let me introduce myself, i am a medical doctor and i have been going out with this guy for six years and we are both virgins and doctors, the problem started about two years in the relationship with his anger episodes, about four years into it, he started beating me each time someone else provoke him for instance he can come to me and say 'your sisters relationship is better than ours and you caused it' i can then say i dont know the next thing will be a slap on my face saying how can i say i dont know she has a better relationship, after this he will start crying and begging me for forgiveness which i will agree, recently he came home to me saying that one of my friends was rude to him and i caused it, the next thing that followed was a bout of curses like 'you can never make it in life, do you think you are richer than me? after this i made up my mind that i was not going to marry him. when he realised that i was serious he came back to ask for forgiveness and told me that he has changed since then he has been kind to me. he is really a good guy as he has never betrayed me and he never slept with me cos he respect my virginity. now he wants me to take him home to start our wedding plans what should i do. do i take him home? has he really changed? do i give him another chance? please advice me on what to do.

uhmm this is really a tough situation.

i want u to know that a guy who beats you while dating will definately beat

after you marry him. and to even think he beats you over silly things shows his not yet

mature to go into marriage cos marriage is full of ups and downs.

you really have to pray concerning this issue so that u'll not make a mistake that u'll

be regreting all your life.

@poster, Any man or woman that physically abuses his or her partner isn't worth spending the rest of your life with.Be sure he or she will do it again if they did it once before.At the age of 20 and beyond, people become very set in their ways so don't expect a sudden change.Perhaps he's got a big problem with inferiority complex.

Sorry girl, i dont mean to be rude or insensitive but beleive me that your guy is an animal, he is going to kill you. You cant continue to love a tiger. Remember the browns.

James Brown
Bobby Brown
Chris Brown

A man who hits you before you even have his ring on your fingers. . .would still hit you once you have his ring on your fingers and he has nothing to loose. . . a leopard never looses its spots. . .think well. . .

He definately be worse when you are his wife cuz he know you have no where to go.u cant dump him easily like that after marriage. with that kind of anger.that too much man.being jealous about some1 else relationship

I feel you need to tell him that his anger is given you concern and that u not ready to be a punching bag wife. Tell me stargaght nowor if u keep quite it would affect u later. I know ur mind is telling u to go ahead cuz he is faithful.Good but beating u up is another major problem oo so i advise you talk to him first and see if he changes

But whait i just read 1 part

'you can never make it in life, do you think you are richer than me?

Damn Girl, Go find another Husband to marry ooo. Whats the hell is this.Saying this to you. Wo,if you continue and this guy does not change.WAHALA WA OOOO.How can he say that 2 you.This is a very proud person and if he can say this to u,he can rubbish ur family in thier presence ooooooooooo


All are my thought. You will have to make a decision urself if you want to go on or not

that my dear is not a wise idea.
a guy who will beat u on other peoples provocations,
will definately kill u when u do the provoking.

moreso what makesu feel he has changed?
think twice my dear, cos u will be signing that marriage register, giving him full access to hitting u.

My dear I can't  withsatnd a man that raises his hand on me, biblically is wrong, One day he might kill u unknowing to him, Sorry have watch one nigerian movie like that, but have forgetten the name , Tony Umaze Beat Ini -edo to death , and its was later he came back to his normal sences, U know at times to some of them is  a spirit oh, specially as u said after slaping u he will start carying and begging, is not ordinary or if u can pray for him to change but em, change is not possible.

U know urself well than us here, ask urself this question, Will I beable to cope with this kind with or without beating, Will i spens the rest of my life with him no matter where u will see urself or what u will go thru.
Be bless

@ Poster

Dont you think he changed just because he wants to take you to the altar, then he would get full permission to beat the hell out of you coz he knows when u are married, it would be hard to let go.
Dont fall for it, Do not get married to him, coz after marriage he would continue with his old ways.
A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE!!!

