nah i didn't admitt 2 anythin i said dat about nigerian men and dats y dey disgust me and see we r different i'm different from Mamaput dats d way she sees it dis is d way i see it i can't marry a guy who gon think its my job to do everythin in d house and its is job to sit and wait for it without helpin he better av money fro Mc donalds or one of this all u can eat buffet cos thats were is ass gon be eating and d couch is his ass gon be sleepin dats d way it is at least a little help 2 show he cares

@ kiki, your first post - "they want someone whose gon be their slave and do everythin 4 them and sex".

like i said, this a'int about me, and u were spot on first time.

spot?

awshucks girl, 'spot-on' then (right).

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

@ kiki, let's call a truce here - (agree to disagree)/ lol.

all i'm gon say is anyman like d way lionheart described himself is d man i want not some useless fool who gon tell me cos i'm a man i got to do watever he says

kiki:

nah i didn't admitt 2 anythin i said that about nigerian men and that is y dey disgust me and see we r different i'm different from Mamaput that is d way she sees it this is d way i see it i can't marry a guy who gon think its my job to do everythin in d house and its is job to sit and wait for it without helpin he better av money fro Mc donalds or one of this all u can eat buffet because thats were is ass gon be eating and d couch is his ass gon be sleepin that is d way it is at least a little help 2 show he cares

Nigerian men "disgust" you! The kind of statement i would expect from immature Nigerian girls who have been "priviledged" to have travelled out of Nigeria!
The BIG difference between you and Mamaput is very glaring, she is speaking realistically from the point of view of a mature WOMAN (note: i did not say GIRL!) who has been there, done that! Of course we would not expect a girl to know any better.

Dear, wake up from your fantasy land, you seem to seriously underestimate men! You think if you got married and refused to tend to their needs they would just stick there sleeping on the couch and taking you out to buffets simply because you WONT cook? Wake up, there are tons of girls out there who would gladly swap places with you in less than a second!
Guys are wiser today, why do you think live-in couples are now on the rise? No one wants to marry dreamers like you, every guy whether the 50-50 lionhearts or the 0-100 Ugwumbas are looking for strong women who can handle the stress of the home and still combine it with a career! If your attitude does not change over time you'd find soon find yourself sending in prayer requests for a husband at 39!

Wake up! Only small girls are still thinking along the same line as you! I have an aunt who like you does not think she has to do everything in the house, her husband is also the 50-50 type like lionheart even though he is a terrible cook, but the woman has learnt over time that the best way to keep your marriage is to do those things you once swore never to do! Of course my uncle is only too eager to lend a helping hand!

hmmmmmm David u've been on my case lately and i wonder y but all i got to say is don't even tryna get me strated and well if u had got wat i was sayin u ain't gon be on up here runnin ur mouth and boy i'm not sayin i ain't gon do nothin in d house all i'm sayin is he needs to do somthing to atleast i ain't eatin d food alone and i didn't make d kidz alone so he got to take care of them to and d house work hmm i don't think its a problem 4 a man 2 do some house work cos dey always sayin they r d strongest so its kool 4 dem to help out all i'm sayin is a lil help from ur husband shows ow much he cares about u and it makes u wanna do more but wen a man sits up there and tell me to do dis and do dat cos he is d man his ass betterget on going if he is ready to get anythin 4rm me and about him leavin all i can say it bye cos i'm not about to let no man make me a slave all cos he is a man its either we do it together or nothing cos d more yall work together d more yall love(if it really exist) wax stroger. and second of all u don't know nothin about me so i think maybe all u need to do is shut up cos 4 someppl 2 say somthin it must av a reason so maybe all u need to do rite now is to mind ur own bizznes and stop being all up in mine.

Ugwumba:

@ kiki, mba, mba. read the original post - a'int about Egede and Ugwumba or some eutopia y'all live in.

check mamaput's post - she's a lady and speaks from experience.

don't like it, then change the man you've got (or you may be lucky to get one ready made). chances are 9 out of 10 men you meet will be like i have described (u admitted so yourself).

please hold on the question is what do men want in a relationship and not what do women want in a relationship.
No mor and on less. Even if i am not happy with what they want, thats just a fact. that in the long run they only want their peace.
See it in married men that have girlfriends, once that girlfriend starts to nag and act like wife making demands , themen run.

Ugwumba. A man that wants his peace is not the same thing as a Macho man that dose not help out in the house.
You know that these days women also go to work.
And Housewife is a fulltime Job.
So if you come back from work , eat your food and have rested, you can also as a good husband ask your wife if she needs help.
if you do not like sweeping and washing plate, you can do the homework with the children , and go out with them or do some shopping.
Or even get the children to help their mum.

@ mamaput, do not disagree (read my posts) - just the truth that this is NOT what most men want out of a relationship or marriage (staying on topic).

recall your post about your daughter helping out a boyfriend whose mum was away and could not cook, and he must have appreciated her for this.

point is, most (not all men) are not domesticated, and u don't throw this in their face upfront (or u lose them) - nothing to do with being macho, just the way african families typically bring up boys. you  domesticate a man slowly and not forcefully.

like i've said, i only tell it as i see it (don't say things to gain cheap popularity). we may disagree, but at least we do that intelligently.

