Justfollowit:


Why can't he marry a mother? Such a backward mentality.

advise no be curse oo...ladies like u will say ds...bro dnt marry her.

bid4rich:
She is 29years old, she has a 3 year old daughter by mistake but madly in love with me and she want us to get married this year. Though she is a good and loving person and I dnt see her giving me problem but im afraid of going into this affair with her.

Please, advise accordingly from the abundant of talent and experience God has given to you cos I dont want problem I cannot see.

Thanks

I ave gyals like dis...they r just liars n pretender just wanna use a single guys to cover up...thats d way I see them....to me e go hard before I marry someone like dat....i swear many of those kinnda ladies are stubborn and disobedient....

Love dey sweet in the beginning.

No be say she love you, but naija people could be very judgmental. She is seen as a discounted item for having a baby out of wedlock. So she will hold on to anyone she can get and will do everything in her power to lure you to the altar to wipe away the societal shame. Nothing in this arrangement is about you, so you know.

Do you have the wherewithal to go through it? Don't take some advice from strangers especially females on this issue because person wey women dey blow trumpet for, na acrobatics im dey use dance enter hell. Na Igbo proverb. No be me talk am


\

This is good.... atleast u can have a party with her and her daugther when she is old enough

Am also learning
It a difficult decision 4 me to take right now.

generalissimo:
I didnt say all the single mothers had been wayward. But most of the time, getting pregnant outa wedlock is. So call me a toddler if u wish, it aint really matter. What really matter is that u know I've spoken the truth. By the way, how is the dad of
lovely kids in ur dp doing?

tanx 4 d compliment
The kids are not mine
They belong to my bestie
U think am also a babymama?

balaclava:
7. You will never really be accepted. I have observed time and time again the heartbreak of a step parent as the child gets older. After putting them through school, providing a place to live, food, getting the child all kinds of gifts and honestly really caring about the child. The time comes for a grad or a wedding, the child invites mom and dad to the party; and thanks them for all their love and work. Usually there is not even an acknowledgment of effort.
 
8. You will have no time for errors. A lot of single men get involved with the single mom and her kids when the child is a bit older. Being inexperienced with children becomes a huge burden as the single man has no time to learn parenting skills; and mistakes are not readily forgiven nor forgotten when a kid is 4 compared to 14.
 
9. You may think it ends, but it never does. I know many men whose single mom wife promised them a completely different life after junior turned 18 or so. At the beginning of the relationship it looked like just a few years and then total privacy and freedom. but it never does.
 
10. You will have nothing to show for it. In the end when most men have their own children the work and effort is well worth it. The men did their best and raised a family, continued a line, get grandchildren etc. As a step-parent you have contributed as much but you have nothing. Nobody carries on your name and most men realize they are not even ever thanked for their sacrifice.
 
11. The legalities can kill you. There have been numerous cases where a man has divorced or left a single mom and then found himself liable financially for her child. Although not the father he will be responsible for child payments, extra fees and most certainly university far after they are 18 check the laws out, it´s a raw deal. Couple that with some alimony and child abuse claims you get the whole effect of being a divorced and homeless dad with not one child of your own.
 
12. In the end women have asked for their freedom to make their own choices now for decades. I would advise all single men to let single moms make their choice of having a child by themselves and then live with it. Don´t involve yourself with these women under any circumstances. It can be in many ways, the death of a man.
 
Well it´s a rough guide and you were warned

Nairaland frustrating pple's life since 1800BC.. the op asked a simple question and u r here given 12 reasons he shudnt marry d girl...na ur papa go cum marry am all ur senseless 12 facts are based on wat u think and not personal xperience..
.
.
To d Op, if u love her, marry her jor!

Miss Jenna have said it all......There is nothing bad marrying a woman with a kid....I myself can marry any woman in her condition pending if she can help me win the fight. On the issue of her 3 years old girl please persuade her to tell you who the father is then if it happens that she don't know who the father is..as for me you are not truly good to go because for a woman to conceived without knowing who the father of her kid is truly is not funny here......is she a flirt? How did she get pregnant in the first? how are you she that anther man is not going to impregnate her when you are not around...But if she know who the father of her girl is then you are partially good to go.....on this circumstance try and make her settle the case with her baby father...Then go ahead and marry her cos she is all your I rest my case (I R M C)

boofydon:
Can you marry a guy that has a baby too? Easier said than done.


This is one of your previous post on a different thread.

I couldn't because he doesn't have the other qualities i want. And whats it with you been rude online n nice offline huh??
You are rubbing this on my face cos I told you about it right? Nice one.

