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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? (20723 Views)
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Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Nobody: 8:07pm On Dec 16, 2016 |
Hi, Honestly, I can sorta see where your wife may be just a tad bit feeling left out...from the picture. However, I'm with you on this one. I have multiple siblings (some of which are married with kids) & we've taken photos sometimes with or without the spouses..and the spouses were fine with that. One year before my mother died, we decided to take a bunch of family photos. My siblings' spouses were there...but they weren't in some of the family photos. It was just my dad, mom, my siblings and me. It was very special to have those portraits....cause she died the next year (which we didn't know those would be the last family photos). Guess where that large "immediate family only" photo is hanging? Right over the fireplace for guests to see when they visit. So I think your wife shouldn't be offended & just be happy to take multiple types of pics. Ruleboi: 1 Like |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by eyinjuege: 8:10pm On Dec 16, 2016 |
Your wife was just been naive and not necessarily being a drama queen. She wants to be part of the clique by force or by fire ![]() Marriage lesson 101, your MIL can never be your mother. Don't equally deceive yourself that you're a son to your own MIL. Everyone should understand that and there would be peace. Boundaries would be set clearly. You won't expect too much from your in-laws, and they wouldn't expect too much from you. It is just what it is. Your wife should have respected herself and understood the fact that your mother is not her mother. Olomo mo iye Omo to bi- the parent of the children knows how many are his/hers. You should have allowed her take the picture first without asking her to step aside. After she's taken the picture with only the "children", you can now ask her to move over and allow you take pictures with your siblings alone, and then you and her alone will take pictures with your mother as a couple. You would have appeared thoughtful towards your family, and also towards your wife that you're a unit. Everybody's happy. Infact, since she likes taking pictures so much, she can take picture alone with your mother as the only recognised daughter in-law, pictures with the other female sisters and the celebrant. Infact, too many pictures all day long. 7 Likes |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by toksbisola: 8:28pm On Dec 16, 2016 |
@OP, ridiculous; this is how disrespect starts. I hope this action of your wife wouldn’t create any problems going forward. A simple instruction could not be followed by your wife as your mum wanted a picture with her and her children and your wife just had to go in and spoil it; huh. I am sure (you may correct me if I am wrong) there must have been a picture taken that had your wife, you, your mum and your siblings all together. So I can't understand why your wife went ahead and altered this special request made by you, your mum and your sibilings? She then reports you to her mum and her mother tells her she did the right thing; really? Would her own mum accept something like this if it were her? Would your wife and her siblings be ok with you joining the picture if that happened? If yes then all well and good; but if no; then DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT YOU WANT DONE TO YOU. I would have suggested that you have 2 types of the picture done where the first one would show everyone including your wife and the second one, your wife be edited out. But I would not suggest that so as not to appear as if she is not wanted in the family; please don’t try it o, it was only a joke; Lol. In all, don’t let this cause any friction between both of you and please talk to your wife to drop that attitude that she has suddenly developed over a trivial matter as it would only create unnecessary problems and stress in your home. Lastly, a big congratulation to your mum on her retirement. I rest my case 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Nobody: 10:05pm On Dec 16, 2016 |
Nawa. This life is complicated. I can't side either you or your wife, there is really no defined right or wrong on this. An exact scenario played out at my inlaws place, your wife was nice to want to join sef. We took several pictures, when it got time for immediate family pictures, I remember giving them space to take their 'family picture'. Wetin my FIL tell/do me that day in public, I never still forget am. ![]() 6 Likes |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Nobody: 10:12pm On Dec 16, 2016 |
Op, your wife is simply childish with unnecessary drama. I can't imagine, I and my siblings, assuming I have siblings taking a family picture with our mum, God bless her soul, with just us the children and my husband, assuming am. Married says he wants to join us as well. ![]() It's not. Cool.. Later everyone will come together and have children with wives and husband and parents pic taken in one shot. Well I support u on this. 1 Like |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Nobody: 10:15pm On Dec 16, 2016 |
