Ruleboi:
My mum's retirement party was yesterday. So me, my wife, and our three months old daughter had to travel down home to celebrate with her. Me and my siblings are all graduates except for the last born,as expected we've all left home to chase our different dreams in different lands. So occasions like this now feels like family reunion IYKWIM. May I add that I'm the first born and the only married one out of her five children? So the occasion was the first one with the nuclear family finally getting extended.

To the real issue; It was time to take pictures.Several shots with various categories of people had been taken. So a picture of mum with her children was called. My siblings were already set. I was called on to join in. Soon as I joined, my wife, seeing another picture was about to be taken hurried along to join, and she was told by one of my siblings that it's a children alone with mum picture. I signalled to her to let us take the picture, but she refused. Immediately asking what I meant by that,she jokingly insisted she must join in the shot as she is now a child too. Others pleaded to let us take the shot first as we had taken several other shots earlier on. She insisted, and the picture was taken with her. No issues about it as it was just a picture, and we were in a merry mood.

Afterwards on our way back home, my wife started giving me some attitude. She had taken offense that I agreed to take the picture without her. I tried to make her see that such pictures could be good for memoirs. I cited an instance of dead elderly people's burial programme booklets, where such pictures could be labelled "mum with her children" during retirement party. She never saw reasons still. She had to seek her mum's opinion about it, and her mum opined that she was right. That's what got me confused. Was I really wrong, or were they just being African? What's your stance on this?

PaperLace:
Nawa. This life is complicated.
I can't side either you or your wife, there is really no defined right or wrong on this.

DarkRebel101:


Really? You're being partial towards the woman, and it's shameful you won't call a spade a spade.

PaperLace:
Nawa. This life is complicated.
I can't side either you or your wife, there is really no defined right or wrong on this.

An exact scenario played out at my inlaws place, your wife was nice to want to join sef. We took several pictures, when it got time for immediate family pictures, I remember giving them space to take their 'family picture'.

Wetin my FIL tell/do me that day in public, I never still forget am.

uyiekpenm:


this same thing happened to me oh. my mum in law got offended that I excused myself. i was so ashamed of myself dat day for not joining the picture

am surprised everyone is against it. my very first advise was based on my experience.

well people reason differently.
hmm it is well

PaperLace:

No, I am not o.
I am speaking based on my personal experience. It was wrong of her to disobey in such manner, but I understand her actions.

Nawa. This life is complicated.
I can't side either you or your wife, there is really no defined right or wrong on this.

getostar:
Being that she is the only 'in-law' in the midst (u said u are the only married sibling) then she should be part of the pix. you should have ensured she was part of it. Except of cuz u prefer her playing the 'we' and 'them' card in other situations.

everhopeful:
@op: Your wife seems to me like good woman. I believe that during your traditional wedding, your wife was told that your mother is now her mother and your family is now her family, and it seems your wife wholeheartedly took those words literally, believed this and acted accordingly since you said she has a good relationship with your mother.

Your action just told her the reality and don't be surprised when she actually starts treating your family as different from hers because that was the message you guys clearly passed across: that your mother is not her mother and can never be.

Your home is yet young, so please do not destroy it with carelessness. Your primary interrst shouldn't be about rights or wrong but about the fact that your wife felt hurt by the exclusion, which may have been reduced if she wasn't the only spouse in law as this may otherwiise have reduced the impact of the exclusion.

If really your priority is in making your home work and not on people taking sides, I would advise that you apologise to your wife and let her know you consider her a part of your family. Tell her you naively thought it was just a picture and didn't think she would be hurt.

May God bless and keep your home.

eezeribe:
Op, your wife is very lucky. If I were any of your siblings, I would have insisted that she shouldn't join in the picture... Not minding whose OX is gored.

And you Mr OP, it seems you don't exert your Authority over such issues

everhopeful:
@op: Your wife seems to me like good woman. I believe that during your traditional wedding, your wife was told that your mother is now her mother and your family is now her family, and it seems your wife wholeheartedly took those words literally, believed this and acted accordingly since you said she has a good relationship with your mother.

Your action just told her the reality and don't be surprised when she actually starts treating your family as different from hers because that was the message you guys clearly passed across: that your mother is not her mother and can never be.

Your home is yet young, so please do not destroy it with carelessness. Your primary interrst shouldn't be about rights or wrong but about the fact that your wife felt hurt by the exclusion, which may have been reduced if she wasn't the only spouse in law as this may otherwiise have reduced the impact of the exclusion.

If really your priority is in making your home work and not on people taking sides, I would advise that you apologise to your wife and let her know you consider her a part of your family. Tell her you naively thought it was just a picture and didn't think she would be hurt.

May God bless and keep your home.

k4kenny:


OP, take this advice to the bank! Best advice I've read in a while. You should feel honoured that she sees your mother as hers. Your actions showed her you consider her an outsider, not a part of your family. Just follow the advice above. Your marriage is still young, things like this are bound to happen. Acting up and getting angry at her won't solve the problem, but create new ones.

eyinjuege:
Your wife was just been naive and not necessarily being a drama queen.
She wants to be part of the clique by force or by fire
Marriage lesson 101, your MIL can never be your mother. Don't equally deceive yourself that you're a son to your own MIL.
Everyone should understand that and there would be peace. Boundaries would be set clearly.
You won't expect too much from your in-laws, and they wouldn't expect too much from you.
It is just what it is.
Your wife should have respected herself and understood the fact that your mother is not her mother.
Olomo mo iye Omo to bi- the parent of the children knows how many are his/hers.