F.cuk fake friendz... stewpid

Adaezeagu:
tanx 4 d compliment
The kids are not mine
They belong to my bestie
U think am also a babymama?

U are wlcm. I didnt think u are a baby mama. I know u are somebody's loving wife. I'm a sucker for kids that's why I think ur besties is sure a lucky lady to have had such cuties.

bid4rich:
She is 29years old, she has a 3 year old daughter by mistake but madly in love with me and she want us to get married this year. Though she is a good and loving person and I dnt see her giving me problem but im afraid of going into this affair with her.

Please, advise accordingly from the abundant of talent and experience God has given to you cos I dont want problem I cannot see.

Thanks

1..... ARE U READY TO TAKE THE CHILD AS YOUR OWN CHILD. YOU WILL HAVE TO TREAT HER SAME AS YOUR CHILD.
2. YOU NEED TO KNOW THE REAL REASON WHY SHE IS NOT WITH THE FATHER OF THE CHILD.
IF YOU ARE (OK) WITH THE TWO ANSWER.
AND YOU ARE HONEST TO YOUR SELF.
=YOU ARE GOOD TO GO.
BUT IF OTHER WISE THEN U KNOW THE ANSWER YOUR SELF
CHAO

Amybijou:


Nna what if the father of the child or herself is taking care of the child's needs and ur financial help is not required?
Remember, the OP did not tell us if the father of the child is taken care of his responsibilities or not.

No matter what there will certainly be a problem if she start giving you your own kids, If you buy cloths, toys etc and you dint buy for your step child wahala go start....

To married a woman with a kid is not easy there is so many things surrounding it, I am single i met one lady 2yrs ago she has a kid. she is a caring lady do everything to satisfy me,She use to wash my cloths wash my jeans every Sunday clean the house. When i told my mum that she got a kid. My mum don't allow me to move on with her that is the end of the relationship.

Saintoski:
#WOMEN palaver.....got a similar experience, we both started like two hotcakes, abt 6 months later, she started feelin feverish, she went for test, we discover it was pregnancy n i ask who is responsible cox i know she has a boyfriend bt d guy does nt stay in d state cox she visited d guy recently n dey av bn datin for lik 2 yrs n i met her 6 months ago, but d question is how did u know am responsible for d preg. Dat prompted serious friction, she felt i was questionin her integrity yes i had to, cox for evry action there must b an interior motive,
We battle normally we argue often, we both have ego, pride cox mayb she is endow, n cox mayb am ok, most time we dnt c or talk cox we both av attitude, i only wtd to knw why she said am d father of d unborn child if u cld visit dis guy recently there is possibility u guys had sex, months later she move to d guys family house,...she claim since she didnt c us havin peace or me comin bak to her, bcox i told earlier i needed to knw wat am draggin myself into, and preg reaction drag her to move to d guy family house, i witness it couple of time, i dint knw d guys family house n she left her own schl house bcox she is in her final year , she refuse to pik my calls, i even tot she is out of town cox they were on strike at schl, after lik 2 months she eventually pik my call, we got talkn at 8th month n she told me she gave birth a week ago at d guys family house meanin d guy came into d pic, n from d day we discover she was preg. I already indicated for DNA test, which was nt possible durin d time of pregnancy until after delivery bt facts is 2 men r involve somehow, durin part of d pregnancy i supported her money, food, medication but she is jst a stubborn lady then d battle began,...she gave birth to 2 girls bt 1 died, she sent me som pixes of d baby n we met eventually days later i ask her when can we go for d DNA testin then she became incommunicado, she stop pikn my calls n sms no reply so eventually d guy call me 1day dat he is bm hearin my harrassment n systematically threathn me, so decided well am nt a tout so i called my lawyer to sue her for denyin me of DNA test, everytin exploded in tneir house all wat 2 of them av coverin up unwrap, jst wtd d result to help me make a decision wether to stay or move on, along d line we started comin bak together, she started plannin to leav d guy, then she move in wit me, my neighbor started seein me as daddy over night, month later we eventually went for d test n result said am NOT d father,...but till tomorow she still insisting n by her calcilation dat am d father but she actin as if she wont force it on me bt now we talk n see n visit oursef bt nt under my roof again, some say i shld n others say i shld nt cox am highly confused #pls advice

You are an apostle of confusion
She has seen a man to raise her child yet you persisted in destroying it

generalissimo:
U are wlcm. I didnt think u are a baby mama. I know u are somebody's loving wife. I'm a sucker for kids that's why I think ur besties is sure a lucky lady to have had such cuties.

that's goood
Am not married yet

A child is d best gift from God. And no child is a mistake no mata d circumstances. So its not a factor 2 use. Bside having a good an loving person as a life partner is one of d best things in life. Let's c, if u can answer dis question sincerely den u hav d solution. Wat if d girl was ur daughter, wld u want her 2 marry u?

