Unfortunate I'm at his place at the moment for the weekend. I've been following your replies on my phone even at night while he was asleep. He has left for Lekki to his big brother's place this afternoon.

Why are you there?

anyway at least you now know things need to change. I agree that you should avoid relationships for now and clear your head. Good luck

ThiefOfHearts:

Why are you there?

Here's the answer to your query below, shombo

funmi-lola:

. . . The love of my life's wife is not in Lagos so I still go to spend weekends with him. Endavours to see him at least once or twice every week before weekend proper. I have sex with him all the time except I'm on my monthly. . .

funmi-lola:


. . . I have on several occassions received money or gifts from admirers and I always tell him about it. He is so supportive and very understanding.

Is this standard in relationships in Nigeria because the Naija men that I know are extremely jealous and would not put up with such bullcrap I wonder if this act of yours kinda played a part in him marrying his alledged ex-girlfriend, who you were made to believe suddenly resurfaced when it was time for the man to marry

funmi-lola:

Please my fellow ladies, if you have been through a similar experience before, how did you deal with it. I'm madly in love but I know we can't be together.

If not that you made an impassionate plea for people not to criticise or condemn you, trust me, you would not be spending this weekend at his place, especially with Thiefofhearts and Amebo no 1 on this thread

You are clearly not ready to deal with the truth yet. Make the most of the time you have left with him, and with luck you might get pregnant again and maybe just maybe he will reveal his true colour to you

*waka*

Unfortunate I'm at his place at the moment for the weekend. I've been following your replies on my phone even at night while he was asleep. He has left for Lekki to his big brother's place this afternoon. Ordinarily we would have gone together before. It is really getting clearer to me every minute that things are no longer the same, the more reason I should take my leave. Thank you all for ur advice. Who says pouring out your heart to someone doesn't help situations like this? To all who has given me straight from the heart advice, may God protect you from walking this road. I'm getting my confidence back. I know I'm beautiful. I get tons of toasters and admirers. I certainly is leaving him no matter how painful. I'm also going to tell my new boyfriend the whole truth abt what has been happening. I'm also going to leave him. I think the only way to help myself at this point is not another boyfriend but to stay away from men. Nurse my wound and come back later as a fresher in say 6months to 1yr. Once again, thank you everyone. I just found a friend and family in you guys. I love you all.

If she actually believes what she wrote here and does it, I think she'll be fine

ThiefOfHearts:

*waka*

If she actually believes what she wrote here and does it, I think she'll be fine

Talk is cheap Hope she is not playing Russian roulette here sha

Oops, i must say dat u would b killin urself more by sleepin with him. He is nt destined 4u, look 4 anoda partner love him d way u do wit this guy, though its nt easy bt its d better thing 2 do. I feel 4 u. Hav a hapy endin

u better dont tink of comiting NO SUICIDE
I wud slap u if u tink about it!

i have no reason for lying or dreaming, this happened July 2006 when we were supposed to get married as soon as i graduated. cos of that dad sent to UK to do my masters , i actually saw him on march this year.

Thiefofhearts and Amebo no 1 how una dey. wish you a splendid day ahead

Positive side:
1) You both love each other
2) You both trusts each other
3 Your both can tolerate each other

Negative side:
1) You both are AS (whatever that is but it doesnt sound good I presume)
2) He is married
3) U are now 2nd to him cause he is married
4) With him suddenly getting married shows that he is actually cheating behind your back and having another affiar to begin with. . . If a person is in love no matter what the circumstances are, the person does not just find another partner in one click.
5) If you both decide to still have this affair but secretly you would have to bare all of this
* You will be known as a home wrecker
* You will be known as a mistress
* Your dignity and pride will be flushed down the toilet bowl
* If he could cheat on his wive by having a secret relationship, am sure he could cheat on you as well. (If he decides to still love you after the marriage)
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gabrywyl's conclusion

Since the negative results are more than the positive, I suggest you let the guy go and leave him to be with his newly wedded wife. To let go is always tough especially when its the beggining of it but in time, everything will heal. Theres always a reason for everything. Your Mr Right will come along one day.

gabrywyl's suggestion

The next time u want to date a guy, assure yourself that he is not As or whatever you call that (I have no clue) and also assure yourself that he is not up to marrying any other woman meaning single.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just incase if you have decided to go on with this relationship behind the wife's back, ask yourself this questions

1) How long do you want to be the shadow behind him? Do u want to be his mistress forever?

