^^ Did u read his story at all?

tboy1:

^^ Did u read his story at all?

I read the story very well. It is not new. No matter your advice, he has his personal opinion and knows what to do even before he posted. So forget about your mixed suggestions, every man is different. I'm just interested in the abortion aspect. Just my personal opinion you know!

@ poster : it is better you let go now before its too late.
you have a job and doing fine, why will her mother tell her to terminate the pregnancy in this present day when people are spending huge amount of money to concieve.
there is nothing good that can come out of a mother(your future in-law) who advises her daughter to terminate her fiance baby.
A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE

GOOD LUCK

@binaflexia
Too bad your personal opinion is seriously bereft of meaning and grossly behind time.
Re-Read the story to get back on track.

, lol, No use style curse me oh!. Lol, na wah! Na advice i dey try to give am oh!

pls when will futminna hold her aptitude test?

go education section

see guy to bluntly tell you the truth, the relationship will not last if you are giving it a second chance. Cos you can't get this erased from your mind in which you will always act it out to her.

it will take God grace to live with her back normally.[/color][color=#990000][/color][color=#990000][color=#990000][/color]

Guy there is a mistake you did while writing this ur story, you did not tell us how many times you cheated on her absence, is it because you caught him with the new friend that make you to shade tears amidst of this global financial crisis?. see, u seem confuse. ur problem comes from the africa mentality which made them to think it is made only for man to cheat. if u want to get real solution, just tell us how many times u cheated on her. cos i know that there is weakness when it comes to sexual urge. but two of u know una problems than nairalanders.

i hope to God women read this without being biased and make some sense out of what am about to post.[b][/b]

First of all i would like to advice the poster to let go of the relationship. It is soo damn hard but eventually you will. You said you dated her for 4 years lol well i dated mine for 7 years, it was all good until she started sleeping with this guy in school funny i found out. I couldnt leave her as well, i forgave her but i could never forgot (difference btw male and females). I knew i loved her soo damn much. But later i realised that i hated the fact that i loved her, i had sleepless nights, eating disorders etc.
She appologised and felt we could sort it out, although i tried to sort it out as much as i could, my mind (human mind) is incontrollable in cases like this. I was still with her, but everytime we made out i saw the guy in my head. I knew it would never work in as much as i tried. The trust was never there, i was always jumpy and always questioned everthing she said. She actually made me the sort of man i have always hoped not to, i wanted to know everything she was doing, who she was hanging out with and all. I didnt like what i became but at that point i couldnt help it.
The truth is when your girl cheats on you once, it can never be thesame again. Even if its 30 years later you would always have it at the back of your mind.
With guys, mostly we dont wonder why she slept with the other guy, we just keeping thinking about the deceit (It is what disturbs the mind the most). We all would agree that women are better pretenders than men.

Also women hold the dignity in a family, its un written but its always been like that. Honest question to all:
1)If you caught your dad with another woman in bed, chances are that you wouldnt do anything about it as a son/daughter but if you do catch your mom in bed with another man. Chances are that you would develop high blood pressure and would not want to ever see her again. Same with your sisters.

I think it is just natural for a woman the hold the dignity of the family, its never the same if your woman cheats.

Honest advice to women, if you can! try not to cheat really. I would tell my friend/sister/aunty the same thing. Simple, you are never looked at in the same way at all. For example, when you cheat on us and guys sit down to talk, once one guy tells his freinds that she slept with another man. The respect for that woman is reduced greatly. Nobody on that table would see you as a woman (the type you want to say i do to) anymore but just a piece of ass.
Most times you loose both ways, because that guy you are cheating on your boyfreind with would never, ever ever (empahsis) really love you cos of the way he got you in the first place, he knows for sure that if he dates you , same thing would happen to him.

@Poster i assure you, there is no point wasting your time, you wont be happy even if you do love her. Go through the pain now once and for all

For me now i wonder what i saw in her back then cos am seeing another woman it the past all seems like  a joke to me like 'what did i ever see in that girl'. But then life is a wonderfull teacher they say.

Just do the right thing ladies, it goes a loooonnnnnggggg way[b][/b]

shawn123:

i hope to God women read this without being biased and make some sense out of what am about to post.[/b]

We all would agree that women are better pretenders than men.

Also women hold the dignity in a family, its un written but its always been like that. Honest question to all:
1)If you caught your dad with another woman in bed, chances are that you wouldnt do anything about it as a son/daughter but if you do catch your mom in bed with another man. Chances are that you would develop high blood pressure and would not want to ever see her again. Same with your sisters.

I think it is just natural for a woman the hold the dignity of the family, its never the same if your woman cheats.

