Man, that na ur palava, the best vice is advice, u both sit down, relax and talk about it, there is nothing like marrying a wrong person, its understanding that got mis calculated.
if u gess still want to go on, try see a councelor that will be in a better way to help, praticalized his or her instructions, this has work for me and for many people.
remain bless

Look, if you don't have any feelings for her, let her go. Sure counseling is good, talking to each other would help but sometimes they don't.

Life is too short, forget religious sentiments and morality as defined by "society/family", this line of thinking is what got some psycho killing their spouses, all in the name of i don't want to divorce. Get the F out of a relationship that doesn't work and save both you and her the agony of trudging through life in sadness. You are not helping anyone by "managing" the marriage, certainly not her, hopefully there is no kid involved.

this guy dey craze ooo!
how would date a wrong person for five years.
or is it that ur thing kept flogging and u forgot
to stop and think?
u must cherish this lady in question, i think ur problem is
that  u dont know what  u want.

i'ld suggest u sit down and put together those areas  u feel
ur woman is lacking, i mean let her see what ur dream woman
feels like. but try not to make her what she's not.

i bet u've not gotten close to her enough,
and u dont understand her enough -
u have to reach her soul,  u have to know what she is;
by this u'll accept ur woman for what u are.

this is MARRIAGE my friend, the only brother to bondage.
God has made it with no way out. so what do u do?

u make it work, u make it work.
God help u.

Are u trying to activate some here
to deactivate ur marriage.
NOPE.Ko Jo rara!

What God joined together, let
no man put assunder.

U are married to her and to her for life
until death parts!

Have to go for marriage counselling!




Nigeria Is Blessed.

its such a pity if u are a christain my advise to u is dat do not divorce or seperate from her ask God to give you the grace to love her, try and see the positive sides of her. i hope you are not the problem cos you dated her for 5 yrs, don't blame your family, friends, folks , blame yourself .but with God all things are possible, luv her, appreciate her, dnt compare her with anybody, pray for God's intervention. Sometyms we all make mistakes dat we regret so don't regret and you will be heading for another honey moon in your marriage . wish you the best

@ujujoan
God Bless u for that statement.

@poster
What rubbish !!! u knew u had no intention of marrying someone but u continued in a relationship with this person for that long , now u r complaining .u were a coward then and u are still a coward, send her packing now , if you are man enough. Arrant nonsense !!!!!!
The advice should be that the woman should manage u not the other way round , because u are obviously a push over and a sissy

My friend!, Its a pity u don't know what u want, how can u date some1 for 5 yrs n don't want to marry her, its not fair, anoda thing is dat ur parents n friends mounted pressure on u and u agree, then they are the one u are to blame, let me be sincere with u, u are in a dilema, if u send her packing she will be runing after ur life, if u continue with her u are walking at the valley of shadow of death, my advise is that u should find a way and iron the issue out so that u can be happy, ur happiness is the most important thing, happiness has a lot to do in ur health etc, mind u if u go for another woman, the situation may even be worse.

Ho can u see fire and walk into it with ur eyes wide open.Pressure from family,friends and she.That is ur excuse.But u are the only one suffering it now.My brother,endure,as a christian l cannot advise divorce.So in ur future undertakings in life learn to be a man and how to make/take ur own decisions.Above all pray for her.

too little, too late!

Marriage is a sacred institution and decisions abt it should not be made in a hurry. i feel the love u had for her is dead cos you courted her for long. that is why it is not advisable to court for long. Anyway, you are in already, just learn to love her cos sending her away is not the best decision. Let her know what attracts you so that you can learn to love her. Courting for 5 years is such a long time to send her packing. Who you want make him carry your left over

if u were pressured into marrying her, did u marry her because she was pregnant? because i see dat as d only reason. external pressure from anywhere shouldnt force u into marriage b'cos its a lifetime thing. besides dye r not d ones getting married. i feel sorry 4 u but i still think its ur fault.

How i wish i know your parents, i would have given them thumps up. How can you date someone you do not like for five good long years? Oooh, you wanted to waste her time and move on to some other person? Shame on you.

sorry o, you are married, learn how to your live with your wife, since you said she loves you, you can work on yourself and reciprocate her love. you were not dragged to the altar when you exchanged your marital vows. .

My brother its a big cross to carry, but if the fire is much
why not do a return match.

push her back to your parents who pushed u to marry her

its such a pity if u are a christain my advise to u is dat do not divorce or seperate from her ask God to give you the grace to love her, try and see the positive sides of her. i hope you are not the problem cos you dated her for 5 yrs, don't blame your family, friends, folks , blame yourself .but with God all things are possible, luv her, appreciate her, dnt compare her with anybody, pray for God's intervention. Sometyms we all make mistakes dat we regret so don't regret and you will be heading for another honey moon in your marriage . wish you the best

@ OP,

The following article may be of help to you:

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "you are not a man!"

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions:

She didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible, Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me.
But she had something more. She asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning
I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.





Our son clapped behind us, "daddy is holding mummy in his arms, " His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was greying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, She had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office, Jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind, I walked upstairs, Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. "Do you have a fever?" She said.

I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart."

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah, blah, blah.

These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.

Do have a real happy marriage, if you’re married.

If you’re not married…

Just believe!

i can't read that post. its too long

Boy, you have no case. I believe there's more to this than you're telling, you met another chick who's taking you there or sumtin. Bottom line is, you put up with 5 years, so eternity will not kill you. The mind is a wonderful place that can make heaven out of hell and hell out of heaven. Learn to live with it.

u dated somebody for 5 yrs!!!
take responsibility for yr actions and stop blamin ur family
u have laid ur bed,
u have to lie on it

u should have taken ur time b4 geeting married. dat s my view

he lept before looking!

Well like someone wrote in the forum, learn to love her. Also i pray she has feelings for you because trust me it is better for a woman to be madly in love with you than you being madly in love with her. Only the lucky one's get the 50-50 match.

am so sorry 2 say dis but just give it ur best.its ur responsibility 2 mak ur marriage work.gud luck n may God help u.

I seriously believe that you should stick to your marriage and not just because of avoiding bringing shame on your family but do it for yourself. There is no marriage that cannot work it takes effort and not a one sided effort but effort on both sides involve your wife in this communication is very important talk to her lay it plain to her and tell her what u want to change about her, she should also tell u want she wants from you too this way u can make it work. Tolerance and love can help u wither any storm, accept her for who she is and help her develop into what u want, rome was not built in a day, u can't change a way of life that has been developed for over 30 years in 2 years its not done but with love, understanding , tolerance and good communication u can achieve a lot.

nope don't

how would you let this happen to you i can see you never loved yourself. well sa, you can still sort things out, if you don't have kids you can still both go your separate ways but be smart and responsible about it but if you have kids   try all you can to love her.

u are nt man enough.u should hav stand on ur grounds.make ur parents c reason wit u.or are they stil feedin u?afta all they no live wit u

live with it, bros!

queenchika:

u are nt man enough.u should hav stand on your grounds.make your parents c reason wit u.or are they stil feedin u?afta all they no live wit u

story! and u are woman enough?