esthertk:
I need the candid advise of the matured minds here. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months when our relationship was 3 months I was able to get a German visa and moved to Germany .

He lost his job 2 months ago, and we have been discussing on how he can get back on his feet, lots of interviews and no call back and with this harsh economy we consider it best he starts a business which he doesn't even have the capital.

I really wish I can support him but so scared it might be termed as using money to buy love and this might just make him stick to me for the wrong reasons or even later dump me... I am so confused

Do u want to marry him. When u help he might marry u or marry another. So u don't get heart broken u can help if u don't expect anything in return but if u expect he will marry u u fit don enter long thing

Orikinla1:
Help him if you can. But I must warn you that Nigerians are among the most ungrateful people on earth. So, don't expect him to reward you with gratitude.

Poor people don't show you their true characters until they have some money.
I have seen many examples, from Mushin to Banana Island and from Lagos to London.

Ask billionaires, Femi Otedola and Mike Adenuga,JR.
Dogs have proved to be more faithful and loyal than humans.

Ingrates r everywhere not just Nigeria. So ur friends r bingo and who . Distinguish between friendship and acquaintance or colleague or neighbor and don't come here And classify humans with dogs because u picked wrong frienda

esthertk:
Well most cases ladies tend to chill with a man that spends on them and its usually the other way round when a lady gives a man, and to set the records straight when he was working and had good pay i have never asked him for money. All my point is would he still love me for me and not love me so many cases I have seen men end up dumping a girl that was financially supportive to them, I dont know why... May be the men here can shed some light on it

It happens too often, veery often. I think his quick talk about marriage is influenced by the fact that you are in Germany already. Why always Germany. I have at least three stories of regret from the female folks in Germany helping out guys already. Are you going to be one of the many victims, well.... It depends.
So many things i can't say on this forum.

If you believe you have the ability to help him,ensure you do that.Either is your boyfriend or not,it's always good to help.You need to know that somebody has also helped you in one way or another.If he thereafter turns ingrates then God will make the right judgment.

It's all about mutual understanding: if you both get it right about core values and buiding blocks of ur relationship: there is not bad in helping ur partner if it won't be abused and misinterpreted. It all depends on both of u trust.

No,when he came to me he was marriage minded and wanted us to settle down as soon as possible but unfortunately he lost his job

Eke40seven:

It happens too often, veery often. I think his quick talk about marriage is influenced by the fact that you are in Germany already. Why always Germany. I have at least three stories of regret from the female folks in Germany helping out guys already. Are you going to be one of the many victims, well.... It depends.
So many things i can't say on this forum.

OP,do what won't kill you at the end of the day,I no wan come here tomorrow hear say he Don dump you oh. God created men to take care of women. It has always been so whether they like it or not. Just as a man can easily cheat without thinking twice,women are more emotional than men generally. I Don talk my own oh

Oliviaxx:
Do you want to 'loan' him money or 'dash' him money....if its loan, u have to be sure hes a person of integrity and loves u enough to not runaway before paying up. We've had too many stories of 'my bf ranaway with my money and blocked me on all social networks' here on nairaland. This is something you both have to sit and talk about. Dont make that decision in a hurry sweetie

On which nairaland did you read these stories?
@op, all's I can say is better make sure that German Visa is residency, otherwise the shoe go dey the other leg when dem catapult you back to naija. Already downgrading the guyman. Abeg carry your money dey go, no need.

Desperate for what? Its obvious you do not know the meaning of love ,if I would follow the naija girl's style, after I traveled I could have easily dumped him, secondly why wanna chill with a broke guy or even consider helping him? Your latter point is my fear,I do not want it to look as if I am trying to lure him with money or make him feel indebted to marry me, its a huge turn off for guys once they feel indebted to a ladyit even makes them misbehave cos it has a toll on their ego,and would want to go be with a lady that wasn't in their success story so they have a say thinking the one that helped out might always use it against them. Like one person said , Yes I am poor and just struggling, If i use my hard earned money to help a guy and I lose my relationship or someone I love It will be quite painful. I wish to help him from the bottom of my heart but I want to be careful and not pass the wrong message and like another said we dont even know each other well enough before I traveled and once I dish out the money and I say something or do something have never done before he might think am being proud cos I helped out, I have learnt something if I decide to help out it definitely wont be done directly by me I have to connect a 3rd person.

