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Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? - Family (4) - Nairaland

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Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by uyiekpenm(f): 8:50pm On Dec 19, 2016
nkemma54:

lol, nd modify it she did.

if you like kill your self. I have said my own and I stand by it. state your opinion and move on boy.
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by OBAGADAFFI: 8:56pm On Dec 19, 2016
proffemi:


Don't say I'm wrong when you don't even understand what I'm saying.

Hint: I'm saying exactly the same thing you're saying, only adding that sometimes, when a daughter-in-law insists on gatecrashing, two sets are taken.


Since the OP stated that she has joined them(family members) for other Photoshoots, it is immature of her to insist on joining the celebrants kids Photoshoot.


Oga, their are Photoshoot for the whole family, Photoshoot for the friends of the family/celebrant and Photoshoot for specifically for the celebrants kids.

A matured mind should know where to belong.
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by dotun365: 9:01pm On Dec 19, 2016
I feel your wife is right. You should have even stood up for her. She's an integral part of the family now as the wife of the 1st born.

2 Likes

Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by toprealman: 9:02pm On Dec 19, 2016
Right or wrong does not apply here. You should be happy your wife wants to be part of your family unlike many. Let it pass OK.

3 Likes

Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by proffemi: 9:06pm On Dec 19, 2016
OBAGADAFFI:

Oga, their are Photoshoot for the whole family, Photoshoot for the friends of the family/celebrant and Photoshoot for specifically for the celebrants kids.

A matured mind should know where to belong.

What is it with this dude?
Your comprehension skills are obviously insufficient to give you the gist of my post, so why don't you stop quoting me, and quote someone else?
I have nothing else to say to you; please face your lane.

1 Like

Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Medunah: 9:13pm On Dec 19, 2016
momentarylapse:



Your wife is a petty and immature thing!
Ruleboi, see ur life outside..... something u could av just talked through with your wife, u brought it to Nl asking people to take sides. Now, look at how ur wife is bin insulted., From petty to immature to uneducated graduate and so on. I hope you re happy now!

Mehn, if my MIL is about to take pictures with her kids and I jump in claiming child, then all her kids say No oo, u shouldn't be part of the pic In front of everyone (cos am sure people witnessed it) and my husband who is supposed to have my back also joins them to shoo me?? Trust me, I'd take it personal and I think most women would. Cos u embarrassed her incase u don't know


Well, thank God I don't go out of place............

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by uyiekpenm(f): 9:14pm On Dec 19, 2016
everhopeful:
@op: Your wife seems to me like good woman. I believe that during your traditional wedding, your wife was told that your mother is now her mother and your family is now her family, and it seems your wife wholeheartedly took those words literally, believed this and acted accordingly since you said she has a good relationship with your mother.

Your action just told her the reality and don't be surprised when she actually starts treating your family as different from hers because that was the message you guys clearly passed across: that your mother is not her mother and can never be.

Your home is yet young, so please do not destroy it with carelessness. Your primary interrst shouldn't be about rights or wrong but about the fact that your wife felt hurt by the exclusion, which may have been reduced if she wasn't the only spouse in law as this may otherwiise have reduced the impact of the exclusion.

If really your priority is in making your home work and not on people taking sides, I would advise that you apologise to your wife and let her know you consider her a part of your family. Tell her you naively thought it was just a picture and didn't think she would be hurt.

May God bless and keep your home.

1000000 likes

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Bigcake: 9:15pm On Dec 19, 2016
Mimzyy:
Hmmmm.

What do men really want?
Toto or pusssy as the case may be.
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by OBAGADAFFI: 9:15pm On Dec 19, 2016
proffemi:


[s]What is it with this dude?
Your comprehension skills are obviously insufficient to give you the gist of my post, so why don't you stop quoting me, and quote someone else?
I have nothing else to say to you; please face your lane.[/s]
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by momentarylapse: 9:21pm On Dec 19, 2016
Medunah:

Ruleboi, see ur life outside..... something u could av just talked through with your wife, u brought it to Nl asking people to big sides. Now, look at how ur wife is bin insulted., From petty to immature to uneducated graduate and so on. I hope you re happy now!


