alegbeleye:
Cooked story.

DesChyko:
There is no Nigerian law that ties a person to any union, especially an unofficial one like where you found yourself.

So, the first thing you will have to find out is where to go from there. You must have a destination that assures you food, clothing and shelter; as well as a job opportunity. Once you are sure of these, you can make your move. It's a simple matter of reaching out to a contact; giving out your address so it becomes a police/human rights case and they'll come take you away from the residence.

As for your daughter, it's a matter of proving that her best chance of having a normal life lies with you. And that has to be done in court to make it all official. You can lose her though. Your child is enough sacrifice, but not enough reason to remain in an abusive marriage. You hardly have enough to go by, not to speak of taking care of a child's needs.

14sixty:
yes, i will rent a place for myself and go into farming to raise my child and send myself back to school too when am more stable. But aboveall, i want God's will to be done.

eph12:
While I think you don't type like someone that has passed through lot of pain, I believe you can take time to Google out foundations that actually take interest in helping out cases involving the girl child. They could help you get away from your baby daddy so you can make something with your life. I wouldn't be surprised if this guy and his family brings another girl in as a legal wife soon.

DesChyko:


The truth of the matter is I don't really enjoy putting human effort secondary to God's effort. You have to make decisions as a Christian, yeah, but do something yourself. If you go wrong, God will correct you.

Do you have funds for these plans?

14sixty:
sir, i try no to seek pity in my post that's y... I just need biblical advice on my case... Is my decision wrong?

14sixty:
not for now, but his family gave me 50k to start something (but as usual of him) i cant go out.... He'll have to do the biz for me (bt aslong as i can save somthing enough to cater for myself and my child for a while after i leave.

14sixty:
Hi Everyone, I brought this here because I need the advice of matured minds and preferably christians...

Kindly read through pls, pls pardon my blunders too (i created this new acct to be anonymous).

I am 21,with a 4year old child. Am in a dilemma now and am so confused and scared for myself.

I met my baby daddy when I was 15 (he was 21) i was just finishing waec then and started living with him at 16 (in his parents house). Lost my mom and sis when I was age 11&12 respectively.

My dad had another wife so it was impossible living with him then. I got preggy 3months after I moved in with my baby daddy (he is my only body count till date). Well, even though he is caring (helps with chores and our child) but has serious trust and insecurity issues and am scared he will only grow worse having lived with him for 5years now (). I know deep down I dont love him. I was only acting on my hormones then but the teenage shakara ended after I had my child and I realised what I have gotten myself into and the responsibility of being a mother I had on my hands.

I hated myself because he also started maltreating me (slut-shaming, peeing and defeacating in a bucket in the room( stopped this after having my baby), am always at his mercy cos i have nowhere to go, he became overprotective and got to a stage he raised his hands on me a few times). He later apologised (and his family will say am suffering for my child, i should endure that evryman has his own baggage - i.e, bad attitude) but after giving him sex and all lovey-dovey he'll start again (I dont go to church, I dont go out at all, and I cant even talk to certain people because he'll get angry). I want to leave with my child, I want to start life afresh, I have my aspirations and I want to pursue them. I have zeroed out marriage from my plans cos I cant stand my child being maltreated.

Now the issue is ever since I had my daughter, I became closer to God and I realised what I did was wrong (left home to co-habit and fornicated). It is eating me deep and i beg for mercy daily so that i can do the will of God for me(i have fasted nd pray but i know this sin is what is holding my prayers back) but my baby daddy doesnt see anything wrong in the fact that what we are practising is a sin (to him, aslong as he is having a good sex he doesnt care). I pretend during sex and am even tempted to curse him in my mind while he is at it (now he has also made me addicted to porn (no porn no libido for me), cos he wants crazy sex). I have begged him to let me go but he'll involve his family (they think i am an ingrate for wanting to leave) and they will say i cant take their child away either. Am at his mercy because he knows i try to avoid us fighting in front of our child and for the fact that he knows i have nowhere to go.

Aside the sex issue, i feel empty, i feel alone, i feel like am wasting away, i always cry (not in front of my child). Even when am bathing and i look at my body i only feel like a sex object (cos that is my baby daddy definition of love i cant say NO when he wants sex cos it always ends up in a fight and i dont want my child to see us quarelling ). I cant make my personal decisions because he is so insecured (he thinks and accuse me of cheating most times). The house is a bungalow with gate( we live alone with his mom) and now it has gotten to a stage where i cant even walk around the compound (after been banned from going out of the gate) because he thinks we would be harmed or i will sleep with the next guy on the street (its making me lose my sanity, been depressed and suicidal for a while now).

The both of us cant boast of anything positive in our lives except our child, we are stagnant and he doesnt care. Our child is cared for by his family. He wants another child but i know i dont and i keep playing him to think i just want us to make money so that he wont cum inside me. I feel all we are going through is a result of our sins (because now we know its wrong and we are still at it). I have a plan to push him to make some money for himself (cos he is always quick to say i ruined his life forgetting i also wasted my time with him) and leave him but pls, is my decision right? Considering the fact that we were never married...

I want to return to God, raise my child in the ways of God (everything my child knows abt God is learnt in school, sometimes she tells me her classmates talks about going to church and i feel sad). I want to raise some money myself enough to rent accomodation for my child and myself.

But, i just need your biblical views of my action(past&present)... A large part of me feels i will find peace if i walk away and return to the feets of Jesus... And a smaller part feels i will be lonely (like popping up marrriage and relationships issues in me) which i dont care abt aslong as i know am pleasing God with my daily living. But i just dont want to continue in this sin and i dont love him either (peer pressure pushed me into this relationship).

Pls y'all should help me state your views and if anyone has been in similar situation as mine kindly tell me what you did.

Cc: TV01
OLAADEGBU
Cococandy
Dyt
Mindfulness
Kingebukasblog

NLsince2010:
Wow! This is heart breaking and complicated!

The fact that his mother sees all these anomalies and she's not even saying anything, beats my imagination!

And to think that you've been with him for 5 years without loving him..........damn, what were you thinking?

Thank God you've come to your senses and chosen to do what will please God.

You should be smart and careful about leaving him, cos that guy is over possessive.......he might harm you badly

You need to equip yourself, either with education or a skill, so as to be independent. I don't even know how you'll do this cos he won't even let you out!

My dear, carry ya pikin and run for ya life! Go back to ya papa and apologize! Kneel down, cry and beg him. He will accept you!

temodent:
My observation, considering the op stated background, the English is almost flawless to believe the op's background is true. Based on that I think there is a missing link here. My take

temodent:
My observation, considering the op stated background, the English is almost flawless to believe the op's background is true. Based on that I think there is a missing link here. My take

InformedLola:


Spot on.

VikingsOO7:

You're very correct. It's been long I read such a well written "cry for help" on nairaland.

It's either the op is lying? Or she's hiding some very expensive details.

dillycool:


CIA

My mentor.