PaperLace: Really? You're being partial towards the woman, and it's shameful you won't call a spade a spade. |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Nobody: 10:30pm On Dec 16, 2016 |
DarkRebel101:No, I am not o. I am speaking based on my personal experience. It was wrong of her to disobey in such manner, but I understand her actions. 1 Like |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by uyiekpenm(f): 11:03pm On Dec 16, 2016 |
PaperLace: this same thing happened to me oh. my mum in law got offended that I excused myself. i was so ashamed of myself dat day for not joining the picture am surprised everyone is against it. my very first advise was based on my experience. well people reason differently. hmm it is well 3 Likes |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by byvan03: 7:41am On Dec 17, 2016 |
She only forgot one important lesson, your mother in-laws can never be your mother. No wrong or right here. 1 Like |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Nobody: 8:10am On Dec 17, 2016 |
uyiekpenm:Thank God someone understands me, luckily it's a guy. I was surprised partial and shameful come enter the matter, 'cos of my opinion. Your own only got offended? You lucky sef ![]() 3 Likes |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by yetseyi(f): 8:28am On Dec 17, 2016 |
There's no right or wrong answer, some in-laws will take it very personal if they call for children photo and you as a wife or husband to their child you stay back , those kind of families will interprete it as you not seeing your self as a full part (Sonor daughter)of the family now this should be the norm but ......... I guess that's the type of family paperlace is married to. Some families seperate a wife or husband from their children which seems to be more common that's why people are saying she's not respecting boundaries etc etc. Its not as if either cases are right or wrong but its the way the families view things and reason. I think the OPs case is more obvious because the wife was the only in-law present. Its not something to sulk over IMO, she should have known the orientation of the family she's married too, now she knows better. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by EfemenaXY: 8:50am On Dec 17, 2016 |
It can be hurtful if you feel you're being left out, but this is where a little bit of tact wouldn't have gone amiss. I also get where your mum was coming from. She meant no harm but your wife misunderstood her. Take a look at the pictures below. These pictures send a powerful message to the whole world. Do they also mean the missing key family members are insignificant? Of course not. 3 Likes
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Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Nobody: 10:26am On Dec 17, 2016 |
I don't know why we women keep taking trivia matters so serious. Your wife is acting childish and seeks for cheap attention. She is not supposed to be in the picture cos its a nuclear family picture for mum and kids only. 2 Likes |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Nobody: 1:59pm On Dec 17, 2016 |
PaperLace: John Wayne Gacy was sexually abused as a child, so I understand why he turned out to be a paedophile cum serial-killer, but that doesn't make his actions right. And no, you didn't initially think nor did you state that his wife was in the wrong. This was what you said:
You initially claimed there was no defined right or wrong, then later claimed the woman was in the wrong. So which one? The woman acted wrongly, childishly, petty. Say the truth as it is. 3 Likes |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by nnamdibig(m): 2:14pm On Dec 17, 2016 |
getostar: This is what it is. Anything aside this is plan selfishness on both side |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by MicroBox: 11:00pm On Dec 17, 2016 |
Please Bro. . Leave the matter, what she did is not right but at the same time it's not a big deal. Some wives will not even want to be in any of the pictures, I think she feels very comfortable with your family. Abeg call your wife and discuss on how to start a small business and become employer instead of talking about Mumcy whom had just retired from active service to start enjoying herself with her grand children, you are busy talking about her obituary picture, is it that you don't wish mumcy a very long life or you don't wish for any good thing that will call for celebration to bring everybody together again? Bro, make your mumcy no hear your reasons oooo. .. you better Bury the matter and don't let it escalate further. . |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by IfeLuvely: 7:23am On Dec 18, 2016 |