Why are you crying over spilt milk?

Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by shumuel(m): 9:21pm On Dec 19, 2016
Ruleboi:
My mum's retirement party was yesterday.

Afterwards on our way back home, my wife started giving me some attitude. She had taken offense that I agreed to take the picture without her. I tried to make her see that such pictures could be good for memoirs. I cited an instance of dead elderly people's burial programme booklets, where such pictures could be labelled "mum with her children" during retirement party. She never saw reasons still. What's your stance on this?


Op, neither you nor your wife is wrong.

You need to have a word with whoever said the picture was for your mum and her children alone, for crying out loud there is a Daughter before the In-law, and she isn't just your wife but the mother of your child, that statement was uncalled for, Bishop David Oyedapo has his family pictures out on the internet and his SIL & DIL were part of the picture, need i say more ?

My mum had her birthday in September and in the picture everyone including the friends of we her children were part of the picture which even included her private nurse, so what did that sibling of yours mean by children only.

Now, that she is giving you attitude is where she got it all wrong, she should had let it slide away, at least it wasn't as if they never wanted her to be part of the pictures.

Solution



Op, please beg your wife, even if it would require a candle light dinner, just make her happy so she can forget it and let go, then call that sibling to book, let him/her realise his/her mistake, its a good thing you are the eldest, so don't hold back,, ask him/her how s/he would had felt if you had said the same thing to his/her partner.

My humble submission grin

2 Likes

Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by sharpchap: 9:22pm On Dec 19, 2016
Op be careful. A lot of the ppl dishing out advice here are not married. U should thank your stars that U have a wife that wants to be part of the family and is comfortable enough with the family to fight for a place in the picture. Its just a picture, wots the big deal if she takes one with you guys as Ur mum's daughter? Wot God has put together let no picture put asunder. Op you have a good wife don't take her for granted, and that Ur sib that asked her to leave should STFU. Immature words from an immature mind.

4 Likes

Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by BTT(m): 9:39pm On Dec 19, 2016
femi4:
You are wrong!

Several pictures were taken on that day and she featured in most of them. So not being part in one does make her not part of the family. Infact, a woman would know whether she was welcomed by her inlaw on a daily basis. She doesnt need to wait till pictures were taken in a party.

Oh you mean...if your in law is having a meeting, you ll go and join them all in the name of "your family is my family".

If I must respond to you, then Yes.

I get an invite to my Inlaws' meetings every time there's going to be one. My wife has also represented me amongst my siblings countless times. But you see, this thread is not about me, so if you excuse me, please.

You requested our opinions about YOUR situation and got some for free. If my opinions are not the approval you seek, please spare me and move on.

1 Like

Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by gracyblaze(f): 9:49pm On Dec 19, 2016
Let me come from a different point of view....

I am guessing she was a bit embarssed when your sibling said (abi shouted) "children only".

So instead of her to nurse her embarrassment inside, she decided to overcome it by insisting on taking the pics with you guys.


Na small ish, bedroom talk can easily solve...

1 Like

Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by virtual3xpert: 9:51pm On Dec 19, 2016
Ruleboi:


Afterwards on our way back home, my wife started giving me some attitude. She had taken offense that I agreed to take the picture without her. I tried to make her see that such pictures could be good for memoirs. I cited an instance of dead elderly people's burial programme booklets, where such pictures could be labelled "mum with her children" during retirement party. She never saw reasons still. She had to seek her mum's opinion about it, and her mum opined that she was right. That's what got me confused. Was I really wrong, or were they just being African? What's your stance on this?

I think she took it a bit too far. There's nothing wrong with wanting to take a picture with one's own children. This is my personal opinion though. Please note, you shouldn't see it as one person being wrong while the other's right. See it as getting to know things about your wife you didn't know. Both of you were raised differently, and some things that disgust you might appeal to her and vice-versa. Apologise to her and be sure to note all the little things she counts really big. Because she sees things differently doesn't really make her wrong. May God give you the wisdom you need to lead and make the right decisions.
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Abayor7: 9:53pm On Dec 19, 2016
getostar:
Being that she is the only 'in-law' in the midst (u said u are the only married sibling) then she should be part of the pix. you should have ensured she was part of it. Except of cuz u prefer her playing the 'we' and 'them' card in other situations.

