Fellow Nairalanders.

I am in a terrible state concerning my mom's action of late.

To give you a brief intro into where I am coming from, my mom is a widow and she tried her best to cater for us when we were kids even though she couldn't train us to university level but she tried to lift us to secondary level.

I came to Lagos after my secondary education and as God would have it, with lots of huzzle I was able to complete my university and now gainfully employed.

Ever since God blessed me with a job, I have been paying my mom salary that will help to cater for her and provide everything she need as God will help me, have had my other siblings complain about my mom over the years but I always over looked it, thinking they are being too hard.

Now growing up, my mom was a good woman and all giving mother so I still remember all that.

But what dragged me into writing this piece is that, this year we usually have an annual church program in lagos that attract worshipers from across the country and my mom doesn't miss that camp for nothing.

When she came, I shopped for all her needs and also gave her money she will use through out, but the first shocker I got was when I saw my mom's house girl in the church, the first sunday of camp, she looked so un-kept and retared, I look at her shoe and she had slippers that has hoes underneath, I almost fainted, I knew my mom to be a lovely person who usually take care of people's children, what will then make her not buy shoe for her house girl.

I went out of church service with shame that day and took the girl to the hostel where she was lodging with my mom, I dress simple and was about to make my way out when my mom returns, asking where I am taking the house girl too, I told her I want to buy her shoe that I am not happy with the shoe she is wearing, she started saying I should not that she will buy her shoe later, she talked and convince me that she will buy shoe for the girl, I gave her money instead and a week later I did not still find any shoe with the girl until I moved out to buy the shoe myself.

The next time, I had brought some of my old hats for one of my aunty (even though the aunty doesn't deserve a gift from me) but she has begged me for it and I promise I was going to give her, the next thing my mom was so angry that I gave her the that, saying why should I give her all that hat, I told her I don't need them that I have new ones and may never need any of those again, I started to suspect her actions but I was still calm.

The third incidence, I notice she was not calm and loving as usual, she was screaming ontop of her voice with the house girl, I know this house girls are funny but my mom was able to deal with us when we were kids in better manner than the outburst and screams, I felt terrified each time I was with her because I was frequently hearing screams even though I do advise her to take things easy with the girl that kids do make mistakes and only needs to be talked to calmly but she will not hear, she kept on screaming so I left her.

The last incidence that made me feel like my mom have changed totally was when the program was about to end, I had this deal that suddenly came up, it was a very good deal that will make my future brighter, my boss discussed it in the office and I thought of joining hands to do it with my colleagues, so I emptied my account for the deal and it was all good, I explained to my mom what deal I have done and that I will not have enough money to give her to go back but that I will send money to her 4 days after she has arrived village, as I was expecting salary in 4 days time, I just gave her 10k to manage till I sent her money 4 days later.

Immediately my mom heard that I said no money, she started getting angry with all of us, complaining of everything, beating my nephew that was with us at intervals, shouting and screaming at nothing really, when I got outside my sister told me she was just saying all sort of things I am even ashame to disclose, but my fear now is, she has not always been like this when I was a child, she was a loving mother, what would have made her change suddenly to this type of woman I do cannot understand anymore.

Am sorry to say, all your typed up there are not too serious of a thing.

Mothers are mothers no matter what. She just want more from you and the more you give to her cant be compare to all she has given you from birth.

The only thing i dont support is the treatment of the house help. Do unto what you want others to do to your children.

Just take your time and talk to her in a more polite way with love she will understand you.

Enjoy bro. Mothers will always be mothers.

maybe u should talk to her about it, she's probably doing that unconsciously.

Like you've rightly pointed out, your mom has changed.
Parents can be funny sometimes, especially when they are getting older.
Try to talk to her like matured person, and make her realize her short comings.
I hope everything gets back to normal and as peaceful as it was.

I tried talking to her but she will not listen, like the issue of the house girl, I called her aside and said, see children makes mistake, do not use all your energy to scream at her so you wont fall sick, if she is not okay for you then lets send her back and get another girl for you, she said no, okay try to control this screaming and shouting on top of your voice na, immediately I finished saying that, she met the girl playing inside my car, she started screaming again, she is just hating on everyone around, if I give to someone, she talks, if I do this she talks, I mean whats happening

ladyF:
maybe u should talk to her about it, she's probably doing that unconsciously.

you said brief intro but wrote ten paragraphs.