Honest advice to women, if you can! try not to cheat really.

in reply to the bolded, I read that with and say this from an unbiased mind bro. .

did u juat say women are better pretenders? well from [b] my observations, men are pro at pretence. Even if they are caught right there at an act, they deny and wriggle themselves out of the accusation. reason why shaggy wrote 'it wasn't me'

brother, ur words quoted in red is just a mind set, there's nowhere God condemned a woman rather than a man for infidelity. they are treated the same. But men have made it look the way it is to justify their insatiable sexual act. thats too bad.

But this does not mean i'm defending ladies unfaithfulness to their partners, far from that. My point is, whether male or female, unfaithfulness is wrong.

firstly terminating a pregnncy shows u dont love itcchother,the baby is the fruit of ur love nd u terminate that,now do not be sentimental about this ,if u know u cant live with what has happened,the only way to show u love her is to let her go,sometimes love lets go cos it wont be nice to make her life a living hell, relationships are time tested,my wife left me and thats her decision,some times the lord will make you go thru some things,i would advice you go back to God and ask for his opinion,he counts more than all of us put together,you need to heal and its a gradual process.ask the lord for strenght and he will give to u bountifully
learn to cry it helps u ventilate ur pain,realmen sometimes cry
remain blessed

shawn123

Lies!

@ lysa,
i quite agree with you that wrong is wrong, its definately same judgment in the eyes of God. But then like you said the society has made it look that way. I quite like the way you read it without being biased. But do me a favour do a quick vote with your freinds, ask them would they rather their dad was cheating or their mom.

@Agaba
Thats your opinion, i just laid down what i discovered around me. Instead of just saying lies! In a civilised world people give reasons for their answers. Dont be an empty barrel, kindly share your knowledge.

shawn123:

@ lysa,
i quite agree with you that wrong is wrong, its definately same judgment in the eyes of God. But then like you said the society has made it look that way. I quite like the way you read it without being biased. But do me a favour do a quick vote with your freinds, ask them would they rather their dad was cheating or their mom.

@Agaba
Thats your opinion, i just laid down what i discovered around me. Instead of just saying lies! In a civilised world people give reasons for their answers. Dont be an empty barrel, kindly share your knowledge.

Lies

You are disturbed becos u loved her, she is  your one and only, u cherished her  i hope you are not blaming God for your misfortune, that is the only problem with us with little mind, what stop u from thanking God for revealing your worst enemy. guy she doesn't worth you, you are working. there are million out there that need u, that can love u truly from their heart. don't forget that terminated courtship is better than aborted marriage be wise not to love a woman you can only appreciate their love.

agabaI23:

Lies

LOL, some people self

Wow, what a story!!! Love is d best thing dat can eva happen 2 any1 but I understand ur actions. Sory 2 say but if she rily luvd u she wudnt av done wat she did. But dere is also 4giveness, thankGod u forgave her. It is now up 2 u, to decide wat u want 2 do. BUT THINK CAREFULLY AND ASK URSELF IF THAT IS THE WOMAN U WANT TO SPEND UR LIFE WITH. I tink u wud need 2 test her somehow n see if she wudnt repeat wat she did. Whatever decision u make always listen 2 ur HEART.

na wa 4 dis life oh. i cant do dis to my friend not to talk of fiancee. i mean i have to give him all my luv. how can she do dis to u, maybe she didnt luv u at the first time.
soorry ooh!!!, but dis is dam heart breaking to pieces. my God.

In the good book it was said by the Lord, If i mark sinners who can stand ( Translation directly mine)

These are my views to you.

1. You commit murder by carrying out abortion, therefore seek for forgiveness. Who are mine to judge, because i am a fellow human b like u. I fall into sins too.
2. Let go this relationship, forgive and wish her well. The crux of the matter is, she might never forgive herself, thereby forsaking u in the future, because she knows that u might never forget even when u forgive. She knows happiness in the house may not be a continuous thing.
3. Sometimes in life people wants to taste the other side of life since they have been in one. I don't know Ur girl's reason for cheating, but she might have felt trapped in a relationship she has been since year one and might just want a fling before going in to matrimony.
4. You also need to search within yourself if you are not the cause of this.
5. Forgive her, but like some others said, peace, trust, integrity, and respect for one another may be elusive in Ur house.
6. I know it could be painful, but please take time off, to go away for sometime and think thru this before u commit yourself to it again.
7. Mind u, the fact that she cheated on u does not mean she does not love u.



It is easier for all men to castigate, but when we are on the spot a lot of us do more horrible things. I wish u God's guidance as u take decision concerning this issue. But you are a very fortunate person. Many of the people that are castigating u are doing it because they have never loved, they don't know what it means to luv, they are crossed with themselves because they cannot feel that thing they call love. So, whenever they see anybody enjoying that feel, they are quick to judge.