Million Iikes!!!
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by tete7000(m): 9:59pm On Dec 19, 2016
Ruleboi:


Seriously it was never caused any serious quarrel between us. To be factual, I just felt let down she felt offended afterwards. I mean, that was not the first picture we took on the day. We had taken several others with her in it. I felt if she had just taken it as what it is as soon as she was told,then she wouldn't have felt bad about it at all. Your stance and hers just made me realise some people could attach unrelated meanings to things, thereby making the the simplest things seem complex.


You seemed to take that view personal. When you already hold a position, why pushed your issue to public for advice? To me that was a good and a subjective view; it doesn't have to arouse so much condemnation from you. Someone else too can say you attach meaning to irrelevant things - what does it matter whether your wife insists she is a member of the house or not? How does it change anything if in at your mum's funeral in distant future God's willing you choose as a family to potray your wife as a daughter and not an in-law? It is all a matter of perspective. Family togetherness and happiness is all that is important. Be careful how you push family issue into a forum for debate. Many who can't even hold down a family will subtly lead you down their path of horror. Keep family issues familial.

3 Likes

Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by NobleG1(m): 10:01pm On Dec 19, 2016
Ruleboi:
My mum's retirement party was yesterday. So me, my wife, and our three months old daughter had to travel down home to celebrate with her. Me and my siblings are all graduates except for the last born,as expected we've all left home to chase our different dreams in different lands. So occasions like this now feels like family reunion IYKWIM. May I add that I'm the first born and the only married one out of her five children? So the occasion was the first one with the nuclear family finally getting extended.

To the real issue; It was time to take pictures.Several shots with various categories of people had been taken. So a picture of mum with her children was called. My siblings were already set. I was called on to join in. Soon as I joined, my wife, seeing another picture was about to be taken hurried along to join, and she was told by one of my siblings that it's a children alone with mum picture. I signalled to her to let us take the picture, but she refused. Immediately asking what I meant by that,she jokingly insisted she must join in the shot as she is now a child too. Others pleaded to let us take the shot first as we had taken several other shots earlier on. She insisted, and the picture was taken with her. No issues about it as it was just a picture, and we were in a merry mood.

Afterwards on our way back home, my wife started giving me some attitude. She had taken offense that I agreed to take the picture without her. I tried to make her see that such pictures could be good for memoirs. I cited an instance of dead elderly people's burial programme booklets, where such pictures could be labelled "mum with her children" during retirement party. She never saw reasons still. She had to seek her mum's opinion about it, and her mum opined that she was right. That's what got me confused. Was I really wrong, or were they just being African? What's your stance on this?

You didn't do anything wrong! She was at fault for not respecting the concept of that particular photograph! And that's a selfish behavior!

She wasn't your sibling and had no right to force herself into that picture! Her attitude could make your extended family hate her! My family won't tolerate that attitude and they won't allow her to be in the picture!

You need to be careful. You've a selfish wife who's controlled by her mother.
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Ivhagbha123: 10:09pm On Dec 19, 2016
You have a very good wife that knows the true meaning of a daughter in law. For your sibling to tell her to leave sends a very wrong signal. She suddenly realised that she was being seen as an outsider which she does not want to accept. You should be very happy that she went extra mile to prove her love for your family. All she wants is for you to reassure her that she is one of you and nothing can change that.

