SmartFaces:
Thanks people, your comments are encouraging. The court marriage has been done. The big deal for him is that he holds a position in his church. They are threatening to suspend him if he goes against their rules.
One alternative is to leave the church and their rules then join another church but he said his hearts and conscience won't let him.

They should go to church on a sunday, stand before the congregation then make pastor bless them and declare them husband& wife before God's people. No be by force to wear white gown and suit on a saturday.

Good advice you all have one way or another.
I speak as a Christian minister, your marriage is recognized after the two families agreed to the union as well as when dowry is paid. However, as a Christian, your Pastor' s blessing is necessary and it doesn't have to be elaborate. It's a matter of choice. Don't advice him to leave the church, it doesn't worth it. The two of you can have the blessing anytime of the day and week. I have witnessed weddings on Sunday morning, Thursday evenings, Monday morning. Nothing is cast in stone about life, apart from obedience to the word of God.
Thanks.

in my own opinion.i think he should follow the distate of his mind rather than been mislead or misguarded by one church.is it what the holy book say about marriage.

SmartFaces:
Thanks people, your comments are encouraging. The court marriage has been done. The big deal for him is that he holds a position in his church. They are threatening to suspend him if he goes against their rules.
One alternative is to leave the church and their rules then join another church but he said his hearts and conscience won't let him.

He holds a position of authority in the church that's why they are being strict, generally the church will recognise you as married after your court wedding.

What an expository posts.

Tashaamania:
OP, he is not buoyant enough to carry out church wedding?
Please when did the church start charging people for weddings

OMG! When i saw your post, i wan kill myself with lafff!!! Ah! ah!! Wetin you dey think? Your mind dey sharp shaa!!!
My dear i no fit shout oh!!

they did not charge per say oh, but you know the church formalities na.

Infact we were told that we must cook separately for pastors on that day. That their reception is usually different from that of others.

Seriously, i like that question. All these churches seff, their wahala no be here oh

Kingblingz:
Personally Me I don't intend doing white wedding,make e be say afta my traditional wedding wan YEYE pastor go come dey tell me say ah no fit live 2geda wit my wife till afta church wedding dat day d pastor go tell me weda na church offering I use do my traditional marriage or my money!

Nairalanders are so brilliant and you are one of them. Wetin? church offering ke! You are not serious walahi! Ah ah, so funny. Abeg, go enroll for comedy show. you won't kill me at all. your day is blessed.

SmartFaces:
Thanks people, your comments are encouraging. The court marriage has been done. The big deal for him is that he holds a position in his church. They are threatening to suspend him if he goes against their rules.
One alternative is to leave the church and their rules then join another church but he said his hearts and conscience won't let him.

How much did they pay him for holding a position in his church? Did they share the church income with him? Working for God is a thing of the heart it has nothing to do with the show up that we do to please these so called men of God. You guys have done the things recognised by God and the Law and that is traditional and court marriage respectively. Any other celebration is a waste of time and resources. You guys should move in together, if the pastors makes any noise just let me know about it.

FFOD:


You'll be surprised how much churches charge and how much you're expected to "contribute" in envelopre to the priests and officiating ministers.
Some churches will even turn your wedding to a fund raising event for various items the church needs

Some churches maybe, not all churches.. and this is the first am hearing churches do charge members for weddings

boxer022:
Listen to me and listen good, what ever position he is occupying in his church should not hinder him from staying with you. I want him to make up his mind and move out of that church and focus on his relationship with God. As far as he has paid your dowry and celebrated traditionally, I don't see any reason why you should not move in with him. In the Bible it was recorded that Christ attended a wedding and turned water into wine. I am sure that wedding is a traditional wedding.

Thanks alot. you spoke to me. What matters is our relationship with God. thanks alot. Please have a pleasant day ahead.

Had this kind of argument with Amma couple days ago.
I simply believe marriage is recognised when the parents of the two parties consent to the union.
Any body outside if such is just to satisfy the need to be applauded,talk about or just for a space on personal accomplishment list.
Be it church,mosque or court.They are all external entity.
God recognise parents as the body authority to sanction marriage

Tashaamania:

Some churches maybe, not all churches.. and this is the first am hearing churches do charge members for weddings

• Even your Church charges couples for weddings after their marital classes and catechism. It's very minimal though. How would you not know?

Darkrebel666:


• Even your Church charges couples for weddings after their marital classes and catechism. It's very minimal though. How would you not know?

money for forms and the sorts maybe which is very minimal, but thats not enough excuse for not carrying out the church wedding

Two Questions, (1) do you want a church wedding done before you are satisfied that u are fully married? (2) Are you convinced that with the trad. marriage and registry wedding you are fully married?
If (1) is yes, then simply stick by the church's rules, but u dont have have to spend a fortune to have a church wedding. Make it simple, agree with your pastors that it is a simple wedding just like u had at the registry (i bet u didnt spend much save for the legal fees at the registry, there was even no reception!), you can do same with the church. Have it during a sunday service and have a brief inexpensive private reception at your home. C'est fini!

if (2) is yes, meet with your pastors again (although this should have been settled before the trad marriage took place), explain to them that this is how far u intend to go regarding being joined to your spouse. Then they can arrange a private blessing of your marriage with just a few very close family members in attendance and some church officials. You need not spend a fortune again. She can still wear her gown and take great photos. Problem solved! The church is not a party to wasteful lavish spendings at weddings and then u end up broke and angry at each other for not having a dime in ur pockets because you wanted to please the world with an expensive church wedding. Be wise and dont insult your pastors over such a trivial issue, and be careful where u get advice from next time, some advice can be misleading.

Bonapart:
It doesn't how develop the world is today, always know that sex before marriage remains a sin.

