are u saying i should not let my mum know??

For now my dear, how long is this incidence now

tommorrow will be one week

tamarack:

I forget to say that i told him i was sorry in the morning when he was packing his bags

Be sincere, how many times have you had to say you are sorry after a quarrel that you probably caused. Although I'm a man, I'm hating your husband for laying his hands on you but I know you ladies too well to blame him completely. You probably made a simple disagreement escalate to something uncontrollable and then you say sorry! It won't work everytime. For your baby's sake, accept your mistake and make things work.

then you can let her know , jst for information sake only

am leaving office now, but will revert to you tomorrow.
Please take heart and take care of your kids, your hubby will come home soon
he feels he just want to punish you alittle thats all
Be positive

Grace n Peace!

That has been a long time. It is childish.

But sister, where are all those friends of yours who advised you to lock him out whenever you have a quarrel?

Bad friends!

pls try and be urself & make sure ur baby is ok,my advise is,don't report him to corps,just let his family be aware of wat is happening 2 u guys right now,ar u sure he is not aving an AFFAIR outside wedlock?let d family member be aware

Tamarack, whatever gave you the impression that you can get an advice to re-order your home here. I think you should look for help elsewhere or what you are trying to build will get further scattered

floriana:

Tamarack, whatever gave you the impression that you can get an advice to re-order your home here. I think you should look for help elsewhere or what you are trying to build will get further scattered

On the contrary many have got good advise and saved their homes here. So say what you know. In as much as there will be bad advice, there are good ones. If you have no advice for her, check another thread.

@Poster relocating to new place and adjusting is very tough especially for a man. I am not Happy he hit you but try and not to be verbally abusive. If you tell you mother she will hate him and probably remind you that she advice you

not to marry him and you insisted. Calling the police he will have a record at least for now but when next he tries it if that will save your life please do.

Look for any of his friends that he listens to contact him and narrate what happend sincerely to him don't paint him black and make yourself look good say it as it is so that his friend will know where to start. I bet you he must have

contacted one of his friends and probably warned them not to let you know his way about. Don't call in-laws they will use it and laugh at you/talk about you. Men are more secretive than women

You said you are starting a programme pls do b/c being too idle can cause all this havoc in marriage Good luck

Vanitty I some how dis agree with you here

One more thing
does he beats you regularly or this was a one-off?
If he beats you regularly biko call the police on him, let them come and cart him off when he get back.

If it was a one- off, when he gets home, sit him down and tell him you will have no other option but to call the police next time he lays his hands on you and please stand by your words if he tries it next time call the authorities.

This sound  some how threaten most men won't compromise to this rather it gives raise to more trouble.

As for the poster, always pray for him, love him as your only husband, always allow him to do the talking, don't ever be nagging at him as this will only give raise to more problem, e:i more  nagging more trouble, a woman is to submit to man not other way round.
Have a pleasant day.

anything u can do do it.
tell his family he is not at home, call any of his friends. tell your family etc.

someone close to him and you can be of help.
send him a voice mail or a text.
just do something to show you are touched.

couples fight and do make up.
some times one of the partners is the peace catalyst.

it cld be you, just show some maturity.

tamarack:

tommorrow will be one week

1 week wow,

floriana:

Tamarack, whatever gave you the impression that you can get an advice to re-order your home here. I think you should look for help elsewhere or what you are trying to build will get further scattered

daft!! are the people here not human beings??


nice one uncle bros!!my own advice later

she should not call the cops because it is not our culture? most of our culture is bad anyway esp the wife beating and u dont have the cops on your side.

where she lives, the cops are effective why not use it? pls next time he beats or pinch you, call the cops. it keeps many african men in checks  i wont hestitate to call the cop for even a pinch on my light skin.

your man is really mean!

dont worry yourself too much. report him missing since it is one week ago since he left right?

may God gives us a man with class.

mrperfect:

Vanitty I some how dis agree with you hereThis sound some how threaten most men won't compromise to this rather it gives raise to more trouble.

He will feel threatened? What for? Rather he should be ashamed of himself and should be ready to take whatever compromise the wife sees fit.
So what do you expect her to say and do?
Take the abuse with love and play happy families until she is six-feet under and the husband probably in jail for her murder?

Well, I don't know why people still marry? When I was young and living with my folks, I saw everything. My mum would abuse and curse my Dad to the extent, the option for the man was to commit suicide. Women are against beating them up but men eh, their mouths running, beating doesn't even equal it.The best is divorce!

I don't know about this beating each other up business. Your husband seems to have a lot of anger. He hits you when you carry your child and he breaks property. You hit him with a stick(which by the way could have killed him) and call each other names. The fact of the matter is that he is probably better off where he is for now. You guys need to grow up. You need to get counselling and since you say you love each other still then you will work together to fix this. There is a serious lack of respect for each other here and your husband is really on the path of having a wife and child that do not respect him.

tkb417:

not up in arms against you hombre
2 wrongs wont make no right!

i hear you about helping herself not getting hit subsequently, but we all know these things wont work when they all go gung ho
dialogue is the still the best way

[b]i insist, the woman might be responsible for the aggro in tht house.
[/b]Only the woman can tell us cos she was silent on that
love your sense of humour. no pun intended
but i didnt get wht u posted (first paragraph)

As usual, the man is rarely the cause when issues like this arise.

