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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Tomato Brouhaha (441 Views)
The Brouhaha Of Oga Martins (2) (3) (4)
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Tomato Brouhaha by Nobody: 7:19pm On Jun 07, 2016 |
My name is Zika(not the virus),a couple of
minutes ago;I over heard one of them here
saying to the other"he wouldn't stay long
here;he will be charged to court next
week".At first;I didn't read much meaning
into that comment nor was I too sure that I
was the subject of such side talk until my
friends in here started taking turns to give
me a congratulatory brotherly hugs.I was
not sure of what to say in return to
'Presidoo' when he said to me "so your
people geh konne like this na who get
person dey go court o" because
literally;I knew what he meant and that was
not the true situation-I don't even know
my father let alone the people he is
connected to.The only 'personal person' I
have is the mother to the woman that gave
birth
to me.
You can say that I am a stupid person,yes;I
am
going to allow that one for now because
that is the only word that is nearest to what
I am.But deep inside me;I know that I am
more that stupid.Where I am right now is
meant for criminals and law breakers only.
My journey to this place was not through
any of those routes.How I got to this
place;remains a mystery to me-the more I try
to remember,the more confusing it
becomes.
On Sunday the 29th day of May,2016.With
the sun being up so early;I was forced to
wake up earlier than I used to.I went to the
kitchen to check on my grand mother who
is in the habit of waking up as early
as 5am on sundays to prepare breakfast;but
to my utmost suprise she was not in the
kitchen.Confidently;I made for her room
thinking that maybe she is not up yet(my
granny is in her early 70s,so over sleeping is
not odd here).When I got to her room;there
was no sign of life anywhere.I decided to
check for her at the parlour but on getting
there,she was nowhere to be
found.Immediately;I headed to my room,to
go get my phone.I picked my phone and
came back to the parlour,I sat down and
was about to dial her phone number when I
discovered that she locked the door from
the outside.It was at that moment that I
remembered what she told me last night
"come meet me at the market tomorrow
morning with the wheel barrow,I intend to
buy two baskets so that it will last for us at
least for 4 months.I heard that the price will
soon go up again because according to the
minister of information;the newly found
PESTICIDE can only Kill the pests
TECHNICALLY.So my son I know you knew
what he meant by that."
I made for the market immediately after
washing my face.When I got to the
market;everywhere looks deserted except
for one particular section of the market-the
vegetables section of the market.The crowd
at that section of the market made me
remember the day Eddy Nawgu was
butchered by Bakaasi boy at Onitsha;the
only difference here is that there is a yelling
and screaming competition.Walking at the
pace of a millipide;I set about searching for
my grand mother.
After peering through the crowd like a
hunter for about 5 minutes;I was able to
sight her.She was very deep inside the
mammoth gathering.She was slugging it out
with a woman heavily loaded at the tommy
over a basket of something reddish in
colour.I made straight for where she was;to
help her fight off her adversary.I was about
to lift the basket up when
something blazingly hot landed on my face.I
moved my face towards the direction from
which the prophecy inducing slap came but
was welcomed by another more fierce than
the former.With my two eyes now
blinded;I did the only thing I knew best how
to
do -fight.I dived towards the direction
of the slap dishing machine with my mouth
wide open.Luckily for me,my teeth caught
something very soft and tender.At this
stage;people
starting running,but instead of running
away;they ran towards me.My hands were
held together at my back by something I
saw only in that American film'Django
unchained'.I was pushed inside a van by
two men putting on black uniforms.
It was when I got here that I discovered
that
what my teeth caught was not the fresh
tomatoes I came to carry but my grand
mother's adversary's breast. |
Re: Tomato Brouhaha by Philgbeee(m): 7:54pm On Jun 07, 2016 |
sipping chill kunnu...op you said what again? breast ogini? |
(1) (Reply)
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