Justfollowit:


Why can't he marry a mother? Such a backward mentality.

what goes with it is more than what the op can see now
I'm into it and I know what I'm talking abt
The way single mum will shower you with love and rush you into marriage, you will think nothing is better/good like marrying single mum

I won't advice any guy to go for single mum, never

For my own, I'm still thinking on how to escape

bid4rich:
She is 29years old, she has a 3 year old daughter by mistake but madly in love with me and she want us to get married this year. Though she is a good and loving person and I dnt see her giving me problem but im afraid of going into this affair with her.

Please, advise accordingly from the abundant of talent and experience God has given to you cos I dont want problem I cannot see.

Thanks

You drive a second-hand car. You wear second-hand shoes. You wear second-hand clothes. You use second-hand electronics in your house. You use second-hand mobile phones. Your furniture is also second-hand. Now, you want to marry a second-hand wife. Shey na curse dem curse you with second-hand things?

One of my neighbours had a child with a lady some years back. The lady is now married to an Actor. This my neighbour still sleeps with the lady despite being married. They both claim to meet in order to discuss their child's future and they end up fvcking each other all the time. If there is no other lady in Nigeria for you to marry, better turn to gay.

I think you in a better position to advice yourself on this because you only can define this woman..and on the child issue I see no problem with it ,all you ve to do is to love the child just the way you love her mum


to me , married her if she possesses all the quality you looking for in you woman ..

frainc:
what goes with it is more than what the op can see now
I'm into it and I know what I'm talking abt
The way single mum will shower you with love and rush you into marriage, you will think nothing is better/good like marrying single mum

I won't advice any guy to go for single mum, never

For my own, I'm still thinking on how to escape

...sorry man but you cant just generalize ur own experience ,I think you should try nd look inward u neva can tell if u a fact affecting that union..

kennyok:
...sorry man but you cant just generalize ur own experience ,I think you should try nd look inward u neva can tell if u a fact affecting that union..

I don't think I'm d one affecting the union

The problem is that she hardly give me the chance to handle her child like mine
And is a thing we discused before we finally marry

frainc:
what goes with it is more than what the op can see now
I'm into it and I know what I'm talking abt
The way single mum will shower you with love and rush you into marriage, you will think nothing is better/good like marrying single mum

I won't advice any guy to go for single mum, never

For my own, I'm still thinking on how to escape

me just escaped not quite long, though na dating we end am.

op you had better stop seeing her, break up. marrying a single mother no be beans especially if u are under twenty something. It's meant for matured people like single dad's or men in their fifty. pls op I've bn there done that, u ll never I repeat u ll never be her no 1 priority, na luck self if you be number 2, which means she ll never be loyal to you. If na lie pls just tell her today u just got sacked and u need so money from her to sustain for some times and watch her reaction for s me couples of weeks then u ll realised she doesn't have ur time.

pls in CAPITAL LETTER DON'T MARRY HER IF YOU ARE YOUNG. THERE ARE A LOT OF SINGLE LADIES U CAN SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH

pls pls pls pls op

Thr r single mothers that are more responsible than ladies without kids. If she has gud education, is well mannered nd doesnt curse herself for getting pregnant, bt sees d child as a blessing then she is gud to go. If d father comes out tomorrow, go to court nd get custody of the child. Also, her background is important

simpleseyi:



You drive a second-hand car. You wear second-hand shoes. You wear second-hand clothes. You use second-hand electronics in your house. You use second-hand mobile phones. Your furniture is also second-hand. Now, you want to marry a second-hand wife. Shey na curse dem curse you with second-hand things?

One of my neighbours had a child with a lady some years back. The lady is now married to an Actor. This my neighbour still sleeps with the lady despite being married. They both claim to meet in order to discuss their child's future and they end up fvcking each other all the time. If there is no other lady in Nigeria for you to marry, better turn to gay.

my dear if u marry a gal dat is not a virgin, u are marrying a second hand wife. She is beta than ur galfrnd nd sisters that have aborted all their babies.

Go ahead and marry her she was even open to u to tell u she has a child some people will neva tell u

frainc:

I don't think I'm d one affecting the union

The problem is that she hardly give me the chance to handle her child like mine
And is a thing we discused before we finally marry

...is kk man guess you the man in the house and I believe you been doing the talking aspect nd others just to have a blissfull home but I will advice you exercise a little patience or try involving others confidants to really know her reasons of trying to exclude from her child life thanks..

lastnogood:
Hmmm as a single mom of 2, I'd say take your time and tread wisely.