Pls, my brother be good and seek God's guidance

i am a psychologist and i dare say that it's difficult giving any meaningful advice since we did not hear her own side of the story. i have a few questions for you my brother: what plans did you really have for marrying her in the nearest future? why the termination of the pregnancy if you were able to persuade her mum that you meant business? what makes you think that she really feels secure in the relationship? how many people have described you as caring and loving, or was it your personal assessment of yourself ? Is she cohabitting with you? what does she do all day when you are away at work? couldnt you have waited until the following day to bring up the matter knowing fully well that she just had an abortion if you were so caring?

Anyway, your plans for settling down might have been parallel to her own plans, hence her generating a "plan B" - that is only natural.

My advice:
1.sit down with her and have a REAL conversation - not painting a picture of how men want their world to be!
Allow her to express her frustrations honestly. you will be shocked how much she had been tolerating your
inadequacies.

2.Forgive each other ,with a pledge to work at the relationship better from now on.

3. Restate your belief in the power of love.value the r/s. Love is real. Better to love and get hurt than not experience love.

4. Buy books that teach how to sustain d r/s and take turn to read it to each other.

5. Forget the ghosts of the past!!

May God be with you all Nairaland guys and girls for advising this guy, I felt bad and make me feel sad, Please you can forgive but you will never forget ,

This world is scary. I learnt a lot from Nigeria land and I wish you success,good health and prosperity all nairaland guys and girls. my advice to you my brother is to leave this girl. it will be painful but time heal.Life is too short because if you forgive her, you will never forget and never trust her. when she even bare your children, you will be doubting if its yours or not despite DNA test

@ poster


i really do feel for you but the bitter truth is that your girl was truly cheating on you nicely.i can bet u she was f%^&king more than just one guy ,lemme tell u something about babes ,the moment dey start cheating on you they will never stop and i can assure u tht the pregnancy wasnt yours she had some other guys kid and u was prolly topping it lol . welcome to the real world men ,we all cheat .guy, babes of this days and of our generation d!ck and average of 25-35 Dicks b4 dey hit menopause.u better run from her and find another babe ,and have it at the back of ur mind from the start of the relationship ur not the only one d!cking that kitten ,if possible u could ask her how many she has d1icked just to confirm ur spot ,most times if she says 4 its simply mean 4 times 2 plus 2 with equals 10 ,just remeber bro u dont have sole ownership of a kitten

please marry her and you end up having bastard has child. meaning that there are no two ways to this than to send her packing. i know how u feel, cos i once felt like that b4 but not like ur story line. we are in a crazy wolrd so expect crazy things lol. accepting her back is everlasting problems to you. call me for more advice 08037699996

My Broda i just read your story and it is quite pathetic.I have to be honest to you,that pregnancy was not yours and i am telling you that she will remain unfaithfull to you till death do the both of you part if you take her to the alter.It is unimaginable that someone who is pregnant for you for almost 2 months will still go out and sleep with another man, It is an abormination in my place and so i will advice you to pitch your tent elswhere, There are too many beatiful girls out there who knows their worth,have values and morals.I hope you will take my advice and call off that relationship, i know what i am telling and it is a revelation from God.

Its a well known fact that women are most likely to cheat just before marraige

@poster, am so sorry to hear about your pains,well to tell you,same thing happened to me some few months ago,but for the sake of love,i had to take her back,we have been together for 5 years and she cheated on me for about 2 months without me knowing that such thing was going on.But finally,i caught her, My advice to you is that you should forgive her and try to forget about what happened,let that be in your past,but let her know that TRUST IS EARN,and that you have been the one caring and running after her,tell her,its the time for her to start running after you now.Don't show too much care to her face anymore,even though you care.Dont marry her yet,tell her to improve,because if she didnt improve before you get married to her,she won't improve after marriage.GIVER HER ONE MORE CHANCE BUT THIS TIME AROUND YOU TOO SHOULD HAVE SECOND OPTION/PLAN B AT HAND.DONT PUT ALL YOUR EGG IN ONE BASKET.HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND.

wow,

anyway, you said you want to give her second chance, I don't see nothing wrong with that as long as that is what you heart and mind tell you. Many of the repliers are saying "dump her!" but this would not be right if his mind tells him otherwise. I am glad you chose to try again. Even if something like this happens again, you can atleast say that you gave her and yourself another chance and you will feel good leaving the relationship.

Many of us give advice based on our personal experience but we should never forget that we are different people with different experiences, so what is right for you may not be right to another person. Go with you instinct! It may not be the best choice in your situation but I atleast, you won't regret the outcome instead of going with what someelse suggested!