5 Likes

Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by rupeelicious(f): 10:56pm On Dec 19, 2016
Op, I know ur wife already joined in some pix, but which ones were dey? If she was insisting on joining d children of ur mother, then she wasnt wrong. Assuming u, ur sibs, she n momsy had taken a pic earlier, she wudnt hv minded if u excluded her later on. I fink d one she joined in is a much larger family pic.
On d day u married her, ur mother automatically gave birth to a dota.
U r lucky to hv such a wife who is persistent In claiming sonship or dotaship wt u. Lol
Approach her, apologise, n make up.
She doesn look like sb who wud be angry for too long

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by mykeaji(m): 11:03pm On Dec 19, 2016
I personally think it's a bit childish from your wife knowing fully well "ITS JUST A PICTURE" but women will be women. I think from her angle she feels she isn't welcomed or still like an outsider in the family and its understandable. there is no amount of explaining u will do that will make her see from ur own point of view.
So bro, apologize to her and let her know she's part of ur family. do something to cheer her up, something to show she's part of the family!!! u will have to think about what to do...
cheers bro and enjoy ur marriage
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Nobody: 11:38pm On Dec 19, 2016
Your Wife And Her Mom Are Very Wrong! I Wonder Why They Are Finding It Difficult To Understand, Anyone With A Common Supposed To Understand This, Not That Difficult. (Not Saying They Don't Common Sense) They Just Seems To Have Different Way Of Looking At It.
Since Other Pictures Have Been Taken With Her, She Should Have Allowed Only The Children To Take Picture With Mama. She Can Join In The Picture With Mama's Children, But Must Allow Another Shot For Mama And Her Children, Is Not Bad And No One Is Pushing Her Away.
Even During Weddings, Similar Pictures Can Be Taken (Groom And Parents, Bride And Parents Etc).

Oh And Maybe She Didn't Know It Was Mama And Children Shot, But Was Embarrassed As How She Was Chased Away Or Something Like That.
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by ststyreal(f): 11:49pm On Dec 19, 2016
Ruleboi:


I think you are just being a "woman" and African. The love between everyone in my family is rock solid. No discrimination whatsoever. Both my mum and my wife are lively cheerful people. I find this stance and the whole argument so "petty". I mean, it is just a picture for God's sake. The pettiness in the discussion was what really pissed me off. It shouldn't even had been an issue at all. I guest you womenfolks are just what you are. You can be troublesome at times
Yes oooooo, you are right. We carry the wahala for head no be small especially we the jealous type! But all the same, it's a small matter you should be able to handle and not necessary bring it here online to be debate upon, as there are so many kids and uncultured fellow here who might take the opportunity to insult and yab we the women folks. So just give her a kiss and gbam! it is over. God bless your home Amen!
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by rossychik(f): 12:15am On Dec 20, 2016
Op, u re right, but u knw diff. People behave differently. But dis shudn't b a prblm. And learn 2 keep things abt ur marriage personal. No need 2 invite nl pple 4 d matter afterall whether any of u is right or wrong wont solve anytin. Okayy
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Siahnation: 12:24am On Dec 20, 2016
My Brother, You Were Very Wrong. You Married Her To Be Part Of Your Family Not Some Where Hanging. For Alot Of Pics To Be Taken Without Her Is Wrong, She Deserves To Take Pic With Your Mum, Dad, Dad And Mum, Each Of Your Sisters And Brothers, The Whole Family, Etc There Suppose To Be Rotation And She Should Feel Free In The Family. Congratulations, You Have A Wonderful Wife. Make Sure You Treat Her As A Queen, Her Type Are Hard Or Not In The Market. Am Sure She Loves You And Your Family.

1 Like

Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by samsam2019: 12:38am On Dec 20, 2016
My marriage to the love of my life is almost dead now all thanks to stoopid mother in law.




As for me, I may decide not to get married again. Women are just crybabies
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by middlebelter(m): 2:42am On Dec 20, 2016
From my own perspective as an African, your wife is right.
You and your wife are now one. They day you got married to her, your mother's children increased by one. You must also make your siblings see your wife as 100% member of your family. If it's her mother that is celebrating similar occasion and its time for your mother in law children to take pictures are you saying you will not participate because she is not the one the gave birth to you? Do you want to delete the mother from the word mother-in-law?
She is right to protest your action and immaturity. If you children desires a picture of children purely born by your mother you should have taken it before marriage or perhaps stay unmarried. I am a man for your information, and if a woman will abandone her father and mother, change her name to live with you and you still didn't see her as 100% your family, you deserve the protest. In fact if I were the woman, I will sanction you for one month, no bed room discussion go and meet your brother and sister. I de vex gan ni o.

