A Relationships guide for Pacifists!

Some few minutes ago on facebook, I saw a note that a friend wrote recently, and this is an excerpt:

"This one is for the dudes-you know how ladies ask us questions that we cannot answer-questions that we will use to entrap ourselves. Let me illustrate "Am I fat? Isn’t she looking good? What do you think? Will you die for me? If I die would you remarry/marry someone else? Are you attracted to other people? etc"
These are questions that we know the answer to but there is no answer we can safely give (if any dude has found a way to answer them safely, please I beg of you, for the sake of all that’s holy, forward them to me).

Okay, so I decided to answer this bros with my own version. Use them at your own risk. It works (or has worked? Who cares?) for me, that does not guarantee that it will work for you. Please do not use any of these answers if you are not yet in a relationship with the girl in concern, it will backfire and burn your face. Trust me! Enjoy,

Disclaimer: Please this psot is just for the fun of it, o. Before NLanders crucify me like they have done 2ce today. Responses very welcome!!
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Q1: Am I fat?
Bad response: Em, (uncertain) or No or Yes (worst case).
My Answer: (Look her over and smile) Your clothes fit perfectly! In fact, one could even think maybe the designer had you in mind. By the way, we should go shopping soon, so we can get more lovely ones. You make me so proud! (swiftly change the topic here before it is too late)

Q2: (She's looking at a beautiful stranger) Isn't she looking good?
Bad response: No (An Obvious Lie she won't take) or Yes (Then you'll get yourself into trouble for nothing!)
My Answer: She's okay. I actually saw her staring at us. She was eyeing you in envy. She's jealous because you are prettier and my eyes are all over you. Am I not lucky?

Q3: (After she has made up her mind about something but wants to ask all the same) What do you think?
Bad response: Say what is actually on your mind, and start an argument you won't win, and will leave both mouths tasting funny.
My Answer: I really need to give more thought to it, because right now I don't have working answers. What do YOU think? (If she doesn't answer, follow up by changing the topic. If she raises it again, tell her what's on your mind. But if she answers with her own concrete plans, agree with her. During the implementation of her plans, you will produce your own ideas and integrate it all together!)

Q4: Will you die for me?
Bad responses: Almost all responses are bad. This is a very tricky one.
My Answer: I will take down anything that tries to work against you, whether I die or live in the process! I will prefer to live, actually, because I want to keep being there for you, and loving you. Someone told me that dead men don't usually fall in love (laugh), but who knows? Maybe your love may bring me back from the dead when I have died for you!

Q5: If I die will you remarry?
Bad Responses: Hesitation, Hasty Yes/No, Yes, No (any of these are bad)
My Answer: If you die (God forbid) then I can never be myself again. I will only become a monster, a shadow of my previous self. As for this monster, I can't really say what it will do. You know monsters are unpredictable. They may even eat their own hearts,

Q6: Are you attracted to other women/ladies/girls?
Bad Responses: Hesitation, Hasty Yes/No, Yes, No (any of these are bad)
My Answer: Your love makes my heart steadfast. I am like a mountain, fastened deeply into the ground. If a heavy tornado hits me, some of my parts may crumble; but no matter how heavy and hard the tornado is, I, the mountain, can never bow down to it, and it can't lift me off the ground; but that is as long as your love keeps me rooted deep into the ground. So you see, you have a large part to play there, too. (Digress and start talking about how much you need her in your life, or skilfully change the topic if she is looking doubtful).

That Q6 answer na long wahala o!

well said.Aint you a genius?

whitesturd:

well said.Aint you a genius?

LOL thanks, but as your signature says, I may just be a fool on the other hand. Such smartness almost always puts me in trouble.

nice one.

You know, i've never figured out why girls ask guys those tricky questions myself. But to me the worst question is:

Q4: Will you die for me?

My ANSWER? - Duh? Why would i do that?! How about you die for me instead?

But of course, you dare not say that to them. That's like digging your own grave. You'll have to agree to die for them or be diplomatic like the poster or something.

Damn that question is tricky!!

@OP
you been reading those teenage magazines again?
key is to be real. no right or wrong answers

These questions come up when too pple dt are not sure of themselves come together in a relationship.

jay bee:

@OP
you been reading those teenage magazines again?
key is to be real. no right or wrong answers

Secretz:

Na lie?
who da heck in the world ask 'em dumb ass questions? especially q 4,5,6

all of those answers are cheezy n not believable, example the first and second one, if a guy answers like that i will know he is fing lieing

who da heck in the world ask 'em dumb ass questions?

Guy them dey ask those questions o!! Q4 is a classic example.

all of those answers are cheezy n not believable, example the first and second one

They aren't believable but trust me girls ask these questions a lot. Q1 is one i've been asked before

Wonderful . . .

good job man

ima1:

all of those answers are cheezy n not believable, example the first and second one, if a guy answers like that i will know he is fing lieing

LOL cos I wrote it that way doesn't mean I say it that way. The girls I have been in a relationship with are VERY INTELLIGENT girls, and THIS is how I talk everytime, whether Im with them or not. Whether Im joking or serious. Maybe you may even detect a hint of that kind of conversation style in my posts.

