Dam guys, have mercy for the poor guy. He confided in you seeking your advice and in return you rip him apart. Don't you think its a little to harsh? Going as far as accusing him of marrying soley to acquire his green card (even though we all know thats probably what happened) Let practise sympathy not apathy.
Ejo e cooli temper. Ma bi nu

u wan make we give u excuse wey u go take chase the girl wey give ugreen card ! monkey!

well,
you can determine your choice, but you can`t determine the cinsequences of your choice. Those were her friends when you were dating her, and they prolly were her maids -of-honour during the wedding, point, you knew they were her friends.
you`ve made your choice, live with it.

everybody has his or her plus and minus. its realy difficult to find a sole mate that has all the characters you want in your dream solemate , your spouse can possess must of this characters but not all. proberbly you may find a more matured girl that wont respect you or that cant cock or would not love you lke your present wife does. you have to know whats your piority is in a relationship, then decide if you need a divorce or not

Why re u still weighing up the prons and cons. . when its obvious u ‘ve made up ur mind
Afterall the novelty of being married to a white has worn off. . that’s really the crux of the matter. . so don’t try to pin anything on the poor girl mister! You don’t wanna stay married to a white

@poster, no not really maybe a couple of times a year we would go clubbing TOGETHER only.

@poster
You are saying ur wife behaves like a kid,i bet u are behaving like a kid as well.how old u be self?u need to grow up.Be a man and talk to your wife about it,you no fit talk to ur wife,u come here come dey vex.

hey annoyed, what are you going to tell the 21 year old??

Leilah:

hey annoyed, what are you going to tell the 21 year old??

What are you expecting to hear? You are attacking this kid when yourself you aint even cute!!

Abeg marry Naija woman for part two,
I hope you are not thinking its the old Naija woman,
Naija woman has been rebranded and have become the Obama of africa,
Try any bullshit and you will be severly dealt with ask the men who brought thier wives to england thinking they found Abule rat
They are smelling Pepper (personally i think you deserve a moremi hall trained naija babe of my generation wa wa aright)

sheeshhh Poster, have you even considered telling your wife about how you feel?

The problem with you men is that you are blinded by beauty thats why you get shit in the end of the day (or so you think you get shit) and than after marriage than you regret. . . U no like you tell her ok? Do you expect her to know what is on your mind?

And are you looking for a perfect women abi? if she is good at one thing doesnt mean she is goos with another. U are plain selfish!

@poster!! You think divorce is the last option in your dictionary and marrying a matured sexmaniac is the only option abi Let your name not change to, ""MR SORRY"" ooohhhhh

Have a heart to heart talk with her and i believe she will see reasons with you and try to do what will please the marriage.

Regards

My mother always told me what you will not tolerate in a marriage deal with it during courtship! obviously u did not, Olodo!

lol¬!!!

@ poster
I dont think you have a problem rather, you are in luck you have met a white girl who cooks and is homely, not being a freak in bed is more of a good thing than a bad thing, considering how freaky the average white girl is.
You married her when she was 20, that was young and 25 is still young give her another 5 years she will not be having all that banter with her m8s anymore, and with a few kids down the line, her prorities will seriously change
And finally your parents even approve of ther thats another plus because, we all know how most parents react to these kinds of relationships.
so you are in luck m8 dont forget that

'Are you finished yet?'
Jeez that is annoying!

Youngman, the problem is she's tired of you not the other way round. Bear in mind that you're not the first or the last to be in this kind of marriage, My advise is for you to go learn from some responsible naija men who married to oyibo and doing great with their marriage life.
Sex is something that fed after couple of years of marriage you can't be getting it like lovers, so try to adjust and be a man. show her you're man enough to take care of the family. talk to her with intelligent and maturity, let her see you as someone to rely on, hope on, and call on.
Women needs security in marriage  and I guess she lacks that security that's why she hooks on her old friends while you go on with some of our town never do well brothers. Don't think of divorce fix your marriage and make good out of it.
She's just tasting your manhood, just show her you're sound fit to defend her.

 Nigerian men are responsable and hardworking don't let yourself to be other wise.
      God bless you!
                          Oziomatv

Please can some help me out, why dont people put God into consideration before they take their actions?
and u think God is a fool ?
l
ittle issues and problem,

problems in marriage, the next thing is divorce or adultery
problems of fianance, the next thing is stealing and robbery
problems with the family, the next thing is seperation and malice.back biting e.t.c

Incase u have not been told.
A man life consists not of the abundance of the things he possesth, there is a tendecy within u that tells u are missing something out there after marriage, i will get u a knife to stab that thing. u are missing notthing

You are both so young to be married but you say you love her, I am English with a Nigerian husband and we have survived many years of marriage and raised a family successfully. We have had good and bad times which has strengthened our relationship, the love has grown and I would say we are best friends at this point in our lives The difference in cultures has been testing and challenging at times, but we got through it. If she has parents look at their home and standards, is she educated, can you sit down ad really communicate your hopes for the future with her. She is so lucky to have a support network of women friends over the years of my marriage I was at times very lonely, however having said that women can sometimes be affected by the opinion of their so called friends. If you are truly growing apart and she is too immature for you go get out before you have children. But give it a chance first, marriage guidance, mediation whatever, and above all if you show her you love her the odd unexpected bunch of flowers or demonstrative behaviour ( a little kiss on the neck when she's washing up, little attentive gestures hours before you ever hit the bedroom, what woman could resist that. I know when the honeymoon is over and the reality of work and life struggles kick in things get boring but there is no reason why the odd weekend break or timeout together can't rekindle love. We still have out moments after all these years! Good luck.

@Rehana2, valid points.

@poster: why even refer to your wife as "oyinbo"? does it really matter?

