Sorry I am responding rather late, I have been gathering my thoughts!

Step 1: Forgive her genuinely from heart. Love conquers all. Don't give room to satan!

Step 2: Freeze indefinitely all promises to her you made in 2016. Watch out for cumulative good behavior in 2017 to redeem the promises periodically!

Step 3: Migrate all her outstanding balance and future allowances to a new shared bank account where a display of good attitude and home-keeping earns her 10% ONLY of her personal allowances on a monthly basis!

God bless you real good my brother

ideykwum:


That you do it doesn't make it right! Don't encourage dishonesty and fraud. "A little leavening leaveneth the whole lump"...From this you can migrate to other forms of dishonesty and cheating!!

Cos I add little money
I will migrate to cheating?

Your sense of reasoning is like that of curry and thyme

No need to sorry too much,some times women tend to do this once in a while especially when need of some things or broke.
Just talk to your Wife about this and Make her understand how you feel about it.i don't think you need to be too harsh about it.
All the best in your marriage.

therapistmrs..com

Dear Op,
I don't usually post on this forum, but yours is an interesting scenario.
I am in a similar position and I'd like to share with you how I was able to handle the situation. While I earn significantly more than you and therefore what I make available to my wife is more than yours, the principles are the same so I believe this might be helpful.

I make available 125k available to my wife every month, then a further 80k for the home needs (we have just 2 kids ages 3yrs and 1yr) in addition to the housemaid's salary, DSTV, fuel etc. but despite this, I still get tagged ''irresponsible'' by her and by the 19th or thereabouts she is already on the war path asking for more funds. She is a lawyer but she doesn't work so I quite understand that she doesn't have an independent source of income (I assume the same is the case with yours too).

Initially, I used to get quite resentful especially when her folks start calling me to ask why I'm depriving her of money when I know she doesn't work.
I got tired of explaining that I fork out minimum 250k every month on so-called upkeep.
So how did I solve this problem.
I sat her down and asked her to let us work out a monthly budget for the house....including her own allowance.

We wrote down everything needed for the month and the cost. We argued robustly on this until we were able to agree at a fixed sum. Then I made it clear to her that no matter what happens, by the 28th of every month, I will transfer this sum to her account. Even if I have to beg, steal or borrow it. And on her own part, she has to administer that money judiciously because no matter what happens, one extra naira will not come before the next allowance is due.
I stopped interfering in what she buys for the house, when she buys it and all those details. My own is that there must be no lack in the house once I've fulfilled my own part of the agreement.

The first month was funny because she attempted to ask for more, but I was resolute. it was kinda tough but she got the message. So she learnt 'Home Economics' by force. Maybe it helped that I have health insurance that covered the whole family from the office and I don't have so many friends or family around me so there are really no unexpected expenses during the month.

So, OP...you might try this approach. Instead of burdening yourself with trying to run the home and being billed for expenses as they come, agree a total monthly budget with her, and make that available every month, consistently, without any excuse. I want to believe that if she sees that consistency in the amount and timing....she herself will work to fit in with your financial planning.

Cheers and best of luck.

I think you exposed yourself to unnecessary trouble by calling the hospital to inquire about the hospital bill. There is a fundamental issue with your set up. It appears to me you either do not trust her judgment or integrity or both. Again, I can infer that you are treating this relationship more as a formal one. You need to loosen up a bit. Your wife is your friend, partner and soul mate and not your PA, secretary, errand person or even employee. Sometimes it is better to just not know. Let her also be an individual. It could be dangerous if you choke her life too much in the name of being a husband.

It's commendable you give her a fixed portion of your income but I get the feeling that in itself may be influencing your expectations on how you relate with her. Please do not be too rigid. Be more friendly and compassionate. If she padded the bill and you got to know, find out genuinely what additional financial burdens she may be dealing with. It is possible she probably needed to raise the money without formally bothering you. If you think she is not being financially prudent, seek for mutually agreed ways through which she can do better. Offer help to enable her improve and not scolding her like a child. I suppose her reaction was in response to how you approached her. It may have been too condescending and trust me any person would react just in similar manner. Having a joint discussion on project/expenditure plans always helps. That way she can appreciate the overall picture of obligations of the family and not just her own personal needs/wants.

Finally, love her, protect her, pray with and for her, coach her with humility and love and you will be amazed how wonderful she turns out. Good luck.

Sylva2147:
that's exactly the point I want to make, definitely she is seeing someone else.

It's not even the money its the dishonesty and rudeness on top.

This is how young women start to lay bad foundation and when yawa come happen they begin to wonder. Let your husband be able to trust you and show that you are on each others team. Person no fit trust for outside him come inside the same.

Deduct double amount that she added to make a point and let her know if it is important to you to be able to trust her.