Pretend like you don't have more money she would become humble again

hahahahaha You want her to faint ni...

winetapper:
Pretend like you don't have more money she would become humble again

#These true colours of ur mum is not pleasing to even me self... Just pray harder for God's intervention

I pray this should not be her true color o, why so much hate and naughty attitude now that she should be loving and caring, enjoying the grace of God

Ab025:
#These true colours of ur mum is not pleasing to even me self... Just pray harder for God's intervention

Get ready oo cos dis is just de beginining she's feeling inssecured like aftter labouring 4 u now u have money u want to start helping others nd she's going to take dis attitude. To ur wife seeing her as a pontential threat u better be careful love ur mum but always. Put her in her place wen she misbehaves God will Help u peace

I'm a lady o, and I will not allow her take this attitude near my husband, I actually keep her far from the people in my life, I don't let her in

Blade21:
Get ready oo cos dis is just de beginining she's feeling inssecured like aftter labouring 4 u now u have money u want to start helping others nd she's going to take dis attitude. To ur wife seeing her as a pontential threat u better be careful love ur mum but always. Put her in her place wen she misbehaves God will Help u peace

nlfan:
I'm a lady o, and I will not allow her take this attitude near my husband, I actually keep her far from the people in my life, I don't let her in

Better oOo

E be like say ur mama don dey kolo small small.. no offense..
You go try take her to psychiatric..

No insult na... we deliberating how we can help make this better you just came in with this

scooby12:
E be like say ur mama don dey kolo small small.. no offense..
You go try take her to psychiatric..

Na menopause dey do her.

Poster I have had similar experience with my mum. It is very depressing, I send my mum money to send me a house help, coming to find out she pocketed that money and the house help had to sell her stuff to come work for me. I was upset. My mother has problems with me helping my cousins that are orphans but either way I still do it. Mothers can be funny, am not really surprised by my mom I knew she was something, just at times it shocks me.

@nlfan

It seems that your mother went through a lot having to raise you and your siblings all by herself. It seems that it has taken a toll on her. She probably does not want what she went through to repeat itself. She is probably tired and panics. I don't know. Talk to her. If it doesn't work. Try to give her some sense of security so that she knows that she doesn't have to worry anymore.

nlfan:
I'm a lady o, and I will not allow her take this attitude near my husband, I actually keep her far from the people in my life, I don't let her in

Good


I think your mum actually thinks you've too much hence never satisfied with whatever you give her.. She feels like you can do more... is she right? If she isn't, then you've to mind d way you shove your wealth around her. Let her know things ain't the way she thinks while still letting her know you'll strive to always provide for her needs....

About helping people, must you tell her each time you help people? Since you know she doesn't like it and you still want to go ahead, then you may have to do it behind her back... I think she's simply jealous or maybe insecure?

As regards shouting, women tend to shout alot/find faults during old age. You still have to continue talking to her about that though. .. Then preach to her about the way she treats the girl, you can remind her how lovely she was treating you and your siblings when you were young et al..

nlfan:
No insult na... we deliberating how we can help make this better you just came in with this

Sorry nne..
I no dey insult you or your mama. Na as your mama come dey behave erratic make me yarn like that. No vex.

Midlife crisis?

Pls of she's maltreating the house girl, make plans and take her away.

Op,how old is your mum?
It's like she's having psychological/psychiatric issues(mind you,I'm not saying she's mad).As people age,a sense of self awareness changes.

Hot flashes

OP,
Your mum's reaction is not different from most single mothers that suffered a lot when training their children. I have personally seen more than five cases that looks like your own. It's nothing just make sure you satisfy your conscience whenever you are doing anything for her. She will change for good with time. The next thing you will start hearing is that you waste a lot of money. I guess your mum is in age bracket of 55-65?
Don't ask me how I know but the ones I have seen are not different

Your mom doesn't want u 2 spend ur money on others. Cause she feels she was d only 1 who took care of u..so everything u ve, should all go 2 her. Try n talk 2 her about her new attitude n also put her in prayers

someone calls it midlife crisis,all l will advice is to keep talking to her
*please at this point don't stop supporting her,she needs you More than ever
*from your writeup i could also deduce you are Christians-some of the attributes she kept displaying are not Christ like. Talk to her about that... Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,. Read the other chapters before this, you will find where her present behavior is placed. Peace ✌

nlfan:
Fellow Nairalanders.

I am in a terrible state concerning my mom's action of late.

To give you a brief intro into where I am coming from, my mom is a widow and she tried her best to cater for us when we were kids even though she couldn't train us to university level but she tried to lift us to secondary level.