Hello Brother I would advice you follow your
conscience.

Nairalanders, you guys are too funny. Abeg make una teach me how to post topics cos i get tons of them but i dey find am difficult to post them. Thank you all.

Back to the main thing. Oga, you marry a child, she wasn't ready for it when you convinced and force her into it, now you want a divorce which is not the best option. If she's truly white and she knows her right, consider what she will take from you as part of divorce settlement, if you can give that and still be okay afterwards then go ahead.

But I believe you can changes thing, make sure you spend most of your leisure time with her, that will make her friends give space. On the sex issue, you didn't mention you disflowering her so i assume you didn't. Even at that she probably wouldn't have had more that a guy or 2 so she's inexperience. The way out is you need to be romantic, discuss it with her and ask her how she like it. With time, the frigidity will wear our.

good lucks!

@ poster

You have been given so many wonderful advices on this thread (and some not so intelligent ones too) that I feel all have already been said.
You even had the privilege of Rehana2 [/b]sharing a real life, similar-scenario, experience with you.

All that's left is for you take the manly step and do the manly thing:[b]confront your issues, don't run away from them. Run once and you might end up running forever because the specie called Perfect Wife has not yet been discovered,

@ poster

Mr,

I'm sorry for being so blurt, but I need to ask you a question:

Did you marry her for[b] REAL [/b] i.e. for[b] MARRIAGE[/b] [i][/i] or Now that you’re sorted (i.e. for your papers - I'll be the first to sorry say - if this isn't the cases) now you  WANT TO MARRY YOUR OWN (Niger Babe)?

This is common with some (I didn't say all, so please no offence should be taken for those who have married for real and are still together after 3 years - For others things always fall part coming up or after 3years) Nigerian's who marry English or other indigenous  groups and then they look for people to make them feel good about their decision to divorce TO ALLOW THEM NOW MARRY THEIR OWN

Check you heart? You don't need Nairaland to make you feel good about the decision you're about to take if this is the case.  Just do it and stop wasting her time and let her move on with her life.

I'm very intolerant against men who do such, I know a man has to do what a man has to do, but it doesn't change the way I feel.   And I put my hands up and say a 1000 apologise if I'm wrong.  Becasue if she's a GOOD wife, WHy do you really want to leave? It just doesn't make sense for the reasons you've given


She was very young when you married her and that's what young girls do childish things, also most of her friends are still the same friends that did these things with her, it's obvious why there's not much change in her life.  Life is a journey and part of that is the growing up process. 


- You didn’t say she disrespects you
- You didn’t say she talks down on you/ in front of your friends
- Okay, she doesn't perform, but you didn't say she says I'm tier 1000 times (At lease
    she still gives herself to you)  - You didn't say she does suppose you
- You didn't say she's rude to your friends
- You didn't say she's rude to your family
- You didn’t say she doesn’t cook for you
- You didn't say she's not taking care of the home
- You didn't say you work hard and she spends like there’s no tomorrow
- You didn't say she's unkept personally
- You didn't says she doesn't know how to cook and is not willing to learn
- You didn't she lies a lot
- You didn't say she steals from you
- You didn't say she cheats on you
- You didn't say she's dishonest in various ways
- You didn't say she brings men to the house when you're out
- You didn't say you saw her with another man at some point/ time in the relationship
- You didn't say she goes out all night without being accountable to her
- You didn’t say she just sleeps all day and doesn't want to do anything with her life
- You didn't say she's not supposing your dreams
- You didn't say you can't communicate
- You didn’t say she takes drugs
- You didn’t say she drinks a lot and you stand it
- You didn’t say she got a bad attitude
- You didn't say she's lazy
- You didn't say she's uneducated and refuses to go back to school or improve herself
- You din't say she beats you
- You didn't say she just dissapears for a few days and returns and expects NO QUESTIONS from you
- You didn't say you have seen love letters written to her from another man
- You didn't say you've seen her/ seen love letters from her to another man
- You didn't say she hides or goes out to receive phone calls when around you
- You didn't say maybe you saw love emails from another guy to her
- You didn't say maybe you saw/ caught her in the hotel/motel with some other guy
- You didn't say you saw her accidentally in town on some other guys arm
- You didn’t say she terminated your (yours & hers) child even when you has the father and head of the house said NO

Come now, ,  Which wife do you want to go and find from MY list  Believe me, there are some men who now sit down with great sadness in their hearts because their wives have a high number of these traits AND REFUSE TO CHANGE.

Bcblazer, what do you mean by your statement I aint cute! I was referring to the 21 year old lady who annoyed is currently in touch with. he says he will be going to naija with his oyibo wife now, so wat gonna happen 21 gal when he does make his trip down?

xe

U need to grow up

SHE'S 25 FOR CHRIST SAKE!!!!




Bro!!! the problem is YOU!!! "what you think about is what you attract into your life"!!!

Am not an expert in this field but its not rocket science to know that if you create an atmosphere of a married couple, your wives friends would accept and respect the fact that your married and they would slowly but surely drift away. Take her out, to places do things together, I know its hard to let go of her friends but in due time the role of the bestfriends swap over the day you get married to your wife or husband (if not) She should be treated like a close friend

Have you heard of the 80/20 Process!!!!


Well most men would have 80% of what they are looking for in a woman at home, but they would be so attracted to the 20% thats flashing their boobs at them on the street, Only to loose swap the 80% for 20%

My brother Sex is not an Olympic sport, its for you to enjoy each other and accept each other, but may be your looking "a Real Shownana" that would rock your world, but what next! when you get bored?

You enjoy each other and sex gets better with time, dint make the ultimate mistake DIFFERENT DOESN'T MEAN BETTER, think about it carefully!!!