1. Any man who successfully convinces a monkey
that honey is sweeter than banana, is capable of
selling condoms to a Roman father.
2. Dear ladies, If your boyfriend didn't wish you a
happy mother's day or sing sweet mother for you,
you should stop breastfeeding him.
3. He who swallows a complete coconut have
absolute trust in his anus.
4. Dear sisters, don't be deceived by a man who
text you "I miss you" only when it's raining,
because you are not an umbrella.
5. Swimming pool is more useful than Liverpool.
6. If over 15 guys have sucked your breasts, you
don't need to call those things "your breasts", It's
called COW BELL, OUR MILK! - Repeat after me,
OUR MILK!
7. It's hard to bewitch African girls these days.
Every time you take a piece from her hair to the
witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman
gets mad or a factory in China catches fire.
8. All I hear always is, 'No sex before marriage?' If
that was God's plan, then you would receive your
penis or vagina on your wedding day.
9. The only warning Africans take serious is LOW
BATTERY.
10. Men sucking lady's breast is normal because
the act was learnt in childhood when they were
young but the act of lady's sucking men's d*ck is
what baffles me, where did they learn it from?
11. Whenever things seem to start going well in
your life, the Devil comes along and gives you a
'girlfriend'.
12. When your clothes are made of cassava
leaves, you don't take a goat as a friend.
13. If you have attended over 100 weddings in
your life and still single, you are not different
from a Canopy.
14. Dating a slim/slender guy is cool. The problem
is when you are lying on his chest then his ribs
draw adidas lines on your face.
15. If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking
about inner beauty because men don't walk
around with X-rays to see inner beauty.
16. Respect pregnant women because it's not
easy walking around with evidence that you've
had sex.
17. Some of the girls of today can't even jog for 5
minutes but they expect a guy to last in bed with
you for 2 hours? Your level of selfishness
demands a one week crusade.
18. I stopped trusting ladies when my class 3
girlfriend left me for another boy all because he
bought a sharpener wid a mirror.
19. Nothing makes a woman more confused than
being in a relationship with a "broke" man who's
extremely good in bed.
20. Witchcraft is when a 24 year old girl who
cannot jog for 5 minutes expects a 40 year old
man to last for 1 hour in bed.
21. Being dumped by a dark-skinned girl is the
worst thing ever; because anytime you get home
and see charcoal, you become emotional.
22. Women with beauty and no brains, it is your
private parts will suffer the most.
23. When one's goat gets missing, the aroma of a
neighbour's soup gets suspicious.
24. Its better for a man to be stingy with his
money because he hustled for it than a woman to
deny you a hole she didn't drill.
25. Even Satan wasn't gay, he approached naked
Eve instead of naked Adam. Say no to same-sex
marriage.
26. If you are a married man and you find
yourself attracted to school girls, just buy your
wife a school uniform.
27. It is every man's dream to remove a woman's
pant one day but NOT when it's on a drying line.
28. Virginity is the best wedding gift any man
would receive from his newly wed wife but lately,
there's nothing as such any-longer because it'll
have already been given out as a Birthday gift,
token of Appreciation, Job assurance, Church
collection, Examination marking schemes & for
Lorry fares!"
29. Treat every part of your towel nicely because
the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe
your face tomorrow.
30. We are living in a generation where people “in
love” are free to touch each others’ private parts
but cannot touch each others’ phones because
they’re private.”
31. Sometimes you look back at girls you spent
money on rather than send it to your mum and
you realise witchcraft is real.
32. If President Barack Obama wants me to allow
marriage for same-sex couples in my country
(Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry
him first.
33. South Africans will kick down a statue of a
dead white man but won’t even attempt to slap a
live one. Yet they can stone to death a black man
simply because he’s a foreigner.
34. What is the problem? We now have
aeroplanes which can take them back quicker
than the ships used by their ancestors.
35. Mr Bush, Mr. Blair and now Mr Brown's sense
of human rights precludes our people's right to
their God-given resources, which in their view
must be controlled by their kith and kin. I am
termed dictator because I have rejected this
supremacist view and frustrated the neo-
colonialists.
36. Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece
of paper with fire on one end and a fool on the
other end.
37. A brave man is he who has a running stomach
and still wants to flatulate.
38. Journalist: Sir don't you think 89 years would
be a great time to retire as a President.
Mugabe: Have you ever asked the Queen this
question or is it just for African leaders?
39. Interviewer: Mr President, when are you
bidding the people of Zimbabwe farewell?
Robert: Where are they going?
40. My dear ladies, please don't buy a selfie stick
when your armpit itself needs a shaving stick.

So what's your favorite out of the 40?
11 and 29 are mine.

Long

lol

That's a true African leader

37 na bomb

MrMystique:
I never said half of the shit attributed to me on the internet.

-Robert Mugabe

I doubt if this man said most of these things, but the fact that these things are attributed to him shows how epic and how high his sense of humour is.