Oblackq:




U dnt seem confused. U actually seem desperate. Probably u wanna use d money u wanna give 2him as Bait? Dosent work dat way. U should knw beta. D answers u seek are dancing shoki around u.

searchng4love:
Don't help because you hope to be married to him. Help because you are willing and capable to. Loan? Yes.... But don't expect much from him....In return... Even marriage

I couldn't agree more.. Extremely on point!

esthertk:
I need the candid advise of the matured minds here. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months when our relationship was 3 months I was able to get a German visa and moved to Germany .

He lost his job 2 months ago, and we have been discussing on how he can get back on his feet, lots of interviews and no call back and with this harsh economy we consider it best he starts a business which he doesn't even have the capital.

I really wish I can support him but so scared it might be termed as using money to buy love and this might just make him stick to me for the wrong reasons or even later dump me... I am so confused

If you want to assist financially, ensure some find of formal arrangements are in place to financially repay the loan. If in the future you get married and decide to forfeit and reimburse funds into family funds, your call.... .. Imagine setting him up (free), afterwards getting dumped?

yomi007k:



Na wa oooo..




And we help our women without thinking twice or asking for people's opinion.



We learn daily.

You've said it all.

I will advise you to firstly release half of what you intended to give him, let him use that to invest , if he returned it after the transaction you can then double click, but he failed you won't be disappointed....

U help nt my becos of him.
U do not help becos u want smtn in return.
Help becos u wanna help as it's ya nature to help. Forget Wat he'll say.
Pls...let him ask. Sm guys and pride. If he can bring down himself and ask... Pls help.
Mind you... Humans r bound to disappoint. Buh nt to worry.
Can i leave a good woman if I find her? Dats guys for u. We want good gals.
Except u ain't good.

McFabian07:
Here's my advice.
1. Don't give him money you can't let go.
2. Give him the money as a loan.
3. Don't give him the money directly. If you guys have an elderly male friend or relative, give the person the money to loan your bf. let the person never tell him it's from you. This way he will have his dignity and respect, and you would have helped him. possibly, the money may come back.
4. Don't expect anyhing in return, or never use it against him in the future.

Is this really coming from a guy?
Well we guys r learning. A lady wanted to help her potential man carry am come online. Wen Odas dey buy cars and houses gv thr bobo.
Oga, so now na to loan ya partner money?
Don't u kw loan brks relationship?
Gv if u have. Life's all abt risk meehn. Either ways.
Na just ur last point make small sense.

lodphil:
But will you expect him to stick with you and marry you when he gets back to his feet without ur help,especially when you know u didn't help him when he needed it,and u had d means.

Dats a real nigga.

Truesapiosexual:
Help if it's not going to strain your pocket and do so without expecting anything in return, if he stays cool nd if he leaves such is life no hard feelings

esthertk:
Well most cases ladies tend to chill with a man that spends on them and its usually the other way round when a lady gives a man, and to set the records straight when he was working and had good pay i have never asked him for money. All my point is would he still love me for me and not love me so many cases I have seen men end up dumping a girl that was financially supportive to them, I dont know why... May be the men here can shed some light on it

U kw why?
Wen it keeps getting to ur head.
Wen thr is priding in u
Smtimes women tend to disrespect, nag and misbehave all in the name of..."I supported or I do support him".
The guy after much endurance will have no choice dan to ditch you.
Help and stl be the normal you. Dats wat we call dope.

Wow. girls are mean. Help a lover and you open a thread. You guys are genuinely mean.

Don't give him huge money, even if he suggests you help.
Pray for him. You will be surprised how all the interviews will start turning out positive.
Encourage him
Stand with him now. That is love.

Every other thing will sort itself out with time.
If he is a real man.

kalindaminda:
LMAO at [b]broke little boys i[/b]n this thread whining that girls should empty their accounts for them. As if we don't know what Nigerian men are like.

OP, if you give him that money directly, it will never stop. He will never forget it, and he will also be defensive and have it in the back of his mind forever. Worst case scenario, he may even be straffing and spending your money on another babe.

