Me and my ex-husband

bridget007:

Me and my ex-husband split after he punched me in the back of the head and after much emotional abuse. He was ok but got worse after marriage and changed the minute i got pregnant. He has cheated numerous times, got another girl pregnant when i was pregnant and made her have an abortion. He smokes pot, sneaks around, lies and has numerous phones probably for all his dealing.
Despite all this I do love him and after 4 months apart but talking we have been tryng to reconcile. However he has flipped it now and just keeps saying how selfish I am?? Selfish as he doesn't see his son too often and I don't let him stay with him in his flat. Our son is 15 months old and I don't let him stay because his flat is dangerous very steep staircase and not baby proof in any way, no cot etc for him not to mention his smoking of pot, which I know he smokes again and god knows who he has around.
He is now expecting ME?? to do everything to put things right in our marriage and he refuses to give me any affection until I have made all right?? He has started calling me again, saying its all my fault why he is not with us and his son, and he refuses to see his part in it. He came last night and stayed, I cooked his meal yet he hardly spoke to me, I went to bed and left him watching tv. In the morning I got up to find a bag of 'pot' on the sofa! Were any of the kids could have found it and the baby could have eaten it. I am so furious, he calls me selfish, but I am the one looking after the kids with no help from him , he got payed yesterday and never even offered a penny towards his son.
I was hoping to make it work but I think enough is enough. He always told me no-one would want me with kids now, his way of ensuring i wouldn't have confidence to leave but since we been separated (even though not looking) I have three men who want to date me.
I guess I just need you to tell me to move on, or any other ideas

Kai!!!

I just have one question?

Why did you put up with this madness for so long and even making babies with this kind of man?

Na wah o!

Some of the situations we find ourselves in we create for ourselves sha. JMHO

My sister just be patient and keep on praying for your man. I know that one day, he will change, you don't need to useless yourself with other men, just keep on taking care of your kids. ALL IS WELL. OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whats else do you want to hear? You know what to do, you just need a little nudge to set the wheel rolling. Your so call ex hubby is shredding your psyche, ur self confidence and self esteem. If i may ask do you need someone to tell you take a hike from a burning House. Good luck in what ever you decide.

i've seen so many similar cases like urs. its a pity! some ladies could be so fragile

but the truth remains the truth, he is not worth it

stay away from him as much as possible, if not

he'll inflict u with more emotional pain.

let go off him.

@POSETR,I FEEL UR PAIN
BUT THIS IS JUST ONE OF THE BENEFITS OF DATING OR MARRYING A BAD BOI.
GIRLS WHO DATE BAD GUYS SHLD LEARN FROM THIS.BUT WE LADIES DONT EVER LEARN.

What i dont understand is that you had the signs before you married him. So why did you do it?

I really want to know I am not being mean just trying to get in the head of someone that has done this.

Did you think he would change?

At Post,

I cant stand a man who beats a woman!
Gosh! You need not think twice about leaving
this kind of marriage!

Bridget007 believe me the right man will come but one advice if the next person complains bout your kid.dump em.cuz my dad died when i wuz six and my mom had 3 of us but she later remarried when i was 21 big enough for me and bros to tag team and give him a pile driver(wrestling move) but he's a good man.if a man can't and won't want to be wit you cuz of ur kid.they shud just leave cuz love entails Sacrifices.[*geez pcguru's getting soft*]

mamae:

My sister just be patient and keep on praying for your man. I know that one day, he will change, you don't need to useless yourself with other men, just keep on taking care of your kids. ALL IS WELL. OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wtf, except for the praying part i disagree with everything else, why would u be patient with a man who hits you, abuse u emotionally and physically, cheats and kills his kids by making other women he cheats with commit abortion, smokes pot, does not take care of his family and isn't even a man. i say this man is not worth your time, hun if u r in the u.s or outside naija i say file for custody of ur kid now and let the court make him pay child support, if he refuses then they will garnish his wages. geez such a man should be in jail for hitting u on the head, he could have caused serious damage to ur brain or something.

i say leave him now

patient ko patient ni

be patient until you find yourself in the hospital, i am not mean

just move on with your life or do whatever you know is right

Hi Bridget, i would have to say leave his sorry ass he aint worth de time & effort a guy who can hit a woman in de head is de lowest of de low, if he has hit you once he can hit you again & god knows where it will stop & think of your kids do you really want dem exposed to dis kind of behaviour cos if de see your partner hittin you de may grow up thinking its ok to hit a woman but only you can decide what you want to do but think carefully or sit down & make a list of de gud times & bad you will probably cum up with more bad times dan good. wish you all de best

.

@tpia, he

How long did you date?

And what did he pretend about because here on July 17th before you married him you pointed out his pot smoking, lack of interest in a wedding and other things that would have said no dont marry him.

I have to make a decision and my heart says one thing my head another. I am a UK woman (white) and my fiance is yoruba, he is a few years younger than me and we have a baby son together (I have children from a past marriage, I am divorced). Now we have had a tough time since we met adjusting to one another as culturally we are so different and I (as he has) have found our ways very different which has often led to misunderstandings. He works PT and is a student, I am due to go back to work Full time. I do absolutey love him and have met his family, his mother has stayed with us. I have also met his uncles and aunties, some from Nigeria and some who live in UK and when our son was born we followed nigerian traditions, i.e naming and naming ceremony. We had a wedding booked for last year but my fiance decided no, now I am being pressured for marriage, which we have got booked in a few weeks but I am now having second thoughts. His visa needs to be renewed and as he has not done well in his studies he fears it won't get renewed and (although he says this is not the reason he wants to marry-so he can get a spouse visa) I am worried that marriage at this time is for the wrong reason. I love this man truly and when things are good they can be very good, but, he has cheated in the past (although he swears it wasn't sex) I forgave him but I worry as he is so secretive with his phones. I also worry about his underlying character, he smokes pot-which I have categorically told him i will not accept as a wife. He can be very lovely but there is a very arrogant, stubborn selfish side to him that I am not sure about. I would like to marry him but under such circumstances I think it best to wait. I know though that if I cannot marry him I will lose him as if he's visa is renewed he will leave to study elsewhere, or if not renewed he will have to go back to Lagos, any advice will be much appreciate

bridget007:

@tpia, he doesn't think he has a problem, he says he could find a woman who wouldn't mind him smoking pot, would probably do it to, i say find a woman like that and you'll deserve everything he gets.

@ sistawoman, the signs were not fully there in the start, he was wonderful, a pretender.

@ everybody else thank you for your advice. I know i need to forget him and move on. I am in the UK and I can't divorce without his agreement for 5 years-2 with agreement. I know he will never change because he thinks he does no wrong. I am much happier without him, more confident and the house is brighter and has a wonderful atmosphere. I do miss him, but what part I'm not sure, not even the sex as he turned it into punishment or reward. he would only sleep with me if he felty i deserved it and even then it as all about his satisfaction. I have spoken to my friends and they say he is a control freak and cannot believe how much I have tolerated. I even paid for AN ALL INCLUSIVE HOLIDAY TO CARRIBEAN FOR US and he spent 3 days sulking trying find someone to buy pot off, then dissapeared and left me and our son four hours locked out of our room to go with the stranger for pot. The rest of the holiday he moaned about wanting time alone. I realise there is only person in hs life HIM and there is no room for us. The time has come to move on, I'll pray for him as I will always love him, but its time to love me and my kids. Thanks.

i bet he will be forced to accept divorce, if the court find out he does pot and he physically abuses you.

Topic

YES!!