[/quote][quote author=ohaechesi link=topic=221274.msg3364893#msg3364893 date=1232454865]
listen, to hell with you all good for nothing (acclaimed degree holders) Chic's. the way you ladies laments are quit disgusting. ok if you should share of the same right with your hubby (demanding respect from him first), why don't you go out there and get your self a husband rather than waiting for donkey years for one good man to approach you and turn your life around. make you a woman and crown you with dignity. for Christ sake who the hell are you (women) to question the authority of your man? Let me quickly remind you that what men needs from you is just the kids. whereby you think you've grown wings, to your tent oh Israel. why wont you "divide before he comes out from the bathroom" whereby if he should embark on a trip, you will serve it as kola even to your house boy . una never hala until una eat gala

vodka:

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TALK RUBBISH ABOUT GOD'S GREATEST CREATURES?
listen this respect thingy is both ways.
its obvious from your post that you're both immature and not very smart. oh you must be like 10 right?

because the few women you've met in your lifetime happen to be cheap whores who "gave it to their houseboys" DO NOT qualify all women by this xter my friend.

epi:

The Nigerians men that I know personally and those that I interact with on a daily basis are smart, intelligent, hard working and respectable. The only thing I can say is that they are no-nonsense people. They are not going sit by and let you “walk-over” (take advantage) them.

My mother and I are best of friends all because of my boyfriend. I am not telling him that though. . . . .might swell his head

Yep, he is all about respect


One love

cvibe:

@iice
You want the person to use their initiative in the 2nd sentence.

spikedcylinder:

Na wa o. Where do you people meet all these useless men?

People get what they set out to attract be it consciously or unconsciously

iice:


[color=#9900ff]People get what they set out to attract be it consciously or unconsciously

jintujinta:

Well, i guess the right point to start this discussion should be defining what respect is and what it isnt. What people see as respect in a nation or culture or location or region may not be seen as respect in another.

1) Would he find it disrespectful if I asked him to start cooking because I am stuck in traffic or even, help me out in the kitchen when I am cooking?
2) Would he find it disrespectful if I asked him to do the laundry?
3) Would he find it disrespectful if I told him I really don't want to have sex but I'll rather cuddle and talk?
4) Would he find it disrespectful if I told him that I feel his mom has been visiting too frequently?

All these, may or may not result in disrespect depending on how they are presented, just like someone already pointed out. Respect for other person's feelings, opinion, freedom, etc are the issues that really matter in a relationship. When adequately taken care of, you will soon discover that you will be respected when you too respect people because respect is reciprocal.


So what do you term as "respect"?

The only thing I can say is that they are no-nonsense people. They are not going sit by and let you “walk-over” (take advantage) them.

Mai Suya:

See them, see thier mouth pepepepepepe. At home or on the internet, they're all the same . . .

ohaechesi:

i would take that for a joke or else you wont tell me that you are not aware the major cause for broken homes today was as a result of abuse on that private part by women. don't pretend being ignorant of the fact that most women divide that precious part outside their matrimonial homes. then tomorrow the same woman will turn up with some kind of excusses to the hubby, share me that crap

Sisi Jinx:

Mai gida na, didn't I show you respect enough? I knelt down and I didn't look you in the eye. . .what more can a miji ask from his mata?

Sisi Jinx:

Brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant!!! Most people don't really want to touch on the reciprocating aspect of this issue. They just want to ram the "Respect Your Man" mantra down our throats and expect us to swallow it with nary a word.

Look, more often than not, women are automatically switched on to the respect your man mode, it only starts to dial down when their own feelings, their own opinions, their own freedom. . . basically everything that concerns them isn't respected.

JustGood:

yesterday, my I made my own lunch for work cos my wife was almost late for work. This morning, she was up early and made me something special for lunch.

i dont like going in the kitchen except I have to AND I cant compel my wife to make my meal but she does it because she likes to do it. I think its one of the things she enjoys doing for me. If that means I am enslaving my wife, too bad.

