.

marry him now and you multiply your worries by 1000.
You cant marry a boy and expect him to grow into a man tomorrow. time to sit him down and stop calling a spade a cutlass. Best of luck.

definitely not gonna advice you to marry someone out of pity (not wanting to disappoint cos of all the things he has done for ya).
On the other hand, i think you might want to sit him down explain to him how you really feel about the relationship and your expectation of a man (apart from the provision of gifts and et al).
The probability of him changing might be very low but u will know u've satisfied your conscience, tried to make it work so if and when everything eventually goes pear shape u will def know u've done ur own bit.

He doesn't sound that bad 2 me. . .
Good thing U already know the consequences of getting married to him.
I'd marry & shape him up

davidylan:

marry him now and you multiply your worries by 1000.
You cant marry a boy and expect him to grow into a man tomorrow. time to sit him down and stop calling a spade a cutlass. Best of luck.

W O R D!!!

One thing you don't want to do is spending your married life being bitter or trying to shape someone into your notion of "ideal"

Don't just marry him and get it over with, plzzz. . . . cuz d marriage may not last.

davidylan:

marry him now and you multiply your worries by 1000.
You cant marry a boy and expect him to grow into a man tomorrow. time to sit him down and stop calling a spade a cutlass. Best of luck.

Talk to him. . . . .! Like you said

Its better to be happily unmarried than to be unhappily married

Don't patch things up!

Girl, run. It's better to be truly happy than settle.

Odd

Girl, all your grammar and over analysis sef . 5years is enough to make someone bored of a relationship. i can say you are just bored of him.

I don't understand why some folks never seem to take advantage of one of the most essential tools in a relationship: COMMUNICATION. You know what worries you, you have questions, you want change. Why not ask the man in question? If the man has no knowledge of his wrongs, or what you feel he's doing wrong, do you automatically expect him to turn around and become your ideal man tomorrow?

I guess you aren't very mature yourself.

@ poster

talk to him, tell him what you don't like, beg him to change.

But then if you think you can handle and tame him, then go ahead and marry him but if you can't then go the other way! because it is no use marrying some one who behaves like a boy!

Girl i guess you are malancholic by nature (if i am wrong please correct me). Melancholics are by nature too serious and believe they are more intelligent than every other person around them. Both of you cant take evrything too seriosly else you will bore each other to death. Your combination is good because it will help you balance your home (i mean work and play). You are meant to complement  and not duplicate each other. Try and relax a bit, you will be just fine.

@ Poster


You are right to worry about the lack of communication, because as you know and have expressed, if you do not deal with an issue, it will keep coming back, and you would not want an instance where the guy would start accusing you of being a nag.

You both love each other and are serious about each other so my advice would be for you to address this same post of yours to your fiance and let him know how it is affecting you, and send it to him via email or a letter before you consider throwing in the towel.

You never know, he might feel more comfortable addressing you in a written form.

just break it off pls ! so that his real wife will have a chance to meet him !

wow,
intriguing read,
4 a 22 yr old, u sound really mature!!, congrats
methinks the best decision is 2 call it quits,
a broken friendship is berra than a broken marriage,

marriage is like a magnifying glass, it makes ur bad qualities 2 show up more,
n things normally get worse b4 it gets beta

Don't marry him, you should leave him and find a proper guy

its obvious that he's not taking ur concerns seriously

u need to give him a reality check
or you'll resent him later



so u've been dating him since u were 17?

U guys ain't compatible but are in luv.

Choosing compatibility over luv means u'd have to dump him.

Choosing luv over compatibility means u'd have to stick with him.

So u choose !!

BlueDiva:

U guys ain't compatible but are in luv.

Choosing compatibility over luv means u'd have to dump him.

Choosing luv over compatibility means u'd have to stick with him.

So u choose !!

word!

Please, you can find someone that you're both compatible and in love with.

From the way you asked the question, my answer is no, don't get married. How can anyone marry someone just to get it over with? There's nothing over with it. It's just the wedding that'll be over. The marriage would just be BEGINNING!

To me the guy just doesn't fit you. I don't know if you're too serious or whatever another poster said, but he doesn't fit you. You're NOT obligated to marry anyone because you've both met each other's families and he's done A,B, C for you! Please abeg, marriage is supposed to last a lifetime. You can see the red flags, don't let anyone tell you to just get married and get it over with. Marriage has never solved problems before. It usually magnifies any previous problems.

Yes, your families might be upset at first, but they need to get over it. You're not living your life for them, not at all. You're only 22 and have been dating someone since 17. Please, leave this relationship. You know what you want, go find that. The dude would find another lady that fits him.

That's my 2 cents.

I think you might be too much for him. He will eventually start getting intimidated by you. Insecurity in men can lead to many evils. You have basically said that you do not think he is man enough for you. Trust me, he will sense it and it will become frustrating to him. At your age you have not even seen life yet an older man is immature for you. You need to have a partner that you can rub minds with. You want to talk about politics and he wants to talk about orange, you want to talk about planning the future and he was to talk about the delcious hamburger he had yesterday, you want to talk about how many kids you want to have and he wants to talk about the latest gym shoes etc. It is endless and can cause you alot of stress. There will never be a perfect match but you can help eliminate alot of drama by not turning a blind eye to real issues

@poster you're incredibly matured and intelligent. @ nairalanders she said she already spoke to him about the issue, as far as im concerned i don't think any amount of "talking to him" would change anything. you are obviuosly way more matured than he is and the chance of him changing is probably slim to none. Yes, he's bought you things, and invested a lot of time in you so? Don't let guilt let drag you into a situation that you later cant get yourself out of. Do you want to be unhappy for the rest of your life? And for you to not trust his judgements and can't even take any advice from him is serious that shows that the respect is just not there. And when a woman loses respect for a man, the rest is history.