I came to Lagos after my secondary education and as God would have it, with lots of huzzle I was able to complete my university and now gainfully employed.

Ever since God blessed me with a job, I have been paying my mom salary that will help to cater for her and provide everything she need as God will help me, have had my other siblings complain about my mom over the years but I always over looked it, thinking they are being too hard.

Now growing up, my mom was a good woman and all giving mother so I still remember all that.

But what dragged me into writing this piece is that, this year we usually have an annual church program in lagos that attract worshipers from across the country and my mom doesn't miss that camp for nothing.

When she came, I shopped for all her needs and also gave her money she will use through out, but the first shocker I got was when I saw my mom's house girl in the church, the first sunday of camp, she looked so un-kept and retared, I look at her shoe and she had slippers that has hoes underneath, I almost fainted, I knew my mom to be a lovely person who usually take care of people's children, what will then make her not buy shoe for her house girl.

I went out of church service with shame that day and took the girl to the hostel where she was lodging with my mom, I dress simple and was about to make my way out when my mom returns, asking where I am taking the house girl too, I told her I want to buy her shoe that I am not happy with the shoe she is wearing, she started saying I should not that she will buy her shoe later, she talked and convince me that she will buy shoe for the girl, I gave her money instead and a week later I did not still find any shoe with the girl until I moved out to buy the shoe myself.

The next time, I had brought some of my old hats for one of my aunty (even though the aunty doesn't deserve a gift from me) but she has begged me for it and I promise I was going to give her, the next thing my mom was so angry that I gave her the that, saying why should I give her all that hat, I told her I don't need them that I have new ones and may never need any of those again, I started to suspect her actions but I was still calm.

The third incidence, I notice she was not calm and loving as usual, she was screaming ontop of her voice with the house girl, I know this house girls are funny but my mom was able to deal with us when we were kids in better manner than the outburst and screams, I felt terrified each time I was with her because I was frequently hearing screams even though I do advise her to take things easy with the girl that kids do make mistakes and only needs to be talked to calmly but she will not hear, she kept on screaming so I left her.

The last incidence that made me feel like my mom have changed totally was when the program was about to end, I had this deal that suddenly came up, it was a very good deal that will make my future brighter, my boss discussed it in the office and I thought of joining hands to do it with my colleagues, so I emptied my account for the deal and it was all good, I explained to my mom what deal I have done and that I will not have enough money to give her to go back but that I will send money to her 4 days after she has arrived village, as I was expecting salary in 4 days time, I just gave her 10k to manage till I sent her money 4 days later.

Immediately my mom heard that I said no money, she started getting angry with all of us, complaining of everything, beating my nephew that was with us at intervals, shouting and screaming at nothing really, when I got outside my sister told me she was just saying all sort of things I am even ashame to disclose, but my fear now is, she has not always been like this when I was a child, she was a loving mother, what would have made her change suddenly to this type of woman I do cannot understand anymore.

Menopause

Na real wa o.

WHOcarex:
Na menopause dey do her.

hahahahaha

I just hope you will be abe to go far with this, may she not disgrace you in front of spouse or inlaws o!she is actually been harsh,my momma use to be like dat growing up as a young man,i recall going to see her in lagos after my semster break way back from a northern university, mama can quarell o,even inside a public bus, and been a child of a millitary captain then, she will start braggado things,..'my husband is a soldier',bla bla bla, me because of shame go just close my eyes and ears.(use to be a shy guy then).But thank God today,all her male kids are now X-BOYS, SO she has to stay calm,she is now cool and quiet,told her 'mama if u disgace us, we will not be happy with you, we wont allow your grand kids to come see you, we ouselves will run away from you,'and i made sure all my younger ones obey(even though one is my senior,but him still know him mate).recall one of those days a driver insulted her,she allowed the man get to the barracks before holding him to ransome!,no be small thing o.but thank god now, i have a very calm momma.pls work on her as much as i did on mine,i am a kinda person who really doesnt like creating scenes or been in the middle of one.God will give u all d required wisdom.(But in the aspect of her ill treament of the maid,You must with all authority stamp that out,it is very bad, God can be angry with that o,

nlfan:
I'm a lady o, and I will not allow her take this attitude near my husband, I actually keep her far from the people in my life, I don't let her in

Menopause things

Bros if i read your post correctly you said mumsy is a widow......now i want you to calculate how many years she has been a widow, secondly maybe men approach her for marriage but because of you and your siblings she turned them down,as for the money aspect my mum have done it several times.....your mum has not change she is only looking for an avenue to pour out the pressure she has been keeping for years