2) How sure are you that he wont cheat on you for another woman just like right now on how he cheats on his wife?

3) Is it worth it to be a second class lover?

4) How do you feel if some other woman is having an affair with your own husband?

5) Do you like to be known as a home wrecker?

Ask yourself all this questions and react accordingly.

~ Adviser Gabby! ~

Positive side:
1) You both love each other
2) You both trusts each other
3 Your both can tolerate each other

Negative side:
1) You both are AS (whatever that is but it doesnt sound good I presume)
2) He is married
3) U are now 2nd to him cause he is married
4) With him suddenly getting married shows that he is actually cheating behind your back and having another affiar to begin with. . . If a person is in love no matter what the circumstances are, the person does not just find another partner in one click.
5) If you both decide to still have this affair but secretly you would have to bare all of this
* You will be known as a home wrecker
* You will be known as a mistress
* Your dignity and pride will be flushed down the toilet bowl
* If he could cheat on his wive by having a secret relationship, am sure he could cheat on you as well. (If he decides to still love you after the marriage)

he has said it all

forget about him although its not easy but its ok if you let go on time

there are lot of responsible men waiting for you out there

be smart baby

@op
though as hard as it might seem, u need to walk away before this thing swallows you. leave with all the good memories before they go sour.

@funmi
am really happy foryou for wat you posted that you are leavinghim,you just need to see how happy i am 4 you
but can i tell you something i understand the fact that you want to free yourmind by telling your new bf wat as bin happening since
dont you think he might get angry in the sense that yiu are cheating on him in the area of sex which you deny him off
my dear sis pls pls pls pls plspls pls pls pls pls pls nnd pls kindly think twice
1lova

i love nairalanders,

always there when you need them.

@gabrywyl

lol, na wah for you.

@post

i find your story hard to believe. If it is really true, leave your # or yahoo IM, let any interested nairalander (both male and female) contact you and your heartbreak/confused will be resolved.

@opsydudu
Thanks but no thanks. I dont need a relationship now.

Guys, its not easy o. Weekend is approaching & I'm so afraid I wont go running back into his arms. I miss him silly already. I've not seen him since monday morning I left his place. We do talk on phone regularly though. He asked why he's not seen me this week & I lied I need to catch up with a lot of things in school. The urge to go see him is there, the thought that weekend is around the corner is making me so Hot (sorry abt that i didn't mean to say it). This is the first weekend I'm going to spend without being with him except those times he goes home for xmas. Even at those times, I go to his house to stay either alone or with my friends. It makes me feel better than being anywhere else. I've traveled to his home town with him on 2 occasions and his folks & siblings all like me. Pls people I want to correct one impression here, he did not deceive me. It was a decision we took together after my sister spoke to me about the risks of having sickle cell children. I'm not ignorant of how devastating the ailment can be. My secondary school best friend & her elder sister all died from it. Maybe it contributed to my giving up on us too. So it wasn't entirely his decision alone. Also, he was not cheating behind my back. I know my man well. Yes they say you can never know completly a man, but my case was different. I cannot give him a bad name now because our not being together is not his making. He will be devastated if he finds out I'm leaving for good. Its not gonna be easy for him too. But even at that, we both still know its not going anywhere. He still takes care of me like nothing has changed. I can imagine how he'll feel when I don't turn up this weekend. I intend to use my sister's place as an excuse. I can find a good excuse to give him based on that cos he has great family values.

