HOW TO MOVE ON FROM LOVING THE “WRONG ONE”
Most of us if not all of us have fallen I love with the “wrong one” at one point or the other in our lives. Some of us actually get to date the “wrong one” and later discover how stressful it can be. Falling in love is one of the most beautiful elements of human life howbeit, when it is with the “right one” I mean, falling in love with someone who loves you back almost as much as you love them.
One is tempted to ask, isn’t that the whole essence of love? Yea, I think so too but some of us just find ourselves head over heels in love with people that will just never fall in love with us, not even for a moment in their life. That’s exactly what I mean by “the wrong one”.
We get to ask questions like, who is to blame, ourselves, the other person, God, fate or any other thing we can attach our frustration to. Most times it all falls back to us and we put the blame on ourselves. I mean, you obviously can’t blame someone for not loving you, they probably like you or don’t just feel that way. Maybe, “I should have handled the situation better” or, “I think i was under too much pressure” or “maybe I over-stepped my boundary” or “I was just too vulnerable” whichever way, the fact still remains that you can’t force yourself on someone especially when both of you are not on the same page emotionally.
These are few tips that can help you move on from being emotionally attached to someone who will never love you back.
· ACCEPT THAT THEY WILL NEVER BE: yes, I know its unimaginable considering how hard you wish they were yours every day, how you tell your friends you’ve found the “one”, how you day dream about you two being together. But you have to come to terms with that reality, talk to yourself and accept that it’ll not happen. I can affirmatively tell you that a girl/guy that will not love you now will probably never do no matter how hard you try. The thought will actually hurt you but it’s the truth so, just get used to seeing him/her that way.
· TAKE THE BLAME: accept the fact that you made the wrong move and criticize yourself, it only strengthens your ego and self-belief in the long run. You get to have better judgment when presented with another opportunity. You will be more experienced in handling emotional issues and yes, that life.
· NEVER BE BITTER: anyone who has been in this kind of situation can bear witness to the fact that you are confronted with a variety of emotions at the same time. Bitterness, anger, self-pity and so many others. It’s ok to be angry, howbeit, with yourself. It’s also ok to pity yourself but NEVER BE BITTER. It’s only humane to greet failure with criticism of the task you fail at. We often criticize something we fail at, tending to shift the blame just to protect our ego and self-esteem but being bitter is not the solution here. It’ll only lead you into taking immature and childish decisions.
· DO NOT WITHDRAW IMMEDIATELY: this is the mistake most people make when in this situation, they want to back off immediately and tell themselves they don’t care about the person anymore but once you know someone, you obviously cant ‘unknow’ them. An event doesn’t become history in a day. Check on him/her once in a while, show him/her you still care but you know better now and they are not as important to you as they were before. But, never make the mistake of retuning back to them because they pity you. Just be good for the sake of being good.
· GET BUSY WITH YOUR LIFE: the whole idea behind falling in love is being selfless, sharing and considering your partner before taking decisions. But when it’s all just you, the least you can do is to get busy with your life and invest in yourself. The time you spend thinking about them or being around them can be channeled into developing yourself. Get busy chasing your dreams, find things you are capable of and get busy with them. It makes moving on easier and you get to attract ambitious people into your life while achieving your goals.
· INVEST IN PEOPLE: most people lose friends and valuable relationship in the process of chasing or looking for love. Why not invest in friends and people around you, take 3, 4 or 5 of your friends out, enjoy their company, have fun with them, do things for people simply because they are your friends. Do well for no particular reason. It helps takes your mind of wrong emotions and help you value good and healthy relationships.
· LEARN TO HAVE FUN WITH YOURSELF: many of us cannot even live our lives without people being around us unnecessarily. Not that it’s wrong to enjoy life with people or with the ones we love but its less dramatic if we learn to have fun with ourselves. Your life doesn’t have to depend on someone. Find fun stuffs you can do on your own. Watch movies, play video games, read books, write, travel, just do whatever you can to have fun with yourself.
Time heals everything, the pain of rejection you feel right now will not always be there, it all wouldn’t matter in a little while. Stop getting worked up over someone who doesn’t care about you, prepare yourself mentally and psychologically for the next right relationship, spice up your life and have fun.
source : https://alukoayomiposi./2015/10/19/how-to-move-on-from-loving-the-wrong-one/