@Mamaput

thanx thats wat i've been tryna say just help out a lil bit

@ugwumba

well those are African families and not even anymore most men knows ow to cook and clean now cos they don't want their wife to be shakara 4 dem so wen she says i don't want to do it they can say k if u r not doin it i can and most ladies now don't want to kiss no man's ass no moreeverybody is independent nowadays u know

Ugwumba My daughter did that to help the boyfriend, because he even sleeps so deep that you have to shake him to wake up.
meaning he may even have lost his job.
She did it but she was under stress. The first week she still had school so she was running between his place and our place.
In the holiday it became a bit better. because she had nothing better to do.AND at the back of her mind she knew that if she is fed up she can just walk out on him. and she was fed up (not of the relationship)but she is not the giving up type she wanted to proof to his mum that she can take care of her house.
The boy can not even spell rag talk less of use one.
Well my daughter has vowed to get to know a boy much better be4 she commites her self to him.
Not only because of the (not able to clean issue) but also she dose not want a nag and a boy spoiled rotten by the mum.
Every woman likes to pet her boyfriend or husband. BUT every woman also has commitments and needs a helping hand we are not Roberts

mamaput u r d bomb dats wat i'm makin dat fool named david to understand now no gurl cares about 4better 4worst anymore ur wife can just leave u like dat and u gon be payin a lot of money if she decides to divorce u and u got kidz 2gether i'm not sure if Nigerian women still care about d 4better 4 worst thing but not up here

BUT @ kiki it is easier to walk out on a boyfriend than a husband.
AND it is easier to walk out as a wife than as a mother.
Do not forget as you are going with your kids they are missing their dad and loving him.
It is not as easy as you may think.
And even worse in Nigeria.
I an not too sure Nigerians are ready for that yet.
You have to be a real strong woman in Nigeria to do that.Because your friends and family and his family will come and ask you questions .
And you know the mentality (woman in the kitchen stuff).
It is up to the mother of sons to bring up their sons in a better way and their daughters to be bolder

yeah well i guess its because i'm not married so i don't know wat it feels like yet but i'll get there somday and i'll know wat it feels like yeah and dats 1 thing about Nigeria i don't like

Its like you moving to another town.

You must have heard of women that stay with their very violent husbands and these are women from all works of life allover the world .
Its making a new start in life.
It was not easy for me and i am even lucky because my husband was very cooperative he did not even bother taking a lawyer. Thats how easy it was.
And believe or not (if you have ever been the one to break up you will know how long it took you to tell him) it was the most difficult words that ever left my mouth. telling him i do not want the marrage anymore

@ mamaput, kiki (and apologies if anyone insults u for airing ur God given opinion),

yes the ideal is to bring up boys that learn, early on, to respect women as equals, and girls that learn that there are societies where a woman is still required to be the 'homemaker' (and i use this with caution).

however, as i will continue to point out, until i get hoarse, we are not there yet in most traditional african homes.

is it desirable? yes, but women should learn to deal with uncooperative men with care. i usually don't score any brownie points with the ladies when i bring this up, but forcing a man to do housework is perhaps as difficult as getting a stubborn donkey to drink.

i get wat u r sayin and i don't think anyman should be forced to do house work cos he is suppose t know he needs to do some part of it

@mamaput
i really learned somtin today from u thanx

Come to think of it , in Nigeria we still have maids so that problem dose not really arise.
But sometimes my dad used to pet us and will cook for us, and it was meal to remember because he could really cook.
He will buy one of these bush antelopes and make something great out of it.
And sometimes he will take my mum out. Both of them will do dressing compition and we the kids were the Judges.
But here in europe there is nothing like house help and the winter is cold you cannot drive the kids out to play.
A woman will find it difficult to coup. As long as the kids are small be she house wife or working mum.
The man has to help in any way he can .

Ps and when my mum was sick he will not only cook for her but bring the food to the bedroom. help her take her bath.
And beat us if we are loud or disturb her.
And if she wanted to eat fruit salad he will go to market to buy the fruits for the salad.
This is just to show his apparition for her.
And even in Nigeria when the maid was home for xmas sometimes my dad will help us was plates or make the timetable for the house work.
Not because he had to, but he loved his wife and wanted to make things easy for her.
because she too worked full time and did everything for him

yeah i know wat u r sayin if not dat i was a lil older b4 we came 2 America my dad wuld av been takin care of us and i see my dad's friend with kids u know anytime they comin over they always bring their kidz cos d wife is at work and u see them changin dipers and stuff like dat and dey r Nigerians

@ mamaput, yes, this is what men (anywhere, not only in Europe) should do. my dad also did some cooking in the house when we were growing (but we were in the US then, anyway). when we went back home to naija, as a 'titled' man, my uncles frowned at this and made dad's life hell.

my teenage years were spent mostly in naija, so with the pressures from my uncles (and being something of a lazybone myself), i never picked up domestic skills (at least not the way my dad did).

do i think my dad is the better man - yes. do i think most men are like that- NO. we may resolve this by taking a nairaland poll (only guys to vote)!!!!

@ Lion Heart r u 4 real, or just 4 d honeys!!!!


@ Ugwumba : Much respect man!

Quote from Lionheart

"I know that there are more nigerian men like me out there".

Yes there are ! and thanks for holding it down my brother .

It depends simply on the man as an individual. There are needs, wants and desire which sometimes cannot be provided by just one woman hence man ends up with……, a wife, girlfriend(s), concubine(s), one night stand(s) etc.

Think about the natural pressure the society in general puts on a man

dynamo2000:

It depends simply on the man as an individual. There are needs, wants and desire which sometimes cannot be provided by just one woman hence man ends up with……, a wife, girlfriend(s), concubine(s), one night stand(s) etc.

Think about the natural pressure the society in general puts on a man

what u said makes a lot of sense i must say

Clears throat, if y'all want the juice about my home boy, lionheart, hit me up. Just kidding.

Lionheart, is for real though, if you want to get with him, come sign waiting list .

what waiting list Bhola?

You really want to discuss that here?

nope lol , not on NL