Now to his ex-girlfriend he's marrying, I'll bet my life he was never seeing the girl behind me. If by any chance he ever cheated on me, it wasn't with the girl cos this girl in question wears pride like a dress. Even though he loves my guy madly. At the early stage of our relationship, she use to call him once in a while and I've also been privillaged to speak with the girl at those times. She was happy for us and asked me to take care of him o. That he's like a big baby. So when my guy came back from xmas this january and told me he ran into her and she was still single, I encouraged him to get together with her if possible than having to start all over again. At least, the devil you know is better than the angel you dont. This is how it happened. Yes I like the girl cos I see her as someone who can take care of him the way I would have, I respect her also and I envy her at the same time because she is with him now for life.

About my new boyfriend, I'm going to take the advice someone gave me here, I think it will be a bad idea to tell him all that was happening behind his back. It will break his heart. I intend cutting all communications with him. If he calls me fine but I'd never return his calls. If he asks I'd say I've been too busy to see him or call. He'll get the message.

I promise you guys I won't go my guy's house this weekend no matter how difficult and I'll let you all know how I faired by monday.

Thanks all.

Best of luck

Don't simply cut your ex off, you'll end up creating another bitter man who will say women are useless and start maltreating other women to take revenge.

Simply tell him that you have unresolved issues with past relationships and you cannot be with him since your mind isn't 100% on one person. That way he will understand that you respect him. After that cut off all communication and focus on healing from the heartbreak.

Whatever you do, do NOT continue sleeping with this man. Even if he has good intentions and all, very few men will be able to resist getting sex with a woman they 'love' while married to another one. You don't want to become the permanent jump off for this guy.

debosky:

Don't simply cut your ex off, you'll end up creating another[b] bitter man [/b] who will say women are useless and start maltreating other women to take revenge.

Simply tell him that you have unresolved issues with past relationships and you cannot be with him since your mind isn't 100% on one person. That way he will understand that you respect him. After that cut off all communication and focus on healing from the heartbreak.

Whatever you do, do NOT continue sleeping with this man. Even if he has good intentions and all, very few men will be able to resist getting sex with a woman they 'love' while married to another one. You don't want to become the permanent jump off for this guy.

.true that. one adam brody is more than enough wahala on NL

@ Funmi,

Glad u are now doing well at ur decision

Some really gave u constructive advice as they would have given to their younger ones, appreciating everyone that did so

Well u can't have everyone on ur side, that's y we are in all kinds, (human beings)

What more can i say?? touching story, but thats fate for us

Happened to a colleague of mine, Both AS, but they are strong at it and amicably parted ways and still the best of friends and confidant, always there to encourage each other. In their case, the girl is still a virgin, the guy decieded to honour it till their wedding night, alas the findings . What can they do? but for  their own interest (both Yorubas)

Was never easy for Jide  nor the girl, i know them too well,  his world crashed over night,  life came to a stop, lol, (not funny anyway) but today they are strong people, so u are not alone in this heart break as it's bound to happen everday.

My advice, the more u see him, the more difficult to let go, though i understand how difficult it is, but then you are the only one to help yourself out, our advice can only heal ur wound temporaly but never the end point.
Relocating can never be the way out, though would  help

Bottomline, stop holding on to the memories (it will always cut deeper)
Jus be glad that for once the love was your

Stop visiting him, better speaking on phone than coming in close contact as sex will be unavoidable

Accept the fact that he will never be urs, let it be the guiding word


Also do not be in a hurry to get into another relationship, allow the mind to heal completely, only at this will u be able to choose rightly and clearly.

