She is 29years old, she has a 3 year old daughter by mistake but madly in love with me and she want us to get married this year. Though she is a good and loving person and I dnt see her giving me problem but im afraid of going into this affair with her.

Please, advise accordingly from the abundant of talent and experience God has given to you cos I dont want problem I cannot see.

Thanks

Op, going into a relationship with a lady that has a child is not really all that different from a normal relationship, its just that there are things that you have to consider.

First of all op, you said you are scared. Why are you scared?. Are you intimidated by the fact that she has a child?
You have to clarify the reason why you are afraid and tackle it.

Secondly, you said she had the child by mistake. I don't really understand what you mean by "mistake" This is a very sensitive and crucial aspect of your relationship. Op please ask her to be sincere about who the father of the child is. Persuade her to be honest about it.
If truly "mistake" means she doesn't know who the father is then you are good to go. But I strongly doubt this.
If she knows who the father is, this is another issue. Make sure she comes clean about who the father is and if the issue of the child has been resolved.
Once you resolve this aspect, I don't think there is anything to worry about

If she truly loves you and you love her, and you want to spend the rest of your lives together, then go ahead. The fact that she has a child shouldn't be a barrier to your love, in fact it should strengthen it.

On a lighter note, op at least you are sure she is fertile.

From the abundant talent and blessings God has given to me I advise that instead of marrying her, wait for her 3yrs old daughter to grow up. Then marry the daughter.

missjenna:
...

You

Bro pls be afraid (paranoid) about the issues..

on NL I can't even count the desipardo's we have in the house...

From what you said seems she is quite desperate too..

First question you got to ask your self...

+++Can you love another mans child as your own?

If yes..your a good man..

If no...it doesn't make you a bad person..


I will not as you whether you love her...(Love doesn't exist)

Buh the hole affair all boils down to your decision..

Are you the type that need to be told what to before you do it

how does she treat her kid is also an important assessment to make...

If she is like amber rose(as whiz khalifa describe her)BAD MOTHER.......Run for you life..

To cut the long story short...

If you don't have any problem with the fact that she has a baby and your ready to be part of the babies life...

And you have done your home work about her..

And you think you can mary her..


Then marry her...





Buh if you think she has ulterior motives about the wedding stuff...take you time before you decide what to do...


Remember don't be too hasty while making life time decisions....marriage is big deal because it defines the future...


























No need to thank me only if you insist

Is she light skin?

Movesz:
...

missjenna:
...

lokito:
Y

missjenna:
...

for posterity

Ok

Bros, it takes two to tango. Do you love her? If you genuinely do, pls follow ur heart... She's got a child out wedlock doesn't mean she has HIV AIDS or Ebola

nawa... see question

do u love her.. ? if u do.. whats stopping u?

an innocent little girl?

Sounds like my EX


Does her name starts with K?

Is she very fair skinned and from Osun State? Lol


Ans me then I will how to advise u.

What are you scared of ? Taking full responsibility of her child or you're scared of what people will say?

You can marry her if you both love yourselves... Nothing is wrong or foolish in love

kaffy4tope:



Sounds like my EX


Does her name starts with K?

Is she very fair skinned and from Osun State? Lol


Ans me then I will how to advise u.

does this write-up look like a joke to you?

If she has got other qualities you want in a woman, marry her n make the baby girl your first child!

lokito:
From the abundant talent and blessings God has given to me I advise that instead of marrying her, wait for her 3yrs old daughter to grow up. Then marry the daughter.

pls if u can't say anytin positive to a depressed brother, please tame ur tongue sir ok, u don't jst open ur vocal carvity and start spewing venom, please have respect for others

And don't forget that the born by mistake baby gives you an opportunity to practise being a father before you baby comes......

Also the have a baby mean she is not barren if you marry her it is safe to say she will bear you children..

U nevr can b sure of som1 xcept God reveals to u.

If u love her & ready 2 sacrifice anything for her, and also treat her daughter like ur child, then u can. If not back-out

Bro ,my ist question is..
Why must u marry a mother?
Is there no other girl dat love u as she do?
Pls, am not negative but i dnt c any reason u will mary a lady dt has a 3yr old daughter 4 another man.
My last question is..
Wats ur parents say about the issue?

Cus i beleive if ur an igbo and u came from my side,then u need to be verified.

Don't do it bro.

For me, it's a NO! And I'm going 2 give the cold hard facts to you comprehensively.

Contrary to popular media-myth I have yet to meet a single mom who was career driven, carefree, balanced, happy; doing it all type gal as often portrayed in most media outlets. The reality I have seen over the years is usually a stressed out, overworked, debt stricken woman who really had no idea children cost so much in time, effort and money. Their careers are on hold as they need to balance their child with sickness, school activities etc versus moving up whatever career ladder they are on. Most single moms are raising their children with help of an extended family member (usually their mom), a bevy of friends and other single moms they find in support groups. It is usually not a pretty picture at all.