I simply think men just don't understand this. I will not a an your wife is wrong or right ooo... But me myself been a married woman we have been married almost six years now got told at both traditional and white wedding my husband's parents are now my parents, I really did took his family as my family that even what I will not do for my family I used to do for them but this year I was categorically told I am a wife in their house I am not part of their immediate family, needless to say I cannot even be bothered to do 0.1% of what I used to do before because I now know my place just a wife... So having been through a similar stuff I know where your wife is coming from... I think they need to stop saying his family is now your family crap at naija weddings cos we women get disappointed when we find out its not true everhopeful: 10 Likes |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Richy4(m): 2:02pm On Dec 18, 2016 |
eezeribe: I tell you he got the best siblings ever....My siblings will tell her to take the pic herself and my mum... so that they themselves will pose for the next...What a drama queen....she will be very good at Nollywood.... |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by k4kenny(f): 3:17pm On Dec 18, 2016 |
everhopeful: OP, take this advice to the bank! Best advice I've read in a while. You should feel honoured that she sees your mother as hers. Your actions showed her you consider her an outsider, not a part of your family. Just follow the advice above. Your marriage is still young, things like this are bound to happen. Acting up and getting angry at her won't solve the problem, but create new ones. 4 Likes |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Nobody: 5:43pm On Dec 18, 2016 |
k4kenny: she sees his mother as hers buh she went 2 complain to her own mother abt wat happened loool , her mom sided wiv her . she was just being troublesome , some people don't like when dey can't have their way 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by boladale(f): 9:47pm On Dec 18, 2016 |
[b][/b] eyinjuege:I wan die o ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by boladale(f): 10:03pm On Dec 18, 2016 |
Incline:This is too bad. I seriously feel for the woman that will choose to marry you. 5 Likes |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by d4guy: 11:03pm On Dec 18, 2016 |
The reason I won't get married early, imagine all sort of unnecessary headaches till death do us part ..... Ordinary picture ![]() |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Nobody: 4:37am On Dec 19, 2016 |
Joavid: Quadrillion likes Wife acted immature and picking holes where none existed. 1 Like |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Arijude(m): 3:30pm On Dec 19, 2016 |
everhopeful:Hmmmmmm chai choi nna ee , this your comment entered my brain. |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Maymum: 3:46pm On Dec 19, 2016 |
I would go with your wife. I think you didn't handle it well. You and your siblings should have quietly let her take the picture and then you (not your siblings) whisper to her that you would like to just take with your siblings. Am sure she would understand. She has good feelings towards your family and sees herself as a daughter of the family. But it appears she's still been seen as an outsider. I wont be surprised if her attitude to your family changes. Little issues like this can cause a lot of problems especially if the woman in question is a sensitive person. I guess different families have different ways of operating. I dare not exclude myself if such comes up in my husband's family. My MIL would tell me off. 7 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Nobody: 5:01pm On Dec 19, 2016 |
everhopeful: Op I think you should take to this..... insignificant things like this can make your wife have a rethink about your family. God bless your home 3 Likes |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Topshow2010(m): 5:36pm On Dec 19, 2016 |
Ruleboi: I dnt see any difference b/w u nd ur immatured and spoilt brat u called wife if ur story is nt b conjure up cuz to me u sounded as one of d immature and 'kids' who are nt manly enuf to settle down.U told ur wife in d presence of ur family and d public to step aside bt she defiantly and disrespectively ignored u depicted d kind of hubby and ur marital worth. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Martinola(m): 7:20pm On Dec 19, 2016 |
hmm... na ur wyf o... but if to say na me day insyd ur shoes ...I go jst ignore her troway |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by ahamadegr8(m): 7:20pm On Dec 19, 2016 |
na just common sense naaa some ladies gan get internal issues ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by ahamadegr8(m): 7:21pm On Dec 19, 2016 |
Topshow2010: na waoooo... de guy collect ur babe marry./.. 1 Like |
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by LorDBolton(m): 7:22pm On Dec 19, 2016 |
Ruleboi: Your wife, your wahala 1 Like |
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