Only play games with an uncommitted man. I am sure she go tell me she is a committed Christian. Religion for 9ja na wa oh.

skypeme:
Dear reasonable people on Nairaland, please I need your advise

My wife whom I love so much and also loves me too is entitled to 17.2% of my monthly income, my salary is 175kpm and she take 17.2% of this amount, yet she feels very uncomfortable with it

I pay the bills, buy food stuff every month and take care of our little baby girl

My baby girl does not take any local food, she takes only fresogold, tea and pap, the cost of fresogold is very high and she can consume 4tins in a month

My wife isn't not working yet she is still schooling and I pay all her fees,

I've never complaint of my duty as the head of the family yet she still feels unsatisfied with the 17.2% I give to her

Her primary duty in the house is to take care of our baby and prepare my dinner every week days and both break fast and dinner during the weekend

Recently I told her to take our baby to the hospital for treatment, our total bill was 11,500 naira but my wife suprisinly told me that the hospital bill is 22,700 naira which I immediately wired to her account

So I called the hospital to make inquiries about the exorbitant bill then I got to know that my wife inflated the hospital bill to 22,700 naira

I confronted her and she spoke to me very rudly I was not happy about this, I kept quite and didn't say anything about it again

I am thinking I should penalize her for her rude behaviour and the dishonesty she has melted on me

Will it be advisable not to pay her her monthly salary for two months ?

Will this correct her brain to default and what would possibly be the implication of doing this ?

She has not apologised and she has not seen anything wrong so far in what she has done

Dyt:
I add money too
And I think one out of 3 women do that or most have done it


The only thing I condemn is her being rude to you
But then how did you approach her

There's always a man involved when a woman goes crazy

@ d bolded, you are totally wrong! my mama no dey inflate price of anything for my papa! additionally, my wife will rather contribute instead of to steal from me & I always pray for her. as far as am concerned, men should stop marrying a gal that has no means of income!

@ OP, you said your wife is a student? Let's be reasonable, you don't expect her to tell her husband give me money to sort course lecturers. Judging from the way you go about the 17.2 %, you sound like a smart and articulate man. She probably felt embarrassed to tell you about it. Let it go and turn a blind eye

Dear op

I feel your pains bro.
What you are passing through is one of the glitches experienced in marriages.

Your wife is a still schooling hence she might be of the opinion that even if you give her 100% oF your income, it is her right... Only those who labour for thier income know the true value of every kobo earned.

Just sit her down and let her know the true situations of things: unless you've given her the impression there is excess money to throw around during the early stages of your courtship.

Marriage is not a bed of roses but there is so much joy and fulfilment in It.

HARDDON:
Ehmmmm op, how did u arrive @ that 17.2%?

Any mathematical formular applied?

lol. I tire oh. why add the decimal. the guy is very meticulous and the wife is a greedy woman. she will only value what u give her. until u begin to deprive her of it

Only 17.2 percent and you re complaining, mine takes 95 percent.

otitokoroleti:
@ d bolded, you are totally wrong! my mama no dey inflate price of anything for my papa! additionally, my wife will rather contribute instead of to steal from me & I always pray for her. as far as am concerned, men should stop marrying a gal that has no means of income!

In your small head
I don't work abi?

You better continue paying her the monthly payment, if not, she could go as far as flirting with other men outside just to get the money. Coz she seems to be the type that loves money more than any other things

God forbid I marry housewife. Tufiakwa! She's been talking to some useless friends.

Iyowuski:


For medical bill too?
Haba!

Anything addable

You're doing your job very well by providing for the family. The only question i have is, do you satisfy her on bed?

That's the main reason why we have divorce. There are many women in the market. I can't be living with a criminal and my enemy in the name of marriage. No be by force ooo!

Pieromania:
Bro sori to tel u this,bt u are on a long thing.I see that marriage breaking anytime soon......why on earth wil a man pay his wife salary,what is the rationale behind such absurdity is what i can't fathom out?A STUDENT for that matter,u pay all bills,pay her fees and yet pay her salary.Very soon she wil start cheating on u,if not already started it.
Sori bro,ur case is different

Young man, please stop spewing rubbish. Apprently youre not married. Most families tend to have issues, especially when it comes to finances. The OP's case is no different. All that is required is wisdom in handling it, NOT wishes like yours praying for infidelity in his household.

Talk to her and correct her not to do that, so you won't loss trust in her. After that give her another test. I notice say u no dey beat woman that's good bro.

correctguy0900:



If u also do this, then u also a thief. A Thief is a thief no matter where or who you stole from.

Oga judge
Keep it up

Intra:
Dear Op,
I don't usually post on this forum, but yours is an interesting scenario.
I am in a similar position and I'd like to share with you how I was able to handle the situation. While I earn significantly more than you and therefore what I make available to my wife is more than yours, the principles are the same so I believe this might be helpful.

I make available 125k available to my wife every month, then a further 80k for the home needs (we have just 2 kids ages 3yrs and 1yr) in addition to the housemaid's salary, DSTV, fuel etc. but despite this, I still get tagged ''irresponsible'' by her and by the 19th or thereabouts she is already on the war path asking for more funds. She is a lawyer but she doesn't work so I quite understand that she doesn't have an independent source of income (I assume the same is the case with yours too).

Initially, I used to get quite resentful especially when her folks start calling me to ask why I'm depriving her of money when I know she doesn't work.
I got tired of explaining that I fork out minimum 250k every month on so-called upkeep.
So how did I solve this problem.
I sat her down and asked her to let us work out a monthly budget for the house....including her own allowance.