You should have allowed her take the picture first without asking her to step aside. After she's taken the picture with only the "children", you can now ask her to move over and allow you take pictures with your siblings alone, and then you and her alone will take pictures with your mother as a couple.
You would have appeared thoughtful towards your family, and also towards your wife that you're a unit.
Everybody's happy.

Infact, since she likes taking pictures so much, she can take picture alone with your mother as the only recognised daughter in-law, pictures with the other female sisters and the celebrant.

Infact, too many pictures all day long.

Incline:
Your wife was wrong, OP.


You're right, If I were any of OP's siblings I would have insisted the wife not join in the picture too. In fact if I were OP himself I would have insisted the same. No wife should cause problem for my mom on her special day. She dey mad ni?

Joavid:
Your wife is so immature.

I can't even believe this is an issue.


At my grandpa's party, his children were called for a photo with him, everyone understood, no son inlaw or daughter in-law came to peep or fret about it and we're a close knit family, very close.

On your wedding day when they called for siblings of the bride for a photo with the couple, did your siblings make a fret or tried to join (using the logic of automatically becoming siblings to your wife as an excuse)

everhopeful:
@op: Your wife seems to me like good woman. I believe that during your traditional wedding, your wife was told that your mother is now her mother and your family is now her family, and it seems your wife wholeheartedly took those words literally, believed this and acted accordingly since you said she has a good relationship with your mother.

Your action just told her the reality and don't be surprised when she actually starts treating your family as different from hers because that was the message you guys clearly passed across: that your mother is not her mother and can never be.

Your home is yet young, so please do not destroy it with carelessness. Your primary interrst shouldn't be about rights or wrong but about the fact that your wife felt hurt by the exclusion, which may have been reduced if she wasn't the only spouse in law as this may otherwiise have reduced the impact of the exclusion.

If really your priority is in making your home work and not on people taking sides, I would advise that you apologise to your wife and let her know you consider her a part of your family. Tell her you naively thought it was just a picture and didn't think she would be hurt.

May God bless and keep your home.

everhopeful:
@op: Your wife seems to me like good woman. I believe that during your traditional wedding, your wife was told that your mother is now her mother and your family is now her family, and it seems your wife wholeheartedly took those words literally, believed this and acted accordingly since you said she has a good relationship with your mother.

Your action just told her the reality and don't be surprised when she actually starts treating your family as different from hers because that was the message you guys clearly passed across: that your mother is not her mother and can never be.

Your home is yet young, so please do not destroy it with carelessness. Your primary interrst shouldn't be about rights or wrong but about the fact that your wife felt hurt by the exclusion, which may have been reduced if she wasn't the only spouse in law as this may otherwiise have reduced the impact of the exclusion.

If really your priority is in making your home work and not on people taking sides, I would advise that you apologise to your wife and let her know you consider her a part of your family. Tell her you naively thought it was just a picture and didn't think she would be hurt.

May God bless and keep your home.

Ruleboi:


Haba! I no say make you yab my wife o. I just want to know if my position on the matter is really wrong as they both think. No fighting, just some normal misunderstandings that are inevitable in marriages. You too will get there someday, if you are not married yet.

Topshow2010:


I dnt see any difference b/w u nd ur immatured and spoilt brat u called wife if ur story is nt b conjure up cuz to me u sounded as one of d immature and 'kids' who are nt manly enuf to settle down.U told ur wife in d presence of ur family and d public to step aside bt she defiantly and disrespectively ignored u depicted d kind of hubby and ur marital worth.

Ruleboi:
My mum's retirement party was yesterday. So me, my wife, and our three months old daughter had to travel down home to celebrate with her. Me and my siblings are all graduates except for the last born,as expected we've all left home to chase our different dreams in different lands. So occasions like this now feels like family reunion IYKWIM. May I add that I'm the first born and the only married one out of her five children? So the occasion was the first one with the nuclear family finally getting extended.

To the real issue; It was time to take pictures.Several shots with various categories of people had been taken. So a picture of mum with her children was called. My siblings were already set. I was called on to join in. Soon as I joined, my wife, seeing another picture was about to be taken hurried along to join, and she was told by one of my siblings that it's a children alone with mum picture. I signalled to her to let us take the picture, but she refused. Immediately asking what I meant by that,she jokingly insisted she must join in the shot as she is now a child too. Others pleaded to let us take the shot first as we had taken several other shots earlier on. She insisted, and the picture was taken with her. No issues about it as it was just a picture, and we were in a merry mood.

Afterwards on our way back home, my wife started giving me some attitude. She had taken offense that I agreed to take the picture without her. I tried to make her see that such pictures could be good for memoirs. I cited an instance of dead elderly people's burial programme booklets, where such pictures could be labelled "mum with her children" during retirement party. She never saw reasons still. She had to seek her mum's opinion about it, and her mum opined that she was right. That's what got me confused. Was I really wrong, or were they just being African? What's your stance on this?