Guys! Get in here. This is the day of joy. Time to borrow from KissChris' wealth of experience in toasting girls.
These 12 strategies for wooing the girl of your dreams are tested, but not all are trusted. You may yet give it a try, luck shouldn’t be far from you.

1. The Direct method

This method can be an effective way of buying slaps and insults. It’s a bold one too. Because it usually ends up a disaster, some men prefer to high up to the new/known lady and pour out their minds. A sweet guy stands a better chance. I don’t think I can go this way.


2. The Text method
Don’t come out straight; in fact, she doesn’t really have to know you. Just make sure you get the starters pack: SMS pamphlet, a phone, abundant airtime and an experience in theft – you may have to steal her number. Your life assignment is to bombard her with messages. She has to see them before sleeping and when she wakes. You may even go ahead and impress her by starting the Christmas and New year wishes as early as from July.
I’ve used this method before. Dumb. Dumb!


3. The Christian method 1
Tell her you saw her in your vision where she was helping you fetch water, climb a mountain or repair your shoes. Preach to her that God has decreed her your wife! It’s not compulsory she likes you back, when you marry, Holy Ghost will work things out.
If this method works, toh; if it doesn’t, toh.


4. The Christian method 2

Because she likes very spiritual brothers, become or pretend to be one. Dispose your sinful clothes and buy spiritual ones. Enter the church. Stalk. Sit in a place where she can easily see you. Be active. Have and switch into different tongues; about four. Speak them at will and make sure they’re loud enough for her to hear. Holy smiles and righteous walking styles later, and you’re there.
You cannot make heaven if you use this method.


5. The KissChris method

Don’t expect me to explain this. It’s the most effective so far. I’ll pass it down to my sons. If you’re bent on knowing, get closer. And get ready to pay.


6. The Shadow method

Cecelia Bruce said,
“we women are like shadows, if you follow us, we run away from you, get back from us, we follow you.”
Just ignore her after the plenty unsuccessful chases. However, make sure you’re still noticeable. This method usually won’t click; your shadow can detach from you and run off. Imagine the horror.


7. The Poco A Poco method

Slow and steady they say, wins the race. Don’t rush. Take things easy. From acquaintances, become friends, then move ahead. Step by step.
One disadvantage though; you can wake up one morning and find yourself in the friend, brother, father or spiritual watch zone.


8. The Success method(AKA Money)
I’ll scold my sister if she picks fineness over success and vision. Forget handsomeness and the hypertrophied abs, success is the new handsome. Be brilliant. Know what you’re doing. Focus. If you don’t have the billions yet, make sure your positive visions stand, some ladies can see this.
This is one very great way, but you may not get the lady of your choice, especially if she’s honey-seeking and shallow-thinking.


9. The Gangster method

Funnily enough, some ladies love this three words ‘become a gangster’. She’ll come for you herself. This method makes me weep, I don’t want to talk about it.


10. The Black Magic/Voodoo method

Employ the demons. Usually the last resort for stupid, wicked and desperate guys with low self-esteem. Touch and follow. Look at my eyebrows and run after me.
Personally, I’ve never seen this, but as the name implies it’s a very dangerous path.


11. The Flamboyant method

There’re some impossible ladies this will work on. Buy them two shawarmas and they’ll propose to you. Impress them. Money, be it blood or politically stolen one answereth all things for them. They’ll even marry a monkey provided he’s intelligent enough to know the importance of gifts in the life of Homo sapiens.
Two things though – Never stop having money. And don’t allow her glimpse a richer guy.


12. The Handsome method

Just be good-looking and ‘frosh’. That’s all; it doesn’t matter if you’re as useless as the h in happy to the Yoruba race . You don’t even have to know the earth is not flat, just be fine like KissChris and you’re good to go

oh God! not again! I need just 5 strategies to make mad money comfortably na girl I wan chop for this recession?

This nigga can write....nice one!

Now, I dey wait who gonna woo me....


And I will see which category u fall...