netotse:


Can you or ishilove show the guy serubawons post about being a widower...on my phone so doing it is wahala....

Sure. Good idea.

@Desanta this should help

https://www.nairaland.com/20511/adjusting-life-widower#562123

Caseless:
Men, is this for real? I'm touched; this is why I hate to read anything called diary on this forum .
After reading this, I believe Somebody sure needs help.

WE ALL NEED HELP.
One way or another

Oraculus:
There are these days.. days when my strength fail me... days when I arrange my successes - things I fought so hard to achieve - before myself and they don't make any atom of sense.

....

Maturity oozes from your write up.

I understand what u're going through, should I say I've been there? In my pursuit to be the best, I had to cut off people who cannot look at an empty land and see the skyscrapers I see and surround myself with like robots. Time passed, I kept telling myself I haven't forgotten them, that we are still together and once I get what I want from life, I will come back to them and we can all be each other's ladders. That day never came, I kept wanting more and kept isolating more and more. When that loneliness you spoke of came knocking on my door, I immediately started seeking them out, but they have all moved on with life and left me alone, I felt like a stranger among my childhood friends. I realized my mistake fast and did an immediate u-turn. I began to make new friends and take them seriously. Many of these new friendships are a consolation to me. I'm still gradually winning some friends back but many priceless friendships were lost. Now, there's a non-negotiable time for friends and family in my weekly schedule.

Moral: What has happened has happened, there is always a price to pay. Never regret, simply keep moving ahead. You can always start afresh.
Tip: Go to places where you aren't known, do away with the corporate attires when friend hunting, look casual but good, see making friends as a must do. Social media is a good place to start, meet at least 1 daily online and 1 weekly physically.

I really hope this helps

grayht:
Gbam! Mods give this guy 2 bottles of Origin!

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I understand how you feel. I have been down that road. I wasn't a very social person in the university because I was concerned about the grades I'd graduate with. I did graduate with cute grades and absolutely no friends. I have known the pain of loneliness and the emptiness of aloneness.

I started making real efforts to build true friendships. I won't say I am there yet, but I now have an A team.

Keep trying, you will succeed someday. And draw closer to God. He knows what we need and when we need it and believe me he never let's us be tempted/tested beyond what we can bear.

(I apologize for the long epistle)

UjSizzle:
Sure. Good idea.
@Desanta this should help
https://www.nairaland.com/20511/adjusting-life-widower#562123

Thanks.

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Hmmm.....

So touching

I don't have any advise to give but i'm single ooh This is actually my first time commenting here since i joined in 2012

Let love come to you man...desperation always don't end well..keep being a better version of yourself in preparation of when you'll meet her..whoever she may be

softysparky:

Osy I dey as you leave your babe ooo.

Lol, e get as e be... Hope you're good sha

Just look around you, she might be somewhere near.
You've the power to draw her closer through prayers.

I understand that yearning, that loneliness, that gap.
May God grant you your heart desire.

Oraculus:
There are these days.. days when my strength fail me... days when I arrange my successes - things I fought so hard to achieve - before myself and they don't make any atom of sense.

Days when the emptiness.. take this humanoid form, and glare at me over my shoulders... days in which getting the juice out fails to form any meaning.. no matter the inducement.. and then any effort at it becomes a labour in vain.

Then you wish you had this just one person.. anybody..somebody.. better if it's the person u ever wanted but right there ur standing all by ur self and your successes with not a soul to share memories and moments with.

Then you imagine how others did it.. do it.

Then you want to regret all the sacrifices you made to get here but no you refuse cos they still seem worth it.. if only there was just this one person!

Then u remember that when others were socialising and bonding, you were serving compulsory solitude perfecting what seemed to be the most important then.

Now you want to be like others and you have no idea how it is done and again and again, you make effort at being someone's 'the one' but all they see is desperation, lack of wit and a machine.. yes! The machine you have conditioned yourself to be over the years efficient at everything except love

These lonely, cold and tiring nights make fun at you and enjoy how a well respected personality outside falls like a pack of cards inside especially at those times when u turn to ur body for gratification.

I have pain.. deep.. inner pain.. that I wear this nice smile to cover always or so I thought.. as recently, I have started thinking people see through me and visualise vividly the emptiness that lies inside..hmm the way they look at me.

Then I convince myself that they stare at me cos they're seeing this fine person.. that lame excuse does get me through that moment.

I look hard and wish I could see the future and see someone and be rest assured that it will happen.

Cos I have been like this day after day, week, weeks, month, months, year and years!!

And suddenly I realise how nice I have become to people but I wonder why it doesn't work .. probably cos they're seeing a 'nice machine'

I feel exhausted, and sometimes wonder why with my accomplishments I don't get someone walk up to me and make me feel needed

Ofcourse, i'm macho.. this is where I get to melt like ororo in hot frying pan.

Sometimes I try to settle for someone around the corner but that fighter in me refuses to.. prefering to stick to my 'old glory' of getting the best and what I feel I deserve.

Maybe I deserve the best.. yes.. but not the best 'the one'..

Mannnnnnn this is talking to me in fact if this situation is a wall clock my time is quarter to 12, spent 90% of my time on career and all forms of socialisation starts and ends online, I unconsciously let go of any relationship once i smell Drama.............what should workaholics and perfectionists like us do?

15thMonica:
success is their only love


mind you, I didn't read it...

That's harsh, it's our drive, our motivation, our adrenalin but not necessary our only love.

FOREXMARTS:


That's harsh, it's our drive, our motivation, our adrenalin but not necessary our only love.

If that's the case, then I will say love dos not exist

what could be worthwhile of loving than self success?

15thMonica:
If that's the case, then I will say love dos not exist

what could be worthwhile of loving than self success?

Hmmm, being loved, that's a part of self success too you know?