Thanks dear, No one is disputing the fact of the act being a sin. The contention now is, after traditional and court marriage, will you still say we are living in sin because we have not done the church wedding?

Please quote to reply. I appriciate, nice day ahead.

Tashaamania:

money for forms and the sorts maybe which is very minimal, but thats not enough excuse for not carrying out the church wedding

• O.P said the groom can't afford a grand white wedding i.e Reception and Partying.
~ He should get his pastor or priest to conduct a small wedding in the Chapel then.. All he needs is 4 witnesses. The Church wouldn't collect more than #4000.
.~White Wedding doesn't mean it has to be big or grand. The blessing of the Church is more important than a crappy time wasting traditional wedding.


• I'm speaking as a Christian this time.

Bonapart:
for your mind now you don make sense. Whereas you're far from common reasoning

No na, abeg no insults or abuses so that people will be comfortable to share their opinions. How are you doing today? Great day for you man.

maylisa:
Stop wasting time; go to court register your marriage and impregnate her. But before you do this, you have to change where you worship.

Oboy, see hot temper!!! Na the impregnate her sweet me pass. You are good. thanks dearie, enjoy your day please.

Darkrebel666:



• O.P said the groom can't afford a grand white wedding i.e Reception and Partying.
~ He should get his pastor or priest to conduct a small wedding in the Chapel then.. All he needs is 4 witnesses. The Church wouldn't collect more than #4000.
.~White Wedding doesn't mean it has to be big or grand. The blessing of the Church is more important than a crappy time wasting traditional wedding.


• I'm speaking as a Christian this time.

Does white weddings neccessarily entails reception or partying afterwards?
I agree with the bolded because I dont know if me as a person will ever feel okay without my white wedding..

QuiverBox:





Church wedding does not mean he will spend money.

The Church elders did not say he must do church wedding with receptions.

Church wedding simply means - officially ordaining / recognizing your union in church.

He should simply pick a date , invite family and friend and be joined in holy matrimony.

It must not be on Saturday morning oh. It can be anytime approved by the church.

Celebration can come when he has money.

Thanks dear. but what if we don't want the church thing at all, whether marriage blessing or what ever the name could be, can't the church just respect our decision? how are you doing today? take charge of your day.

lezz:
It is interesting to note that in the Bible, no wedding took place in the synagogue or church from Genesis to Revelation!!!

No prophet or apostle or Jesus Christ conducted or officiated a wedding ceremony!!!

All marriages in the bible were traditional in nature involving the parents of the bride and groom.

Africans, especially Nigerians are conquered people and they behave like one.

If any pastor conducts a wedding ceremony without a prior traditional one or without the consent of the parents or guardian of the Bride, he is an usurper and a thief.

I like that dearie. you are on point.

Ipledge:
dont fVCk d pastor oo

laff wan kill me here oh!!! abeg oh, i won't f**k the pastor oh! thanks dear.

Tashaamania:

Does white weddings neccessarily entails reception or partying afterwards?
I agree with the bolded because I dont know if me as a person will ever feel okay without my white wedding..

•@bolded
~Of course not.. The ritual and matrimonial rites performed in the Church is most paramount. The Reception is just an AdLib. The reception is in fact very good to compliment that joyous day, but when finance is a problem then the couples should just do a small chapel wedding and maybe later on they could throw a reception party.

SmartFaces:


No na, abeg no insults or abuses so that people will be comfortable to share their opinions. How are you doing today? Great day for you man.

you too dear.... my apologies.
Meant no insult. You're so calm and eazy going. So people like you still dey for nairaland

What matters most is the consent and blessings of both parent. and then the traditional where rites are been paid

eldoradoxx:
Is it a crime if the church sponsors one of their committed member's wedding who is desirous of conducting a church wedding but is financially handicapped for now ? Churches of these days are hell bound going by how selfish and self centred they are. If a church should ask members for tithes and offering from their small earnings, shouldn't they also take care of these little responsibilities without embarrassing their members.

My dear if them see space chop the only one wey dey your house, trust me they will. their selfishness these days don dey wear face cap.

Wefiak1414:
nna men eh na women they drag men go this wedding of a stuff self o boy men do suffer from top to down.

Kpelle!!! sorry dear, all for love. what's up with you? hope you are good?

shindarayo:
and wat if its a white garment

SmartFaces:

Thanks dear, No one is disputing the fact of the act being a sin. The contention now is, after traditional and court marriage, will you still say we are living in sin because we have not done the church wedding?

Please quote to reply. I appriciate, nice day ahead.

according to my bible, after bride price you're good to go.... wedding is just to bring in blessing into the marriage by the alter of God. Is called "blessing of marriage" Jacob in the bible, when he finished serving his father in law, the service which is the payment of the bride price, the same night he was given the go ahead to deflower his wife.

efonat:
Every marriage need Gods presence.

kk. but is it the church wedding that ensures God's presence in the marriage? hope you are cool? Great day ahead.

PreshyG:
D tin is, he mustn't do an elaborate wedding, like me; i will even prefer a private church wedding. Just d priest,d two parents, sponsor and few witnesse. Cos i would not want to stay away from communion because of white wedding. Afta going through intro. And trad.marriage.

Exactly our idea of wedding four years ago when we got married but our parents wouldn't hear of it. we ended up having crazy crowd.

Meristem:
We don treat this issue before nah:

https://www.nairaland.com/1845732/traditional-marriage-complete-marriage/1#25339263

You are right based on the link you shared. Probably, that was from another nairalander but this is my own wahala. am sure it won't be bad to air it out and have lovely people like you help me out. how are you today? enjoy yourself today and don't allow anyone... i mean anyone steal your joy. chao!!