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What Will You Do? - Family - Nairaland

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What Will You Do? by shopie: 2:48pm On Nov 13, 2009
[center]what will you do if you get to know that your spouse has an illegitimate child?
what happens to trust, love and marriage vows and the fact that he didn't use condom.gosh! am getting out,pronto.
really, what will you do in my situation?[/center][i][/i][b][/b][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]

Re: What Will You Do? by Nobody: 4:31pm On Nov 13, 2009
Re: What Will You Do? by Nobody: 10:45pm On Nov 13, 2009
@poster
a marriage/relationship lacking trust and respect cannot go anywhere, so leaving would be my only option available at the time.
the fact the he didnt use a condom has absolutely no baring on the facts because even if he had used one, she broke that important bond.
the marriage WAS over the minute that guy penetrated her.
Re: What Will You Do? by Fiona0007: 11:54am On Nov 14, 2009
@poster
Talk to your spouse poster. It's your decision.
I don't think NLers can do anything for you and advise given hereswill not be valid without adequate information from you either.
Re: What Will You Do? by Fhemmmy: 2:49pm On Nov 14, 2009
If it was be4 u marry,nothing u can do.
If it was while u guy take a break from each other, nothing u can do.
If you call cops for him and send him out of the house for some weeks and that happens, nothing u can do.
But if all is well and it happens while you making him happy, then, that na dead body get accident, and you will ave to do all u can do to save the marriage if you still want it.
Re: What Will You Do? by posakosa(m): 2:52pm On Nov 14, 2009
if u love him soo much---- u may need to find a way to accept him and that child----- its not as though the child is coming to leave with you----yea ?

Forgiveness is HARD but its the greatest gift you can give a loved one.
Re: What Will You Do? by Fhemmmy: 3:09pm On Nov 14, 2009
^^^ true dat
Re: What Will You Do? by iice(f): 6:43pm On Nov 14, 2009
chaircover:

was the child born before or after your marriage?

Exactly
Re: What Will You Do? by agathamari(f): 7:10pm On Nov 14, 2009
if the child was concieved after you two started dating then leave now and never look back
Re: What Will You Do? by Fhemmmy: 11:12pm On Nov 14, 2009
agathamari:

if the child was concieved after you two started dating then leave now and never look back

u mean u cant forgive?
Re: What Will You Do? by agathamari(f): 3:33pm On Nov 15, 2009
Fhemmmy:

u mean u cant forgive?
ok say it was me.  my "husband" chose another woman over me when he slept with her, everytime he slept with her.  he chose this womans need for privacy over my life (cheating on your spouce/gf/bf you put thier lives at risk with diseases).  he never once felt that what he did was wrong since it never stoped nor did he confess.  he found out she was pregnant and still did not tell me again choosing this woman and her child over me.  she had the child and he never denounced his rights as the father again choosing her and this child over me.  he continued to visit (possibly f@ck) this woman, providing her with finacial and emotional support again choosing her over me. 

now what here is forgivable?  this is not a man who got drunk and "messed up" once and told his wife he was sorry and what he had done.  never once advised her to have herself checked, never once tried to make up for what he had done.  did not find out months later that this "mistake" was pregnant and he and his wife together delt with the situation. 

the first scenere: hell to the no is that in any way forgivable.  why would any self respecting woman take seconds by her own husband to some skank on the street.  to the second scenereo then yes with a hell of alot of work and time on his part them maybe, depending on how long it took him to "confess" and how long the affair lasted
Re: What Will You Do? by posakosa(m): 3:35pm On Nov 15, 2009
^^^^ paragraphs will make ur block much easier to read. undecided undecided
Re: What Will You Do? by r231(m): 3:47pm On Nov 15, 2009
if its before the marriage then you can 4give him/her
Re: What Will You Do? by posakosa(m): 3:50pm On Nov 15, 2009
^^^^^^ after 25 years of marriage where will the woman go ? Its not as easy as you make it seem


I remember this one pastor of a cele church after two girls and 17 years of marriage with his wife; he phucked one of her close friends, because he wanted to boy---anyhoo the extra-marital affair gave him a boy----- its 25 years of marriage after the incident and the wife is still married to him.
Re: What Will You Do? by posakosa(m): 3:51pm On Nov 15, 2009
the wife said she will never leave her husband---come what may. I guess its a personal decision, NL can't make it for you.
Re: What Will You Do? by r231(m): 3:54pm On Nov 15, 2009
posakosa:

the wife said she will never leave her husband---come what may. I guess its a personal decision, NL can't make it for you.

you are right on this one
I guess it depends on d relationship as well cus whats good for A might not be right for B
Re: What Will You Do? by coolier(f): 10:15pm On Nov 15, 2009
agathamari:

if the child was concieved after you two started dating then leave now and never look back

Whatever happened to for better for worse?
Re: What Will You Do? by Fhemmmy: 12:31am On Nov 16, 2009
agathamari:

ok say it was me.  my "husband" chose another woman over me when he slept with her, everytime he slept with her.  he chose this womans need for privacy over my life (cheating on your spouce/gf/bf you put thier lives at risk with diseases).  he never once felt that what he did was wrong since it never stoped nor did he confess.  he found out she was pregnant and still did not tell me again choosing this woman and her child over me.  she had the child and he never denounced his rights as the father again choosing her and this child over me.  he continued to visit (possibly f@ck) this woman, providing her with finacial and emotional support again choosing her over me. 

