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Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. - Family - Nairaland

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How Do You Get Your Ex To Stay away From You? / A Family Member Informing Your Spouse Before Visiting (2) (3) (4)

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Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by eyeshadow(f): 6:43pm On Apr 28, 2009
sad
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by ifyalways(f): 7:01pm On Apr 28, 2009
Is she staying with ur Fiance or she visits when u visit ?Plus,ur last paragraph is rather confusing . . . ." if she tries me again but at the same time I don't get to see him. What would you do? "
you dont get to see who undecided
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by invisible2(m): 7:05pm On Apr 28, 2009
Your fiance should create any atmosphere that could breed the love two of you can use to court. You need to learn yourselves, nobody should be in the middle. Let him know that, gently. However dont ever take the bait and reply her rudely, you will be adding fuel to fire.
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by eyeshadow(f): 7:09pm On Apr 28, 2009
sad
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by eyeshadow(f): 7:14pm On Apr 28, 2009
sad
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by olanajim(m): 9:02pm On Apr 28, 2009
@poster,

Will you be kind to tell us exactly what happened rather than generalise? We are not there, so we will need more information before we can cntribute.

Why for instance do oyu think his sister is nehaving like that? Why is she living with him? What are the thing she actually did to you?

Dd you attempted to sllep over in the house? please shed more light
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by tope2000(f): 11:34pm On Apr 28, 2009
just continue to ignore her undecided
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by iice(f): 4:33am On Apr 29, 2009
Hmmm did you know her before you guys got engaged?. . .
How is the relationship between the siblings?
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by TOYOSI20(f): 4:45am On Apr 29, 2009
Why are things so one sided??

Why cant he make the trip instead??

I feel like he needs to pay u visits more, to avoid this awkwardly sticky situation his sis is presenting!! lipsrsealed lipsrsealed
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by eyeshadow(f): 9:51am On Apr 29, 2009
sad
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by eyeshadow(f): 9:56am On Apr 29, 2009
sad
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by AmakaOne(f): 10:03am On Apr 29, 2009
eyeshadow:

iice, only met her before we got engage but she somewhat reclusive and can stay in her room for 24 hours; only coming out to eat and use the bathroom. The relationship between them, he likes to feel close to her but she always seems so bitter about everything and doesn't like to associate with anyone. 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking professional help.

A person who locks themselves in the room 24/7 is in desperate need of some kind of help.

WTH!!!

Speak to your fiance about getting her to your nearest Social Services Centre ASAP (I assume she has no private medicare) so she can deal with her issues.

That is unless you want her moving in with you guys when you finally get married
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by eyeshadow(f): 10:41am On Apr 29, 2009
sad
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by iice(f): 2:04pm On Apr 29, 2009
eyeshadow:

iice, only met her before we got engage but she somewhat reclusive and can stay in her room for 24 hours; only coming out to eat and use the bathroom. The relationship between them, he likes to feel close to her but she always seems so bitter about everything and doesn't like to associate with anyone.

Reclusive is she. . .i suppose because of that she might fear the bond between her and her brother would alter, maybe that's a reason. How does your fiance feel about the strained relationship between you two? If there is no way you guys can come to a truce, maybe you should stop visiting for the moment. You can try again after a break. When you say she's thinks you are not happy her brother likes her? You mean, she means you are jealous of their relationship as siblings?
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by eyeshadow(f): 2:14pm On Apr 29, 2009
sad
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by spikedcylinder: 3:13pm On Apr 29, 2009
So you want to stop seeing him because of his reclusive sister? No way! angry

The sensible advice will be to keep ignoring her but I'm not a sensible person so I won't ask you to do that. If she talks one, you talk ten. If she takes one step, take 50 steps to counter her. If she eye you one, smile back at her when your boyfriend is watching but give her Satan's stare when you're alone. She will learn to fear you.
Thats the kind of treatment some people need if not, they'll keep taking you for granted.