Somewhere along the way, usually quite quickly they come up with the idea that they need a "partner" to help them in their new enterprise of having a child and the sooner they can get one the better. Realizing they have a bit of a disadvantage with having a child and being in the dating scene they resort to several well known strategies to get a partner.

One trait that seems to come to the forefront with most men who are dating single moms is just how wonderful a woman they really are. Most men cannot for the life of them figure out why another man would abandon a woman like her. It has been stated that single moms are more caring, compassionate, great lovers, excellent cooks, laugh at all your jokes etc they seem to be ideal mates.

No matter what you see as a man there is something else going on do not forget that. Her plan is to eventually get a partner one way or another. You are the prize and she is going to earn it.

Here is a short list of problems you may encounter but not limited to these

1. Being a "partner" means you get to pay for half- if not more: I have seen men putting money away for college for a kid that´s not his. Buying ridiculous amounts of brand name clothes, expensive homes etc all in an effort to be in a so-called "family".
 
2. The Family you just got into is by invitation only: In being a step- parent you are not the basic unit. The mother and child together are the basic unit. No matter what is said or mentioned before marriage, you will never come before her child. You will always be in a family and relationship where you come second, maybe third.
 
3. No matter what you think her ex is going to be there forever: In just about every case the child´s father does not seem to be in the picture during the dating and courtship stage but seems to suddenly show up after. Just about every time you will be dragged into the endless bickering and fights they have and you will not be liked by him "its only natural remember"
 
4. Her kid will most likely not like you very much. Let´s face it you´re sleeping with their mom and most of the time the child will see you as a roadblock to his parents getting back together. Most likely the mom has made you the giver of discipline in the relationship, being the man and all which results in the kid hating you.
 
5. All that time you had together with your new love will end after marriage. The number one job of a single mom is simply to be a mom. She is not a party girl, hiker, camper, biker, clubber etc. Just be prepared for a frontal assault on your time and money after marriage. You will find your weekdays taken up with homework, PTA meetings, suppers at home, and early bed times. Weekends will be the time for the child´s extra-curricular activities and other activities
 
6. You will wonder what happened to all your money. Most men involved with a single mom report that their money seems to dry up. Children are expensive and expensive like most men have no idea. Between school supplies, clothing, vast amounts of food, babysitters if you ever want to go out, medications, fees, sports, supplies, toys and such; well, there will be little left.

7. You will never really be accepted. I have observed time and time again the heartbreak of a step parent as the child gets older. After putting them through school, providing a place to live, food, getting the child all kinds of gifts and honestly really caring about the child. The time comes for a grad or a wedding, the child invites mom and dad to the party; and thanks them for all their love and work. Usually there is not even an acknowledgment of effort.
 
8. You will have no time for errors. A lot of single men get involved with the single mom and her kids when the child is a bit older. Being inexperienced with children becomes a huge burden as the single man has no time to learn parenting skills; and mistakes are not readily forgiven nor forgotten when a kid is 4 compared to 14.
 
9. You may think it ends, but it never does. I know many men whose single mom wife promised them a completely different life after junior turned 18 or so. At the beginning of the relationship it looked like just a few years and then total privacy and freedom. but it never does.
 
10. You will have nothing to show for it. In the end when most men have their own children the work and effort is well worth it. The men did their best and raised a family, continued a line, get grandchildren etc. As a step-parent you have contributed as much but you have nothing. Nobody carries on your name and most men realize they are not even ever thanked for their sacrifice.
 
11. The legalities can kill you. There have been numerous cases where a man has divorced or left a single mom and then found himself liable financially for her child. Although not the father he will be responsible for child payments, extra fees and most certainly university far after they are 18 check the laws out, it´s a raw deal. Couple that with some alimony and child abuse claims you get the whole effect of being a divorced and homeless dad with not one child of your own.
 
12. In the end women have asked for their freedom to make their own choices now for decades. I would advise all single men to let single moms make their choice of having a child by themselves and then live with it. Don´t involve yourself with these women under any circumstances. It can be in many ways, the death of a man.
 
Well it´s a rough guide and you were warned

Do you know the father of the 'daughter'?

Do you know why the lady is still unmarried up till now?

Do you know what happened to the former BF before you?

Bros,

There are plenty young, beautiful, original girls on earth.....don't settle for 2nd hand.

Dalu..

If you luv her and she has most of the qualities u want in a lady, marry her.
Or would you prefer a girl who has had series of abortions and appears "holier than all"?
Be matured.

Do you love her too?

[quote author=Climaths post=30955557]pls if u can't say anytin positive to a depressed brother, please tame ur tongue sir ok, u don't jst open ur vocal carvity and start spewing venom, please have respect for others[/quote

Ok sir

U go and get ur own son na!

If your mind goes for her,why not?

Being a single mum,she would have learnt her mistake in her past relationship,thereby working towards perfection with you.

A good woman is a good woman, If she is a wonderful person and you are both in love, please go ahead and marry her.
Or would you prefer the one who has done 19 excavations?