are super (reading you now)!!! i think you are on the right track with your girls and have used your experience growing as a woman to good stead.

hey, good luck and i'm sure the girls will turn out right.

@mamaput,I know it must not be easy a single mother and three girls.

I hope to be honest and open with my girls when I have them but I would rather tow the line of abstinence which is what I was taught rather than support sex before marriage no matter how prepared I think they are.My views may be due to my Christian beliefs.
I am not being judgemental but I bellieve waiting before matrriage has its advantages.

I am engaged to a wonderful man,have a date fixed but will move it closer if we feel we cannot wait any longer.
It is hard believe me,very hard but can be done.
I do not see any advantages in shacking up before or with no prospects of marriage.

Best wishes with those wonderful girls,there needs to be many more strong women like yourself.

@babyosisi
I was under the impression u were a guy. Anyway thats the position of the bible and we just deceive ourselves if we say we have to modify things cos of times has changed. To me this is our own persecution - being non-conformist to the standards set by the world.

babyosisi .
You can if you want train your girls to wait very very long b4 they start having sex.
It is important you can talk to them and that starts when they are small.
eg.
the daughter 6 years old tells you a boy in her school beat her, you ask her if you should go and tell the teacher and she says no do not try telling the teacher  ask her what you can do about it  or make other suggestions if not she will stop telling you things.
If she tells you with 12 she has a freind that smokes do not condem the smoker but rather advise her hat smoking is bad for the health. . if not she will stop telling you things.
But even if she tells you she is having an eye on a boy she will never want to admitt the sex then you are her mother not her friend

PLeas don't move in with him. You guys can continue your relationship without living together in the same house. If u move in, you guys will be living like husband and wife (engaging in sex, and other things couples do) YOu'll get tired of each othyer and your love will die gradually. I'm not scaring you but i've seen and heard enough stories of such.
Wish you guys all the best