I promise You will surely get over it all, only if you try harder
and one day u will look up to these days and have a g8 smile at it all. , It's a phase

Finally, Keep Your head Up, another good guy will locate u, Best of luck

@poster u are on the path to freedom. keep making excuses y u cant be with him until u can lay ur cards bare on the table and when you do please be firm. it wont be easy but if he claims to love u as he does he will painfully let you go make something out of ur life. Be strong and refuse to accept less for yourself. speak positive to urself esp as the weekend rolls along, resist the urge to go there no matter what. you'd be fine.

on another note i do feel sorry for his wife.somehow i feel she is the real victim here. Nothing she will do will please that man can u imagine such a life. Never fall for a man who has unresolved romantic issues with another woman.

Yippie! Its 7:55pm. The day is gone and I didn't go to his place. Its wasn't easy but I did it. Thanks all for giving me the support that's been a boost to my strength. He has called me today un-countable times. I actually did go to my big sister's place because he can be very funny you know. He might ask to speak with one of my nephews. Not that he's done such before but you never can be too sure. I pity him already and miss him too but not like a week ago. I'd go see him tomorrow and I've promised myself that there'd be no sex. I also want to start refusing him that. Gradually we all will be disentangled from this cocoon. I'll keep you guys posted. Good night all.

you shld have simply married the dude. All these crying . . .

Oh ye of little faith . . . both of you are AS and so you're going to throw a wonderful relationship away? Your dude is a coward . . . i'd have gone ahead and married you. There's stuff like genetic testing now that can determine if your child would be SS so you could remove it before its too late.

For the first time I agree with davidlyan. Wow! We shoud celebrate this.

@poster

What's up with this sex without marriage. That aint right if you know what I mean. But yes, you can try genetic screening, I did a research about it in school and the prospect of knowing if your baby may give you problems should be detected. Don't let another woman steal your love, if you two still love each other.

please dont let us know when you two start shagging again!

people dey talk say make you fashi the guy before im fashi you, you still dey make excuses foram.

@ poster

  I knw what ur in luv with, ill bet the guy is a fantastic provider, he pays for everything shey?, plus he's good lookin, doesnt stress you, has a nice place you can go to chill,  bla bla, dont waste your time ill bet ur not the only one loving him like that. Trust me i knw

My advice:  1. Break it off with the new boyfriend if u dont like him, dont waste the nigga's time

                   2. There is absolutely no moral or any other kind of justification for sleeping with a married man, (its bad enough that you'r sleeping with any1 before marriage anyway), so get ur own man, or stay off him for your own good!

                   3. Get ur priorities straight, sex is not the only thing in the world. Why is it such a struggle to resist going for "weekend" at his place, better find more constructive things to do with your time at your young age

funmi-lola:

Yippie! Its 7:55pm. The day is gone and I didn't go to his place. Its wasn't easy but I did it. Thanks all for giving me the support that's been a boost to my strength. He has called me today un-countable times. I actually did go to my big sister's place because he can be very funny you know. He might ask to speak with one of my nephews. Not that he's done such before but you never can be too sure. I pity him already and miss him too but not like a week ago. I'd go see him tomorrow and I've promised myself that there'd be no sex. I also want to start refusing him that. Gradually we all will be disentangled from this cocoon. I'll keep you guys posted. Good night all.

what for?

eyah, sorry oh

That's so pathetic!!! I feel you babe, but Sis you got to let it go, cause if you don't you might live to regret your decision to stick with him, I know how difficult it is cuz I have passed through something similar to this but yours is so complicated,

Let it go!!!

@funmi-lola,
Man,if i weren't formin' to be a man,i would've cried when i read ur story.It really is very unfortunate.No one is at fault even up to sleeping with each other till date.Truth is both of u can't help the situation u're in right now.But here's another truth,the more u see him,talk to him and make love to him,the more hooked u get to him.My advice for you is this.Stay away from him.It definately woulndn't be easy,but it's what's best for the two of u.If u really love him,stay away from him cos if his wife-to-be finds out,things can get nasty and both of u won't like it.Please funmi-lola,this is where u have to say goodbye,move away from the town he is if u must,but please let him go for both ur sakes.I pray God helps u to meet a guy u'll have a good measure of love for and who would love u more than u can imagine.Goodluck dearie!