3 Likes

Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by baby124: 3:23am On Dec 20, 2016
It is a picture for God's sake. I would like to take a picture of just me and my siblings with my mother too. With none of our inlaws or even our kids. Those are memories recreated. The fact is she is not your mother's child. Not even marriage can make that possible. So she needs to chill and stop forcing things. After all if there is trouble she will be quick to remind you that your mother is not her mother. Please she needs to find work or more serious things to engage her mind than looking for trouble everywhere. Or doing photo bombs when she is not called. You must humble yourself to be elevated. At least she should have waited to be called before volunteering herself into the picture. Her mother is also a trouble maker and irrational just like her. Take note.
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by TWoods(m): 4:25am On Dec 20, 2016
Your wife was right. Even the bible says that when a man is joined with his wife, they become ONE FLESH. What's the point excluding her from a picture with the "children" of your mom? Is she not her daughter too? Once you get married, your wife becomes your number 1 priority over your siblings... her needs/feelings/emotions must take precedence over theirs at all times. She wasn't giving you attitude, she was simply upset to be excluded from a family she assumed had accepted her completely as one of theirs. It must have hurt her to realize she was still being treated as an outsider. How would you feel if the tables were turned and your brothers in-law excluded you from family events because you were not considered a sibling? Sometimes we need to put ourselves in the shoes of others before we complain.
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by TWoods(m): 4:27am On Dec 20, 2016
baby124:
It is a picture for God's sake. I would like to take a picture of just me and my siblings with my mother too. With none of our inlaws or even our kids. Those are memories recreated. The fact is she is not your mother's child. Not even marriage can make that possible. So she needs to chill and stop forcing things. After all if there is trouble she will be quick to remind you that your mother is not her mother. Please she needs to find work or more serious things to engage her mind than looking for trouble everywhere. Or doing photo bombs when she is not called. You must humble yourself to be elevated. At least she should have waited to be called before volunteering herself into the picture. Her mother is also a trouble maker and irrational just like her. Take note.

In the name of God, please disregard this type of "advice". These are the type that do more harm to marriages than good.
Re: Who Will You Take Sides With, Me Or My Wife? by Maximus85(m): 6:06am On Dec 20, 2016
Ruleboi:
My mum's retirement party was yesterday. So me, my wife, and our three months old daughter had to travel down home to celebrate with her. Me and my siblings are all graduates except for the last born,as expected we've all left home to chase our different dreams in different lands. So occasions like this now feels like family reunion IYKWIM. May I add that I'm the first born and the only married one out of her five children? So the occasion was the first one with the nuclear family finally getting extended.

To the real issue; It was time to take pictures.Several shots with various categories of people had been taken. So a picture of mum with her children was called. My siblings were already set. I was called on to join in. Soon as I joined, my wife, seeing another picture was about to be taken hurried along to join, and she was told by one of my siblings that it's a children alone with mum picture. I signalled to her to let us take the picture, but she refused. Immediately asking what I meant by that,she jokingly insisted she must join in the shot as she is now a child too. Others pleaded to let us take the shot first as we had taken several other shots earlier on. She insisted, and the picture was taken with her. No issues about it as it was just a picture, and we were in a merry mood.

Afterwards on our way back home, my wife started giving me some attitude. She had taken offense that I agreed to take the picture without her. I tried to make her see that such pictures could be good for memoirs. I cited an instance of dead elderly people's burial programme booklets, where such pictures could be labelled "mum with her children" during retirement party. She never saw reasons still. She had to seek her mum's opinion about it, and her mum opined that she was right. That's what got me confused. Was I really wrong, or were they just being African? What's your stance on this?

I'm not standing with any of one of you. Is she educated? If yes, then I guess her social exposure is very low. There socio-puplic protocols which are a must follow. Teach her.

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