Not all single moms are happy with their situation and are actively on the lookout for marriage. Which, btw isn't a bad thing... I mean, most single women under 35 are too. But,depending on how she feels, there may be desperation on her end and the ability to judge you may diminish if you know what I mean. So take your time. Make sure you meet the father before taking things seriously.

In my case, my kids have a dad who is also otherwise involved with another lady. He takes care of them, supports them and leaves me alone to live my life. You want something similar, the kids shouldn't need another dad and the one there should enjoy the relationship with the kid and good communication with the mother. If not, prepare for headache.

Finally, based on my own experience, I am not in a huge rush to settle down, I've got both a male and female child, supportive and friendly father, and my business is booming,so my search for love is more organic in nature. I'd encourage yours to be the same, take the same precautions, ask the same questions, seek your parents advice don't get pushed into a life you're not ready for.

like what i read! seems we are in same world. hv sent an email to u! pls acknowledge it

missjenna:
Op, going into a relationship with a lady that has a child is not really all that different from a normal relationship, its just that there are things that you have to consider.

First of all op, you said you are scared. Why are you scared?. Are you intimidated by the fact that she has a child?
You have to clarify the reason why you are afraid and tackle it.

Secondly, you said she had the child by mistake. I don't really understand what you mean by "mistake" This is a very sensitive and crucial aspect of your relationship. Op please ask her to be sincere about who the father of the child is. Persuade her to be honest about it.
If truly "mistake" means she doesn't know who the father is then you are good to go. But I strongly doubt this.
If she knows who the father is, this is another issue. Make sure she comes clean about who the father is and if the issue of the child has been resolved.
Once you resolve this aspect, I don't think there is anything to worry about

If she truly loves you and you love her, and you want to spend the rest of your lives together, then go ahead. The fact that she has a child shouldn't be a barrier to your love, in fact it should strengthen it.

On a lighter note, op at least you are sure she is fertile.

wait a minute hw is it possible for her nt to knw d father of her child? *weird,i dnt tink she conceive by d spirit either.some one pls explain dis is possible n bro pls if u truly love her pls love her d way she is n u guys can perfect ur relatnshp 2geda,she myt b scared to lose u n say it ws by mistake bt its in d past n dat past tense,assure her it wont change anytin u feel,she needs to knw

There re so many girls out there who re not single mums but logically mothers to over 20 aborted babies. Is it because she refused to murder an innocent child by giving birth to her? If she had aborted d child ll u ve had an idea that she ever got pregnant?

balaclava:
For me, it's a NO! And I'm going 2 give the cold hard facts to you comprehensively.

Contrary to popular media-myth I have yet to meet a single mom who was career driven, carefree, balanced, happy; doing it all type gal as often portrayed in most media outlets. The reality I have seen over the years is usually a stressed out, overworked, debt stricken woman who really had no idea children cost so much in time, effort and money. Their careers are on hold as they need to balance their child with sickness, school activities etc versus moving up whatever career ladder they are on. Most single moms are raising their children with help of an extended family member (usually their mom), a bevy of friends and other single moms they find in support groups. It is usually not a pretty picture at all.

Somewhere along the way, usually quite quickly they come up with the idea that they need a "partner" to help them in their new enterprise of having a child and the sooner they can get one the better. Realizing they have a bit of a disadvantage with having a child and being in the dating scene they resort to several well known strategies to get a partner.

One trait that seems to come to the forefront with most men who are dating single moms is just how wonderful a woman they really are. Most men cannot for the life of them figure out why another man would abandon a woman like her. It has been stated that single moms are more caring, compassionate, great lovers, excellent cooks, laugh at all your jokes etc they seem to be ideal mates.

No matter what you see as a man there is something else going on do not forget that. Her plan is to eventually get a partner one way or another. You are the prize and she is going to earn it.

There re so many girls out there who re not single mums but logically mothers to over 20 aborted babies. Is it because she refused to murder an innocent child by giving birth to her? If she had aborted d child ll u ve had an idea that she ever got pregnant?

Young03:
Bro ,my ist question is..
Why must u marry a mother?
Is there no other girl dat love u as she do?
Pls, am not negative but i dnt c any reason u will mary a lady dt has a 3yr old daughter 4 another man.
My last question is..
Wats ur parents say about the issue?

Cus i beleive if ur an igbo and u came from my side,then u need to be verified.

u be mumu ooooo.
giving birth to a child or aborting it, which one do u prefer.

Life is not all about looking at things from the comfort angle especially in this part of the world. Marriage in itself could be a sacrifice for love.