Outstrip:

I think you might be too much for him. He will eventually start getting intimidated by you. Insecurity in men can lead to many evils. You have basically said that you do not think he is man enough for you. Trust me, he will sense it and it will become frustrating to him. At your age you have not even seen life yet an older man is immature for you. You need to have a partner that you can rub minds with. You want to talk about politics and he wants to talk about orange, you want to talk about planning the future and he was to talk about the delcious hamburger he had yesterday, you want to talk about how many kids you want to have and he wants to talk about the latest gym shoes etc. It is endless and can cause you alot of stress. There will never be a perfect match but you can help eliminate alot of drama by not turning a blind eye to real issues

I like your post.

Lo and behold, thy poster getteth a caddie yet she seeketh a gladiator. Verily verily I say unto you, thoust thirst for thine gladiator shall only grow stronger if thine moveth forth in holy matrimony with such simple man!

@ Topic

If u tink u'll EVER find ur ideal man, then u're in 4 a wild goose chase.
U'll always make use of the word 'Too' when describing man! Either he's 'too' serious or 'too' unserious. 5 years sounds like a lot to me but it's bin said 'that he who wears the shoe knows where it hurts (the most)'.

I tink u've actually found someone else who you think will make a better husband . . .

U only noticed his 'unserious attitude' after dating him for 5 years? Well, I tink not.

Get prepared for the shame or the glory that your choice'll bring.

If I were you, I'll get married to him but for a 'proper' reason. . .

You can have my leggs if you need tham and I'm sure you know what to do with them. _run

@poster,u think u're way 2much for him,that happens when (1) both of u lacked communication,by that i do not mean on phone,i mean proximity and (2)mayb al d while he's not been around,u'v found a smooth talkin guy.If d former b d case,then let both of u shud spend some time together,lik 6months n c wt becomes of him,cos i'd want 2 believe that his incoherent attitude is induced by ur presence.If u truly love a man,stick wit him n stay connected,but if u dont,u gasto step out.Marriage is not based on whether he talks too much or he acts too much lik a man or he's been too bossy or talks lik a boy,but its based on love n understandin.My dear if he loves u,then stay rather than steppin into another relationship or gettin married 2 a man who's got al it takes 2 b a man or even an alpha male,but there's no love.Some traits/characters are acquired,some congenital,i'd lik 2 believe his is acquired and can b remodelled 'd stone d builder rejected could b d corner stone' no b me talk am o.So give it a rethink,gd luck

see my young lady,i have the same problem which has been effecting my relationships being over matured in nature is not all that good,my case i cant date my age mates because of being over matured in mind.even as am talking to u,i cant date a guy without knowing his age which is wrong.just go ahead with the relationships and mind you that guy takes longer time to get matured in minds.just allow him nature will take its shape.again hence the guy is in love with you,and with the help of God things will work out well with u people.just give him time.we woman grow faster than our male counterparts which is natural.so pray and ask God to show you his ways over the marriage.

@ poster and you really think you have something to complain about?
ok so would you rather a man who'd argue with you on every little issue? this man is just being HIM - a man; they are mostly babies inside and though they seem to act tough and all, eventually the fact that he wants your opinion on issues affectiing his life (whether small or big) means he trusts you enuf.
again i think you should be suspicious about this kinda person cos you haven't spent enuf time together for a long period of time. the fact that he's away like for the most part of your relationship means maybe whenever he's with you he wants it to be perfect which is perfectly normal for someone who cares about you. spend a long stretch of time together, but if you ask me i think you really have no basis for complaint but as with all women ""we can never totally be satisfied"" same goes for men.

I ve never seen a marriage dat offers everything ppl desires in d right propotion.
Its not meant to be a PERFECT institution otherwise it wont be positively challenging.

In d first place,do u think if d guy had all those cognitive and  permit me to say attidunal
abilities dat are lacking at the moment,dat u wud ve been the best for him?

If he had invested time and cash resources on u for 5 solid yrs,whats wrong
with investing an infinitesimal bit of urs to "toosh" him up to ur taste b4 marriage?

Do ur best to "wake" him up first,when after all efforts has proved abortive,come back
here for advice.Good luck.

uhmn uhmn uhmn girl ure smart i must say, u noticed this thing for so long i guess but you stuck to him abi?
i understand how frustrating this must be but i think you have something good here to throw away like that
i know you have said u have spoken on this issue but mayb you need to sit him down well since you cant sit him down physically,
let an issue arise again, watch how he goes about it and then that might be a perfect example to bring up this matter
tell him in plain terms how frustrated you are, and how u ar thinking the relationship is headed for nowhere
give him time to chew on this, tell him how important this is to you and how YOU MUST SEE CHANGE BEFORE U TIE D KNOT
pray for him too, tell God ur concerns i think you got a strong personality and in future with a little improvment from him NOW it wil be a perfect balance
i have met couples like this one or two, the woman had d stronger personality the man can never be like her but was perfect too in his own way
he might be more jovial and generally take things lightly but still STEP UP TO THE PLATE WHEN OCCASION DEMANDED FOR IT
this is the change i hope you see at the end of the day
let the marriage hold on for a while and watch him and indeed how it goes
at the end of the day if u are not satisfied dont lie to yourself WALK AWAY and then he will have nothing on u (he wont be able to cough sef)
cos he messed up and this he knows.
good luck