N landers have said it all, it's now up to you to do whaqt is think is good for you.

i hope u take a right decision.

gud luck

Some women suffer this issue after they marry the person where they show their true colours, but his true character has been revealed even before walking down the aisle? The mere fact that you are asking whether you should or not marry him means you have doubt, and nobody should ever have to doubt whether or not to marry someone or not, He is emtionally abusing you aswell as physically doing so,

I don't like to tell people to leave their partners as it's your life, but, look ahead, and think about what life would be like with this physical, mental and emotional abuse,

have you seen the movie ''a cry for help?''
have you been to the family session on nairaland and read stuffs from people that are married and are at the point where they seem hooked n cant leave?
have you spoken with family and loved ones on this issue?
Do you know what it means to live a battered life as a wife, maybe with children that the man will never let you take away, no self esteem, no voice to speak
Dr Moji all this things happen before marriage so you can learn
weda u have dated 10years abi you both are virgins becomes irrelevant
good luck

it is advisable u dont.it is very unlikely he can change.

@ Moji
             I suggest you think wisely before making some silly decisions, Listen to this carefully,

1- If you say you've been going out with him for 6years and you guys love each other and the only thing is he beats you up, well my dear, you really need to take your time because I wouldnt even advice my enemy to marry  an(any man that beats is wife ) Infidel. The other thing is you said he's a changed person and he's been very nice to you of late, What I want you to do is this, take your time to study him, provoke him alot, say silly things that will get him really mad, do that continously for 3months and see if he lays his hands on you, if he does then I dont think he has changed cos it will get worse when the rings are on your finger.

2- You can train your man the way you want him to be so when he's old he wont depart from it. You can make him a better person and let him see reasons of never hitting a woman at all cost. The reason you are together is for you guys to make a better person outta eachother and if you think breaking up with him is the right thing to do, I suggest you think very well.  You know the saying '' The devil you know is better than the angel you dont''  besides my sister good men are hard to find these days, I mean really heard evidences of what the society shows you now . Ladies are really desperate and everylady wants a good man to take home to mama.

3, In conclusion and like I said earlier if you say you think he's a changed person, Provoke him, irritate him for 3months( Slap him sef and see what he does afterwards) if you do all that and he doesnt react then my dear Go ahead he's your man, on the otherhand, if he's still the same old beater find someone else because that will be the Nadir of your existence.

Moji8888, please forget dat guy.A man will never change after marriage no matter how hard he tries.He might leave cigarettes or alchohol but he who beats you before marriage will BEAT
you always.

Nobody pray 4 a broken home, but 4rm ur story it wil only take d grace of God 4 u xcape it, if u marry him because he believe dat d best way 2 solve emotional problem is by assault. I know nobody is ready 4 such, but prayer works, y not pray over it God can change him <WATCH AND PRAY>

madam moji save your life and find another guy pls . . . this guy will never change . . . when u're now married he has license to beat you without having to apologize.

no matter how single you may be, DON'T marry this guy. you will suffer more after the marriage.
tell him goodbye with a strict face!

*Hauwa*:

no matter how single you may be, DON'T marry this guy. you will suffer more after the marriage.
tell him goodbye with a strict face!

Seconded

Fourthed

@Poster,
Marriage is like entering a Locked Castle with no means of escape.
You are a matured proffessional and I expect you to put that maturity to play by breaking off the engagement immediately, A man that raises his hands against a woman is either suffering from fear, insecurity,inferiority complex or anger disorder and they are incurable.
There is more to love and loving than mere words and vows of pre determined celibacy and at times, Saying I love you doesnt really count so discountenance his crocodile tears.
Pick some useful relationship tips from the unfortunate fiasco and move on with your life.
Best Wishes.

he has immaturity and insecurity issues
a bad combo for a husband if u ask me

Don't marry him.i get upset wen i hear things of this sort.what right has a boyfriend got to beat his gurl?Many Women take a lot of shit in the name of luv.A leopard never changes its spots.He'l do it again.

I'd say run and never look back but what do I know.

illd say no

a man that hits u b4 marriage is almost certain to hit u more after marriage

If i wer u, i go run like professional.

pinkylady1:
uhmm this is really a tough situation.

i want u to know that a guy who beats you while dating will definately beat

after you marry him. and to even think he beats you over silly things shows his not yet

mature to go into marriage cos marriage is full of ups and downs.

you really have to pray concerning this issue so that u'll not make a mistake that u'll

be regreting all your life.

madam, dnt you believe in change? Op do follow the part where she wrote (pray concerning this issue) 2. Try to do a little reasearch about him and know his mentor. They might be of great help in times of tribulation thatz if he hasn-t change for real o o, but i believe he can change and he will change. 2kobo

FROM the few comments here I can see reasons why many ladies are single. . . .DO NOT QUOTE ME O O O