Listen to this person. Wisest post you will get on this thread.

the line use by the truly broke assss girls


It's getting stale, sweetie

rukygold001:
honestly, dont give him a dime,you'll regret it ..
tell him to ask his family for help,humans are unpredictable

Believe me this is not the best place to seek for an advise, You 're going to be more confused. Follow your heart.

mrjojo:
wow, am really surprised at the comment am seeing here Like what exactly is the big deal in helping someone you actually claimed you love for goodness sake? So it ok for guys to ditch out help without even thinking twice but when it is the other way around you ladies make an issue out of it. I had same issue with my ex, see we all human, sometimes we all need help. We were dating for over a yr plus, it was a serious, so i thought, I can't even count times I helped out even without asking, cos it not big deal, She was my gf, Well so it happens i needed help urgently and I knew she could or who else am I supposed to ask for hep if not for my gf right? well she started seeking advice from friends and her sisters, and i got to know. Well told her to hold her money, and i got somewhere else.

Well i think in this part if the world, Love is not Mutual, A lady will expect me to get gifts, "help" take her out etc,Which i will do without breaking a sweat, but when I actually needs help, she will start consulting her pastors. hmmm. Guys learn for real, If a lady is holding you like a pinch of salt, abeg don't carry her like a bag of rice.

@op, Madam I think you should keep your money, since you are even here to ask in the first place.(i doubt if you really love him though) God will surely provide another source for him,

That's a home run.

esthertk:
I need the candid advise of the matured minds here. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months when our relationship was 3 months I was able to get a German visa and moved to Germany .

He lost his job 2 months ago, and we have been discussing on how he can get back on his feet, lots of interviews and no call back and with this harsh economy we consider it best he starts a business which he doesn't even have the capital.

I really wish I can support him but so scared it might be termed as using money to buy love and this might just make him stick to me for the wrong reasons or even later dump me... I am so confused

If you really want to help your boyfriend, help him. There's no big deal in helping someone you love, afterall men assist ladies financially all the time and we dont make a big deal out of it, even if the ladies end up not appreciating it.

If the guy in question is resonsible and u can vouch fof his character, then by all means go ahead. It's not everything you bring on social media. Das ist mein Vorschlag. . .

ifex370:
No real man will ask you for money..

If u wanna help.. Do so at the largeness of your heart

Dont cry when he eventually turncoat.

searchng4love:
Don't help because you hope to be married to him. Help because you are willing and capable to. Loan? Yes.... But don't expect much from him....In return... Even marriage

All said.

KevinDein:
Wow. girls are mean. Help a lover and you open a thread. You guys are genuinely mean.

As in... I'm shocked myself. The way ladies are selfish and mean sometimes makes me realize that one shouldn't be too generous to them. Most of the things that men do to help ladies, they will never do for a guy even if u read all the Psalms in the bible.

But then again, who knows if the guy is not very responsible?

For my life, I no go ever ask woman for 1kobo cos I can't bear any insult. . . I'd rather remain an Alpha Male. . .

I've been in your shoes before, or rather your boyfriends' shoes. All I can advice is invest in him. If you get the dividends, it was a good investment. If you don't, it was a bad investment. But please, do something. In the real sense of it he might never ask you, probably you guys aren't that close. Forget the fact you fucking him, if he ain't cool taking your money if you give him a billion dollars he still won't bulge. You sure know him better than us, so pls take a chance with him. How much, I do not know. Use your discretion. If you lose, you learn. If you gain, well you just built a business.

yomi007k:


Na wa oooo..



And we help our women without thinking twice or asking for people's opinion.


We learn daily.

Women are so wicked and selfish, I swear! See JAMB question!

Help him why not, is ur boyfriend

esthertk:
I need the candid advise of the matured minds here. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months when our relationship was 3 months I was able to get a German visa and moved to Germany .

He lost his job 2 months ago, and we have been discussing on how he can get back on his feet, lots of interviews and no call back and with this harsh economy we consider it best he starts a business which he doesn't even have the capital.

I really wish I can support him but so scared it might be termed as using money to buy love and this might just make him stick to me for the wrong reasons or even later dump me... I am so confused

First, he is your friend (remove the boy attached to it) and he needs some assistance. Why not give it to him, if you can, rather than just listen to him.

There must not be any strings attached. I'd expect you would want the same assistance if the table switched