Am I evil or what? cheesy
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by Hotstepper(f): 3:13pm On Apr 29, 2009
shez jealous and need 2 go get her own man and get married and leave 2 u alone,
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by eyeshadow(f): 3:43pm On Apr 29, 2009
sad
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by amebono13: 3:56pm On Apr 29, 2009
poster are you sure the problem is really from the girl? are you sure the problem isnt from you?
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by eyeshadow(f): 4:25pm On Apr 29, 2009
sad
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by amebono13: 4:43pm On Apr 29, 2009
well be you,and dont allow anyone intimidate,else she will think u r desperate to marry her bro

i asked if u r the problem cos, some women really mess up, when they know they r coming into a family,they want the attention to be more on them than on the guys family,and they never forget to make the guys sis or cousin feel uneasy or uncomfy in the house

being a fiancee doesnt make any woman a wife, and does not give her any right to do some certain things,the only time u can stand on ur feet/right and say "this is what i want" is when u r married,outside that you are still a girlfriend
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by eyeshadow(f): 5:00pm On Apr 29, 2009
sad
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by JJYOU: 5:59pm On Apr 29, 2009
eyeshadow:

Thanks for the advice. Initially when I met her I tried to be friendly even as we are very different people but now I know we can never be friends however I don't want us to be enemies for the sake of her brother who loves her a lot. I'm not desperate for marriage and he knows and I don't try to take the attention from her (even though quite honestly it can be very easy by mere standing beside her). I have ignored every single thing she's done to me except the last one and I don't even discuss it with my family or friends cos I don't want it to escalate.

At the end of the day we'll be married and she will have to live with it.
i will caution you thread very carefully. my mrs say dont fight battles you will never win. the way you fight this lady will tell her family something about you. especially the older ones. you dont want to join any family fighting your way in. she is his sister never forget that.

can someone paste the shapey and her inlaws thread here for this lady to read please. that is a classic of how seemingly small matters go out of young people countrol without them knowing the way out.

there are land mines in every family. thread very carefully because you are most vulnerable when you come in newly especially when you are based in nigeria. you dont want to start a family life fighting. it will drain your energy and shift your focus. there are more wahala ahead so save your energy for them that is if the relationship mean anything to you.
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by iice(f): 6:03pm On Apr 29, 2009
JJYOU:

i will caution you thread very carefully. my mrs say dont fight battles you will never win. the way you fight this lady will tell her family something about you. especially the older ones. you dont want to join any family fighting your way in. she is his sister never forget that.

can someone paste the shapey and her inlaws thread here for this lady to read please. that is a classic of how seemingly small matters go out of young people countrol without them knowing the way out.

there are land mines in every family. thread very carefully because you are most vulnerable when you come in newly especially when you are based in nigeria. you dont want to start a family life fighting. it will drain your energy and shift your focus. there are more wahala ahead so save your energy for them that is if the relationship mean anything to you.

Precisely why i asked the relationship of the siblings. It's easier but only by a small margin if he and the sister are not that close.
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by JJYOU: 6:14pm On Apr 29, 2009
iice:

Precisely why i asked the relationship of the siblings. It's easier but only by a small margin if he and the sister are not that close.
i dont know why some young women dont smell danger. if this woman know how many marriages collapse in the first year she will be very very carefull.
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by eyeshadow(f): 6:27pm On Apr 29, 2009
sad
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by JJYOU: 6:37pm On Apr 29, 2009
eyeshadow:

I appreciate your advise especially as you sound quite experienced. Could you please then tell me what you would do in my situation? I have never had this sort of problem in the past and although I think I have done very well by ignoring her I won't want to be described as a fool cos I'm not one.
thanks i am not experienced. we are all learning as we go. i have my own sets of in-laws but we all get along just fine.

the name you are called doesnt matter it is what you answer. we have to be a fool to win most people in life. ignoring her is more a strength than weakness. continue to ignore her and tell your guy you are ignoring her for his own peace of mind he will be forever gratefull.

if you think he doesnt know her you would be wrong. he is caught between 2 people he loves. be the lifeline for him and he owes you a favour. learn to keep your eye on the main person that brought you into the family and not the surplus to requirement sister. they are distractions. you have them in every family.

you determine how much i charge you for this.
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by uzwu: 6:43pm On Apr 29, 2009
Don't ignore her o. Just swallow your pride and accomodate her cos she is your future sister inlaw unless you don't love your man and don't want the marriage to work. A word is enough for the wise lipsrsealed
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by eyeshadow(f): 6:46pm On Apr 29, 2009
sad
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by eyeshadow(f): 6:51pm On Apr 29, 2009
sad
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by TOYOSI20(f): 5:17am On Apr 30, 2009
@ Eyeshadow

You are absolute right about the cost of the hotel accommodation expenses, when he comes to visit,

but if That’ll would prevent any further clash with ur sister in law to be, then so be it. . . . . . .

and look on the bright side of things, cos according to ur earlier post its just a temporary phase. . . .

so bear wid him, and continue to avoid her as much as u can, . . . . .it is well!! wink smiley
Re: Stay Away Or Keep Visiting. by biina: 8:29am On Apr 30, 2009
I am a bit skeptical of this one-sided bashing undecided

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