"I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now; let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."
~Ettiene De Grellet

There’s this article floating around, recently come to my attention, about how to be one. A good wife, that is.

It’s dated in the 1950s (there’s some controversy whether it’s authentic) and it lists ten or more (depending on the version) ways young women can best learn how to please their husband, have a happy household and life.

Here’s one version I’ve read:

1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs.

2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives.

3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables.

4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes.

5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him.

6. Some Don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.

7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom.

8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

10. The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.

This version was tame compared to some of the others, but interesting nonetheless. What male of the species wouldn’t want this gig? For that matter, what female wouldn’t, if roles were reversed?

For a minute, let’s put role playing and reversals aside and pretend this was written today and references to gender, neutral.

We’ve been practicing “Politically Correct” for ten or more years now, so please, play along.

The first five, in a nutshell: (1) Have dinner ready, (2) Prepare yourself, (3) Clear away the clutter, (4) Prepare the children (if applicable), and (5) Minimize the noise.

I have to ask, how much more enjoyable would your day-to-day be if one or the other or both of the invested parties in a relationship devoted one day a week (or a month or a year) toward the gist of any of these goals?

Next, six through nine of the original list, with some editing and commentary:

(6) Don't greet with problems or complaints. [I removed the reference to ‘him’. Would you like to be greeted on a regular basis without problems or complaints?]

(7) Make him comfortable. [Or her. What if you took the time to make your spouse or significant other comfortable when they came home from work? What if they did the same for you?]

( Listen. [Forget the rest of the original version. How important do you think it is to listen? How important is it for you to know you’ve been heard?]

(9) Make the evening his. [Or hers. When was the last time this happened for either one involved in the relationship?]

(10) The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband [or your wife] can relax. [If each one of us made this our goal, even on a semi-occasional basis, would it be worth it?]

The societal climate in the 1950s is not what it is today, granted.

The edited list I’ve presented here might seem as abhorrent to 1950s society as the original is today to us. But the gist of both contains elements, or grains of truth, about how to treat one another in a relationship.

Be it friends, lovers, married folks or all of the above, “How to be a good wife” can be, in my opinion, applied to the everyday life we call “How to be a good person.”

Thanks for giving us these infos.