Even when she was doing a PG study, she made me food most times. I dont see it as any big deal. Did any man starve before getting married? That (food making) is definitely not a measure of respect. When she was writing exams sometime ago, I made meals for the whole family and I'm sure I taught her a thing or two in the kitchen about how to burn everything you cook

fs:

JustGood, I don't think anyone is saying that a woman cannot cook for her husband/family. I think the issue is when people say she has to do it or when her husband is completely content with doing most of the cooking and then people OUTSIDE the marriage decide to concern themselves with what's not their business and say he shouldn't be doing it. The point is that it is not any particular human being's work. Some women love to cook, some men love to do the same. Anyone of them in a marriage should do it. In your case, your wife loves to do it, no problem. The problem arises when either party in a marriage does NOT like to cook. In that case, I think they should just both do it together or pretty much have a detailed discussion on how it's going to work before they enter into a marriage.

People forget that when we were growing up in Nigeria, many of our parents had help (maids, drivers, guys that washed clothes, etc). In my house anyway, my mother did NOT do everything. We had help. For those of us in the US now, labor is not as cheap as it is/was in Nigeria, so we have to do everything. Ofcourse, this needs to be shared to maintain a happy home. And at the end of the day, I'm hoping that is what we all want. Because if that's not the case, there's no need to get married. Why live a miserable life for the rest of one's life? God has created us on this earth for much more than that. Everyone should just try to figure out what their end goals are, because to tell the truth, I don't think this thing is as complicated as many make it out to be.

fs:

JustGood, I don't think anyone is saying that a woman cannot cook for her husband/family. I think the issue is when people say she has to do it or when her husband is completely content with doing most of the cooking and then people OUTSIDE the marriage decide to concern themselves with what's not their business and say he shouldn't be doing it[size=18pt]. The point is that it is not any particular human being's work.[/size] Some women love to cook, some men love to do the same. Anyone of them in a marriage should do it. In your case, your wife loves to do it, no problem. The problem arises when either party in a marriage does NOT like to cook. In that case, I think they should just both do it together or pretty much have a detailed discussion on how it's going to work before they enter into a marriage.

People forget that when we were growing up in Nigeria, many of our parents had help (maids, drivers, guys that washed clothes, etc). In my house anyway, my mother did NOT do everything. We had help. For those of us in the US now, labor is not as cheap as it is/was in Nigeria, so we have to do everything. [size=18pt]Ofcourse, this needs to be shared to maintain a happy home[/size]. And at the end of the day, I'm hoping that is what we all want. Because if that's not the case, there's no need to get married. Why live a miserable life for the rest of one's life? God has created us on this earth for much more than that. Everyone should just try to figure out what their end goals are, because to tell the truth, I don't think this thing is as complicated as many make it out to be.

Mai Suya:

Well said fs, yours has always been a  refreshingly sane voice among the vacuous hullabaloo coming from your peers. Do women  really think that by being rebellious, by usurping or at best undermining the man’s authority, by showing you can 'stand up to him', that will get him pander to your desires? FAT CHANCE!

If females feel that men are getting worse, it’s simply because they (men) are responding to their(female) worsening behavior. Understand this: he is a man; he is built to face challenges, he does not bow to them, he faces them squarely, much less when coming from . . .

Look, you ladies should get it right: I go to the market, cook, do the laundry( sincerely I do!), heck, even wash her undies with stains of em . . . you know . . . 'aunt flo'(uggh!). It doesn't take anything from me, and I can boldly say many Najia men will gladly do the same. Jeez, are we animals? How can any right thinking man, seeing his wife is expectant, incapacitated or just plain tired, still expect her to run kitchen to prepare food for him? That will be criminal.

So what then is the problem?

We will not take orders from our wives, nor will we not bow to her rebellious inclinations, as the female contributors are advocating.  I will do her duties when, in my finite wisdom, I feel I should. THAT"S WHY I AM HEAD   ladies dont like hearing that, huh? TOUGH

In Africa we have traditional respect for someone who is older; since in over 90% of the cases the man is usually the older one, it will be disrespectful for his wife to be giving him orders.,

fs:

I am just saddened when I read some of these posts, then I remember that it's not mandatory to get married to someone that's unfit for you. If there's a man out there that demands things that you consider ridiculous, then don't marry him. Yes I know at times that one can be desperate, but at that point that person would have to decide if he/she wants to be unhappy for the rest of their life or not. My husband always says that the goal in a marriage is to be happy and help each other grow. Sometimes I wonder what people think the goal of a marriage is (probably just to have children).

At the end of the day, everyone should just make sure they know who they are and what they believe before they get themselves into what is supposed to last a lifetime, and hopefully a happy one at that. We can't change anyone so we shouldn't think when we get married, we'l'l do that. WE should get to know the person now and open our eyes to the red flags, they are typically not hard to see.