Hi guys, this post was inspired by a thread started by a lady (seizethaBae) who was wondering if she would ever get married. If you missed the thread, you can go through it here>>https://www.nairaland.com/3374195/ever-get-married

I was touched after reading the original post and after reading through the replies from both male and female nairalanders, with more analysis of the replies from the females, I was inspired to make this post, so read carefully and pick one or two points to help you as a single lady in making the best choice from the pool of guys coming to ask you out.

Please I am not trying to act as an authority on this topic or whatsoever, like I said in the opening paragraphs, I was inspired out of concern. Now, let's move on...

As a single guy who has been opportune to meet different class of ladies; both single and married, I think I have come to understand to a very good level:

1. Why most ladies marry late
2. Why many ladies may never get married for life
3. Why some ladies end up in abusive relationships and marriages

Remember, in our time and generation, due to western culture influence and civilization, marriage is no longer a MUST or a life priority for all, so haven this in mind, don't ever force yourself to get married if by chance you notice that your kind of person doesn't fancy and desire to be married, just try and develop a happy attitude towards life and enjoy life the best way you can without denying yourself anything that will not hurt your health or well being. That said, let's get back to the main topic.

NOTE: [/b]emotional love or feelings or what ladies call "butterflies" is never a good reason to "Say I Do" to anyone; man or woman.

Meanwhile, I am not saying as a lady, you should agree to marry just any guy that comes to ask your hand in marriage, nope....but there are very vital qualities and criteria you must look out for before agreeing to marry a man; that is if you want a happy, lasting marriage at the long run, so what are they?

[b]1. Respect & love: does he respect and love you? It is safer to marry the man that loves and respects you than to marry the man of your dream that you love who doesn't care much because men get bored of their wife with time, to the extent that she will be naked and he wouldn't feel anything for her. So imagine if you marry that your dream man who isn't as crazy in love as you are with him, believe me, you will live to regret the day you agreed to marry him. So marry your friend; that man that loves and respects you.

Legendary Regae artiste sang: I love those who love me, and I respect those who don't even love me

Men are women are wired differently; men hardly fall in love with a woman they never had feelings for, but majority of women are wired to love a man that stimulates their fantasy by working on their emotion because women are emotional being.

That is why an average looking or even ugly man from nowhere can just walk up to a strange beautiful girl and start to woo her with nice words to the extent that he ends up convincing her to go out with him and with time, she falls in love with him. If a lady tries that with a guy, believe me, she will most probably get hurt at the end, not because men are bad, but because that is how men are naturally wired....they prefer to go for what they want than for something to come for them.

It is possible for a lady to walk up to a strange guy and get him to fall in love with her, but its very rare...and for such to happen, the lady must be exceedingly beautiful and attractive physically else, it may backfire.

What am I trying to say? Women can develop love or emotion for a man they never loved initially as the man treats them well, cares for them, provide for them, protect them and make them feel special.....many women fall in love this way....it is mostly teenage girls that fall in love at first sight with guys out of teenage fantasy, and mostly, they fall for popular guys, the most intelligent guys in the class, the party freak guy and the guy that dresses like a hip hop star....but majority of mature ladies from 25 years and above usually fall in love with a man with time as the man improves on himself, show them care and stimulate their emotional fantasy.

2. Ability to provide for you: before you agree to marry any man, please make sure he can provide for you and your future kids because if you just marry him out of emotional love without minding his ability to provide for you and future family, believe me, with time you will grow to hate him and even hate yourself for agreeing to marry him, and you will regret not marrying one or two guys who are now living very fine with their own family.

So before you accept a guy's hand in marriage, check if he has a stable means of genuine income. Don't just be carried away by the money he has....money isn't income....marrying a guy that has 1 billion naira in his account today without any genuine business, career, trade, or viable plan is as dangerous as marrying a jobless guy with no means of livelihood!

3. His family background: before you marry a man, please check his family background. Do not do city marriage because it has ruined the life of many women and men too. Check his family history in terms of domestic violence, robbery, crime, murder, etc. Don't ignore these factors.

4. Religion: it is safer to marry a man that shares the same faith with you than to marry a man that shares different faith with you no matter the pressure.

Does he believe in a God? Does he fear God? Even if he is not born again, he should have believe, respect and fear for God!