@ Thoniaslim that is really sad. I know of a man here in the US that beat his wife's pregnancy out of her. She did not call the cops though. So sad. The part that is even worse is that had she called the cops it would have been the Nigerian women that would have made her life a living hell. We just need to support each other more in times like this. Imagine that woman losing that pregnancy but still having to have sex with that man. What sort of animal would even do that?

@ touchmeder

I know what I am saying,you know things happen, if anything happens to the man due to the last event,the wife will be blamed. Its just good she let them know now. I know of men who will go extra miles in taming a woman. And can you guess where he is now? someone might be pampering him,giving him the scarce caring he thinks his wife his not showering. I pray they get over this and start a new life. Communication is the key word. And couples dont need to count everything. Silence too is a powerful too of communication. Yoruba will say Agbo meji ole mu omi ni koto(two ram cannot drink from a single pot). Subsequent s conflict (they cannot avoid it) should be settled withing . I also belive in Prayer, it has an inherent power to affect all that affects us .

my advice is for u to inform his family incase if somethings's happened to him ( God forbid) then u wont be blamed cos 1 week is a long time for a husband with a baby to b e away. pray for him if hes not a constant abuser but if he is pls walk. BE STRONG

wat he did was so wrong.sholdnt ve beat u while carying a baby but nertheless fighting is not the solution ok.

@poster the only victim now is your 7-month old baby. You have to take care of the baby, depending where you are go to battered women, ask for help, do not contact your husband, get counselling actually for both of you. LOVE ALONE WILL NOT HELP. You need to mature too and acknowledge your own contribution to the mess. Good luck I will surely pray for you.

Dear Poster,

Let me first of all acknowledge the honesty in your story.

I am a woman like you, married for 4 years now. I presume you are a stubborn woman like me so I will put myself in your shoes.
The very first mistake you made in this matter was to have called him back when he made his way out. Men usually do this when they want to avoid beating their wives and you should have left him to go away and cool down. That would have saved the day.

Your second mistake is that you have accepted beating as part of your marriage. Otherwise, the very first time it happened should have been the last if you handled it very well. Once upon a time, in the heat of a quarrel, I dared my husband and he hit me just slightly. The first thing I did was to call his role models - his sister and his uncle and told them every thing. My husband couldnt believe I could go that far for a 'little' hit, he felt ashamed and sober. Its been almost a year now and I keep reminding him each time he asks me why I am less romantic these days.

Your third mistake is that you lack respect for your husband, otherwise you would not exchange words with him or hit him with a stick regardless. You husband seem to lack respect for you too, but let me tell you one truth, 'Respect demands respect'. Show some respect and you will most likely see a reciprocal.

Now my advise for you is try to be sure he is fine but dont let him know you are looking for him. it may be hard, but let him get over it himself. Call one of his close family members (just one trusted family memeber) and tell him/her the whole story. Then tell the police about his disappearance. Continue with your life. I hope you are working and can fend for yourself.

iyeayo:

Dear Poster,

Let me first of all acknowledge the honesty in your story.

I am a woman like you, married for 4 years now. I presume you are a stubborn woman like me so I will put myself in your shoes.
The very first mistake you made in this matter was to have called him back when he made his way out. Men usually do this when they want to avoid beating their wives and you should have left him to go away and cool down. That would have saved the day. how do we train up people believing fighting is ok let alone beating?. i know we have some shameless insulting lunatics amongst our women but that is no excuse to beat up any woman.

Your second mistake is that you have accepted beating as part of your marriage. Otherwise, the very first time it happened should have been the last if you handled it very well. Once upon a time, in the heat of a quarrel, I dared my husband and he hit me just slightly. The first thing I did was to call his role models - his sister and his uncle and told them every thing. My husband couldnt believe I could go that far for a 'little' hit, he felt ashamed and sober. Its been almost a year now and I keep reminding him each time he asks me why I am less romantic these days.

Your third mistake is that you lack respect for your husband, otherwise you would not exchange words with him or hit him with a stick regardless. You husband seem to lack respect for you too, but let me tell you one truth, 'Respect demands respect'. Show some respect and you will most likely see a reciprocal.

Now my advise for you is try to be sure he is fine but dont let him know you are looking for him. it may be hard, but let him get over it himself. Call one of his close family members (just one trusted family memeber) and tell him/her the whole story. Then tell the police about his disappearance. Continue with your life. I hope you are working and can fend for yourself.

mama joy, the woman lack respect becos she exchange words with a a tiny dictator. that is why i said this is about control and domination earlier. so if my wife can beat me i shouldnt talk or else i get beaten. what a way to live. survival of the fittest.

we should all work on our anger level as a people. we quarell too much as a people.

I dont even know if GEW is agreeing with iyeayo or not

I hope not