now what here is forgivable?  this is not a man who got drunk and "messed up" once and told his wife he was sorry and what he had done.  never once advised her to have herself checked, never once tried to make up for what he had done.  did not find out months later that this "mistake" was pregnant and he and his wife together delt with the situation. 

the first scenere: hell to the no is that in any way forgivable.  why would any self respecting woman take seconds by her own husband to some skank on the street.  to the second scenereo then yes with a hell of alot of work and time on his part them maybe, depending on how long it took him to "confess" and how long the affair lasted

Forgiveness is a choice.
Re: What Will You Do? by agathamari(f): 11:42am On Nov 17, 2009
Fhemmmy:

Forgiveness is a choice.

somethings are never forgivable
Re: What Will You Do? by candyshore: 1:54pm On Nov 17, 2009
trying to forgive is not stupidity. its just divine to forgive and then to live with it
Re: What Will You Do? by shopie: 2:49pm On Nov 17, 2009
From my own calculation, it must be some view months after i gave birth. my baby is a year and five mths now. i got wind of it through his mobile phone after he told me that my sister sent  him a msg and i wanted to see the msg content so,there was a msg that said that an account has being open for so so baby with my husband's name (but not his last surname). i jokingly called him baba so so because i wasn't sure and the look on his face say all i needed to know, he took him some time before he confessed that the lady promised to abort the pregnancy and some few months later she called that she's having his baby and the rest of the story goes like that.
Now, my number one fear is the kind of advice have being getting from ppl. and they all expect me to forgive him just like that and i wonder where love goes? is it because am a woman and a would be divorcee single mother?

i personally give kudos to our mothers. African women do not have strong believes in themselve anymore just because she want to keep her marriage, their ego has be shattered by thier mum and grand mom, because of the advice they gave them: "Stay with the man and endure everything that comes your way because, he's your last chance.Have patience becuase of your children ". Every seems to forget thier unapologetic behaviour and the fact that i could have contracted HIV from him(God forbid). i'm just caught in between. undecided cry
Re: What Will You Do? by agathamari(f): 11:19am On Nov 18, 2009
i have a question for the guys here who say the wife should forgive. say the situation is reversed. your wife has an on going affair with another man. has his child, continues the affair, never tells you, never breaks it off untill you discover it on your own. would you forgive her?
Re: What Will You Do? by Nobody: 1:35pm On Nov 18, 2009
Re: What Will You Do? by Nobody: 1:42pm On Nov 18, 2009
Re: What Will You Do? by iice(f): 1:56pm On Nov 18, 2009
Busted
Re: What Will You Do? by olanajim(m): 4:08pm On Nov 18, 2009
ouch!
Re: What Will You Do? by shopie: 9:48am On Nov 19, 2009
Pls that story is for a woman that asked for my advice and i thought i could just share it with ppl. This is my own true story, don't miss understand me,pronto. shocked
Re: What Will You Do? by shopie: 10:12am On Nov 19, 2009
chaircover:

Hang on Poster!

I thought you said you recently lost your husband in a ghastly motor accident! How come he now has an illegitimate child and you want to leave him undecided undecided undecided


https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=333422.msg4677094#msg4677094
Please Good Nigerian people. i can't seems to known what business to start with N500.000(five hundrend thousand naira) in abuja, I recently lost my husband in a gastly motor accident and i will like to start my own buisness to be able to raise my two kids. any sugesstion will help a great deal thanks

[b][/b]He's better off being dead.

shopie:

Pls that story is for a woman that asked for my advice and i thought i could just share it with ppl. This is my own true story, don't miss understand me,pronto. shocked
Re: What Will You Do? by Fhemmmy: 2:21pm On Nov 19, 2009
Busted and still wanna make a reason of her nonsense.

Chaircover, i have always known you as a cover to the chair, never knew u were a cop too.
Re: What Will You Do? by shopie: 9:13am On Nov 23, 2009
Fhemmmy:

Busted and still wanna make a reason of her nonsense.

Chaircover, i have always known you as a cover to the chair, never knew u were a cop too.


I posted this topic to get an advise from people and not for busy body like you to start poke-nosing to all my write ups. I believe that Nairaland is a site that deals with all issues and anybody can express themselve the way they want. so, Fhemmmy and table & chaircover please do not disrupt others from posting their advise,than grin :Pks.
Re: What Will You Do? by Nobody: 11:52am On Nov 23, 2009
Re: What Will You Do? by Busybody2(f): 2:53pm On Nov 23, 2009
shopie:

[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]

I posted this topic to get an advise from people and not for busy body like you to start poke-nosing to all my write ups. I believe that Nairaland is a site that deals with all issues and anybody can express themselve the way they want. so, Fhemmmy and table & chaircover please do not disrupt others from posting their advise,than grin :Pks.


Lol, what a nice comeback grin but what did I do that you have to rope my name in too angry angry angry tongue cheesy

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Am Beefing Her Because She Is Cheating On Her Hubby / Bored / Is He Impotent

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