We wrote down everything needed for the month and the cost. We argued robustly on this until we were able to agree at a fixed sum. Then I made it clear to her that no matter what happens, by the 28th of every month, I will transfer this sum to her account. Even if I have to beg, steal or borrow it. And on her own part, she has to administer that money judiciously because no matter what happens, one extra naira will not come before the next allowance is due.
I stopped interfering in what she buys for the house, when she buys it and all those details. My own is that there must be no lack in the house once I've fulfilled my own part of the agreement.

The first month was funny because she attempted to ask for more, but I was resolute. it was kinda tough but she got the message. So she learnt 'Home Economics' by force. Maybe it helped that I have health insurance that covered the whole family from the office and I don't have so many friends or family around me so there are really no unexpected expenses during the month.

So, OP...you might try this approach. Instead of burdening yourself with trying to run the home and being billed for expenses as they come, agree a total monthly budget with her, and make that available every month, consistently, without any excuse. I want to believe that if she sees that consistency in the amount and timing....she herself will work to fit in with your financial planning.

Cheers and best of luck.

Over 200kpm,thats good money for upkeep lol. skypeme experience just spoke to you.

People who cook with karosin or grew up eating food cooked with karosin reason differently fro those fed on gas cooked food. To the gas users my advice is simple Do not be equally yoked with karosin users

Dyt:


In your small head
I don't work abi?

d way u read my quote & ur reply shows dat ur head is empty! plz, stop reasoning wit ur anus!

NoToPile:
So sorry OP

So she gets around 30k as pocket money every month, and you pay all the bills buy everything needed and pay fees and school stuffs.That should be okay for her manage for personal effects I think, people earn 30k as salary nau.

That aside I see a lot of"I" "I" "I" in your statements its not all about you bro, You also mentioned the primary duties which you say is baby sitting, cooking your dinner during the week and both dinner and lunch during weekends, its quite a lot of work not as easy as it looks.

Not giving her her pocket money as a form of punishment translates to you not taking up your responsibility as a husband , you are meant to provide for her and take care of her and that should not change because of a misunderstanding especially since she has no source of income yet, where do u expect her to get money from if you seize her allawee.

Its better you communicate (not confront) to her let her know you were not happy with the extra she added on it, ask if she needed some extra stuffs at that time, ask why she did it was the 30k not enough for her that month?
Its not easy being in a position of being totally drpendednt and not having any money of your own, you need to see from her own view point too. She may have had extra need (you didn't mention she has inflated stuffs for you before ) and didn't want ti tell you about it since you already think she's not satisfied with the 17.2%





I don't know if its just me but I found the repetition of 17.2% in your narration quite amusing. OP no vex oo lool. How did you come to the conclusion that its 17.2% she's entitled too loool.

Very unreasonable thought trends. 17%, 17% self ( transport to work and clothes), 10-20% rent. Other dependents 10%, 10% (tithes or charity). How much telain for food, fees and all?
Generally, women who do not earn money do not how hard it is earn. Again, this is sad reality if today's women: no concept of tomorrow: all they know bring, bring, bring.
I am of the opinion should not place on any allowance at all. You won't understand this until (God forbid) something hindeteref the 172k monthly income.
I truth most men similar problem

kaima1984:
sorry bae,,I don't do that,it means cheating urself

I don'tremember generalising


And how possible is it to cheat yourself?

Most women who add money use it for something in the house or the kids or even buy stuffs for the man

Haven't you heard this adage
Owo abu lonfise abu lalejo

otitokoroleti:
d way u read my quote & ur reply shows dat ur head is empty!

Mumu

HumanistMike:


So how much do u think she's entitled to then?

Its not really about how much she's entitled too, it sounds so mathematical and more like a business transaction that's my view anyway . I do think 30k is okay just that the way he brought out the percentage aspect sounded quite funny.

Dyt:
I add money too
And I think one out of 3 women do that or most have done it


The only thing I condemn is her being rude to you
But then how did you approach her

There's always a man involved when a woman goes crazy

Love your contribution, I'm not against my wife adding some dough to a bill; a good wife tho but I'm against some kinda rude reply when I ask. In any case, sometimes I will just smile and say; well, most of us are victims of this.

If I were in the guys shoes, I wouldn't even have asked her if I didn't question the high bill as soon as he told me. I would see it (and I think she must have seen it) as spying on her and not trusting her.

There's always better ways to investigate

lexy2014:
"There's always a man involved when a woman goes crazy"


Just like Elijah was d cause of Jezebel's madness and greed...or who do we blame?

You

kimbra:
Why are some of the guys on this thread making a mountain out of a molehill?.

Most men whose wives are stay at home mothers get monthly stipends which is for their upkeep. Some women inflate prices of things to their husbands as a means to add more money to their wallets, for some men they find out and don't care cos they understand the rationale behind it. As for her rude attitude it's bad and is what should bother you most. Not her inflation of hospital bills. Would you let N11,200 cost you your marriage?.

You are a gold digger...