Religion is a powerful tool. In fact, humans are shaped by their belief, and most of our beliefs in life are religiously inclined!

5. Education: if you are a graduate (university, polytechnic, college of education), don't marry a guy that didn't finish secondary school. If you must, then he must be ready to enrol back to school....or he must have glaring proof of smartness, intelligence and compatibility. At worst, he should be able to read and write comfortably.

These five factors are the key factors to consider first when choosing a life partner as a single lady, and not just emotional love that usually fades away with time.

If you interview majority of happily married women in Nigeria, take it from me, you will be shocked to discover that most of them never loved their husband at the initial time, but grew to love him with time.

Remember, if you keep waiting to find a man of your dream who ticks most of your fantasy boxes, you should also have in mind that you may not have the qualities this type of man or men also want in a woman of their dream, which brings conflict of interest.

Maybe you want: a tall/average height, dark/fair, slim/chubby, handsome, intelligent, neat guy earning some good income who probably owns a nice car too.

Maybe that's your dream man, the kind of man you usually click and fall for. Now, have you ever asked yourself this question: am I the kind of lady this kind of man or men would want to settle down with?

Maybe, those kind of men desire to settle down with: a lady that is tall, slim, has nice buttocks, slightly wide hips, average bo0bs, straight legs, long hair, jingling voice, very reserved and intelligent. And then you aren't tall, you have just a normal buttocks, your legs aren't straight, your bo0bs are big....now you see where the problem is? You want a man that doesn't want you? And unfortunately, only the man can make the final decision because you will have to wait for him to come ask you out, propose and marry you, so what do you do? Wait till eternity?

Ladies, please apply wisdom....go closer to your mom, make friends with happily married ladies, not the fantasy ladies who live a false life and lie to people to make them jealous and believe that their life is a perfect heaven!

Before making a decision to marry any man, think first and please think wisely. First, consider these things:

1. Can he be my lifetime mate?

2. Will he be able to bring out the best in me and vice versa?

3. Does he want me just for a fling or physical satisfaction of his sexual needs?

4. Is he ready to forgive and forget always?

5. Does he like bullying or beating me whenever things go wrong?

6. Is he wise in his spending and earning


After carrying out the above personal examinations, think beyond imaginable. What do I mean by this? Now, how compatible are you two? Don’t always be fooled by such statements like this; "I am so in love with him", "he is so perfect", “we always agree on almost everything” “we love each other’ “we enjoy same things like music, food, sports etc” you should rather examine more critically what happens when you people disagree on issues, how fast does he forgive and forget? How does he handle conflicts? Is it by insisting on what he says or perhaps giving in, in anger or by pouring out abusive words? Or does he show reasonableness and a willingness to submit for the sake of peace when no issue of right or wrong is at stake?

Lastly, you must consider if he is too jealous, manipulative, possessive or easy going. Asking or making wise and deep inquiries from those that knew him for long might help you out.

Therefore, inquire from his colleagues, business partners (if necessary), friends, siblings, parents, neighbors or religious brothers. This might help you to know him more and better. Don’t just say, “yes I do”, be careful with your choices of life partner.

In conclusion, do this last examination of him, to know if he would make a good husband now and in the future.

Is he industrious? Answer: yes or No.

What is his relationship with his parents? Answer: Very good or not too good.

What type of entertainment does he enjoy most? Answer: Rough ones or Cool ones.

What does he enjoy doing at his spare time; his major hobby? Answer: drinking, clubbing, sports, reading, etc

How close is he to his religion and God? Answer: Very close or I doubt that.

Is he considerate of others? Answer: Yes or No?

Is he physically abusive to you or people below him? [/b]Answer: Yes or No?

[b]Is he addicted to alcohol or tobacco? Answer: Yes or No?

Who are his friends? Answer: They are nice and responsible or I can’t really tell?

What goal does he have in life? Answer: I can’t just tell or Very nice one?

Is he financially responsible? Answer: Yes or No?


If you have answered those questions correctly without being biased may be because you are so much in love with him. And you are very sure he passed up to a 70%, I would advice you to give him a try for a marriage, but if he didn’t, I doubt he would make a good husband for you may be in the future. Unless you are ready for a divorce, which is not in any way advisable.

hmmm