FOREXMARTS:

Hmmm, being loved, that's a part of self success too you know?

Truelove is only a branch of Success...

Success is dynamic making it the best thing that can ever happen to a man nd u will agree with me that the best thing is loved the most

Oraculus:
There are these days.. days when my strength fail me... days when I arrange my successes - things I fought so hard to achieve - before myself and they don't make any atom of sense.

Days when the emptiness.. take this humanoid form, and glare at me over my shoulders... days in which getting the juice out fails to form any meaning.. no matter the inducement.. and then any effort at it becomes a labour in vain.

Then you wish you had this just one person.. anybody..somebody.. better if it's the person u ever wanted but right there ur standing all by ur self and your successes with not a soul to share memories and moments with.

Then you imagine how others did it.. do it.

Then you want to regret all the sacrifices you made to get here but no you refuse cos they still seem worth it.. if only there was just this one person!

Then u remember that when others were socialising and bonding, you were serving compulsory solitude perfecting what seemed to be the most important then.

I understand you. I think I am in your shoes at the moment. But It was a conscious decision I made. You need emotional solitude to achieve certain levels of success. You need a sort of emotional detachment. This is the price most Self(God) made people pay.

Now you want to be like others and you have no idea how it is done and again and again, you make effort at being someone's 'the one' but all they see is desperation, lack of wit and a machine.. yes! The machine you have conditioned yourself to be over the years efficient at everything except love

[b]Again, I get you. Your problem is not that you cant find or speak to babes. The issue is you want a Fulfilling relationship with an ''asset'', meaning somebody who is worth your time and efforts, who you see as bringing emotional value in a sense to the table. This is not so hard, and it is also hard. To get this person, just have a free mind, Realte with babes as much as possible, do not judge them..know what you want get close to them, be materialistic with them, be annoying, be nice..be very stubborn. see who puts up with your crap, find out why they put up with your crap..is it because you are nice to them?..stop been nice, ...is it because you are generous?..cut that out....this selection by elimination method will get you the person who likes you for who you are, not what you are. This person will like you even at your worst moments...(This is why ladies are attracted to assholes, or ''badguys''). Learn how to treat them well once you know they like you. Nurture the emotions you feel for them..and over time the love will grow. For Guys like us, it is important to us that baes like us not because of the Success we have, but because they just like us..even without the success. That is what you are searching for, and like all things..you WILL get it.[/b]

These lonely, cold and tiring nights make fun at you and enjoy how a well respected personality outside falls like a pack of cards inside especially at those times when u turn to ur body for gratification.

I have pain.. deep.. inner pain.. that I wear this nice smile to cover always or so I thought.. as recently, I have started thinking people see through me and visualise vividly the emptiness that lies inside..hmm the way they look at me.

Nah, stop the self pity...people dont see the void, they also have their own problems..people may just be admiring what you ve become.

Then I convince myself that they stare at me cos they're seeing this fine person.. that lame excuse does get me through that moment.

I look hard and wish I could see the future and see someone and be rest assured that it will happen.

Cos I have been like this day after day, week, weeks, month, months, year and years!!

And suddenly I realise how nice I have become to people but I wonder why it doesn't work .. probably cos they're seeing a 'nice machine'

I feel exhausted, and sometimes wonder why with my accomplishments I don't get someone walk up to me and make me feel needed

Ofcourse, i'm macho.. this is where I get to melt like ororo in hot frying pan.

Sometimes I try to settle for someone around the corner but that fighter in me refuses to.. prefering to stick to my 'old glory' of getting the best and what I feel I deserve.

Maybe I deserve the best.. yes.. but not the best 'the one'..

In short, all Self made people have gone through this phase...and their are consequences to it......but you just need to let down your guard, enjoy life..take a 6 weeks vacation...then it will happen.

Walahi, its that simple.

Desanta:


Thanks.
Showing concern is a lot of help already.
Just before she died, I prayed that God should allow me take her place and spare her life. She smiled and asked me "what kind of life do you expect me to live without you'. Now I ask myself that same question. Am now cold and indifferent to life despite the smile I wear like a mask. l have lost my peace and I try to bury my sorrow in my work. But the pain still shows through the window in my eyes. Death is a better substitute to this pain that I can't even explain or describe. Love can cause so much pain even as it can give joy.
It is well as I try to surrender my feelings and my wife to Jehovah, the All knowing creator.

I agree with you sir, Love can cause indescribable levels of pain.........I used to argue that fact, I have never even fallen in Love before, until I met a babe months ago...she is fine and all...but the surprising thing is that in spite of certain attributes that I have never accepted in any woman before her...I still have this deep feeling for her....That caught me unaware. That was how i knew that I am in Love, and it is very painful. I look at those negative attributes, and my brain is telling me to get out of her life, But the heart is saying another thing. Love is not Funny, it is one of the most painful Feelings one can ever have..It even made me understand how God must have felt when Jesus was Crucified, and I even now understand Gods love for Man, which makes him to look beyond our Imperfections, and still love and care for us. God will fill the void sir, accept my condolences.

alpontif:


I agree with you sir, Love can cause indescribable levels of pain.........I used to argue that fact, I have never even fallen in Love before, until I met a babe months ago...she is fine and all...but the surprising thing is that in spite of certain attributes that I have never accepted in any woman before her...I still have this deep feeling for her....That caught me unaware. That was how i knew that I am in Love, and it is very painful. I look at those negative attributes, and my brain is telling me to get out of her life, But the heart is saying another thing. Love is not Funny, it is one of the most painful Feelings one can ever have..It even made me understand how God must have felt when Jesus was Crucified, and I even now understand Gods love for Man, which makes him to look beyond our Imperfections, and still love and care for us. God will fill the void sir, accept my condolences.

Thanks.

Hmmm......