But on the other hand, I gave a disclaimer at the start! Its just for the LOLz, for the fun of it. Please don't take it to heart,

now ive gat the answer 2 the question antonia normally asks me~

@ Post!

The responses are too slick! Typical isnt it.

A girl can always tell when a guy is fake. You know sometimes is better to give the wrong answers, that way we'll know you only human, just like us!!

Its not good to tell lies just cos thats what she wants to hear. . . If she's a fat cow, tell her she needs the gym, for her health sakes!

whitelexi:

Its not good to tell lies just cos thats what she wants to hear. . . If she's a fat cow, tell her she needs the gym, for her health sakes!

Exactly! I ask you if I'm fat and you tell me my dress fits! When I know I need to loose that extra pound. I'll just say in my mind . . . 'this guy's a sissy'

Ujujoan:

Exactly! I ask you if I'm fat and you tell me my dress fits! When I know I need to loose that extra pound. I'll just say in my mind . . . 'this guy's a sissy'

Lie lie pants on fire. If i answer the question by being honest then the rest of the day will be spent answering all sort of questions.
From;
So you don't like me anymore,
you probably don't find me attractive now since i have put on extra weight
If i look the wrong way whilst driving it'd be a big problem

Girls are generally emotionally fragile and the only way to deal with them is not by lying or being blunt but being generally aware on how to structure such difficult communications.

^^^^ You know women are humans too, just like you guys. With all our fragile emotions, we hate being 'handled'.

Tell me I'm fat, but dont patronize me! That pisses me off!

Great. for info on How to Answer Relationship Questions visit

www.perfectsdate..com

What part of "This is all a joke" (as I said at the start) don't you guys get? LOL.

When (in the past), I answered girls like this, they KNEW I was joking cos I joke a lot.

@Ujujoan: If the girl has actually gained some pounds (and Im not talking Queen Elizabeth money, LOL), then it will always be the WRONG avenue to tell her at the time she asks. We guys will end up with an emotional wreck when a girl asks u such and u tell her. She will say you were not planning to tell her if she never asked. She will say you dont love her anymore. All that crap. Rather, you should tell her when she is in a more relaxed environment and not when she's anxious about how she will look good for you on your pleasant outing. Pah!

By the way, "handling" is the fundamental aspect of relationships. Not only ladies need to be handled. There's a kind of handling [ahem] that guys require too (any guy in the house that feels me, whoop out loud! Woo-hoo, yeah baby, thats what im talking about. LOL)

Assuming am the guy answering the question in number two,i would be like,what girl?i dont see no girl

questions 4, 5 and 6 are just stupid, those are for teenagers.

The fact is, even the ladies don't KNOW what they want to hear.

You tell her she's fat and she needs to go to d gym, she'll withdraw into her shell and sulk. And then she'll start thinking maybe you are seeing someone else cos she's not "so attractive anymore". Then she'll probably call u insensitive for telling her so bluntly that she's fat.

If, on the other hand you tell her she's not fat, she'll call you a liar, and a man who doesn't have the BALLS enough to tell his woman the truth.

Both ways, its a tricky situation. We all know how FRAGILE women can get. _{And yes, you guys can kill me now}

Wetin I no go see for Nairaland?

It's 9ice

steeze:

The fact is, even the ladies don't KNOW what they want to hear.

You tell her she's fat and she needs to go to d gym, she'll withdraw into her shell and sulk. And then she'll start thinking maybe you are seeing someone else cos she's not "so attractive anymore". Then she'll probably call u insensitive for telling her so bluntly that she's fat.

If, on the other hand you tell her she's not fat, she'll call you a liar, and a man who doesn't have the BALLS enough to tell his woman the truth.

Both ways, its a tricky situation. We all know how FRAGILE women can get. _{And yes, you guys can kill me now}

We know what we want to hear o oooo,
we want to hear all those sweet words that guys normally tell us.

@OP.

This bill has now been signed stamped, signed, sealed and approved .
All boyfriends, husbands and toasters are advised to henceforth take note and act accordingly.

[size=13pt]will you die for me ??

wat a dumb question, pple really ask that [/size]

This is so interesting.
You guys are too much.
This trend is so funny and has made my day.
I love this,
Thanks for the information,so we knw when they are deciving us
Or just telling us what we want 2 hear.

what tha !!! It seems someone is scared of hittin' the bull's eye,if she's fat,she does NOT need a mirror to tell her that,albeit a human being. morever,why should i think of sacrificin' my life for her,i think that's only meant for a gay called Romeo,whom PROBABLY is still burnin' away in one corner in hell right now.